Baby Experts 02 (15 page)

His answers would determine her decision.

“Why were you so upset this afternoon?” she asked quietly. “Because I left your mother alone with the girls? Or because I had a meeting with my ex-husband and you thought it was some kind of secret rendezvous?”

“I didn’t know what it was. I thought maybe you had planned it,” he admitted.

“In other words, you didn’t trust me.”

His response was slow in coming. “You kept something from me before.”

His words sent a chill down her spine. “You’re right. I did. Because I was afraid for my job…and I didn’t want to mess up what was happening between us. But this is different. We’ve had weeks together now. I’ve told you everything there was to tell about me. So why would you doubt me?”

He ran his hand over his forehead. “It’s not that simple, Emily.”

“Oh, I think it is. What do you
feel
for me, Jared? You’ve never said. Am I just a capable nanny to take care of your kids? A capable nurse to take care of your mother? Am I just a warm body for your bed? What
am
I to you?”

Her marriage to Richard had filled her with self-doubt and eroded her confidence. She’d left Corpus Christi because she hadn’t known how to stand up for herself. But now she did, and these questions had to be asked and answered if she and Jared were going to have a future.

“There’s chemistry between us,” he answered, almost automatically. “We’re good together in bed. I never promised more than that, Emily.”

His answer filled her with sadness. “No, you didn’t promise more than that. But I began to dream anyway. That was my mistake.”

Now she knew what she had to do for both their sakes. Her heart hurt so much she could hardly push out the words. Yet she did. “I think the best thing for both of us is for me to pack up my belongings and go. If Chloie can’t stand in, or if you can’t find someone to stay with your mom and the girls for a little while longer, I’ll do it during the day. But when you come home, I’m gone. It hurts too much to be with you, Jared, knowing I love you but that you don’t feel more for me than satisfaction for what we have in bed.”

She was still hoping he’d tell her then…tell her that he
did
feel more…tell her that he loved her. But he didn’t. He remained silent. And that silence told her she couldn’t stay.

Before she started crying, she turned away from him and went to her room, feeling as if her heart was breaking in two.

Jared sank down onto the sofa, stunned by how numb he felt. He couldn’t seem to put anything in order. His thoughts were jumbled like puzzle pieces strewn across the table. His mother keeping her secret. His marriage to Valerie. His ex-wife’s secret. Emily’s secret. Emily’s ex-husband.

Jared’s mother peeked around the corner from the hall. “The twins are listening to their read-alongs,” she informed him, then came to sit beside him on the sofa.

She waited a few moments, he guessed, to see if he’d say anything. But he didn’t have any words.

“That didn’t sound exactly like a fight,” she ventured.

“No. It was an end.” Although everything else was jumbled, that fact was clear.

“Do you want it to be an end?”

He stared at his mother, seeing the lines on her face that were a testament to what she’d been through. Not only the surgery and recovery, but her life. And even though he’d kept a wall between them all these years, there was tender concern in her eyes now. And he almost couldn’t handle that.

“An end with Emily doesn’t feel right,” he confessed.

His mother clasped his shoulder, her fingers gripping him tight. “I am sorry for not telling Wyatt the truth. I am so sorry that you felt betrayed.”

His mother had said these words before, but they hadn’t touched him as deeply as they did now. There were tears in her eyes as she went on. “Because I kept a secret, you can’t trust anyone. I don’t think you ever trusted Valerie.”

“She didn’t trust me,” he countered.

“Think about your marriage, Jared. Did the two of you share your most intimate secrets? Did the two of you share dreams? That’s what trust is all about. I was afraid I’d lose everything I loved if I let the truth come out. Emily was afraid she’d lose her job, and maybe you, if she told you about her background. Valerie was afraid if she stayed here and let you see what was happening to her, that was the way you’d remember her. We all have fears. That’s why we can’t trust. That’s why we can’t share.”

Suddenly Jared felt as if the room were closing in on him. He felt as if his mother’s words were wrapping around him and binding him so tight he couldn’t breathe.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, apparently seeing what he wasn’t saying.

Instead of answering, he asked, “Would you truly be all right here with the twins if Emily leaves? Just for a little while?”

“I’ll be fine, Jared. I’m stronger than I look.” She gave him a small smile.

