Attack of the Theocrats!: How the Religious Right Harms Us All—and What We Can Do About It (17 page)

Winner: The Christocrat Award

Senator Ron Portman (R-OH)
: In 2005 Senator Portman sat at the head table at an organizing meeting for Rev. Rod Parsley’s Patriot Pastors and
its effort to register 400,000 “values voters.” (Even John McCain disavowed Parsley’s endorsement.) At the event sponsored by Parsley’s Center for Moral Clarity, Parsley declared himself a “Christocrat.” Portman naturally said, “We are in the right place doing the right thing.” He has a 100 percent antichoice record on abortion and a history of backing government-run school prayer, and he has voted to ban gay people in DC from adopting.

Winner: The Local-Control Award

Congressman Tom Price (R-GA)
:Price says, “Nothing can be more important than the sanctity of our families.” How does Price plan to ensure this “sanctity”? Among other things, he wants the U.S. government to block the local government in Washington, DC, from allowing gay marriage.

Winner: The Senator-Who-Says-He-Believes-in-“The-Rapture” Award

Senator Mark Pryor (D-AR)
: When asked by Bill Maher whether he believes in evolution, Senator Pryor, a self-described evangelical, replied, “Well, I don’t know. Clearly the scientific community is divided on some of the specifics of that.” Pryor, who states that he believes in the Rapture, opposed repealing “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” because being gay is “a sin.”

Winner: The David-Vitter-Family-Values Award

Congressman Ben Quayle (R-AZ)
: From a Ben Quayle campaign ad: “Somebody has to go to Washington and knock the hell out of the place.” More Quayle quotes from online messages he reportedly sent (note: though they sound like quotes from a drunk twenty-year-old, they’re recent quotes): “That jackass was on the Dirty [a lewd Arizona gossip blog for which Quayle wrote] about 3-4 weeks ago with his little homo friend.” And, “may I smell yo finger pleeeze.” And, “If I was around she wouldn’t ever need butt floss.” Odd language for a soon-to-be candidate for Congress, but when these quotes were revealed, Quayle responded with lightning speed in an ad: “[Ben Quayle] strongly supports constitutional protection of marriage between a man and a woman.” The same ad describes Quayle as being adamantly prolife and implies that unions are godless. See? Get it? If a full-grown adult, long out of college and aspiring to Congress, refers to women in bizarrely crude ways in writing, there’s an ironclad defense: slam the civil rights of gay people. Also, say unions are godless. Huh? Wait. Unions are godless? I’ve heard people disagree with unions before—but godless? No word on any “butt floss” legislation from “family values” Quayle.

Winner: The Church-Leadership Award

Congressman Scott Rigell (R-VA)
: Like Michele Bachmann, Rigell graduated from Pat Robertson’s Regents University. Rigell led a move to split up the Episcopal denomination because of the majority’s willingness to accept gay ministers. Those are his values as an elected official as well.

Winner: The No-Back-Talk Award

Congressman Todd Rokita (R-IN)
: Congressman Rokita isn’t satisfied with making abortion illegal in the case of rape and incest. He thinks it should be illegal even when the woman’s life is in serious danger. “No exceptions.” His words. Ladies, when the man says no exceptions, he means no exceptions.

Winner: The Witticisms-about-Abortion-and-Rape Award

Congressman Peter Roskam (R-IL), Chief Deputy Majority Whip
: Congressman Roskam opposes a woman’s right to choose without exception for rape or incest. When explaining his opposition to abortion rights for rape victims, Roskam “jokingly” asked, “Why can women have abortions if rapists cannot be executed?” Roskam proudly “led the fight against embryonic stem cell research in the [Illinois] state senate.” In his legislature, Roskam led opposition to a law barring discrimination based on sexual orientation, labeling the state’s Human Rights Act “a building block for gay marriage” that would “lead to some unpleasant situations.”

Winner: The Jefferson-Schmefferson Award

Senator Marco Rubio (R-FL)
:Senator Rubio has supported allowing public schools to teach creationism. Rubio says the separation of church and state isn’t in our founding documents, ignoring the fact that it was Thomas Jefferson who coined this term with reference to the First Amendment and that Jefferson, with Madison, had the greatest influence on this centrally important American principle.

