B00CZBQ63C EBOK (26 page)

Chapter
46

D
aniel pressed one hand against the cold cement wall in the
basement storeroom, head down.

“Is it true?” Laurie’s voice barely stirred the musty air.

He swallowed against the lump growing in his throat and nodded.

The slump spread through her shoulders and spine. Laurie lowered her forehead to the table. “Why did you hide this from me?”

Daniel balled his fingers into a fist and pressed it against the wall. He pulled out a chair. “Laurie, I realize any excuse won’t be worth a plugged nickel to you—but I hope you’ll listen, anyway.”

She remained motionless, head down.

Daniel braced himself against the chair back, pushing one foot behind him for strength. “I’m not the same person I was then.”

Her shoulders convulsed and her head lifted. Tears stained both cheeks. “Johnny said you were a teetotaler.”

“I am”—he pushed fingers through his hair—“I was.” Daniel turned and pressed a hand against his forehead.

“Which is it?”

Daniel sat next to her, his heart pounding. Reaching a hand into his pocket, he withdrew the temperance coin and ran a thumb across its face before setting it in front of her. “I have carried this since I was a boy. They handed them out at school to anyone who would sign the temperance pledge.”

“What happened?”

Daniel pushed up from the chair and walked across the floor, returning to his place by the wall. “In college, I was terrified of presenting in front of my professors and my classmates. My roommate—an older student—told me to take a swig of whiskey to calm my nerves. At first that’s all it was. I told myself it was fine, since I was using it medicinally. I even measured it precisely.”

He cleared his throat. “Other students were using opium and heroin—all sorts of things. As pharmacy students, we had access to countless medications.”

Laurie traced a circle on the tabletop with her fingernail. “You should have known better.”

He sighed. “I did. But sometimes it’s just easier to lie to yourself.”

The room grew still, except for the sound of Laurie’s ragged breaths, each one pulling at Daniel’s soul.

“It’s a long stretch from a
swig
of whiskey to drunkenness and assault.”

“Not as far as you’d think.” The long-hidden memories burned in his mind. “Once I started, it was a quick slide into drinking with my buddies after classes. First it was just Friday nights—a reward for surviving the week. It rapidly became an every night thing. I was already drinking in the morning before class to ease my nerves. Pretty soon it was all around the clock.”

“You’re a liar like the rest.” Laurie squeezed her fingers together. “You made me think you were a decent man.”

“I never
made
you think anything.” Daniel’s heart recoiled at his own words. He dropped his head. “No, you’re right. I pretended to be something I wasn’t.” He pushed his hands against his face. “You’ll never know how much I regret that. How much I regret everything in my life.” He cleared his throat. “I wanted you to think well of me. I wanted to be the kind of man you deserve.”

Her gaze faltered and she looked downward. “I don’t deserve anything.”

Her words ruined any hope of staying away. “You do.” He reached for Laurie’s hands, but she pulled free.

“Tell me about the girl.” Her words stung like alcohol on an open wound.

Daniel turned toward the table, not able to face the tears glittering on the edges of Laurie’s downcast eyes.
No more secrets.

“My roommate had been dating a nursing student—Molly. When we’d head out to the jazz clubs in downtown Seattle, she’d bring along some girlfriends.” The memories pulled him along like a riptide.

“One night, he spent most of the evening dancing with one of the other girls and, well, Molly made it clear that—that she was more interested in me.” Daniel dug in his pocket for a handkerchief and mopped it across his brow.

Laurie leaned back against the basement wall, her face dark and unreadable. Her arms clenched around her midsection, as if the story made her ill. “What happened?”

“I walked her home and she invited me in.” Daniel shook his head, the memory refusing to fade with time. “I never should have gone. It was foolish. Molly insisted she was in love with me—claimed she had been for some time but was too afraid to tell me. It was flattering. Heady stuff, really. I got carried away.” He cleared his throat. “She seemed to welcome my attentions, but then—wisely—she began to push me away. I didn’t want to leave. I was hopelessly drunk—and she probably was, too. I didn’t know what I was doing. I got frustrated, angry even. My roommate had boasted about his conquests; I just assumed . . . ”

Laurie turned her face away.

Daniel plowed forward, determined to finish the story out before he lost his nerve. “I called her some names, I think. Tried to steal another kiss—that sort of thing. I’m sure it was quite frightening for her. And heartbreaking. This man that she thought she’d loved . . . ” Daniel’s throat constricted. “I’d never done anything like that before. I didn’t go to classes the next day. I went straight over to apologize, but her roommates wouldn’t even let me through the front gate. I never saw Molly again.”