“I won’t be gone long,” he muttered again as he rose, snatched his keys from the counter and went outside.

But he didn’t use the car keys. Instead, he walked, passing yards where families lived and played. He walked under Texas ash, caught sight of an older man in a yard trimming back betony, got a whiff of mountain sage. His senses seemed to be more alive, colors brighter. Had this been true since Emily had come into his life?

He walked past the park where she’d played with Amy and Courtney, not because she’d had to, but because she’d wanted to. There was a childlike innocence in Emily, in the way she looked at the world without cynicism. He was so drawn to that.

Before he knew it, he was out of the neighborhood, walking into the hospital district. A short time later he stood before the small mission church where Emily had taken him not so long ago.

As he started up the stairs, the padre came out.

“Good evening,” the older priest said. “Can I help you?”

“Is it all right if I just go inside for a few minutes?”

The padre gave him a knowing look and nodded. “Of course.”

The heavy door creaked as Jared opened it. The coolness of thick walls, the silence of an empty church, the afternoon light streaking rainbows on the floor rushed toward him and seemed to welcome him.

Candles still flickered in the votive cups on either side of the altar. Jared didn’t hesitate to walk toward the front
and sit in the first pew. There was solace here if he could reach toward it and find it. He’d felt a little of it that day with Emily.

Soul-searching had never been Jared’s forte. Maybe if it had been, his life would be at a better place.

What would make his life better? What did he have to do? How could he keep Emily from leaving?

He realized just how much he wanted to keep her from leaving.

He glanced up at the altar, at the lit candles, at the shimmering light on the wall. He remembered everything his mother had said, and for the first time in his life, he tried to put himself in her place. She’d been scared when she’d learned he wasn’t Wyatt’s son. She’d loved Wyatt and had been afraid she’d lose him. She’d also been afraid Jared would lose the only father he’d ever known. She’d been right. She’d deceived Wyatt for Jared’s sake, too. She’d kept the secret for all their sakes.

His thoughts turned to another important woman in his life. Valerie had married him, thinking a doctor’s life was something other than what it was. She’d expected more from him, and he hadn’t known how to give it. Had he really tried? Or as his mother had suggested, had he kept a wall around himself, using his career so he didn’t have to trust? So he didn’t have to share? In the end, Valerie had thought she was doing what was best for him and the twins. Love had directed their actions, right or wrong, and
that’s
what he should remember.

When he thought about Emily he couldn’t imagine his life without her. He didn’t
want
to imagine it. She was more than a nanny. More than a nurse. More than a bedmate. He hadn’t wanted to admit that to himself. He hadn’t wanted to admit he needed her. Would she stay if he asked
her? Would she stay if he opened his heart to her? Because he loved Emily Diaz. He’d lacked the courage to open his heart. He’d lacked the courage to be vulnerable. He’d lacked the courage to trust her. He knew now that trust was a decision as much as a feeling…and so was forgiveness.

Rising to his feet, he stepped over to the side altar, took a bill from his wallet and slipped it into the collection holder. Then he took one of the long sticks from its cup and held it to one of the already lit candles. As he touched the fire to a wick, one flamed for his stepdad, one flamed for Valerie. He also lit one for his mom, for his twins and one for Emily and himself.

After he did, he felt a burden lift from his shoulders.

What if Emily had already left?

He’d go after her. He’d convince her he needed her not only for his twins, but for his own sake.

Because he loved her.

J
ared arrived at Emily’s house still uncertain about what he was going to say.

When Francesca opened the door to him, he wondered if Emily had even come home. Her car wasn’t in the driveway. But it could be in the detached garage. She’d called Chloie and asked her to come stay with the twins and his mother. But then she’d left, and there hadn’t been a trace of her anywhere.

Except for the lingering memories of her—stolen kisses while she was cooking, Emily on the floor, coloring with the twins or having a tea party. In his mind’s eye he could see her helping his mother, or he could relive their nights in his room.

The thought that he might have lost her panicked him.

Francesca looked surprised to see him. “I thought,” she started, then hesitated. “Never mind,” she continued with a smile. “I guess you’re here to see Emily?”

“Did she come home?”

He didn’t want her to think about this house as home. He wanted her to consider
his
house as
her
home.

