Avow (26 page)

He tightened his jaw. “Loving me is reckless.”

“It’s honest.”

“It’s dangerous, Scar!”

I’m dangerous! Run away. Run away.

“So?” She threw her hands up. “Loving anyone is dangerous! There’s always going to be something at stake.”

“Your life is not just ‘something’, Scarlet.” He emphasized the ‘let’ in her name. “It’s everything.” His voice cracked.

The animal clawed and moaned and whimpered and roared.

Good God, he needed her to leave.

“So, what then? You’re just going to keep pushing me away because you’re scared?”

“I push you away to keep you safe.”

“You push me away because it’s easier!”

“Easy? Easy? Are you insane?” His heart was as restless as the feral creature inside him. “Nothing about this is easy! Do you think it’s easy to see you with Gabriel? Do you think it’s easy to watch you die over and over again?”

“I don’t know what to think, Tristan!” She fisted her hands. “You treat me like I’m a disease. You don’t talk to me. You don’t touch me—“

“Because you could die!” Now it was he who roared.

“I’ll die anyway!”

Tristan’s heart skipped a beat because he knew it was true. She would die. She would die and he hadn’t yet found a way to save her. He wanted to cry. To howl. To break free of the cage and cling to her for the remainder of her heartbeats.

She continued, “We have no cure, no fountain. I’m as good as dead no matter what. But you still barely look at me—“

“Is that what you want?” He was feverish now. No longer in control of his temper or his body. “You want me to look at you?” He marched up to her face, staring at her with angry, terrified eyes. “Well, here you go, Scar. Me looking at you. How’s this? Better? Easier?” He exhaled and felt the tremor of desire run through her and instantly knew he’d made a mistake.

He was too close. Too close.

Pain. Heartbreak. Sorrow.

“No, it’s not easier!” She yelled, lifting her chin to look up at him more fully, her lips almost brushing his. And all he saw was Scarlet in the trees. Scarlet in the forest. The sharp-tongued thief who had captured his heart and wound herself around his soul for half a millennium. He was lost. He was so lost.

“It hurts like hell,” she said, her eyes brimming with tears at all she wanted from him. Everything he’d kept from her for so long. “But it’s better than feeling like you don’t want me.”

“I do want you!” he growled, bars coming down. “I want you more than my next breath.”

“Then stop pushing me away!”

Defeat. Pressure. Love. Want. Want. Want.

“I can’t have you, Scar!”

“Too bad!” A tear fell down her face and Tristan couldn’t breathe. “I’m already yours! I was yours in the forest and I’m yours right here—“

And the caged animal broke free.

Crushing his mouth to hers, Tristan pulled her up against him and kissed her like he’d wanted to for so many years.

And she kissed him back, her emotions spilling out of her heart and falling into his soul and making him feel content and unbroken for the first time in centuries.

She was small in his arms, melting into him and letting him hold her. He’d missed this. Her body by his, her mouth in surrender, her heart pressed against his chest like it should have been their entire existence.

He kissed and kissed and demanded and kissed some more. Scarlet clawed at his shoulders as he grabbed her hips and pressed her into the wall, pushing up against her to trap her there, in his arms, where no one could take her away from him.

She had her hands in his hair and he had his hands under her shirt, feeling the soft skin of her stomach.

Scarlet exhaled as he moved his mouth to her ear, pulling shivers from her body. His mouth moved to her jaw, her throat. He couldn’t get enough of her.

He held steady to her hips, locking her in place against his body as his lips went back to hers. She was completely intoxicating.

Her hands tucked into the waist of his jeans, tracing the line of her drawing on his hip as Tristan sank his mouth into hers.

And then he felt ice-cold pain cut through Scarlet’s chest, sucking the air from her lungs as her body recoiled within.

He immediately released her, the warm haze of love and need disappearing instantaneously the moment he felt her pain.

Scarlet’s eyes were closed for a moment as the pain subsided from her chest. Tristan wanted to die.

He wanted to die a slow and painful death right that instant.

Scarlet opened her eyes and looked nervous. “Tristan, I—“

“I hurt you.” He rubbed a hand over his mouth. “I hurt you,” he repeated.

“No,” Scarlet lied, shaking her head vehemently.

He nodded. He’d felt the pain, he’d felt what he’d done to her. And all because he couldn’t resist.

He needed to die.

CHAPTER 32

The next day, Scarlet let out a frustrated moan, her thoughts stuck in a tailspin over her kiss last night with Tristan.

What a disaster.

A hot, wet, sexy disaster—but a disaster no less.

He was never going to touch her again. She knew it. Why did her eyes have to burn? Why couldn’t they have just been normal eyes for one freaking night so she could kiss Tristan freely?

And the horrified look on his face? The face that made her feel like she’d just stabbed his heart with a fork and flung it into the garbage can or something—it was enough to make her scream.

So unfair.

Scarlet entered Kirk’s office and sat down with a heavy sigh.

“Good afternoon, Scarlet.” Kirk smiled. “Rough day?”

Rough century. “Something like that.”

“Well I might have some news that will cheer you up.”

I doubt it.

He continued, “My contact in Avalon sent me a journal that belonged to a William Jacobs. But the name William Jacobs was very common back then, so there is a chance this is not the William you were looking for.”

Scarlet’s thoughts immediately left Tristan and focused on the professor as he held out an old, leather-bound book.