Laurie frowned. “What about the assault charge?”

Daniel shook his head. “I think my former roommate was behind that. Maybe that’s the story she told him, I don’t know. I’m certain I never struck her or threatened her in any way—not that it excuses anything.”

“But they put you on probation?”

“I didn’t contest it.” Daniel pressed his lips together, the silence broken only by footsteps from the store above. “I swore I’d never drink again.”

Several more moments passed before Laurie spoke. “Did you?”

“Yes.”

Her eyes filled.

“The guilt ate at me until I walked away from school, entirely. I sank deeper into the bottle. My life spiraled downward. I might have ended up on Skid Road with the other drunks if it hadn’t been for a couple of my classmates. Apparently they’d been praying for me, even before the incident with Molly. Their minister told me about the hospital program.”

Laurie’s head jerked upward. “Like the one you were telling me about?”

“Yes.” He lifted the temperance coin from the table and rolled it between his fingers. “It was the hardest thing I’d ever done. But, even better than giving up drink, it’s where I really came to understand God. I’d never really grasped the depth of His forgiveness, the love my gran had always tried to teach me.” He lifted the coin and held it between his finger and thumb. “This coin means more to me now than it did to me as a child. It’s more than a simple pledge. It’s a reminder of how easily I can fail unless I rely on God’s strength.”

Laurie pressed her hands against her chest, a shadow crossing her face.

He pushed the coin back into his pocket and laid his hands on the table, leaning forward and meeting Laurie’s eye. “I don’t expect you to trust me again. I’m not even sure that I want you to.”

Her brows pulled down and her lips tightened.

His throat grew raw. “I still deal with the desire to drink. Every day I have to choose.” Pushing to his feet, he tore his gaze away, the sight of her blue eyes threatening to render him mute. “It’s better that you know the truth about me and walk away now.” Daniel’s throat closed until he had to choke out the words. “Because I can’t bear the idea that I might fail you.”

After spending a long, miserable day at home, Laurie pulled on her coat and headed for Amelia’s house. She took off her hat and let the blustery wind muss her short locks. She hadn’t even bothered to put any waves in it the past few days—just let it fall where it wished. Why not? It matched her life.

Every time she built her house of cards, the men in her life reached in and snatched her supports, sending it crashing down again. Laurie balled her hands and shoved them into her coat pockets.

I don’t expect you to trust me again. I’m not even sure I want you to.

Amelia remained the one constant in her life, and at this moment, Laurie wanted to fall into her embrace. Her friend opened the door before Laurie’s hand reached the knocker. “I saw you coming up the walk. How is your father?”

“He’s doing better. His recovery astounded the doctors.” She let her friend guide her inside. “He might be coming home by the end of the week.”

A tiny crease appeared between Amelia’s eyes. “So soon?”

Laurie sank down on a kitchen chair. “I don’t know what will happen. The doctor says he shouldn’t drink at all, but how am I supposed to prevent it?”

Amelia pulled out the chair across from Laurie and perched on the very edge. “Something else is bothering you. I can see it in your face.”

Laurie spilled the whole gruesome story. “I don’t know who to trust anymore. It seems like everyone has some horrible secret just waiting to jump out and pounce on me.”

Amelia walked to the stove and poured two cups of tea from the pot simmering on the stove. “You can’t expect people to be perfect. Remember what Pastor Yoder always says—that we all sin and fall short of the glory of God?” She brought the cups to the table and set one in front of Laurie.

Laurie traced the pattern of the tablecloth with one finger. “I don’t expect perfection. But I would like to be able to trust someone.” She pulled her cup close, watching the steam form above the cup like morning mist over the water. “I wanted to talk to Johnny about this hospital program that Daniel suggested. Do you know where he is today?”

“Well, that’s actually a bit of good news.” Amelia sipped her tea. “He told me he was going out on his final run tonight.”

“Johnny’s going tonight?” With all the agony over Daniel, Laurie had forgotten about Samuel’s plans. Her cup clattered down onto the saucer. “He said he was on graveyard shift.”

“I think he traded with someone.” Amelia’s head tilted to the side. “Laurie, you’ve known about the rumrunning longer than I have. Why are you so shocked?”

Pushing up to her feet, Laurie’s heart quickened. “He wasn’t supposed to go
tonight
.” She hurried to the door, grabbing her jacket and hat from the coat tree.

