Baby My Baby (A Ranching Family) (16 page)

His mouth left hers, nibbling, kissing, following the curve of her throat, the hollow, with his tongue.

And then he very carefully covered her breast with his hand.

It felt good. Great. Terrific. But, oh, how she wanted that dress out from between them!

She rolled her shoulder so it would fall further. Or maybe so he’d realize that if he didn’t push down that silky fabric soon, she might go crazy.

He chuckled, a soft, barrel-deep sound from inside his chest, but he got the message, because he slipped the dress lower and finally, gloriously, bared her breast to the air, then to his palm.

Incredible. The feeling was like nothing she’d ever known before. Never in her life had she reached the level of sensation she did then.

“You are bigger,” he whispered, as if confirming her need for those larger bras he’d pretended not to watch her buy, and for the first time she found pleasure in what before had only been a nuisance. She was bigger. And better. Much, much better...

As if he sensed that every touch, every caress, every kneading of her flesh was intensified a hundredfold, he explored this change slowly, tenderly, carefully. Almost too carefully, for she craved the touch she’d known from him before—firm, strong, possessive.

But more than that she yearned for his mouth there, covering that engorged crest, nibbling, teasing, tormenting as only he could...

She slipped her arms over his shoulders and buried her face in the side of his neck, kissing him, teasing him, urging him to go further.

But he didn’t, and the frustration it raised in her began to remind her of the frustrations she’d felt when they were married, those same frustrations he’d just moments before insisted she tell him about.

And in the instant of that thought, and the flood of unpleasant memories it brought with it, she heard what almost sounded like her father’s voice echoing through her mind, telling her that only idiots were slaves to their emotions and that they always paid dearly for letting anyone see the weakness those emotions caused.

She recoiled from Ash, sliding her dress back between her breast and his hand.

“This is Linc and Kansas’s wedding night, you know, not ours,” she said, trying to make a joke out of the abrupt ending she’d put to what was happening between them.

But it didn’t come out sounding humorous, and from Ash’s raised eyebrow and tone of voice, he hadn’t taken it that way, either. “I didn’t think it was.”

She seized a better excuse, the one she’d already used tonight. “It’s late.”

“Too late?”

She knew he wasn’t asking about the time. He was asking if it was too late for them. And in that moment she didn’t know if it was too late for them or not. So all she said was, “It’s been a long day and I need to get home.”

“You don’t
need
to,” he challenged, as if to get an answer out of her that way. “You could stay here.” He nodded in the direction of the bed.

Tempting. It was much, much too tempting. But the cooler her ardor got, the more vivid was the memory of so many other frustrations and unmet needs that had pushed her to divorce him in the first place, and she knew she couldn’t give in to that temptation.

“No, I can’t,” she said, both in answer to his suggestion that she stay and as an order to herself.

Ash’s black eyes searched hers in the moonlight for a moment before his hands came to cup the sides of her face. “Tell me what you’re feeling,” he demanded, sounding almost angry.

“Frustrated,” she answered the same way. “Just like I felt when we were married.”

For a moment he continued to stare down at her from behind a fierce frown, but then his expression eased and he actually laughed, though there was only irony in the sound of it. “Damn it, Beth, that’s not what I wanted to hear.”

What had he wanted to hear? That maybe she still loved him? That she definitely still wanted him? That any of it made a difference to the way things were between them? Because it didn’t.

“I need to go home,” she said, pulling out of his grip. “Are you going to drive me or shall I walk?”

He stared off over his shoulder at nothing in particular and then looked back at her and sighed in what sounded like no small amount of frustration of his own. “I’m not going to let you walk all the way out to the ranch.”

She slid sideways on the table until she was clear of him and could get down. “Then let’s go.”

He didn’t follow her immediately. He left her waiting in the doorway while he stayed where he was, shaking his head again as if to say
I give up.

And something inside of her cried out for him not to. Not to give up on her. Even as she stood there ramrod-straight, in control once again, and every inch Shag Heller’s daughter.

Finally he grabbed his car keys from the bureau top and joined her at the door, holding it for her to go out ahead of him.

Neither of them said anything on the ride to the ranch. Once they arrived there, Ash walked her up to the house in spite of her insistence that he didn’t need to.

