Baby It's Cold Outside (9 page)

‘Pretty nice, huh?' Parker said, looking at the dominoes in pride.

I was lost for words. I'd always been a bit awkward around kids but Parker had unleashed a whole new level of awkwardness within me.

‘What would you like to do now?' he said. ‘Shall I do some more adding up for you? Or, if you like, you could do some?'

I looked at him, his little face full of pride, and felt overwhelmed with sympathy for him. It can't have been easy coming all this way to meet his dad for the first time, then having his mum dump him on a bunch of strangers while she went off to play Florence Nightingale.

‘I think that's enough sums for one day,' I said, scooping up the dominoes and putting them back in the box. ‘Why don't we go outside and build a snowman?'

Parker looked out of the window doubtfully.

‘It looks kinda cold,' he said.

‘That's part of the fun,' I said. I tugged gently at his sleeve. ‘Come on.'

Parker stood patiently as I wrapped him up like a parcel in his cold weather gear and pulled a hat over his curls. Then he followed me outside.

‘Let's make a whole family,' I said. ‘You start on a kid and I'll make the parents.'

Parker nodded and obediently started rolling a snowball in his mittened hands.

The snow was deep – above Parker's knees in some places and deeper on the side of the garden where it had drifted in the wind. It was quiet and still except for our voices.

I was still sore from everything that had happened yesterday but I forced myself to throw myself into making our snow family. Part of me wanted to show Tansy and Jamie and everyone else just how fine I was about Parker being in our lives, and part of me wanted to prove to myself that I was fine. But the truth was, I thought, as I heaped snow up on my pile, I wasn't fine at all.

‘That's right,' I called to Parker, whose snowball was up to his waist. ‘A bit bigger, then make a head.'

I smoothed out my snowman's body and watched Parker as he giggled his way round the garden, his snowball growing all the time.'

There was no doubt he was a lovely little boy. He was sweet and affectionate and so clever. But he wasn't mine. He was Jamie's, but he wasn't mine. And that was proving pretty hard for me to deal with.

I'd always thought that Jamie and I would embark on the parenthood journey together. That I'd carry his first baby. That I'd be the one his parents would adore for giving birth to their first grandchild. But now all that had changed. I'd gone from dewy-eyed bride to evil stepmother literally overnight and I wasn't happy about it.

Tansy and Parker turning up hadn't changed the way I felt about Jamie. Not one bit. But it had completely changed the way I looked at our future together. It was as if the whole world had shifted and I was seeing things differently.

‘We need a nose,' said Parker. ‘And some eyes.'

I smiled at him. Bless him. He looked so cute with his cheeks flushed and his little pompom bouncing on top of his hat.

‘You carry on and I'll go and find some carrots for the nose,' I said. I left him admiring his handiwork and went into the kitchen, tramping snow all over the floor. But there were no carrots in the fridge – Mum must have used them all up in the lasagne. I peeked out of the window to check Parker was still occupied, then I waggled my fingers once… twice. In a sparkle of pink, a bunch of carrots appeared on the table along with a small hessian bag full of lumps of coal. I paused, thinking about snowmen and waggled my fingers once more. A bag landed at my feet – one of Harry's old rucksacks, which I knew was filled with all sorts of fancy dress apparel and which, until five seconds ago, had been stuffed in the back of her wardrobe in the immaculate city centre flat she and Lou lived in. Harry, contrary to appearances, really, really loved dressing up. I grinned, then picked up all the bits and went to the back door. Just before I turned the handle, I shot more pink sparks at the kitchen floor and watched in satisfaction as the slushy snow I'd trailed to the fridge and back, disappeared.

I stomped my way across the garden to where Parker was looking at the two big snow parents and one snow child we'd made.

‘We need another one,' he said, waving his arms at the icy family.

‘Another wee one?' I said. ‘Of course…'

Parker looked at me in pity.

‘No, Esme,' he said. ‘There's only one kid in my family and that's me. We need another grown-up.'

I must have looked confused.

‘I need one for Mommy, one for Daddy Michael and one for Daddy Jamie,' he said.

I hadn't realised we were making his
actual
family, but that was fine.