Amelia followed. “Why? What’s happening tonight?”

Laurie jammed the hat down over her hair and reached for the door handle.

Amelia grabbed her elbow. “Tell me!”

“Samuel’s going to be waiting for them.”

Chapter
47

L
aurie jammed her foot against the reverse pedal and yanked the
Model T’s steering wheel to the right, the tires flinging loose gravel.

Amelia clutched the dashboard. “Laurie, be careful!”

“I have to stop him.” She lifted her foot off the pedal and twisted the throttle. The automobile jerked forward, its engine backfiring in complaint.

“You don’t have to get us killed in the process.” Amelia braced one hand against the door.

The Ford careened down the road toward the boarding house. “I think they’ve probably already left.” Laurie stiffened her legs as the car bounced down the bumpy road. “What if he’s not there?”

“Go down to the boat dock?”

Laurie banged a hand against the wheel. “He said he wouldn’t be going this time. I thought this was the perfect opportunity to close down the rumrunning shenanigans.”

Her friend didn’t answer, apparently focused on keeping herself from sliding off the seat.

“I can’t let him get arrested. Daddy’s probably already lost his job at the mill. If Johnny goes to jail, we’ll be finished for sure.”

They hurtled down the hill on Vine Street, eating up the distance between their neighborhood and Johnny’s as a yellow-mopped mongrel chased them, barking. After two more corners and at least twenty bone-jostling potholes, Laurie pulled up beside the boarding house. Not waiting for Amelia, she shoved open her door and darted down the walk. No one answered when she pounded on the door. Stepping back, she searched the upper-story windows, locating his room. The window stood open, a checkered curtain flapping in the wind. Laurie cupped her hands around her mouth. “Johnny!”

Amelia came up behind her, clutching the fur-lined collar of her coat up around her trembling chin. “Laurie, there are no lights. He’s not here.”

Laurie grabbed Amelia’s arm, tugging her back toward the car. “Let’s go to the docks.”

Amelia had barely found her seat when Laurie shifted the Ford into gear and headed off down the street. They careened down the hill to the docks.

Johnny’s slip stood empty.

Laurie’s lifted both hands to her cheeks.
What have I done?

Laurie shivered on Samuel’s front walk, the light in his window oddly inviting on this cold blustery evening. And yet her skin crawled at the thought of what lay ahead. She couldn’t even bring herself to pray.

No options remained except one—throwing herself on Samuel’s mercy.

Which means throwing myself at his feet.

She counted the steps to the front door. A strange calm descended on her as she lifted her hand to knock on the black-painted door. For a long moment, nothing happened. Her breathing quickened.
Do I want him to answer or not?

Pushing down her fear, she rapped a second time. Footfalls inside made her heart race. She ran a hand across her skirt, tugging it down to cover her knees. Then she jerked it back again.

Samuel opened the door, surprise lighting his features. “Laurie, what are you doing here? I was just getting ready to leave.”

She moistened her lips. “I need to speak with you.”

He stepped back and gestured for her to enter. “Don’t bother telling me you made another mistake. I’ve already got police and Coast Guard on the way.” Samuel led the way to two cushioned chairs in the parlor and waited for her to sit.

Laurie pulled off her hat and rested it on her lap, leaving her coat in place.

“Can I take that for you?”

She shook her head, squeezing the brim between her fingers. “This won’t take long, I hope.” She glanced around the luxurious room, not wanting to meet his eyes.
Odd that a single man, working a government job, should have such nice belongings
. “Samuel, you don’t have all the facts. I’ve been keeping some information to myself.”

He dropped into the seat across from her and settled his hands on his lap. “I’m listening.”

Words scrambled through her mind, but they were so mixed with emotions that none of them made it to her mouth. She licked her lips and opened her mouth to speak, but her tongue grew thick and wouldn’t cooperate.

Samuel scooted forward and reached for her hands. His touch sent a wave of panic shooting up her arms. She tried to pull away, but he captured her wrists and held her in place. Her breath caught in her chest.
I can’t.

The words refused to come, but a knot grew in her stomach. “I . . . I . . . ”

He squeezed her hands. “Just say it.”

She shook her head, dizziness clouding her senses. Her skin grew clammy in his grip. She twisted her hands free and stood, pacing across the room to the window. The night had grown dark.

Laurie squeezed her eyes shut, picturing Johnny wrenching the oars through the stormy waves on the Straits.
I must do this for him.

