Awake at Dawn (16 page)

“Maybe I’m just a late bloomer,” Kylie said, not that she was hoping it was true. “And I’ve never been one to let my emotions out too much. So maybe you just didn’t see me being moody.”

“There’s also … your cat,” Holiday continued. “All felines have an aver-sion toward weres. Not so with you.”

130/375

Kylie recalled how, years ago, her cat had reacted to Lucas. She remembered how the kitten had reacted to Lucas the day he’d dropped it off. But then suddenly Kylie remembered something that might be important. “Oh crap. The wolf.”

“What … wolf?”

“The other night … when I ran off after I tasted blood. I ran into a wolf. He hung around me. Even showed up again later that night, but—”

“It wasn’t a full moon,” Holiday said. “It couldn’t have been a werewolf.”

“I know that’s why I didn’t think … I mean, I just thought that it was someone’s half-tame wolf. He knelt down in front of me and tried to crawl forward, like he wanted me to touch him or something.” She had to remind herself to breathe. “Do you think that could mean something? Is it some kind of ritual that wolves hang out with werewolves before they turn for the first time?”

Holiday stared back at Kylie as if trying to think. “I’ve never heard of it. But I’m … Sky was always the one who took care of counseling the weres. So I don’t have all the knowledge of it. But I’ll ask around. Burnett will know.”

“He’s not a werewolf.” Kylie wished Lucas were here. Here to advise her, to help her make sense of all this. But no, he’d run off with another she-wolf. And Kylie still hadn’t read his letter because she was so pissed that he’d done it.

“Burnett’s not were, but his job with FRU requires extensive research on all supernaturals. Believe it or not, he’s as smart as he is arrogant. And I hope you don’t think … I mean, when he spoke to me about your increase in size, there was nothing in his tone but concern about how you were dealing with these changes.”

Even distraught about the idea of being werewolf, Kylie realized that Holiday was defending Burnett. Like it or not, Holiday had found some respect for the vampire. Not that this excused Kylie from the fact that she 131/375

shared Holiday’s private information. But couldn’t Holiday see that she and Burnett should give the romance a shot? Just how mad was she going to be about Kylie telling him about her past relationship with another vampire?

“About the falls…”

“I understand,” Holiday said.

“Understand what?” Kylie asked, hoping it could be that easy. That Burnett had told Holiday about his and Kylie’s conversation and she wasn’t upset.

“I understand why you went there,” Holiday started, straightening some papers. “I go at least once a week myself. It’s the best place to go to … think, to try to figure out things. Did you get any answers about the ghost this morning?”

Kylie shook her head. “Just a sense of rightness.”

“Then you have to have faith that you’re doing all you can,” Holiday said.

Kylie suddenly remembered. “You told me you hadn’t ever seen a death angel.”

“I haven’t,” Holiday said.

“But you said you weren’t even sure they were real.”

“I don’t think the version of the legends that everyone believes is real,” Holiday said.

“Then what makes the falls so … special?” Holiday hesitated as if trying to find the right words. “I think it’s a holy place. I think the Big Cheese running everything up there in the heavens created it for those of us who have to deal with spirits. It’s a place we can find some peace. And sometimes even answers.”

“Like a church?” Kylie asked, recalling the reverence she’d felt there.

“Yeah, sort of like a church. There’s a lot of spiritual power there. You felt it, right?” Holiday placed her hand over Kylie’s.

132/375

Kylie pulled her hand back. “Yeah. But … why didn’t you tell me? I asked you about the falls and you didn’t say anything. I mean, I could have … I could have been going there all along. Maybe I would have figured out more what the ghost is trying to tell me by now.” Holiday dropped her hands on the desk, and empathy filled her green eyes. “You don’t tell someone about the falls, Kylie. The falls has to call you to it. And I’m assuming it called you or you wouldn’t have gone there.”

Kylie couldn’t deny she had felt the calling to go. Yet she still resented the fact that she had to figure everything out herself. What was wrong with a little direction, a little helping hand?

“I’m somewhat shocked that Burnett went there,” Holiday said. “The only supernaturals who get called to the falls are those with ghost-whispering powers. The other supernaturals find it too emotionally stimulat-ing … or I guess I could call it intimidating.” Kylie recalled how Della and Miranda had reacted. Yeah, intimidating was about right.

