Avenged (The Altered Series) (10 page)

Finally, he snorted and pulled her closer, the hug so tight she felt like her ribs were being squished together. “Well, then they wouldn’t have anything to worry about. You didn’t throw yourself at me. I’ve had a hard day. I’m shaken. You were comforting me.” He rubbed his chin against her hair. “It’s very Christian of you.”

She couldn’t help it. She laughed.

As she let herself relax, she wondered where her awkwardness had even come from. Her parents were gone, and she’d always secretly scoffed at their puritanical views on dating. Oh, she’d never fought them. There hadn’t been any reason to, really. There hadn’t been any boys who wanted to date her, and it was easier not to argue with them unless it was necessary. She learned early on to pick her battles, and that wasn’t one she chose, but she never thought she believed any of that stuff.

Maybe she didn’t believe it. Maybe she just didn’t know much about easy displays of affection, even how to recognize them. Her parents weren’t the hugging sort, not with her and not with each other. Kitty was surprised they’d gotten close enough once to reproduce.

Role models like that, well, it was no wonder she might be dysfunctional.

And Nick… In his dreams over the past day, she learned his family was her family’s polar opposite. His parents, his sisters, their extended relatives—they touched constantly, their eyes full of love. They hugged, kissed each other’s cheeks, filled each other with food and laughter.

She smiled, remembering his memories, and allowed herself to sink into him. Under her ear, she could hear his heartbeat, and the sound reassured her. As she listened to that steady beat, she focused on that, not her weirdness.

He
had
made it. They were still together.

But…they needed to get out of here.

“We should figure out what your new talent is. Kenny is coming tomorrow, and we need to be ready.”

“You’re right.” He gently moved her off his lap to sit on the cot next to him. He stood, doing a few arm crosses to stretch his shoulders. “I guess I can’t hear thoughts.” He grinned at her. “More’s the pity. So, what else could it be?”

“Most people apparently get either telekinesis, or increased strength and ability to strategize.”

“Huh.” His brow furrowed. “Why is that do you think?”

Kitty shrugged. “Fields seems to think that the drug enhances personality traits you already have. Like, Blue and Luke are in tune with their surroundings. They’re active. Doers. A bit typeA, even. Tactile.” She fiddled with the sleeve of her jumpsuit. “The ones who get the strategy and the strength are usually in their heads. Watchers. Thinkers. They sit back more often and observe. They’re thinking of the next step, of how it fits together.”

“So what about you?”

“I don’t know if anyone else is like me.”

“What?” His eyes widened. “Really?”

She shrugged again. She knew it was strange, but having it pointed out didn’t exactly make her feel good about herself.

“Huh.” He rolled up his sleeves. “Well, I suppose it makes sense.”

“What makes sense?” Nothing about this situation ever seemed to make sense.

“You.” He smiled, his eyes softening. “You’re the most sympathetic and empathetic person I know. I bet the drug enhanced that. You are so in tune with the people around you, so sensitive to their emotions… The drug gave you the ability to see inside them.”

Her chest felt tight. Is that what had happened? She
had
always been sensitive…too sensitive, as if she could feel other people’s embarrassment, their anger and fear. It’s why she kept to herself. She felt raw.

She’d spent her life trying to make people happy because their happiness made her happy.

Was that what she was doing? Trying to make Nick happy? How could she know what she felt for him was real?

They’d only met a week ago. Granted, she’d listened to how he felt about her, but was he seeing her clearly? The girl she saw in his head…she wasn’t sure she knew that girl.

Bottom line, Nick felt something for her, and she admitted she felt something for him. But everything felt so jumbled. She’d always worried how everyone else felt, playing peacemaker, and doing the right thing. She trusted too easily, and she cared too much.

Maybe this was too fast. Her mother would have warned her—she would have told her that her thoughts were lustful and bad or some other nonsense.

Kitty had been impulsive a few times since her parents died. Each time, it had gotten her into trouble. When she’d followed Jeremy, when she’d tried to escape with no plan, when she’d lashed out in the laboratory. She might be being too careless. Maybe a little caution wouldn’t be a bad thing.

Nick could break her heart, and she didn’t know how much more she could take.

Apparently Nick didn’t realize how much his offhand observation had rocked her. He was stretching, his face taking on that intent look he got when he focused. In his mind, he was preparing himself to tackle this problem, to work hard and perfect his new abilities. The way he worked hard and perfected everything.