Winner: The Ayn-Rand-Theocrat Award

Congressman Paul Ryan (R-WI), Budget Committee Chair
: Congressman Ryan, a devotee of atheist Ayn Rand, voted against allowing embryonic stem cell research, research that could save thousands of lives. Ryan has a 100 percent voting record with the National Right to Life Committee. He voted to ban gay adoptions in Washington, DC, and to constitutionally ban gay marriage. Ryan said, “We believe, as our founders
did, that ‘the pursuit of happiness’ depends upon individual liberty, and individual liberty requires limited government.” Oh, so that’s why we need a top-down government mandate on local issues like marriage? That’s why the federal government can boss around DC voters?

Winner: The One-Time-Only-Noah’s-Flood Award

Congressman John Shimkus (R-IL)
: In an official hearing addressing concerns about rising seas because of global warming, Congressman Shimkus cited the story of Noah and the flood, saying God said that He would only destroy the earth one time. Shimkus thus implied we don’t need to worry about global warming because “I do believe God’s word is infallible.” He also said, “There is a theological debate that this is a carbon-starved planet.” Huh? Did I miss the Eleventh Thou-Shalt-Produce-Hydrocarbons Commandent?

Winner: The Big-Issues Award

Congressman Heath Shuler (D-NC)
: Congressman Shuler wants to make sure the word God is included in certificates with flags that fly over the Capitol. He actually put time and taxpayer money into this initiative. He also wanted to make sure that when folding flags, the eleventh fold glorifies “the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob” and the twelfth fold venerates “God the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.” Meanwhile, Shuler opposes stem cell research that could save many lives and voted to allow discrimination based on sexual orientation. When in Washington, Shuler has lived at the C Street house operated by The Family.

Winner: The My-“Faith”-Means-I-Can-Discriminate-against-You-with-Your-Tax-Money Award

Congressman Lamar Smith (R-TX), Judiciary Committee Chair
: Congressman Smith chairs the committee overseeing so-called faith-based initiatives. These programs take your tax money, then use it to proselytize and discriminate based on religion. Smith cosponsored a bill to eliminate abortion coverage in private insurance. Smith “asked a federal court to let him and not the Obama administration appeal a ruling that strikes down a key part of the Defense of Marriage Act,” saying that he’d defend this discriminatory law more vigorously.

Winner: The As-If-Santorum-Wasn’t-Enough Award

Senator Pat Toomey (R-PA)
: Senator Toomey supports laws permitting doctors to be thrown in jail for performing abortions and has tried to prohibit gay couples from adopting children.

Winner: The Sex-Only-in-Marriage-and-with-Prostitutes Award

Senator David Vitter (R-LA)
:Senator Vitter says, “Abstinence education is a public health strategy. . . . teaching teenagers that saving sex until marriage and remaining faithful afterwards is the best choice for health and happiness.” The married Senator Vitter has repeatedly used the services of prostitutes (and not in some Nevada county where it’s legal either). In 2003, Vitter proposed to amend our Constitution to ban same-sex marriage. In June 2006, he said, “I don’t believe there’s any issue that’s more important than [opposing gay marriage].” In 2005, at a Lafayette Parish Republican Executive Committee lunch, Vitter compared gay marriage to hurricanes Katrina and Rita. Vitter said, “It’s the crossroads where Katrina meets Rita. I always knew I was against same-sex unions.” Demonstrating his Christian family values, Vitter kept Brent Furer on his taxpayer-funded payroll after Furer held his ex-girlfriend hostage, threatening to kill her with a knife. Vitter reportedly assigned Furer to help oversee women’s issues for the senator’s office.

Winner: The Wicked-Witch Award

Congressman Tim Walberg (R-MI)
:In 2008, Congressman Walberg voted “no” on funding for Head Start, because he favors religious discrimination in Head Start programs (that’s illegal). Walberg warns that a Christian parochial school that takes Head Start money might have to hire—gasp—a Muslim or, love this, “a Wiccan from a coven in Ann Arbor.” Walberg said, “Right now, we need to make sure that [Obama] doesn’t remain as President. Whether he’s American, a Muslim, a Christian, you name it.”