“Even Sky wouldn’t go there.” Holiday looked up at Kylie. “Did Burnett actually go behind the falls?”

“He was there when I went in.” She hesitated. “He went there because of you,” Kylie said, using this as her opening. If she didn’t take it now, she might back out. Then her breach of confidence would be even worse.

“Me?”

“He wanted to understand you better. And I think he thought if he …

could understand the whole ghost thing, then—”

“He said that?” Surprise widened Holiday’s eyes.

“Yeah.” Kylie hesitated and then just blurted it out. “I told him that you had your heart broken by another vampire. That it was why you …

don’t want to get involved with him.”

Holiday’s brow furrowed instantly and her eyes grew tight. It wasn’t a look Kylie noted on Holiday’s face very often. “You told him what?” 133/375

“I know I shouldn’t have done it. But … he asked and at first I didn’t tell him, but—”

“Why would he … No, why would you tell him anything?”

“He really likes you, Holiday.”

“How he feels doesn’t matter. I didn’t share that with you to tell anyone else.” She stopped talking, but the frustration flared in her eyes.

“I’m sorry. I am. And I know it was wrong, but I think … I mean, it’s almost as if you’re letting what your fiancé did to you stop you from seeing the possibilities with Burnett. You’re punishing him for something that he didn’t do.”

Holiday’s expression didn’t soften. She swallowed a deep breath.

“Kylie, what happens between Burnett and me isn’t…” She closed her mouth and the muscles in her jaw clenched. “Why don’t we stop this talk right now and we’ll take this up later. I need some time.” Kylie felt a huge hole open up in her chest. “Please don’t … don’t be mad at me.”

Holiday held up her hand. “I’m not exactly mad. I’m … disappointed.”

“That’s even worse,” Kylie said, and her chest grew tighter. “Really, I’m sorry.”

Holiday stood up and motioned for the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” Tears prickled Kylie’s eyes, and more than anything she wanted to argue, to beg Holiday to forgive her. To plead with her not to let her slip-up change the relationship they’d found. But something deep inside told Kylie it could be too late.

* * *

little sleep as she’d gotten these last few days, you’d think she’d have been out like a blown bulb. Not.

She cut her eyes to the drawer where she’d placed Lucas’s letter and for a flicker of a second her mind switched from her Holiday problems to her Lucas problems, and then it went to her Derek problems. Next her mind came against the idea of being werewolf. Oh, joy!

When her mind slapped against the whole issue of someone she loved being in danger, Kylie instantly recalled the feeling she’d gotten from the falls, that if she stayed on course, at least that problem would be okay.

Too bad all her other issues didn’t seem so manageable.

The ring of her phone brought a moan to her lips—not that she couldn’t use a mental break from juggling her problems. And maybe if she was lucky, it was Sara, finally calling her back. Sure they weren’t as close as they once had been, but she still cared about Sara, and she’d been thinking about her a lot lately. But was she up to talking with her former best friend?

“Don’t want to startle you,” she told Socks, who may or may not have the whole spraying thing down. “I need to reach for my phone.” The animal opened one beady eye and looked at her and then let out a poor excuse for a meow.

Miranda had spent all day attempting to change Socks back to his ol’

self. Kylie had finally told her to give it a rest. She even told her not to be so hard on herself, that this was just a hiccup. A huge, freaking hiccup, but Kylie didn’t tell her that.

The phone stopped ringing and Kylie wasn’t even compelled to check to see who’d called. She glanced at Socks again. “A really huge freaking hiccup,” Kylie muttered. But considering she hoped that Holiday would forgive her, she decided it might be best to practice what she preached, or at least practice what she prayed for … forgiveness. And she had prayed.

Remembering how Holiday had looked so betrayed brought a wave of pain to Kylie’s heart.

135/375

How could telling Burnett about Holiday have felt almost right at the time? And now feel so wrong? And yes, telling Burnett the truth had felt right. She’d been compelled to do it, as if her gut had given her the push.

So much for listening to her gut!

Her phone rang again. Pulling her cell over, not certain she wanted to talk to anyone, Kylie studied the number … and a sudden knot swelled in her chest.

