Back To Me (34 page)

48

Billy

              Hours felt like weeks. So far Blake was driving straight through, but I knew before long we’d have to stop for gas. I still didn’t think I was stable enough to drive, but I’d offer just because he had to be exhausted.

              I hadn’t been good company, only grunting here and there when he asked a question. I was reigning in several emotions, but the biggest of them all was fear. I wasn’t used to it. I didn’t like it.
Hell, I loathed it
. I was the protector. I was the fixer. I was the one everybody turned to for help. Now I was the one who was gonna need help, and it made me feel weak.
I was weak
.

              “I gotta pull off for a bit,” Blake said, interrupting my thoughts.

              “Fine,” I quipped. “I can drive.”

              “I don’t think that’s a good idea, man. Just give me thirty and we’ll be back on the road. We’ll fill up, grab some snacks and I’ll get twenty minutes of shut eye. It’ll be fine.”

              “Whatever,” I mouthed, harsher than I meant to.

              “Got a problem?” he asked, daring me with a raise of his eyebrows.

              “Nah, brother. No problem.” I was clenching my teeth so hard that my jaw throbbed, sending shooting pain into my ears, all the way to the top of my head.

              “Didn’t think so,” he deadpanned.

              The truck swerved a few times before he found a place to stop.
Thank hell for that
. Once he was parked next to the pump, I jumped out and headed into the store. I don’t even remember what I grabbed, but it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered right now except getting to my angel.

              When I came back out, Blake had finished pumping gas and had moved the truck to the side of the building where he was propped up in the driver’s seat. The door was open and his booted foot hung out the window. His eyes were closed and his hat was pulled down low. Part of me wanted to be angry, the other part amused. He had, after all, dropped everything to drive me to Montana.

              Come to think of it, George let him go pretty easily. I know I was out of it, but seems like he said something about he’d take care of things.
What the hell did that mean?

             
Making as much noise and movement as possible, I jumped in the cab, rattling bags of chips and anything else I could think of to get Blake’s attention.

              “You mind?” he mumbled, his voice thick with sleep.

              “Nah, I’m good,” I retorted.

              “Keep it down, will ya? I need my beauty sleep.”

              “Can’t argue with that,” I said, slapping his shoulder. “But no time. Sorry. Tell me what George was talking about. What the hell happened, and why did he let you leave spur of the moment?”

              Blake’s head snapped up, looking me dead in the eyes. “Shit, Billy. Just keep your mind on Heather. Let us handle the rest.”

              “No can do,” I replied with as much detachment as I could muster. Something wasn’t adding up, and I’ll be damned if they were going to keep me out of the loop now.

              Blake huffed, but relented, sitting up and removing his foot from the door. “Johnny,” he said simply, as if it explained it all away.

              “Johnny who?” I questioned.

              “Johnny from the bar. You know, Heather’s guy,” he chuckled.

              Not funny. At. All. “Knock that shit off, man. You know he isn’t
Heather’s guy
!”

              Blake held his hands up. “Just kidding, man. Cool your shit. Anyways, he’s one of us.”

              My eyes went wide as saucers and my blood boiled. How the hell could I not have known this?! “One of us?” I questioned, truly astounded.

              “Yep. Has been for a while now. He was planted at Tommy’s bar to help us keep an eye on the shit that went down there. Turns out Tiffany was trying to bring him in on the whole deal. Long story short, shit went down last night, Raul took off, Sergio’s in custody, and Tom is still MIA.”

             
Well damn!
“What do ya mean,
Raul took off
? He was our main guy!” I shouted. “Years and years of surveillance and
hell on earth
, and you’re telling me he got away?”

              “Looks like it,” he replied, “But look at the bright side. It’s
over
.”

              I looked in his general direction, but I refused to make eye contact.
Over?
No. This would
never
be over until Raul was dead. He was never gonna stop. He was never gonna quit looking for me,
or
Heather.

              “What about the girls?” I asked.

              Blake’s face went blank.
Hope.
“I don’t know yet. Waiting on a call from George. He was headed over to the warehouse to do a sweep and some cleanup.”

              “Oh,” I mouthed. It was a sore subject with Blake, especially where Hope was concerned so I let it go.

              “Tom’s still missing, huh?”

              “Yeah,” he sighed. “I’m sorry, man. I don’t know how he could’ve gotten past us. I turned in pretty late last night and after all the shit that went down yesterday, guess I just blew it off. I take full responsibility…ya know…for what happened with your house.”