Beth unlocked the door and opened it, but before she could step inside he took her by the shoulders, turned her to face him and kissed her again, soundly, firmly, passionately.

Then he let her go so abruptly she rocked on her heels.

“It isn’t too late,” he said then. “Not when I want you so much it hurts. Not when you want me. But maybe if you could just admit it—to us both—that might be the first step.” He finished with a gentle jab of his index finger against her collarbone.

A first step toward what?
she wanted to ask.

But she didn’t.

Instead she said nothing at all.

He turned and left then, as if to stay one moment more might cost him the control of the passion that had resurfaced in his kiss.

And as Beth watched him go, she couldn’t help wishing he wasn’t leaving her. Wishing he’d kept her in that cabin, taken her to his bed, made love to her all night long.

But even as she wished it, she hated herself for the weakness she thought it shouted of.

T
he next day was the Fourth of July, a holiday Elk Creek celebrated with gusto.

Beth helped Jackson with a few minor chores that morning to speed things up. Then she took a quick shower, pulled her hair into a curly topknot at her crown, applied a slight dusting of blush and some mascara, and got dressed.

Her choices of what still fit seemed to be getting fewer every day, but she finally settled on a navy blue trapeze sundress with a tanklike top. There were twenty tiny buttons down the front and, in a burst of daring, she left the top three unfastened, showing a hint of her new cleavage that would no doubt scandalize Elk Creek. And tantalize Ash, though she pretended that had nothing to do with it.

She’d made no plans with him but still expected to find him waiting by the time she went downstairs, certain that he’d show up to insure they attend the festivities together. But only Jackson and an excited Danny were in the kitchen when she got there.

Not for the life of her would she let her brother see her disappointment, so she hurried them out the door as if she didn’t feel they were missing one vital member of the party.

They took Jackson’s truck into town, her nephew sitting on her lap on the high bench seat. But Beth was barely aware of the little boy’s fidgeting. Instead it was Ash she was thinking about.

She told herself he’d probably figured on meeting up with her in town, but still it was in the back of her mind that something might have finally called him away.

It was bound to happen and she knew it. She’d wished for it.

But just the thought that today might be the day twisted her heart into a knot and made her realize that she didn’t want him to leave.

Lord help her.

The truth was, she woke up every morning anxious to see him—in spite of all her claims to the contrary—and went to bed every night consoling herself in her lonely bed with the thought that she’d be with him again the next day. And only when they were together did she feel content, happy, complete....

Riding along in her brother’s truck, she closed her eyes as if to block out what she knew that meant. The same thing it had meant the first time she’d ever had those same feelings.

It meant that she really did love him.

Still.

Again.

Whether she wanted to or not.

And she didn’t want to, because it didn’t change anything.

Sure, being married to him would have been good if it had been the way things were now, the way they had been since he’d come to Elk Creek—seeing each other every day, spending time together, getting to know each other.

But that wasn’t the way it used to be. It wasn’t the way it would be forever. This was just a blip in the reality of life with him. A blip that could right itself and be back on course any minute. And she’d best not forget it.

She opened her eyes and stared past Danny’s at Elk Creek as they drove into it, lecturing herself that these were only feelings. And Shag had taught her well that feelings could be ignored. That they never needed to be acted on.

And if Ash wasn’t here anymore?

It would be just fine. For the best, actually. And she’d deal with it. She wouldn’t let it devastate her. She just wouldn’t...

Jackson found a parking spot in the school lot and they walked the three blocks farther to the town square. The street around it was closed off to traffic so booths could be set up to sell food and crafts, and offer diversions like shooting galleries and a number of games of skill and chance.

The park itself was turned over to picnickers, while the pavilion in the center of it was the site of contests in pie eating, arm wrestling, singing, dancing, cake baking, hog calling, and a half-dozen events designed for the kids of the community to compete in. This year there were even a few carnival rides brought in to operate beside the courthouse to keep everyone busy until after dark when the fireworks display would fill the sky.

The first order of business was to claim a spot in the park and that was where Beth and Jackson headed, Danny riding on Jackson’s shoulders.

Somewhere between only partially buttoning her dress and reaching Elk Creek, the stuffing had gone out of Beth’s anticipation for the day, but she put a good face on it as they worked their way through friends and neighbors eager to say hello.