Winner: The Basic-Life-Principles Award

Congressman Dan Webster (R-FL)
:Congressman Webster advocates for a group, the Institute in Basic Life Principles, which calls for “submission” by a wife and argues that a woman should not make “demands” on her husband. Webster has quoted the Rev. Tom Brandon, director of said institute, who says that it would neither be natural for a woman to work outside the home nor for a man to raise children. “That puts a wife in a role that she’s not equipped for inwardly or outwardly and puts the man in the same position,” Brandon says. “[The wife’s] role is to trust God to supply her needs through the leadership of her husband and to serve with him and fulfill his needs.” Webster says that his religious views may not always reflect his votes, but Webster has supported banning abortion with no exception for rape or incest.

Winner: The Islam-Isn’t-a-Religion Award

Congressman Allen West (R-FL)
: Congressman West has asserted that Islam isn’t a religion. West said Congressman Keith Ellison (D-MN), a Muslim, “represents the antithesis of the principles on which this country was established.” (When I was a legislator, I participated in a leadership program with Ellison, who was then serving in his state legislature. Ellison struck me as a low-key guy.) West says it’s “unfortunate” that gay people serve in the military and compares homosexuality to adultery.

Winner: The Other-Commandents-Are-More-Like-Guidelines Award

Congressman Lynn Westmoreland (R-GA)
: Congressman Westmoreland introduced legislation that would require the listing of the Ten Commandments in the House and Senate, explaining the best place for posting the commandments was not a church, but what he termed a “judicial” body. When Stephen Colbert asked Westmoreland to name the Ten Commandments, Westmoreland named only three in the broadcast (though his press secretary said his boss named seven).

Winner: The Mexican-Anchor-Zygote Award

Senator Roger Wicker (R-MS)
: With Congressman Duncan Hunter, Senator Wicker proposed legislation that seeks “personhood” rights for zygotes, effectively criminalizing abortion, stem cell research, common forms of birth control, and even in vitro fertilization. The once-fringe “personhood” activists were initially even renounced by fundamentalist groups. Now the extremist American Family Association, along with leading Republican politicians, embrace the personhood-for-zygotes campaign led by Les Riley, a theocrat who supports the separatist “Christian Exodus.” The fun part? The personhood bill would give legal rights to the zygotes of illegal immigrants. The Manchurian zygote?

* * * * * * *

Theocratic statements may be funny at first, but when such fanatical positions are articulated by many of the 535 most powerful people in America, it makes us take stock of what a serious problem we face.

Some may say politicians are simply pandering, so we need not worry, because these politicians don’t really believe their own theocratic words. Perhaps their own words, in the famous phrase of Senator Jon Kyl’s office,
are “not intended to be a factual statement.” Certainly some just hypocritically play to the crowd, but the law is where these matters are decided. Theocratic laws harm real people whether or not those who vote for such laws are hypocrites or fanatics.

These very powerful people do not represent the values or ideals of our nation. I’m not speaking only of the days of our Founders. Just look at the mid-twentieth century. To say America was not perfect in the 1950s is a dramatic understatement. Racism was rampant. Joe McCarthy’s demagoguery besmirched our nation. And yet, do yourself a favor and read Robert Caro’s book,
Master of the Senate
. I’ve read a lot of books on American history. This one is a page turner. The dominant character—the “master” of the Senate—is Lyndon Baines Johnson. I’m not an LBJ enthusiast, but if you read this book and learn about the intellect of these legislators, not just the two savvy future presidents (Kennedy and Johnson) but also the forgotten legends (Paul Douglas, Ed Muskie, Everett Dirksen, Arthur Vandenburg, and more—Republicans and Democrats), you will see a stark contrast between them and the characters described in this chapter.

In the past, we saw brilliant and thoughtful legislators—intellectuals—whose approach to politics and policy was based on earthly reality. To be sure, there were some dolts, but overall the intellect of those lawmakers remains impressive. While rare, it is important to acknowledge Republicans like New Hampshire congressman Charlie Bass and others who seem to adhere to an older code of true libertarian Republicanism. These few Republican leaders, in the tradition of Barry Goldwater, still think theocracy shouldn’t interfere with your personal life and believe that the separation of church and state is important. But there’s something wrong when a society slips backward rather than moves forward, and when a body politic values rote theocracy over reasoned deliberation.