Baby My Baby (A Ranching Family)

S
tanding at her bedroom window in her family home, Beth Heller looked out over the swimming pool and the reunion that was going on below. Her brother Linc and her old friend Kansas Daye had clearly patched up the differences that had made their private rocky road to love a bumpy ride. Their feelings for each other were so apparent there was almost an aura surrounding them, and seeing it made Beth’s heart ache like a bad tooth.

Only one thing could have them coming together so exuberantly—Kansas must have accepted Linc’s proposal. No doubt there would be a wedding coming up.

Beth was glad for her brother. She knew how much he cared for Kansas and how worried he’d been that she might turn him down.

It was nice to see that some people did have happy endings.

Even if Beth wasn’t one of them.

As she watched, Linc’s three-year-old son, Danny, insinuated himself between his father and Kansas, wrapping a possessive arm around each of them.

The little boy’s sweetness made Beth smile. It reminded her that her own ending hadn’t been completely bad.

One good thing had come out of it.

One very good thing.

With that in mind, she pushed away from the window and went to sit on the bed, pulling the telephone into her lap.

But her hand stalled on the receiver as a terrible temptation washed through her.

What if she didn’t tell him?

He might never know if she didn’t.

They probably wouldn’t see each other again. After all, there wasn’t any reason for their paths to cross, since they hardly moved in similar circles. And without anyone in Elk Creek knowing him, chances were no rumors would reach him.

Of course, it was remotely possible Cele would tell him. But Beth doubted it. Technically, as her physician, Cele couldn’t divulge confidential information unless Beth gave her permission to, and she didn’t think the doctor would break that trust even though she was Ash’s friend, too.

But as the temptation grew to keep the information to herself, so did the nudge of her conscience.

“It wouldn’t be right,” she told herself out loud. Then she added as firmly as if she were ordering someone else to perform a dreaded task, “You have to tell him, so do it and get it over with.”

She took a deep breath and forced herself to pick up the phone, punching in the number she’d dialed far too many times lately.

“Just this once, be there,” she whispered as she listened to each interminable ring.

“Blackwolf Foundation,” the secretary answered.

Beth swallowed hard. “Hi, Miss Lightfeather, this is Beth again,” she managed, giving no indication that her insides were tied in knots.

“Hello, Mrs. Blackwolf,” came the aloof response, announcing loudly the other woman’s feelings that Beth was an interloper.

She considered reminding her former husband’s secretary that she’d taken back her maiden name after the divorce, but she didn’t. And she didn’t bother with amenities, either. It would be a useless effort, she knew from long experience. Instead she plunged in. “I’m still trying to connect with Ash. Is he there now by any chance?”

“No, he isn’t. And I’m afraid I haven’t given him your messages. He’s been even more busy than usual and has had a great deal on his mind.”

“Nothing new there,” Beth muttered to herself.

If the secretary heard her, she didn’t acknowledge it. Instead she went on imperiously. “He’s been called away to Alaska to see if the foundation can help in the defense of an Indian boy in trouble up there.”

Beth doubted that any phone line in that great snowy north had more icicles forming along it than the one she was on at that moment. But she tried to ignore the arctic chill from the other end. “How long will he be there?”

“He’s not coming straight home. He has to go to a seminar he agreed to do at Harvard on Native Americans, after which he’s meeting with the head of Indian Affairs in Washington before he attends a joint tribal conference in South Dakota.”

Old frustrations flooded Beth, leaving her weary and sad and even angry. But she didn’t let any of it sound in her voice. “Maybe you should give me some phone numbers where I could try to reach him.”

“Is it an emergency?” the formidable secretary asked.

“No. But it is very important that I talk to him.”

“It would be best to wait until he gets back here to the reservation.”

Was that a polite way to say she had orders not to give Beth the numbers, or did the protective Miss Lightfeather just not want her to have them? Beth didn’t care to push it and discover the worst.

“Yes. I suppose it would be better to wait,” she said on a sigh, dreading the idea of the delay. Ash might not be home for weeks.

“Was there anything else?” the secretary asked after a moment.

“No. Thanks anyway.”

Beth hung up, wishing fervently—as she had each time this had happened—that she’d actually reached her ex-husband so she could have told him what she needed to and could finally put this behind her. For that was what she wanted more than anything—not to have to think about it anymore. Not to have to think about Ash anymore, or how he’d react.

Or how she’d bear hearing his voice again...