“Let’s see. Any idea about the strength and strategy gift? Know how they harness it?” he asked.

She shook her head, still unable to speak.

“Huh. Well, let’s try the other thing, then. Moving stuff. How’d Blue say she did that?”

“She…” Kitty cleared her throat. “She said she asked stuff to move. That she thought it, and it happened
.
”

“Right.” His brows furrowed, and he rolled his shoulders and stared across the room.

A long moment passed. Kitty tried not to stare, not wanting to stress him out. Nothing happened.

Finally, she said, “No worries, it’s probably…”

But her words died as the blanket on the other cot lifted in the air.

When Nick turned, his eyes wide, she nodded. “I see. Well, we have some work to do, then.”

In the meantime, she needed to rein in whatever was spiraling between them. The room was small, pushing in on them. She only had to hold it together for another day, then they would be gone.

Only another day.

Chapter Eleven

“Again.”

If Nick wasn’t so emotionally threadbare, he might have laughed. Kitty had embraced her new role as taskmaster with relish. She stood across the room, her hands on her hips, her brows low.

The sun was setting outside. He’d tried to call it quits earlier. She looked tired, and he suspected her exhaustion wasn’t only physical. Watching him struggle through the change must have taken more out of her than he could even imagine.

“You’re almost there. I could breathe that time, so you’ve learned to hold me still and let me breathe. Now you can master moving me.”

“I watched Blue and Luke do this easily.” He shook his head at her. “Why did this take all day to learn?”

“Because you’re a massive perfectionist?” she offered. “Honestly, you’re trying too hard. Blue and Luke didn’t have time to think about it. They had to learn fast. We were running for our lives, remember?”

He supposed, but it frustrated him that it was taking so long. They didn’t have time for him to be slow on the uptake.

“It hasn’t been that long. You’ve only been changed since this morning. Give yourself a break.”

He snorted. He wasn’t used to not being good at something immediately.

“The rest of us mortals have to practice at stuff.” She fake-gasped. “Imagine. The horror.”

He smirked at her, but didn’t dignify that with a comment. He needed to get this before tomorrow. He didn’t have time to waste.

He was having a hard time concentrating, though.

He’d thought they’d turned a corner this morning when he woke up. Even before that, when they’d kissed. God, that kiss…Thinking about it now, he wanted to reach for her. To breathe in her smell, feel her soft skin.

After he woke up, she’d hugged him as if she never wanted to let him go.

Then she’d found out that he could move things with his mind, and she’d pulled back again.

He’d been trying to figure it out. Kitty’s feelings toward Blue and Luke hadn’t changed after they got telekinesis. At least, not that he knew. Surely that wasn’t what changed her toward him.

If that wasn’t it, he couldn’t figure it out.

He might not understand, but he’d followed her lead. He’d wondered if she might need some space. To think. He imagined it had been hard, watching him be sick. He didn’t remember the details, but it hadn’t been pretty.

One thing he did know for certain: she’d saved his life.

He’d burned. His entire body had been pain. When he’d wanted it to be over, when he couldn’t take any more, she’d been there, a whisper at the back of his mind.

Stay with me
, she’d said.
Stay with me
.

He’d refused to fail her.

But she’d backed away from him. She was distant, guarded.

It rattled him, left him off-kilter. He’d hoped…had wanted to connect with her so much. To feel like he’d made that connection only to find himself back at the beginning… It was discouraging, to say the least.

As he studied her, preparing to try again, he let himself take her in. He’d stopped trying to hide how he felt about her. He didn’t want to pretend anymore.

It never felt like he could see her enough.

She’d changed a lot since they were brought here almost a week ago. She’d filled out some, for one thing. No longer frighteningly thin, she’d also put on a layer of lean muscle, thanks to their training sessions.

More than the muscle, she’d gained something else. A swagger, maybe. She held her head higher. Walked with her shoulders back. Something. Whatever it was, it made him swell with pride and made his body tighten every time he looked at her.

God, he had it bad for this girl.

“You need to focus,” she reminded him gently, her hands on her hips.

“You’re right.” He dropped onto his cot and rubbed his hand over his hair. It had been a few weeks since he’d had a haircut and the stuff was getting longer than he liked. He tugged at it. “I need to focus.”

She stepped forward to stand in front of him. He didn’t look up, but it didn’t matter. Even her feet, in their ridiculous treaded socks, looked good to him.