“She’s in the kitchen, making coffee, though I don’t know why she wants coffee. She’s already wired, upset—”

“I get the picture,” he muttered.

Francesca tilted her head and let him inside. But then she asked, “Are you here to make her smile or cry some more?”

He had the distinct feeling that if he didn’t give this woman the right answer, she’d push him back outside. “I hope I’m going to make both of us smile.”

Francesca closed the door. “I’ll be upstairs in my room with the door shut.”

Jared strode into the kitchen and found Emily scooping coffee into a filter. Her eyes grew big when she saw him. “What are you doing here?”

He couldn’t just blurt out why he was here. He had to work up to it or she’d never believe him. She’d think he just wanted to get her back into bed.

Still, he crossed the kitchen and stood very close to her. So close he could see the tearstains on her cheeks. He ran his thumb over one, feeling his heart lurch. “I never wanted to hurt you.”

“That’s why you came? To apologize for hurting me?”

She was obviously trying to help him along. He needed the help. “Not just that. After you left I had a talk with my mother. Actually, I guess she had a talk with me. Maybe it was the first time I really listened to her in years. Anyway, I tried to see her point of view and Valerie’s point of view and your point of view.”

His heart raced as silence settled between them. She finally broke it with “And could you?”

“I closed a hard shell around my heart a long time ago. But you’ve been cracking it. Today, I think it broke.” He didn’t mean to be flip, but he was really having trouble with this.

“What happened when it broke?” She looked hopeful now, and he thought that was a good sign.

“You know that church you took me to?”

She nodded, a perplexed look in her eyes.

“I went there. I thought about everything, and I lit some candles—for my stepdad and Valerie, for Mom, and the girls. And us, too.”

Emily’s lips parted in surprise and he wanted to kiss her so badly. He was almost there. “When I was sitting in the church, I couldn’t imagine my life without you. And not because I want you as a mom for the girls, though I do, because you’d be a wonderful mom. But I realized I’ve never really let anyone into my heart. I’ve never opened it before. Not like this. I love you, Emily. I really, really do. I think I’ve loved you for weeks. I just didn’t want to admit it.”

He opened his arms to her now, and she didn’t back away. She came right into them and asked, “You love me?”

“I do. My work is important to me and it takes up a chunk of my time. It’s erratic and calls me out of bed at night. But I promise you, if you marry me, I’ll consider your needs along with Courtney’s and Amy’s first. I think I’m going to actively search to bring someone else into our partnership so we all have more leisure time. Can you forgive me for doubting your truthfulness? Can you forgive me for not seeing sooner what was in front of my face?”

Reaching her arms around his neck, she laced her fingers in his hair. “I love you, Jared Madison,” she said joyously. “I can forgive you if you promise to keep telling me how you feel.”

“I’ll do better than that.” His lips were very close to hers now. “I’ll tell you how much I love you every single day and I’ll whisper my dreams to you, too.”

“Dreams of our life together?” she asked.

“Dreams for us, the girls and our life until we both have silver hair.”

Picking her up so that her mouth was even with his, he sealed his lips to hers. His kiss promised a future and vows that would last forever.

“T
his is definitely an unconventional honeymoon,” Jared said as he smiled at Emily. He was carrying Courtney and she was carrying Amy, as they entered the suite at one of the hotels at Disney World.

“Everything we’ve done has been a bit unconventional.” She returned his smile and followed him into the living room of their suite.

Jared couldn’t believe the happiness filling his heart. He and Emily had married in a quiet ceremony with only his mother, cousin, Vince, Tessa and Francesca present. He and Emily had spent the night at the bed-and-breakfast at the winery, and then the following day they’d gotten on a plane to Disney World, Amy, Courtney, his mother and Chloie included.

Both girls squiggled to be let down. They ran through the open door to the adjoining room.

Jared took the opportunity to encircle his new wife’s waist and bring her close for a resounding kiss. After they broke apart, he joked, “I guess they want to tell Mom about It’s a Small World.”

“Or about the Country Bear Jamboree,” she teased, holding hands with him as they joined the girls in his mother’s room.

Gloria was sitting in an easy chair by the window, reading. At least, she had been reading. Now the girls were chattering away, bubbling over with the sights and sounds and smells of a day in strollers at the amusement park.