She exhaled, all her choices vanishing into the night. “My brother is one of the rumrunners.”

Samuel sat back and the corners of his lips rose into a smile. “I knew that long before I met you.”

Laurie’s hands went cold. She backed up against the windowsill, tucking her fingers under her arms. “So, why did you need me?”

He shrugged, rising from his seat. Walking to her side, he reached for her coat. “I think it’s plenty warm in here.”

She forced herself to stand still as he unfastened the knot on her belt and let it fall open. He stepped closer and slid his hands under her coat, around her waist.

Her heart pounded. “Samuel. Please. My father is in the hospital. My brother can’t go to jail. It’ll ruin us.”

“I know that, too.”

She lifted her face to meet his callous gaze. “What don’t you know?”

“I don’t know why you’re telling me this right now.” His cheek twitched as he smiled. “But I like it. Keep going.”

She tried to take a step back, but his hands locked behind the small of her back. She gripped his arms. “Johnny wasn’t supposed to be on the run tonight. I thought you would just catch the others.”

He smirked. “Even better.”

“You could let him escape.”

“Maybe. What’s in it for me?”

Her stomach tightened. “What do you want?”

“You know the answer to that.” He gripped her waist, his face lowering until she could feel his breath ruffling her hair. His lips brushed against her ear and her neck.

Laurie closed her eyes, holding her breath as he pushed the coat off her shoulders, his hand traveling up her back.

Daniel glared out the dark window of his apartment. Rather than seeing the dark sky or the lights of the city, he saw the hurt swimming in Laurie’s eyes.
I put it there.

The storeroom key clung to his sweaty palm. How simple it would be to sneak downstairs, pocket one of the bottles, and drown the murkiness that surrounded his soul. Altering the records would be a simple matter.

He pressed his forehead against the dark window, the cold glass a shock to his damp skin. Beyond the buildings, the glow from the Ediz Hook light blasted out across the dark water.

Hadn’t the minister at the hospital warned him about these black thoughts—these lies? Daniel set the key on the windowsill and reached for his Bible, sitting open on the table. He flipped to the Psalms, fingering through the pages until he reached the 139th chapter. He had memorized the words during his hospital stay, but right now he needed to fix his eyes on the words.

Whither shall I go from thy spirit? Or whither shall I flee from thy presence? If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me. If I say, surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me. Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee.

Daniel took a deep breath, pulling the words into his soul like oxygen to his lungs. He understood what it meant to make his bed in hell. His heart hammered in his chest. He could lie to his grandfather, to Laurie, to anyone—but there were no secrets with God.

He pressed his face into his hands. “God, I can’t do this without you. You know the longings of my heart—my fears, my desires. Show me how to make this right.”

Pounding on the door startled him out of his chair, the Bible falling to the floor. He took two steps and paused. “Who is it?”

The pounding came a second time, followed by a muffled sob. He crossed the floor in a heartbeat and wrenched the door open.

Amelia stood in the dark stairwell, tears staining her face. “Daniel, help . . . Laurie’s gone to Samuel.”

Laurie twisted in Samuel’s grip. Her plans to seek mercy for her brother at any cost crumbled to dust.
I can’t do it.

With an amused grunt, Samuel twined his fingers through her hair, smashing her lips against his.

Bile burned in her throat. Stifling a cry, she shoved her hands against his chest, jerking her face away. “Stop.”

He chuckled, breath hot against her ear. “Why did you come here, Laurie?” His words curled around her soul. “No money, no connections. You’ve got nothing to offer me.” His arm, as hard as an iron rod, crushed against the small of her back. “You want my help? Give me something I can use. We’ll see—if you’re good enough maybe we can do something about your brother.” He tugged at her skirt.

Laurie dug her fingers into his arm. “Let me go.”

“It’s your last chance. Do you want me to stay here with you, or you want me to go bust up some rumrunners?”

Laurie jabbed her fingers into the flesh under his ribs. Samuel released his grip enough for Laurie to wrench free. She stepped back, breathless.

Samuel crossed his arms over his chest, the corner of his mouth tipping up. “Made your choice?”

She smoothed her dress and retrieved her coat from the floor. “I deserve better.” She turned toward the door.

“Walk out and you’ll see your brother rot in prison. That is” —his voice lowered—“if he makes it there.” Samuel stood with legs spread, a sneer on his lips.

If she gave herself to this man, it wouldn’t change a thing—except her. “You have nothing to offer me, Samuel. Nothing.”