Awakened (21 page)

Freedom: his to choose

It was about Rephaim. And her. Again. Stevie Rae plopped her butt down at the base of the big tree and let her back rest against its rough bark, taking comfort from the sense of strength the oak exuded.
I’m supposed to tell my heart, but what do I tell it? And I know keeping this secret is smothering me, but there’s no one I can tell about Rephaim. Freedom is his to choose? Hell yeah, it is, but his daddy has such a hard grip on him that he can’t see that.

Stevie Rae thought how ironic it was that an ancient immortal and his half-bird, half-immortal son had what was basically an old-school version of the same abusive daddy/son relationship a zillion other kids she knew had with their jerk daddies. Kalona had been treating him like a slave and making him believe messed-up stuff about himself for so long that Rephaim didn’t even realize how wrong it was.

Then of course it was equally messed up that she was where she was with Rephaim—Imprinted and bound to him because of a debt she promised the black bull of Light.

“Well, not really just ’cause of a debt,” Stevie Rae whispered to herself. She’d been drawn to him way before that. “I l-like him.” She stumbled over the words, even though the night was silent and only the listening trees were present. “I wish I knew if that’s ’cause of our Imprint or ’cause there really is something, some
one
inside him worth liking.”

She sat there, staring up at the spiderweb of winter-bare boughs over her head. And then, because she was spilling her guts to the trees, she added, “The truth is I shouldn’t ever see him again.” Just imagining Dragon finding out that she’d saved and Imprinted with the creature who had killed Anastasia made her feel like she wanted to puke. “Maybe the freedom part of the poem means that if I stop seein’ him, Rephaim will choose to leave. Maybe our Imprint will fade away if we stay apart.” Just the thought of that made her want to puke, too. “I really wish someone would tell me what to do,” she said morosely, resting her chin on her hands.

As if in answer to her, the night breeze brought her the sound of someone sobbing. Frowning, Stevie Rae stood up, cocked her head, and listened. Yep, someone was definitely bawling their eyes out. She didn’t really want to follow the sound. The truth was, she’d had more than enough bawling lately to last for quite some time, but the cries were so heartbreaking, so deeply sad, that she couldn’t just ignore it—that wouldn’t be right. So Stevie Rae let the crying lead her up the little road that ended at the big, black iron gate that was the main entrance to the school.

At first she didn’t understand what it was she was seeing. Yeah, she could tell the crying person was a woman, and she was outside the House of Night gate. As Stevie Rae got closer she could see that the woman was kneeling in front of the gate, just off to the right side of it. She’d leaned what looked like a big funeral wreath made of plastic pink carnations and green stuff against the stone pillar. In front of that she’d lit a green candle and, as she continued to cry, she was pulling a picture out of her purse. It was when the woman brought the picture to her lips to kiss it that Stevie Rae’s eyes found her face.

“Mama!”

She’d barely whispered the word, but her mom’s head came up and her eyes instantly found Stevie Rae.

“Stevie Rae? Baby?”

At the sound of her mama’s voice, the knot that had been building inside Stevie Rae’s stomach suddenly dissolved, and she ran to the gate. With no other thought except getting to her mama, Stevie Rae scaled the stone wall easily, landing on the other side.

“Stevie Rae?” she repeated, this time in a questioning whisper.

Finding it impossible to speak, Stevie Rae just nodded, making the tears that had started to pool in her eyes slosh over and spill down her face.

“Oh, baby, I’m so glad I got to see you one more time.” Her mom dabbed at her face with the old-fashioned cloth handkerchief she was clutching in one hand, making an obvious effort to stop crying. “Sweetheart, are you happy wherever you are?” Not pausing for an answer, she kept talking, staring at Stevie Rae’s face as if she was trying to memorize it. “I miss you so much. I wanted to come before and leave this wreath for you, and the candle and this real cute eighth-grade picture, but I couldn’t get here because of the storm. Then when the roads was opened I couldn’t make myself, ’cause visitin’ here and leavin’ all this for you would make it final. You’d really be
dead.
” She mouthed the word, not able to speak it.

“Oh, Mama! I’ve missed you so much, too!” Stevie Rae hurled herself into her arms, buried her face in her mama’s poofy blue coat, and breathing in the scent of home, sobbed her heart out.