He closed his eyes and exhaled. He really did need to get a grip on this.

She laid her hand on his shoulder, and he breathed in. Even her fingers on his shoulder made him happy.

He was pathetic for her.

“You’re not pathetic.” Her whisper was filled with pain. “I don’t think you’re pathetic.”

He laughed, more at himself than anything else. “I don’t understand, Kit. What happened?” He glanced up, trying his best to stay light, to keep this as easy and breezy as he could.

“Nothing happened.”

“Stop. Please. Say anything to me, but don’t lie.” He stood, unable to remain still. He put a few steps between them. “We were doing so well. And, suddenly, you were gone again. As if you’d never kissed me like you didn’t want to stop.”

Her face pinked. “Nick…”

“No.” He held up his hand, shaking his head. “That was wrong. You’re allowed to be who you are. If you don’t want to kiss me anymore, or you decided that was a bad idea, that’s your prerogative. But I’ll be honest—I loved that kiss. So I’m not sorry it happened.” He tried to smile. Probably failed. Whatever. “Let’s do this again, okay? I’m being stupid.”

He stepped across the room, stepping back into position, cracking his neck and trying to force his mental bullshit to the side. She stood by the cot, looking at her hands.

“You ready?” he asked. Back to business. Something he could control. A plan that would work.

“No.”

“You aren’t ready?”

Kitty lifted her head. “No, I mean you aren’t stupid. I loved that kiss, too. And you’re right. I didn’t want it to stop.” She exhaled. “Not every girl gets that kind of first kiss.”

“What?” Surely he’d heard wrong. She was almost twenty, wasn’t she? Who made it to twenty without kissing someone?

“Me,” she said. “I made it to almost twenty without kissing anyone.”

“Huh.” He didn’t know that, and he certainly didn’t know the right response.

“You didn’t know because you don’t really know me.” She sighed. “We’ve only known each other for a couple weeks. And most of that has been spent in forced captivity together.” She attempted a grin, failed. “We should be careful, that’s all. What if we’re being too hasty? We’ll be leaving here tomorrow. I don’t think we should…get carried away, is all.”

He scowled at her, trying to keep up. She said “we should be careful,” but he got the impression she meant him. “You think we should be careful. Does careful mean you only want to be friends again?”

“No. That’s not what I meant.”

“So, you don’t want to go back to being ‘just friends?’” He’d never been much good at these kinds of “define the relationship” talks. He was an all or nothing kind of guy. If he liked someone, he liked them. End of story. Why did things have to be so complicated?

“Well, no…”

“But you think things will change when we get out of here.”

“No. Yes. I don’t know. Maybe.”

Right. That cleared it up.

He stepped closer to her, placing his hands on her shoulders. When she looked up, her eyes were wary. “I don’t know what happens tomorrow. Kenny and Brian both have more tactical training than I do, but even with the three of us, I can’t guarantee we’ll get out of here in one piece.” A flash of fear washed over her face. “I’m only being honest. There’s no way to know what happens next. But one thing I do know is myself. I’ll prove it to you.”

There wasn’t anything but time that would fix this. Once they were out, he’d show her. He could be patient. “Come on. Let’s practice some more.”

She nodded. As they started in, he brought more focus to the task, his determination renewed.

They
would
get out of here. With this whole mess behind them, then she’d see.

…

Kitty floated above the floor in a cross-legged position. The bed linens from both beds twisted in the air beside her. The cup on the chain at the sink spun, like something in a haunted house.

No question, Nick had mastered this. He might even be better than Blue and Luke. He stood in the middle of the room, his forehead bunched up as he concentrated on splitting his attention and keeping everything in the air.

It was after lunch, and Kenny would be here for them soon. As the minutes ticked down and they waited for their rescue, a layer of unspoken tension lingered in their cell. To battle it, they’d pretended with manic intensity that they weren’t tense, as if everything was completely fine and normal.

His dark eyes remained unfocused, his chiseled jaw tight. With his feet spread apart and his hands at his side, he looked like an avenging angel. More, he looked dangerous, like the elite soldier she knew him to be.

Thinking of him like that made her uncomfortable.

“How did your parents react when you told them you wanted to join the Army?” she blurted the question, trying to break the spell.

Nick’s face split into a grin, full of affection. One of his sexiest grins. The smile made her smile. This was Nick, the Nick she’d come to know. “My mom freaked out.”