Mom.
The realization hit and hit hard, too. She never thought she’d feel this, but she missed her mom. Wished she were here to … to just be here.

And it wasn’t just because they’d sort of found new ground with their relationship. Kylie even appreciated the old ground they’d had.

As much as Kylie had sworn her mom had never loved her, the longer Kylie was away from her the more she began to see things differently.

Sure her mom had been emotionally distant, and sure Kylie wasn’t really
anything
like her. But for some reason now, Kylie saw all the other ways her mom had shown love. The pancakes every Saturday morning. The loaning her the credit card anytime Kylie mentioned she needing anything. Even the stinkin’ sex pamphlets showed her mom cared—not that Kylie wouldn’t be happy if the pamphlets stopped, but still …

Hitting the talk button, she fought back a wave of nostalgia. “Hi, Mom.” Kylie swore she wasn’t going to cry, and with effort she managed to keep her voice from shaking.

“Sweetheart?” The immediate concern in her mom’s voice had the knot in Kylie’s throat growing, and emotion stung her sinuses. “Are you okay?”

How could her mom know something was wrong when all Kylie had said was two words? Was her mom psychic?
No, she was only human
. It had to be maternal instinct. And her mom had never lacked that.

“I’m okay.” Kylie bit the inside her cheek to keep from weeping.

“What happened, baby?”

137/375

Tears formed in Kylie’s eyes. “It’s nothing.” She watched Socks reposition himself on the pillow and she prayed he wasn’t about to spray her.

Getting skunked by her skunk-cat would be the absolute last straw. “Just a hard day, is all.”

“What kind of hard day? Do you want to come home? All you have to say is the word and I’ll drive up there tonight and pick you up.”

“No, Mom. I love it here.” Kylie recalled her mom hadn’t given her an absolute yes on signing her up for boarding school. Which meant Kylie shouldn’t be talking about anything negative concerning Shadow Falls right now. She really had to get her mom to agree—especially if … if Kylie ended up being werewolf. How in the hell did one explain that to a human parent? “I just … I made a mistake today and someone I really care about is upset with me.”

“We all make mistakes,” Mom said. “You just need to apologize.”

“I did.”

“And they didn’t forgive you? Are they still mad at you?” her mom asked.

“Not so much mad. Just disappointed in me.” Kylie’s chest swelled with regret as she recalled Holiday saying those words to her. Kylie knew what it felt like to be disappointed and hurt by someone you trusted. It was worse than being mad. Like her dad. Okay, with him she was both mad and hurt, but the “hurt” feelings had her heart breaking. While being mad and angry almost felt good, no good feelings came from feeling hurt.

None.

“Do you want to tell me what happened?” her mom asked, sounding as if she didn’t want to pry, but felt it was her maternal obligation to do so.

Amazingly, Kylie wanted to answer. She couldn’t and wouldn’t tell her mother everything, but she could tell her some.

“Someone told me something in confidence. And I … told someone else. At the time, I really thought telling it might help … fix a problem.

But…”

138/375

“But it didn’t help?” her mom asked.

“No,” Kylie said. “I mean, not that I can see yet.”

“Kylie, it sounds as if you were trying to do the right thing. I wouldn’t be so hard on yourself. This is just a little hiccup, girl.” Kylie almost laughed at her mother’s chosen words. Wasn’t that exactly what she’d told Miranda? Maybe Kylie was more like her mom than she knew. Tightness gripped her chest.

“I love you, Mom,” Kylie said without thinking.

“Oh, baby,” her mom said, now sounding as if she was going to cry. “I love you, too. Is there anything I can do to help? I’ll come there and kick ass if I have to.”

A tear rolled down Kylie’s check. “You’d kick ass for me?”

“In a New York minute.”

Kylie chuckled and sniffled at the same time.

“Are you ready for a change of subject? Something fun?” her mom asked, sounding excited. “It’s the reason I called.”

“Yes.” Kylie wiped her eyes. She really could use some good news.

“You’ll never guess what I signed us up for that Friday night when you’re back.”

“What?” Kylie asked, and realized she didn’t really dread going home anymore. It would be good to spend some time with Mom, to hopefully get away from the problems pressing down on her at the camp.