“There, there, sweetheart. It’s gonna be fine. You’ll see. Everything’ll be okay.” She soothed and patted Stevie Rae’s back and hugged her fiercely.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, Stevie Rae was able to look up at her mom. Virginia “Ginny” Johnson smiled through her tears and kissed her daughter, first on her forehead and then gently on her lips. Then she reached into the pocket of her coat and pulled out a second handkerchief, this one still neatly folded. “Good thing I brought more than one.”

“Thanks, Mama. You always come prepared.” Stevie Rae grinned and wiped her face and blew her nose. “You don’t have any of your chocolate chip cookies with you, do ya?”

Her mama’s brow furrowed. “Baby, how can you eat?”

“Well, with my mouth like I always have.”

“Baby,” she said, looking increasingly confused. “I do not care that you are
communing through the spirit world.
” Mama Johnson said the last part with a woo-woo tone to her voice and an attempt at mystical hand gestures. “I’m just real glad that I get to see my girl again, but I am gonna admit it’ll take a sec for me to get used to the idea of you bein’ a ghost, and all, ’specially one that cries real tears and eats. It just don’t make good sense.”

“Mama, I’m not a ghost.”

“Are you some kinda apparition? Again, baby, it don’t matter to me. I’ll still love you. I’ll come here and visit you lots and lots if this is what you want to haunt. I’m just askin’ so I can know.”

“Mama, I’m not dead. Well, not anymore.”

“Baby, have you had a paranormal experience?”

“Mama, you have no idea.”

“And you ain’t dead? At all?” Mama Johnson asked.

“No, and I really don’t know why. It did seem that I died, but then I came back, and now I have this,” Stevie Rae pointed to the red tattoo Markings of vines and leaves that framed her face. “Apparently, I’m the first ever Red Vampyre High Priestess.”

Mama Johnson had stopped crying, but at Stevie Rae’s explanation, tears filled her eyes and overflowed again. “Not dead…,” she whispered between sobs. “Not dead…”

Stevie Rae stepped into her mama’s arms again and squeezed her tight. “I’m so sorry I didn’t come and tell you. I wanted to. I really, really did. It’s just that, well, I wasn’t myself when I first was un-dead. And then all Hades broke loose at the school. I couldn’t get away, and I couldn’t just call you. I mean, how do you call your mama and say, ‘Hi, don’t hang up. It’s really me and I’m not dead anymore.’ I guess I just didn’t know what to do. I’m so sorry,” she repeated, closing her eyes and holding onto her mom with everything she had.

“No, no, it’s fine. It’s fine. All that matters is that you’re here and you’re okay.” Her mama pried Stevie Rae off her so she could look her over while she wiped her eyes. “You are okay, aren’t you, baby?”

“I’m fine, Mama.”

Mama Johnson reached out and cupped Stevie Rae’s chin, forcing her daughter to meet her gaze. She shook her head and in her firm, familiar, mom voice said, “It’s not nice to lie to your mama.”

Stevie Rae didn’t know what to say. She stared at her mom as the dam of secrets and lies and longing began to break apart inside her.

Mama Johnson took her daughter’s hands, one in each of hers, and looked into her eyes. “I’m here. I love you. Tell me, baby,” she said softly.

“It’s bad,” Stevie Rae said. “Real bad.”

Her mama’s voice was filled with love and warmth. “Baby, there ain’t nothin’ as bad as you bein’ dead.”

That was what decided Stevie Rae—her mama’s unconditional love. She took a deep breath, and when she let it out she blurted, “I’ve Imprinted with a monster, Mama. A creature who’s half human and half bird. He’s done bad things. Really bad things. He’s even killed people.”

Mama Johnson’s expression didn’t change, but her grip on Stevie Rae’s hands tightened. “Is this creature here? In Tulsa?”

Stevie Rae nodded. “He’s hidin’, though. No one at the House of Night knows about him and me.”

“Not even Zoey?”

“No, ’specially not Zoey. She’d really freak. Heck, Mama, anyone who knew would freak. I know I’m gonna get found out. It has to happen, and I don’t know what to do. It’s so awful. Everyone’ll hate me. No one will understand.”

“Not
everyone
will hate you, baby. I don’t hate you.”

Stevie Rae sighed and then smiled. “But you’re my mama. It’s your job to love me.”

“It’s a friend’s job to love you, too, if they’re real friends.” Mama Johnson paused and then asked slowly, “Baby, does this creature have somethin’ on you? I mean, I don’t know much about vampyre ways, but everyone knows Imprinting with a vampyre is a serious thing. Did he somehow make you do it with him? If that’s what happened we can go to the school. They’ll have to understand and they must have some way to help you get rid of him.”

