Away From the Spotlight (35 page)

As we drove home from the pa
rty, I said, “I’m glad I came.”

“I am too.  I hope
you weren’t too uncomfortable.”

“I was at the beginning when I could hear everyone whispering, but it got better
. 
I ended up having a great time.  I lov
ed seeing you in your element.”

“That’s
not
my element.”

“You know what I mean.  I already know why I love you, but now I see why everyone in your industry does too.  I even got to see you with real fans for more than a few seconds of screaming and pictures with camera phones.  You really are great wit
h everyone.  I was very proud.”

“I was proud of you too. 
You were impressive as always.”

“I wouldn’t go that far.  I don’t
think I said much all evening.”

“Sure you did.  You sure impressed Katherine and Mark when you were talking about your work.  You were gracious to Kayla, more so than I’ve ever been when it comes to John. 
Y
ou seemed to take everything in stride
:
the gossiping, Kayla, the fans, Taylor, everything. 
That’s n
ot to mention that you were the mos
t beautiful woman in the room.”

“Oh, let’s not go there
, please
?”

“You really are going to have to learn to take a complime
nt, especially when it’s true.”

“I felt like I was twice the size of every woman in that room.  If I hadn’t felt like that, I might have followed Stephen’s suggesti
on.”

“What was that?”

“He told me that I could make all the actresses in the room jealous by finding the most fattening thing there to eat a
nd eating it in front of them.”

Will busted up laughing.  “I wish you had.  That would have been
classic
.”  When he stopped laughing, and it took a little while, he added, “You know you really shouldn’t compare yourself unfavorably to them.  You should feel sorry for them.  Our industry makes them like that.  People get obsessive about their appearance because it’s their livelihood.  No matter how good you look, you get criticized for something. 
Gaining weight
can cause problems with wardrobe, continuity in a shoot, and other things.
 
That’s not to mention the tabloid scrutiny.  Some poor
w
aif gains
a few
pounds and she’s either pregnant or fat.  It’s ridiculous.  Besides, by real world standards, you
’re
slender
.  Anyway, I certainly have no interest in a girlfrie
nd
who
’s just skin and bones.
Ugh
!
  So don’t worry about it.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Funny.  You know I would never dream of giving yo
u an order.  I take that back.  I
’
m giving you an order.  Learn to take a compliment ab
out your appearance, will you?”

“It will take getting used to.”

“Get used to it then.”

After
Taylor’s
party, t
he time
seemed to
pass
faster as the Bar Exam date loomed closer, picking up speed when my main
Bar review
course ended about two weeks before the Bar Exam.  It was then time for my three-day intensive review course for the multistate portion of the
Bar E
xam.  I tried not to stress out
t
oo much
when I realized that
there
could
be
questions on such arcane subjects as riparian rights.  When I returned home at night after these three all-day cla
sses, Will helped me to relax.

When that
three-day course
finished
, I studied almost constantly, but for
sleep, meals, and
rela
xation breaks mandated by Will.

T
hree
days before the Bar Exam, Will had to leave for England
to take care of
some business
before I
joined him
there
.  The plan was that
we would be together
there for almost a week after the Bar Exam
.  After that
, while I traveled
with Pam
, he would
remain in London to
shoot a supporting role in
the
British film
,
All Castles Are Grey
.  I would rejoin him in London for a few days
after my travels
and, then, h
e
and I wou
ld
return
to L.A.
together
over Labor Day Weekend.

I must have looked even more disconsolate than I had in the past when he left me.  I realized that our perfect summer was over.  I would be without him for the next week and for most of my trip with Pam.  When I returned from Europe, it would be back to reality.  I would be living on my own again and would be putting in long hours at work.  Will would be either busy or gone shooting
Midnight 4
not long thereafter.
I overflowed with
tears as we said our goodbyes.

Will held me and stroked my hair. 
“Shh
h
.  It’s going to be fine.  You’re going to do well on the exam and then you and I will be together in London.  I’ll be waiting for you at Heathrow.  I have plans for us. 
I love you more than anything.”

He
pulled away,
kissed me
,
and was
off to the waiting car outside.