His mother stood, still depending on her cane, but much stronger than she’d been a month before. Jared couldn’t believe it was already the middle of October. And the upcoming holiday season was going to be like no other he’d ever experienced, with family and friends and a beautiful, caring wife who made each day special.

Emily went over to his mother. “Did you have a good afternoon?”

“It was lovely. I spent some time in the garden. And there are such interesting people to talk to…from all over.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to go to the park with us tomorrow? If Chloie joins us, we’ll have an extra set of hands to push the wheelchair. I think you’d like some of the attractions.”

“I’m really just fine right here. This is a wonderful vacation, sitting on the patio in the sun, drinking iced tea, watching all the people. But I’ll think about your suggestion. Maybe I’ll venture out with you tomorrow.”

Jared’s relationship with his mother had changed since the day they’d had their talk. The past really had seemed to drop away, and they were building memories for the
future. He and his partners had almost settled on another doctor to come into the practice. Emily was going to start advertising her services as a midwife, and he was going to be her backup at the hospital. The hospital was also considering her proposal to start a midwifery program there. Professionally, they were going to be a team. Personally, they were
already
a team.

Suddenly, there was the sound of a card key in the lock and then Chloie burst into his mom’s room. “I hope I’m not late,” she said. “I know you two want to go out tonight.”

“Not at all,” Emily assured her. “I’m going to take a shower and change and get a little more dressed up.”

As she came toward him, Jared hooked an arm around her waist. “You’re perfect the way you are.”

She looked down at her shorts and knit top. “I think I can do a little bit better than this. Where did you disappear to this afternoon?” Emily asked Chloie.

Jared thought his cousin actually blushed. She had split off from them, having different interests than the attractions they’d planned to visit with the twins.

“Actually, I spent the afternoon talking to someone.”

“Someone?” Jared asked, his radar sensing something.

“I was on the Jungle Cruise and started talking with this science teacher from Galveston.”

“Male or female science teacher?” Jared asked.

Emily poked him in the ribs.

Chloie blushed some more. “Male. We spent most of the afternoon talking. We exchanged e-mail addresses and cell-phone numbers, and within the next couple of days when you don’t need me, I might meet him for lunch or dinner.”

“Is that when I can check him out?” Jared asked, sounding like an older brother.

Chloie winked at him. “I might let you do that.”

Satisfied, Jared took Emily’s hand and went to their suite to get ready for their evening together.

Emily stood on Main Street at Disney World, her new husband’s arms wrapped around her, as they watched the last flicker of lights from the parade fade away. Unconventional though it might be, this was a wonderful honeymoon. They’d had dinner at a delicious restaurant, strolled hand in hand, kissing every once in a while and then found a place here to watch the magic of the light parade.

They were standing across from Cinderella’s castle and Emily couldn’t help but smile. “We bought the girls Mickey Mouse hats while we were here, but we need to buy you one, too.”

He kissed her temple. “What kind of hat do you want to buy for me, or shouldn’t I ask?”

“I want to buy one for you that says ‘Prince Charming.’”

He nudged her around to face him. “You’re serious, aren’t you?”

She circled his neck with her arms. “Very. I’m happier now than I’ve ever been in my whole life. That’s because of you.”

He was quiet for a moment, glanced at the castle and then back at her. “I never thought I’d deserve someone like you.”

He pulled something out of his pocket. “You were looking at these in the souvenir store. So I thought I’d buy one for you.”

Jared took her hand and turned it palm up. Then he set a miniature glass slipper in her hand.

Tears came to her eyes at his thoughtfulness. “Oh, Jared! It’s beautiful. Thank you.”

Wrapping his arms around her again, he said, “You’ve convinced me to believe in fairy tales.
And
happy endings.”

When Jared bent his head and kissed her, Emily kissed him back fervently, remembering the vows they’d taken and the promises they’d made.

He reluctantly pulled away, stole another tender kiss then took her hand. As long as he held on to her, their future would be as bright and shiny as the lights on Cinderella’s castle. Her Texas doctor had been Prince Charming in disguise all along. She felt like the luckiest woman in the kingdom.

Jared squeezed her hand then released it to wrap his arm around her. Their honeymoon was just the beginning of the rest of their lives.