And then she spotted Ash.

He was standing beneath a huge old elm tree waving and shouting to them.

Run! Run the other way!
that voice of caution shouted in her mind.

And her feet were moving, all right.

But not away from Ash—to him, as her spirits rose again and all of those dark thoughts lost their hold on her.

“You must have been here at dawn to get this place,” she said when she, Jackson and Danny joined him. He’d spread a large blanket in the armlike roots of the tree that would shade them during the day but still leave them a clear view of the fireworks in the opposite direction that night.

“I didn’t want you getting too much sun,” he explained, shrugging off what had to have been hours of waiting for her.

His pampering was one more thing she knew she shouldn’t allow. Her father would have considered it fostering weakness, and while she agreed that it would be a mistake to become accustomed to it, she couldn’t help being pleased by it.

It would eventually end anyway, she reasoned. Just like this time they were having together. But what if, for this one day, she indulged? What if she turned off the negative voice in her mind and let go a little? It was a holiday, after all, and what harm could it do if, for such a short time, she reveled in Ash’s company? In his attentiveness? In Ash himself?

Maybe all these mood swings had made her a little light-headed and frivolous, but she decided that the future would take care of keeping them apart. And even though she’d have to deal with the disappointment and the hurt and the myriad of other harsh emotions that would come with his leaving, at least she’d have this time.

Besides, it was already too late to think she could avoid any of those bad feelings—she’d felt enough of them on the ride into town at only the thought that he might be gone. They were just waiting to rise again when he finally left, no matter what she did or didn’t do. So why not make the best of what she had for the moment?

Jackson set their picnic cooler on Ash’s blanket and then glanced in the direction from which Rick Meyers, the Heller Lumber foreman, was calling his name. He waved at the tall redhead but turned to Beth rather than immediately accepting the other man’s invitation to watch an amateur boxing match in a ring just beyond the booths.

“I’ll take Danny,” he offered.

“That’s okay,” Beth declined. “He wants to go on the carnival rides. We’ll take him there.” She finished with a glance at Ash. “You don’t mind, do you?”

He was wearing those faded, low-slung blue jeans and a red T-shirt with a few of his buttons undone, too, exposing the arrowhead that hung around his neck. The shirt had long sleeves and, in answer to her question, he pushed them up above his elbows as if he were about to dig in to work. Then he held out his hand to the three-year-old. “I’ve been itching to get on those rides myself.”

Danny took his hand without hesitation, having apparently warmed up to him while Ash worked with Linc at the honky-tonk, and that settled that. The three of them headed off in one direction while Jackson went in the other.

* * *

If Danny missed his dad and Kansas as the day went on, he hid it well. In fact, he seemed to have developed a fondness for Ash that bordered on hero worship. It was Ash he chose to take him on the Ferris wheel, and Ash he looked to for advice about whether or not to venture a ride on the children’s roller coaster.

And when one of Kansas’s nephews made a derisive comment about Ash’s long hair, Danny set him straight, announcing with a full measure of awe and pride in his voice that Ash was a real live
In’ian.

They met Jackson back at the park for supper as the sun finally began to relent and drift behind the Rocky Mountains, but it was hardly a peaceful meal, as a number of Elk Creek’s single women kept happening by to say hello to Jackson.

“I never realized how popular you are with the ladies,” Beth teased, unable to resist.

“Only with the ones lookin’ for a husband,” he said, as if they didn’t count.

“I didn’t know you were a confirmed bachelor.”

“I’m not. Just not interested in faces I’ve been looking at since I was born. It’d be like marryin’ you,” he told her. “I know every little thing about ‘em. It’s boring as hell.”

“Oh, come on,” she cajoled, nodding at what looked to be the third return of one woman, whom Jackson had dated in high school. “I’ll bet you don’t give them a chance to surprise you.”

Jackson caught sight of Suzy Teaton making her way toward them again and seemed to suddenly have had his fill. Though whether of food or aggressive women, Beth couldn’t be sure.

He wiped his mouth on his napkin, tossed the remnants of his meal into a grocery sack they were using for trash and got to his feet in a hurry.

But before he left, he bent down to Beth. “How about I give ‘em a chance to surprise
you
and remind ‘em all that I’m not the only available man sittin’ on this blanket?” he goaded back as he took off in the direction least laden with admiring females.