‘Okay then,' I said. ‘Let's make another one. You do the head and I'll do the body.'

In companionable silence we rolled our snowballs round the garden and then, when they were the right size, I positioned the head on top of the body.

Parker stepped back and regarded the four figures in silence, nodding his head. Then he went to the first big snow figure.

‘This one's Mommy,' he said.

‘Okay,' I said. I stuck in a carrot nose and two lumps of coal for her eyes, then I gave her a smiley mouth with my index finger.

Parker was rummaging through Harry's rucksack.

‘This hair,' he said, pulling out a wig made of strands of bright pink sparkly foil. It had a blunt fringe like Tansy's so I could sort of see where he was coming from.

I arranged the wig on the snowwoman's head and Parker clapped his mittens together in glee.

‘Now Daddy Michael,' he said, rummaging again.

‘Well, I don't know what he looks like so you'll have to be in charge of this one,' I said.

Parker showed me a pair of plastic glasses that I thought had once been attached to a comedy nose and moustache.

‘He wears glasses,' he said, frowning. ‘But these ones are round like Harry Potter's. Michael's are more square.'

‘I think these ones are fine,' I said. I took the glasses from him and put them on the second snowman, along with a carrot and two pieces of coal.

‘And this one is Daddy Jamie,' Parker said. He looked sad suddenly. ‘I don't know what he likes.'

I took the rucksack from him. ‘He likes rugby,' I said. ‘I expect he'll tell you all about it if you ask him, and even take you to a match.'

Parker looked pleased. I turned away from him slightly and waggled my fingers inside the bag. And there was Jamie's old Scotland rugby shirt – a bit paint splattered because he only wore it for DIY now. I pulled it free of the bag and held it up for Parker to see.

‘This is Daddy Jamie's favourite old rugby shirt,' I said. ‘Let's put it on his snowman.'

Together we managed to gently pull the shirt over the snowman's head without knocking it off. I did the honours with the carrot and coal, then Parker did the same with his snow child.

I reached out and took off his woolly hat.

‘Snow Parker needs to keep his head warm,' I said, plopping the hat onto the snowboy's head.

Parker chuckled in delight. Then he looked at me, back to the snow family and back to me again. He furrowed his little brows.

‘What about you, Esme? You and Daddy Jamie are getting married, right?'

I really hoped so.

‘We are,' I said.

‘So does that mean you're part of my family now?'

I made a face.

‘I guess it does,' I said. ‘We're all family.'

‘So you should be there too,' he said, gesturing to the row of snow people.

I wasn't sure I was ready to become “Mommy Esme” but of course I didn't want to tell Parker that. Instead I ruffled his hair, which was flattened from being under his hat for so long.

‘It's cold huh,' I said, deftly changing the subject. ‘Why don't we go inside, make some lunch and maybe some hot chocolate and sit by the fire to get warmed up. Then maybe we can have a chat about families.'

I helped Parker shed his layers, then pulled the bread out of the fridge to make a sandwich and poured milk into a pan to warm up. I was still feeling a bit odd after yesterday's avalanche so I wasn't hungry, but I knew Parker had to be ravenous after all the fun we'd been having in the garden. I felt sorry for the small boy. I was the self-proclaimed queen of the unconventional family. Back before she got pregnant with me, my mum had fled an unhappy relationship in Glasgow where she'd been living. She'd gone home to Claddach to lick her wounds and stay with Gran, Suky and Harry, who'd only been about nine at the time. She'd met my dad who was a pilot in the RAF, training in Inverness, and fallen for him hard. On the rebound it seemed, but even so. But their mismatched romance came to a halt when he was sent to the Falklands, where the war was just beginning. One unexpected pregnancy, one injury and one unwanted desk job later and I was being brought up by two parents who lived at opposite ends of the country, had very different approaches to childcare, and who both adored me in their own way.

And that was before you even considered the whole witchcraft thing.

All that had led me to specialise in family law – helping smooth a path for disjointed families. And now I wondered if my expertise could help. Maybe I couldn't yet make sense of my feelings about Parker and the fact that he was Jamie's son, though I hoped I would sooner rather than later. But in the meantime I would throw myself in to making all this official. I'd draw up papers, research US law, outline custody and access arrangements and generally make sure everyone knew exactly where they stood.