Then, as if in answer to that, her gaze settled on the desk in the corner of the room, and a new thought occurred to her.

She could write him a letter.

Why hadn’t she considered that before? Certainly it seemed like the perfect solution. Getting hold of him was nearly impossible anyway, whether he was on the reservation or not. Writing would give her the relief of knowing she’d gotten it off her chest, and at the same time, she’d have the opportunity to choose her words, to make sure she conveyed just the right tone, just the right message.

Writing would let her keep her distance.

She went to the desk, sat down and took stationery and a pen from the drawer, wondering how exactly to begin.

“Dear Ash,” she wrote in an unsteady hand.

Her mouth was dry and she considered going downstairs for something to drink. But she knew she was just procrastinating. And once more the terrible temptation not to tell him at all crossed her mind.

She set her teeth against it and put pen to paper with the determination of the damned.

I’ve been trying to reach you since before I left the reservation, but because I haven’t had any luck, I thought I’d just drop you a note.

First, it’s important for you to understand that I’m not writing because anything needs to change between us. I just thought you should know.

In a few months you’re going to be a father...

“H
e’s coming
here? Now?
” Beth said into the telephone to the woman who had been her friend and gynecologist on Wyoming’s Wind River Indian Reservation.

“Apparently he arrived home around eleven last night and found your letter in his mail. He was waiting at my office door when I got there this morning,” Cele explained. “I tried to convince him to just call you, to talk first, but he wasn’t having any of that. He said there were a few things he had to take care of and then he was leaving for Elk Creek.”

“You knew about this all day and didn’t call me until now?” Beth asked, calculating how long the trip took from the western section of the state to the southeastern corner where Elk Creek was located.

“I’m sorry. I’ve been trying to find a minute to call you and this is the first one I’ve had. I don’t know when he left, but I know he’s gone, because I tried getting hold of him again before calling you and that nasty secretary of his said I was too late.”

Which meant that Asher Blackwolf, ex-husband, could be on the Heller doorstep anytime now.

Lord.

The phone Beth was using was on her nightstand, which was a good thing, because the starch suddenly went out of her knees and she had to sit on the bed. “How did he seem?” she asked, her tone ominous.

“Surprised—no, make that stunned. Confused—”

“Mad?”

“Maybe. Though it wasn’t as if he blew off steam or anything overt. In fact, the way he acted sort of reminded me of you—all bottled up. I can just see the two of you together right now,
both
of you holding everything in, resolving nothing. It’s not going to help the situation.”

Beth knew where her friend was headed with this. She’d been pulling for a reconciliation since the pregnancy test turned up positive. “
The situation
will never get better, Cele. The marriage is over,” she reminded, with an unquestioning finality and a determined straightening of her spine.

“The marriage may be over, but that baby you’re carrying means your connection to Ash isn’t.”

“Not necessarily.”

“Don’t kid yourself, Beth.”

“He has enough other responsibilities already—
more
than enough. Too many. And—”

“Don’t kid yourself, Beth,” the doctor repeated. “This is his child we’re talking about—you know—flesh of his flesh, bone of his bone?”

“He didn’t want us to have our own children.”

“But now you’re going to. And mark my words, babies bring with them big changes.”

A click on the line warned that the doctor had another call and Beth was only too happy to end this one.

“Have you seen an obstetrician there yet?” the other woman asked hurriedly.

“Elk Creek only has one doctor and he’s not a specialist. But I have an appointment with him in a few days.”

“Good. Well, let me know what happens.”

Beth assured her friend she would, said goodbye and hung up. But her eyes stayed glued to the phone as her mind spun.

She didn’t want big changes in her life. Or at least no change beyond the one she’d just made, moving back to Elk Creek.

She’d come home to the ranch that she, her two brothers and someone named Ally Brooks had inherited to get back in touch with the familiar faces, familiar places of her childhood, to once again be where she belonged.

Because since leaving Elk Creek after high school, she hadn’t been anywhere she really fit in.

She’d gone from the laid-back, small Wyoming town where she’d grown up, to six years of college in Boston, with its aloofness and formality. Then she’d joined the Peace Corps and spent four years in Tunisia—a place where men openly showed their affection for one another while women maintained a lower place in society, one far different from the show-’em-you’re-as-tough-as-they-are way she’d been raised by her father, the irascible Shag Heller.

Then she’d met Ash. On the plane coming back to the States.

Asher Blackwolf. A full-blooded Native American Sioux.