Beth glanced at Ash to find a Cheshire-cat grin on his face.

“Want an introduction?” she challenged with a nod toward the now-retreating blonde. But she wasn’t feeling quite as unaffected as she wanted him to believe. In truth, with the exception of the brief worry she’d had in Margie Wilson’s café about not wanting her baby to see him with anyone other than her, she hadn’t thought about Ash being available to other women, just free to devote himself to the foundation. And she was coming to realize that the idea didn’t sit well.

Actually, it rankled something fierce.

There was some consolation, though, in the fact that Ash seemed to have eyes only for her.

He was sitting with his back against the tree roots that rose up from the earth, his legs stretched out, but he sat up and crossed them in front of him so he could lean nearer to her. “It’s not an introduction to someone else that I want,” he answered, his tone dripping with insinuation that secretly delighted her.

Danny spared her having to respond to it, though, returning from his meal with Kansas’s nieces and nephews to sneak up behind Ash and yank the ponytail he’d previously defended.

“Who’s that back there?” Ash pretended to be surprised and outraged, grabbing the giggling little boy to roll him over his head and into his lap. “You know what I do to kids who pull my hair?” he demanded once he had him there. “I tickle them.”

And that was just what he did.

Beth watched as the big man tormented her nephew only enough to elicit squirms and shrieks of delight. She appreciated how much attention he’d given the little boy all day, and it occurred to her that she’d never really seen how he behaved around kids for any length of time.

But he’d been good with Danny. Patient, kind; just firm enough to let the three-year-old know his limits, and as relaxed as someone who was not only experienced, but who genuinely liked children.

He’d be a good father, she realized with a new certainty, and it gave her heart such a tug to think that she might not be around to watch him play like that with their own son or daughter. That some other woman he was now available to might be the one to witness it. And never in her life had she wanted so badly to stamp her own brand on him.

“Maybe all that tickling isn’t such a good idea right after he’s eaten,” she suggested, and even though it was true, it was also an attempt to ease her own discomfort. She’d
divorced
the man, for crying out loud. How could she suddenly be feeling so possessive?

She couldn’t. She no longer had the right.

Ash stopped, held Danny upside down for a split second and then let him do a somersault onto the blanket.

“More,” the little boy hollered, jumping into Ash’s arms for a second round. But this time Ash diverted his energies into shooting trash into the sack, like balls into a basket.

By the time they had the whole supper mess cleaned up, Danny had something else on his mind. He frowned very seriously at Beth.

“Is there a baby in yer tummy like my cousin Billy says?” he asked dubiously.

“Yes, there is.”

“An’ can it talk and tell you secrets?”

Both Ash and Beth laughed.

“I don’t think so,” she answered.

“Yep, it can,” he insisted, as if he knew something she didn’t. “Billy says.”

“You know,” Ash added devilishly, “he could be right. I think I read something about that not long ago. Maybe we should have a listen,” he suggested to the child, all the while grinning at Beth.

“Can we?” Danny asked, his green eyes wide with wonder.

“Sure we can, can’t we?” Ash challenged her.

Beth ignored him and instead spoke directly to her nephew. “You couldn’t hear anything, sweetheart. Babies can’t talk until a long time after they’re born.”

“Let’s see,” he insisted, encouraged by Ash, who was clearly enjoying putting her on the spot.

Beth made a face at her former husband and then leaned back on her hands far enough to make her mounded middle available. “Okay, go ahead,” she told Danny.

The three-year-old knelt down and put his ear to her stomach, listening intently. “I hear’d it!” he said after a minute.

Again Ash and Beth laughed.

“What did he say?” Ash asked, as if he honestly believed it.

“I dunno, but it was sum’thin’.”

“Let’s see if I can tell,” Ash suggested, stretching out on his side and leaning his weight on one elbow.

“You can’t do that,” Beth said under her breath.

“We have to know what he’s trying to tell us,” he protested as Danny made way for him.

“Ash—”

“Shh...”

Beth glanced around nervously to see if anyone was looking but her concern was quickly replaced by a jolt of sensation as Ash’s head pressed to her stomach. He cupped his hand around it, as if to hear better, but he was really giving her a subtle massage that only the two of them knew about.