‘I make the best hot chocolate in the whole of Scotland,' I told Parker as he perched on a kitchen chair, his little feet swinging in their stripy socks. ‘You wait ‘til you try this.'

Yes that's what I'd do. I'd get legal on everyone's ass and hope it helped me cope with the wreck my wedding had become.

Chapter 13

Jamie and Tansy got home as Parker and I were finishing off our hot chocolate.

‘Is it chaos in town?' I asked, wiping Parker's face while Tansy's back was turned. She didn't strike me as the type of mother who'd allow too many sweet treats.

‘Actually, no,' Jamie said. He slumped onto the sofa and Tansy threw herself down next to him. I fought the urge to go and squash myself in between them and instead stayed where I was, on the floor with Parker and the dominoes.

‘There's this woman,' Tansy said. ‘Millicent Fry? Man, she's something else.' She made a face and I giggled. Millicent was something else all right. But underneath her domineering nature and her natural inclination to organise, lurked a heart of gold.

‘She and Dad have organised a clinic at the surgery,' Jamie explained. ‘She's recruited anyone with any sort of medical training and there's a production line down there of people dressing wounds and changing bandages.'

‘I think one of those women was a veterinary nurse,' Tansy said. ‘I'm sure I heard her talking about fleas.'

Jamie chuckled and I felt a bit left out.

‘I might go for a walk,' I said. ‘See if I can track down Harry – she was being a bit mysterious this morning. I'll give her a ring.'

I got up, wincing a bit at my still-sore legs, and went to my bag – which was lying next to the sofa where I'd left it yesterday. As I delved into its depths, I suddenly remembered my phone wasn't there.

‘Shit,' I said. Tansy frowned at me and pointed to Parker.

‘Sorry,' I whispered, rolling my eyes inwardly.

‘I was taking a photo of the view when the avalanche happened,' I explained, turning to Jamie. ‘I have no idea where my phone is.'

‘Oh that's annoying,' Jamie said. ‘You'll just have to live without it for now.'

I gave him a thin-lipped smile. My phone was my lifeline, with important emails and messages about the wedding.

‘I'm sure I can borrow Harry's iPad,' I said, though I wasn't happy about it. ‘It's just an arse that's all.'

This time Jamie pointed to Parker.

‘Esme,' he said in a warning tone.

Now I really did roll my eyes.

‘Sorry.'

I wasn't sorry.

‘I'm off. I'll see you all later. Bye Parker.'

Parker looked up at me and gave me a brief wave.

‘See ya,' he said.

Feeling grumpy and unloved, I threw on all my layers again and headed outside.

The walk into town was easier now the snowplough had cleared the road. There was no traffic so I walked down the middle of the street, nervous about slipping even though I was wearing my thick snow boots. My wrist was still painful and I didn't want to knock it again. It was still really, really cold. More so than when I'd built the snowmen with Parker because the sun had been out then. Now the sky was darkening and I couldn't tell if it was night drawing in – even though it was only just past two p.m. – or the threat of more snow. I hoped it was the evening coming; I wasn't sure I could bear more snow.

I skirted the edge of the town square then walked down the small lane that led to the café. The loch, to my surprise, was frozen. I wasn't sure it was solid enough to walk on, but it was covered in a thick layer of ice and snow. Instead of its usual bleak blackness, it was a brilliant silvery blue. A few cross-looking ducks waddled across the surface. I'd never seen the loch frozen completely. It looked amazing.

The wind blew across its surface, stirring up the snow and I shivered. Time to get inside.

I turned my back on the icy water and headed for the café. Its lights were on and it looked cosy and welcoming against the gloom.

Inside it was quiet and – much to my relief – warm. I stripped off my hat and scarf and kissed Mum and Suky.

‘Been busy?' I said, looking round. There were a few customers. Two older ladies in the corner and a trio of thirty-something women.

‘Surprisingly yes,' Mum said. ‘Big rush at lunchtime but it's much quieter now. Are you hungry?' I realised I was famished. I was feeling more like myself now and I'd not eaten anything at all since our lasagne the night before.