Until the moment she’d seen him as she’d walked through first-class to coach on that plane, she’d have scoffed at anyone who believed in love at first sight. In eyes meeting and an instant sense of being drawn to a perfect stranger.

But that’s what had happened.

And then she’d moved on, feeling absolutely ridiculous.

Until the plane had had to land unexpectedly in Albuquerque because of engine trouble. They’d been stranded there for the entire night.

He’d sought her out at the hotel the airline had put them all up in and asked her to dinner. But when dinner had ended, neither of them had been anxious to say good-night and so they’d drifted outside the restaurant into a balmy New Mexico evening.

Ash had shown her the sights of the old city as if he were a native, had entertained her with Indian folklore and tall tales. He’d talked just enough about himself to intrigue her, and listened to what she had to say about herself with such rapt interest that it had seemed as if they were the only two people in the world. Or at least in the city that slept through the night while Ash and Beth seemed exempt from that need themselves.

And though it seemed hopelessly cliché, there had been magic between them. Along with a sexual attraction so intense, it nearly took her breath away just to remember it....

Not that they’d acted on it until days later.

No, that night they’d merely indulged in the magic. Ash had enchanted her. Plain and simple. If enchantment could ever be plain and simple.

The sun had come up with them still talking and by then it was as if they’d known each other forever. Certainly as if they’d taken longer than that first glance and a dozen hours to fall in love.

But fall in love was what they’d done....

And now, for just a moment, that memory was unbearably sweet to Beth.

A whole lifetime together was what she’d been certain they’d have, for once she knew Ash, she couldn’t imagine anything less. Couldn’t imagine ever being with anyone else.

And the speed at which it had happened? It hadn’t seemed crazy or impetuous or irrational, because being with him had felt so right, so perfect, so destined.... It was honestly as if he were her other half. That single person out there in the world who was meant for her and fate had just wreaked a little engine trouble to bring it to their attention.

She’d married him within the month, without a qualm or a doubt. She’d been so eager to begin her life with him, as if everything that had come before was only a rehearsal and the real thing wouldn’t begin until they were wed.

The real thing had meant living on the reservation.

Memories of that were not so sweet.

She’d been accepted there. For the most part, Indian people were a warm, welcoming lot. But there was still a notable group who had resented her being white. Ash’s secretary, Miss Lightfeather, among them. And there had been sacred places that were off-limits to her, rites and rituals she wasn’t allowed to attend, customs and ceremonies that were very foreign to her.

Not that any of it had really contributed to the breakup of her marriage. Of the three places she’d lived since leaving Elk Creek, the reservation had been the most like home.

No, where she’d really felt the outsider there had been in her husband’s life. And that was what had destroyed the marriage.

They’d been divorced for nearly two months now. After wrapping up the details of her job and packing up her portion of the house, she’d driven away from the reservation and back to Elk Creek.

Back home. To her roots, her family, her friends.

“Just stay away,” she whispered to the phone, as if the message might reach her former husband.

But he wasn’t staying away. He was headed to Elk Creek.

Her brothers didn’t know she was pregnant. She’d been putting off telling them, not sure what their reaction would be, and feeling that after herself and her gynecologist, Ash should be the next to know.

But obviously Ash knew now. She had to fill in Linc and Jackson before her ex-husband showed up on the doorstep.

Ignoring the nervousness that had her feeling wound tight as a clock spring, she stood with a new determination. But when she did, she caught sight of herself in the mirror above her dressing table and stalled.

After months of finding her face pale, her blue eyes dull, her usually full lips drawn tight, she saw something different now. And it surprised her.

“Maybe it’s that glow of pregnancy finally settling in,” she suggested, turning her head just a little, as if a slightly different angle would convince her.

Her dark brown hair
had
seemed fuller lately, she thought. It had been wavier, too, so that the wedgelike cut of it fluffed out at just the right bouncy angle and left the nicest tendrils against her temple. And certainly her sudden surge of energy and vitality had nothing to do with the possible reappearance of her ex-husband.

It was just a normal reaction to her pregnancy.

Her lack of appetite hadn’t kept her stomach from beginning to pooch, but it had put a nice indentation in her cheeks that accentuated the high bones above them. And if there was suddenly a hint of pink there? The rosy blush of a healthy mother-to-be. No, the impending arrival of Ash Blackwolf served only to unnerve her.

“So get out of here and do something about it,” she ordered.

Taking a deep, steeling breath, she left her room, meeting Linc in the hallway just outside her door as he said his last good-night to his son.