“No, Mama. I Imprinted with Rephaim because he saved my life.”

“He brought you back from the dead?”

Stevie Rae shook her head. “No, I’m not sure how I un-died, but it has somethin’ to do with Neferet.”

“Then I should thank her, baby. Maybe I’ll—”

“No, Mama! You have to stay away from the school and away from Neferet. Whatever she did wasn’t because she’s good. She pretends to be, but she’s the opposite.”

“And this creature you call Rephaim?”

“He’s been on the side of Darkness for a long time. His daddy is seriously bad news and has messed with his head.”

“But he saved your life?” Mama Johnson asked.

“Twice, Mama, and he’d do it again. I know he would.”

“Baby, think hard before you answer me two questions.”

“Okay, Mama.”

“First, do you see good in him?”

“Yes,” Stevie Rae said without hesitation. “I really do.”

“Second, would he hurt you? Are you safe with him?”

“Mama, he faced a monster more terrible than I can describe to save me, and when he did that, the monster turned on him and hurt him. Real bad. He did that so I wouldn’t be hurt. I honestly think he’d die before he hurt me.”

“Then, here’s the truth from my heart to yours: I can’t begin to understand how he could be a mixture of a man and a bird, but I’m settin’ that craziness aside ’cause he saved you and you’re bound to him. What that means, sweetheart, is when the time comes for him to choose between the bad things in his past and a different future with you, if he’s strong enough he will choose you.”

“But my friends won’t accept him, and worse than that, the vampyres will try to kill him.”

“Baby, if your Rephaim’s done the bad things you say he has, and I do believe you, then he’s got some consequences to pay. That’s for him to do, not you. What you need to remember is this: the only person’s actions you can control are you own. You do what’s right, baby. You’ve always been good at that. Protect your own. Stand up for what you believe in. That’s it—that’s all you can do. And if this Rephaim stands beside you, you may be surprised at what happens.”

Stevie Rae could feel her eyes filling up with tears again. “He said I had to go see you. He never knew his mama. She was raped by his daddy and she died when he was born. But he told me not too long ago that I had to find a way to see you.”

“Baby, a monster wouldn’t say that.”

“He’s not human, Mama.” Stevie Rae was gripping her mama’s hands so hard her fingers felt numb, but she couldn’t let go. She didn’t ever want to let go.

“Stevie Rae, you’re not human either, not no more, and that don’t make a dang bit of difference to me. This Rephaim boy saved your life. Twice. So I really don’t care if he’s part rhinoceros and has a horn growing outta his forehead. He saved my girl, and you tell him next time you see him that he’s gettin’ a big ol’ hug from me for that.”

A giggle escaped Stevie Rae’s mouth at the mental image of her mama hugging Rephaim. “I’ll tell him.”

Mama Johnson’s face hardened into her serious expression. “You know, the sooner you come clean with everybody ’bout him, the better. Right?”

“I know. I’ll try. There’s a lot goin’ on right now and it’s not a good time for me to dump this on everybody.”

“It’s always the right time for the truth,” said Mama Johnson.

“Oh, Mama, I don’t know how I got myself into this mess.”

“Sure you do, baby. I wasn’t even there and I can tell you that somethin’ ’bout this creature got through to you, and that somethin’ might end up bein’ his redemption.”

“Only if he’s strong enough,” Stevie Rae said. “And I don’t know if he is. Far as I know he’s never stood up to his daddy before.”

“Would his daddy approve of you bein’ with him?”

Stevie Rae scoffed, “No dang way.”

“But he’s saved your life twice and Imprinted with you. Baby, to me that says he’s been standing up to his daddy for a while now.”

“No, he did all that while his daddy was, well, let’s just say out of the country. He’s back now, and Rephaim is back to doin’ whatever he wants him to do.”

“Really? How do you know that?”

“He told me today when he—” Stevie Rae’s words broke off and her eyes widened.

Her mama smiled and nodded. “See?”

“Ohmygood
ness
, you might be right!”

“ ’Course I’m right. I’m your mama.”

“I love you, Mama,” Stevie Rae said.

“And I love you right back, baby girl.”

“I cannot believe you are going to do this,” Kalona said, pacing back and forth across the rooftop balcony of the Mayo.