“Yes, it is,” Scarlet whispered as she took the journal from the professor’s hands. Scarlet could barely breathe. On the front cover was a beautiful drawing of a dark-haired woman wearing a circular brooch. Scarlet’s mother. Her father had drawn a picture of her mother on his journal and somehow that journal had ended up in Scarlet’s hands.

Hands that were now shaking.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

Scarlet looked up at him. “Can I borrow this for a few days so I can read through it?”

“I’m afraid I told Mr. Brooks I’d keep it here at the University.”

“Mr. Brooks?”

“Yes. George Brooks is my contact in Avalon. His family founded the town centuries ago and he keeps a private collection of historic journals and ancient maps and some kind of blue weapons he’s very proud of. He seems fascinated with all things Avalon, so if this journal doesn’t help you find what you’re looking for he may have something else for you. But the journal will have to stay on campus. There’s a reading area downstairs, if you’d like to start now.”

Scarlet blinked.

This was her father’s journal? And she couldn’t take it home with her because some random Mr. Brooks guys said so?

Ha.

“I think I’ll do just that,” Scarlet said, taking the journal with her as she left the office. She had no intention of keeping the journal at the school and the thief inside her wouldn’t let her do so anyway.

Scarlet left the university building and headed home with the journal.

As soon as she got to her room, Scarlet shut herself inside and sat on her bed. Opening the journal, she found most of the pages damaged with water, but those that were still legible she read with hungry eyes.

Turning a page, Scarlet sucked in a breath at what she saw. It was an exact drawing of the tree picture Scarlet found in the brooch and on the adjoining page was an entry that told Scarlet what the drawing was.

A map to the Fountain of Youth.

She wanted to squeal. She could cure her heart and release Gabriel from his curse and relieve Tristan from pain.

She eagerly read the passage.

Natives say… The only way to the fountain is through a labyrinth of
Bluestone caves
deadly to immortals
. Poisonous vines guard the caves and can only be cut with immortal blood, for immortal blood kills that which is made of magic. The caves lead to a chamber where a single tree grows.

This is the Avalon.

From the Avalon comes the Fountain of Youth, but the water that gives birth to immortality demands death in return.
 
Touching the Avalon is fatal, but from the sacrifice comes eternal water and the Avalon fruit
,
which heal
s
all who are addicted.

Scarlet’s face fell.
Deadly to immortals
?
This was what they’d all been looking for. But would she risk the lives of her loved ones to break the curse?

She read on in the journal, absently turning pages until her eyes lit on a detailed picture of an arrow and she paused.

The drawing was described as an arrow made of Bluestone and that Bluestone weapons had the ability to kill immortals.

Scarlet eyes snapped back to the picture. She’d seen that very arrow before—in the assorted collection on Tristan’s desk. She needed to warn him immediately—just in case he fell on top of the Bluestone arrow he had and accidentally sliced his heart in half.

Closing the journal, Scarlet picked up the phone receiver by her bed, but froze when she heard Tristan’s voice already on the other line.

“…can’t do this anymore.”

“Yes, yes.” Nate sounded exasperated. “We’re working on it, Tristan. I’m making progress with your blood and I’m still looking into possible fountain locations.“

If Scarlet had any manners, she would hang up her phone and let them carry on their conversation in private. But Scarlet was fresh out of manners.

“I’m not talking about the fountain.” Tristan was using his serious voice. “I’m talking about finding a way for me to die.”

Scarlet sucked in a breath and waited for her heart to start beating again.

“Are you crazy?” Nate said.

“Yes. I’m insane and I’m crazy and I’m in love with someone who dies when I touch them. Help me die.”

Scarlet tried to swallow, but her throat was too dry.

Nate lowered his voice. “I don’t know what happened last night, but death won’t fix it.”

“Yes, it will. You even said yourself that if my blood were to die while Scarlet was alive, then the immortal blood in her heart would die too. She would be healthy again.”

There was a long pause and Scarlet could just imagine the baffled look on Nate’s face. “But you would be
dead
.”

“Yes. And Scarlet would have a real life, Nate. A real chance at living.”

Scarlet’s heart puckered in disbelief.

What was he saying?

“Let’s put aside, for a moment, the fact that you’re crazy and stupid. You’re still immortal, Tristan. You can’t die.”

“Your books said there was a weapon that could kill any immortal being. It’s possible, Nate.”

Scarlet put a hand over her mouth. There was actually hope in Tristan’s voice. Genuine, beautiful, little boy hope and it was tearing her down the middle.

“If I can find a weapon that will cut my heart in half,” Tristan continued. “then Scarlet will be free, correct?”

Like a shock of cold water, reality slapped Scarlet in the face as she realized Tristan wasn’t crazy. There were weapons that could kill immortals—and one of them was an arrow already in Tristan’s possession!

Oh God. Oh God.

Nate sighed and his voice was strained. “Freedom without love is not freedom at all. If you die, Scarlet will hate you forever.”

Tristan hesitated. “If I live, Scarlet will suffer forever.”

A long minute passed and Scarlet considered screaming at Tristan through the phone. There was absolutely no way she was going to tell any of them about the immortal-killing weapons now that Tristan wanted to die.

Her hands went numb and her heart pounded.

Tristan said, “What would you do if it was Molly?”

“That’s not fair.”

“Exactly. It’s not fair.”

Another long pause.

“I’m not going to help you kill yourself, Tristan.” He sounded stern and Scarlet suddenly loved Nate more than she ever had before.

Tristan made a huffing sound. “Maybe not right now, but there will come a time when all the death and brokenness has to end. Scarlet might not be selfish enough to admit it, but she needs it to end.”