“She did?” That surprised her. From everything she picked up about Nick’s parents, they seemed incredibly supportive.

“Sure. She laid into me. It was too dangerous. What about college? I’ll be so far from home, be stationed all over.” He chuckled, still holding everything in the air. “And the guilt. Wow. My mom knows how to lay it on.”

He replayed the scene in his head. His mother pacing in their kitchen, a room Kitty had become incredibly familiar with, as it seemed most of the Degrassi family’s serious conversations happened there. Nick’s dad sat at the table, studying his folded hands in front of him.

The exact words weren’t in the memory. But his mother’s frustration, her concern, her fear, those were all in her actions and on her face.

When his mom wound down, Nick played through his arguments. How he wanted to make a difference, how he would go to college after he’d served. How his father had served and his grandfather had served, and how he wanted to be part of that tradition, that honor.

His mother stood next to her husband, with her hand on his shoulder. Her knuckles were white as they listened to Nick’s explanations. They remained quiet as he talked, and their respect for him made her fondness for them grow. Together, as a team, Nick’s parents studied him.

Finally, Nick’s dad covered his wife’s hand with his own, glanced up at her, and nodded.

Kitty watched in Nick’s memories as his mother’s eyes filled with tears. Then, she rounded the table and folded him into her arms.

That had been that.

If Kitty hadn’t adored Nick’s parents before, she did now. It was no wonder Nick was so generous with everything about himself. His parents, his entire family, they gave without fear. They fought sometimes, and sometimes they got hurt. But it felt as if they opened themselves again and again to each other, and the love they received in return made up for the possible hurts they might receive.

She envied them.

Floating above the floor, she compared the conversation with his parents with the discussion she’d had with her own parents, in the spring of her senior year. She wanted to go to the University of Colorado. She had the grades, she had gotten in, but her father had ranted about what girls do in dorms at college, about articles that he’d read about unwanted pregnancy, about how universities stressed autonomy to young girls who couldn’t make responsible decisions for themselves. He’d believed she’d go wild, that she’d be unable to control herself.

Kitty and her mother had sat through the entire tirade in silence. Looking back, Kitty realized she’d sat through a lot of tirades in silence. When she finally looked at her mom, needing an ally, her mother had found her voice. “I think you should stay here. For a little longer. I don’t think you’re ready to leave yet.”

The words were strong, stronger than she’d ever heard from her mom. Her last hope had shriveled. She’d nodded and retreated to her room. That fall she’d signed up for a couple of online courses, and that had been that.

She noticed one huge difference: Nick had fought for his decision. He’d stood up for himself.

“How did you do that?”

“What?” He lowered everything to the ground, confused. “Holding all this stuff up?” He grinned at her, his cheek deepening into his sexy dimple. “I’m getting good, right?”

“Yes, you are getting good at it. Not like you need me stroking your ego.” She grinned back before sobering again. “But no. Not that. I mean, you disagreed with your parents, yet you made them listen to you. How did you do that?”

He paused, considering. “I don’t know.”

She’d never felt like her parents listened to her. Then again, she’d never bothered to voice her disagreement, either. If she’d wanted them to listen, she might have tried talking.

She could remember the times she had attempted to talk to them, though. It hadn’t ended well.

Nick closed the distance between them, his mind filled with wanting to be closer to her, needing to touch her
.
He rested his hands on her arms. She glanced down at them, this connection between them. Over the past two days, he’d done this a lot. Small touches. Always when she felt the most alone, the most abandoned. Sometimes he didn’t say anything. Like now. He only stood there, this giant, burly guy, watching her, touching her. Letting her be her.

She wasn’t sure he even noticed he was doing it.

It wasn’t contrived. This was how his family did it, too—as if they knew, intuitively, that sometimes just not being alone made the difference.

Now, this small touch made her memories of her parents less sharp. His touches didn’t fix anything, didn’t change anything. But they helped, made it easier to bear.

Even made her less angry.

The green jumpsuit separated her skin and his, but she felt his contact as if there were nothing between them. Her own fingers tingled, and she flexed them, wanting to reach out, too, to touch him back and complete the circle. Their eyes met, and the connection between them was there.

They’d talked almost nonstop for two days, about everything. She felt like she could tell him anything. He hadn’t shied away from any of it, even the parts that had hurt to say.