Depending upon
their
work schedules, some combination of Stephen, Colin, Kate and Gemma, took over Will’s duties
to provide
stress relief for me.  There was a certain type of relief they couldn’t provide, but other than that, th
ey were great to me. 
I
received
more
carousel rose
s the day after Will left.  The gang planned meals, night swims, relaxing in the
J
acuzzi
, and provided comic relief to overcome my increasing
anxiety
as the exam date neared.  I
tried to get to bed relatively early
e
ach
night to
ensure
that
I was well-rested
for the exam.

Will checked in with me
regularly
via text message and p
hone to make sure I was okay.

When it was time to leave for the exam
the night before
it commenced
, I felt that I had done the best I could do to prepare
, both mentally and physically.

The
security
guard drove me to my car in Santa Monica and I was off to meet
Carrie
at
a
hotel
situated around the corner from the Pasadena Convention Center, one of the Southern California sites for the California Bar Exam. 
Carrie
and I chose Pasadena because we were told it was a mellower crowd than
some of the other L.A.
area locations.

The Bar Exam in California
i
s
administered
over the course of three full days.  Two of those days consist of essay
and performance
exams and one consist
s
of the very difficult multistate multiple choice portion. 
T
he Bar Exam is an endurance test and probably one of the most stressful things
that
anyone could imagine. 
I had heard horror stories about the people vomiting during the exam, causing a smell that made it
difficult
to concentrate.  I was g
rateful
wh
en nothing like that happened.

T
here was a
good-sized
contingent from
USC
at the Pasadena site
and we all went out for dinner after the first and second days of the exam with
the
promise that the subject of the exam was strictly off
-
limits. 
Carrie
unintentionally provide
d
comic relief as
she insisted on studying fully-
dressed in the
empty
bathtub each nigh
t when we got home from dinner.

When the exam was over, I really hoped that I had passed because I
never ever
wanted to go t
hrough something like that
again.

I
then
drove to
Rachael
’s
apartment in Hollywood
to leave my car
in her extra parking space during my tr
ip
.  I called her on my way over to war
n
her I was coming and she had a glass of cider waiting for me when I arrived.
We laughed and danced while she played some very loud music that we both liked from the
Royalist
jukebox.  It always cracked me up how she would snap her fingers using her ring finger
rather than her middle finger
.

After a short visit, I
called the
house
to
ask
if I needed to do the
security
guard routine to get
home
. 
Gemma
informed me
that they were paparazzi-
free
and had been since Will left for London
.
 
Rachael
agreed to drive me
there
since she
intended
to meet up with a friend on that side of town anyway
.  She wasn’t much of an actress so I knew that something was up.

I
arrived to find that a celebration had been planned for me. 
Rachael
appeared not at all surprised
.
 
The
security guards
at the front door
ensur
e
d
that
no one who
shouldn’t be there got inside.

The house was crowded as was the backyard.  Most of the gang from the concert was there, along with some of the guys from the Rugby Club, and a good number of my friends from college and law school.  Even
Max
, Da
niel
and John were there.  Only one person was missing
:
the most important one.  When I walked in the
front
door to shouts of “Surprise,” I was handed the phone.  It was Will.  It must have been just after four in the morning
in London
.

“Congr
atulations, love.  You did it.”

“Well, we’ll see.  I haven’t gotten my results yet
.  They won’t come for months.”

“I believe
in you.  I’m sure you passed.”

“Keep your fingers crossed.”

As I peered into the
house from the entry hall
and through the doors to the patio,
I
was
stunned.  Th
rough the crowd, I could see
lights twinkling everywhere, a number of vases of
carousel rose
s
placed
throughout the house and on tables in the backyard, and catered food
on
the
dining room and patio tables.

“Did you do all this?”

“I had help.”

“I can’t believe you
did
this.”  I started to tear up.

“You aren’t crying are you?”

“Just a little.”  I tried to stop.  “You make me s
o happy.  I don’t deserve you.”

“I
think you’ve got it backward.”

“I love you.”

“I love you.  I would do anything for you.  I’ll let you get to your party now.  Have
a good time
.  See you in two days for you, tomo
rrow for me.  I’ll be waiting.”

“I wish you were here with me.”

“Me too.”