The middle Heller son was a tall, handsome man who’d just agreed to give up his wandering ways and settle down—or what he considered settling down—to open a honky-tonk on the edge of town. He was the less serious of her two brothers, the lighthearted, good-time-Charlie, and he met her with a grin to prove it.

“I need to talk to you and Jackson,” Beth said in a hushed voice so as not to disturb her nephew.

“Sounds serious,” Linc answered, his tone anything but.

“Downstairs,” Beth instructed, leading the way to the wide-open, slate-tiled foyer of the sprawling house that was evidence of Shag Heller’s success in both ranching and business. Jackson was standing in the sunken living room near the big-screen television, checking the listings for the evening’s programs.

“Beth wants to talk to us,” Linc informed their older brother.

Jackson resembled Linc, though he was a shade better looking, just the way he was a shade taller. Both men had the sparkling blue eyes, sharply planed faces, and the dent in their chins that had distinguished their late father.

But appearance was the only similarity between her brothers, for temperamentally, Jackson was more like Shag—serious, down-to-earth, no-nonsense. It wasn’t surprising to have him set aside his program guide, turn off the TV, cross his arms over his chest and home in on her with an expression solemn enough for a war summit.

“It’s about time,” he commented to Linc’s announcement. Little got past Jackson, and Beth knew that if either of her brothers had guessed her condition, it would be him.

“I have a problem I need you guys to help me with,” she said. “I...” It was harder than she’d thought to say this. But Shag Heller would not tolerate pussyfooting around and she’d learned her lessons from him well. She cleared her throat and blurted, “I’m pregnant.”

Linc took his wallet from his back pocket and handed a twenty-dollar bill to Jackson, who accepted it without taking his eyes off Beth for more than a moment.

“Are congratulations in order?” Linc asked, sounding partly as if he were teasing and partly as if he honestly weren’t sure the sentiment was appropriate.

Jackson frowned at her. “What I want to know is, who’s the father and where the hell is he?”

“That’s what I need to talk about. Ash is the father.” No money changed hands, this time. Beth was glad to know they hadn’t been betting on that subject, at least.

“How’d that happen?” Jackson asked.

Linc threw him a look and shook his head. To Beth he said, “Black-and-white. Everything is black-and-white with him, just like with old Shag.” To Jackson, he said, “When hearts and hormones are involved, anything can happen. Anytime. One of these days you’re going to run into a filly who’ll teach you that.”

Jackson just stared darkly at him for a moment before pivoting his gaze to Beth again as if he was still waiting for an answer that made sense.

Beth had no intention of giving one. “The point is, I’m about five months along, but until the day before I left the reservation and finally saw a doctor, I thought stress was causing...my symptoms. So, of course, when I found this out, the divorce was final.”

“But the baby’s still Ash’s,” Jackson reminded.

“Well, yes, but that doesn’t really make any difference—”

“It sure as hell does.” Again this from Jackson.

“Will you let her talk?” Linc asked.

Jackson remained stoic but silent and she went on.

“I couldn’t reach Ash to tell him, so I finally sent him a note.” Beth drew yet another deep breath, shoring up to hide the uncertainty she really felt about being a single mother. “I explained that this doesn’t really have to mean anything to him, that I can afford to support the baby myself and want to raise it on my own, and he doesn’t need to be bothered with anything—”

“Bothered?”
Jackson raised his voice. “It’s his baby, not a bother. Is that how he looks at it?”

“No. Well, I don’t know. Jackson, will you calm down? Ash didn’t want us to have kids of our own for perfectly good reasons I don’t have the time to get into right now, and—”

“He doesn’t want his own baby? I took him for better than that. I must have been mistaken.”

Beth closed her eyes for a moment and then opened them to Linc. “Would you throw some cold water on him so I can get this out?”

“Shut up, Jackson” was Linc’s contribution. But it again stalled their brother.

“I don’t know what Ash’s reaction to the news was. He just got the letter last night and I haven’t talked to him. But the thing is, he’s on his way here. In fact, he could be here any minute, and I don’t want to see him.” Again she disguised her own doubts with a mask of strength she didn’t honestly feel. “I don’t need his help with the baby, and I don’t want it. In fact, I don’t need or want anyone to give it a second thought. I want you, Linc, to pay attention to your wedding plans and your honky-tonk, and you, Jackson, to just take care of the ranch, and Ash to go back to the reservation and go on about his business just the way he does normally.”