              “Nah,” I shrugged. “It wasn’t your fault man. Hell, I don’t give a shit about the house. It’s just stuff. But Heather….” My voice wavered.

              “She’ll be alright, brother.” I knew he was just being a friend, trying to cheer me up, but he couldn’t know that.

              Sure I thought she’d recover from the fire, given time and treatment, but not from everything else. She’d been through too much.

              “Tell me what happened. What you know, I mean.”

              Blake looked away, avoiding me.

              “I need to know.”

              He released a deep breath. “Randy took her to your place.”

              “What?” I yelled. “
Un-friggin-believable
!” My fist slammed down hard on the dash, cracking the overpriced plastic.

              “Just calm the hell down, man. Let me explain.” He waited until I was under control. My breathing was jagged and raspy, but my hands were no longer balled into fists. It was a start.

              “Lauren left Heather at the hospital to run home. She was coming back to get her that afternoon to take her back to the house. Apparently Randy was there visiting a co-worker and he ran into Heather in the lobby. He offered to give her a ride, and she said she just wanted to stay at your place for the night. He dropped her off, but said he expected her back at Lauren and Luke’s the next day. He thought she’d be okay.”

              “He’s a dead man,” I blurted.

              “Billy, I’m not taking you any further down this road. He’s already beating himself up about what happened, there’s no need for you to do the same.”

              “He knew she wasn’t supposed to be by herself!” I defended. “They
all
knew to watch her!”

              “I know, man. I know.” Blake patted my shoulder and looked out the window.

              “Just say it, Blake. You got somethin’ to say, well hell, I’m right here!”

              I waited, angrily.

              “You’re right, Billy. I do got somethin’ I wanna say. You left Heather alone because of this vendetta you’ve got against the whole damn world. You need to prove to everyone that you’re some kinda damn saint, but no one else needs to know that, man. We already do! I think you need to prove it to yourself. You need to prove that you aren’t the mean son of a bitch the job turned you into. That you aren’t a monster.”

              I chuckled uncomfortably. He was right as usual.

              “I know how you feel, man. I feel it every day! This job, this
life
, eats away at you. I get it. But no one asked you for anything. All Heather wanted was for you to
love her
. All your friends wanted was to be a part of your life. You walked away from all of ‘em, and that, my friend, is solely on you. No one else.”

              “I do love her,” I said, squaring my shoulders in defense.

              “I know you do. Somewhere deep down Heather knows that, too, but you’d better start doing something to prove it because one more time of Tom trying to kill her, and you off playing hero ain’t gonna fly, brother.”

              Blake caught himself, but it was too late.

              “Tom?”

              “Yeah,” he sighed. “The bear, the poison, the house fire. It’s got to be Tom.”

              “Shit,” I muttered.

              “Yeah,” Blake agreed. “Caleb’s been notified. He’s keeping an eye out, promised not to leave the hospital. I figured it couldn’t hurt having the extra eyes, though he’d have a lot of balls to try and harm her there.”

              I stifled my tears. “She’s been in the hospital three times in the last month because of him. Of Tom, I mean, and because of me not being there for her.”

              “Can’t change the past, Billy. What’s done is done. You just gotta be there for her now.”

              I nodded. Minutes of uncomfortable silence passed before Blake started the truck. “Enough of this girly talk. Let’s get you home to your angel.”

              “Sounds good to me. One thing,” I said. “Randy’s mine when we get there.”

              Blake gave me a warning look.

              “Sorry, man, but he knew on the front end what I expected. If he’s a man, he’ll take his punishment and we’ll move on. He’s a friend, yeah, but he’d do the same to me if it’d been Hallie.”

              “Do what you gotta do,” he replied in typical Blake fashion.

              And that’s why I loved the guy. He’d put me in my place, but he’d always have my back. I never had to worry about that.

49

Heather

              The door creaked open a little later, and I heard sniffling behind me. It was Lauren. I didn’t roll over to face her, but instead held my hand out, motioning for her to come closer.

              “I know you said no visitors,” she blubbered, “but I just wanted to see for myself that you’re okay.”

              I truly felt awful for putting her in this position. “I’m okay,” I assured her with a croaky voice. “I’m glad you’re here,” I said, truthfully.

              Lauren approached the other side of the bed, and took in my appearance. The putrid stench of the fire consumed my body and hair. My stomach churned from the odor and I knew it had to nauseate her, too.

              Grabbing a lock of my hair, Lauren spoke softly. “I’ll help you get a shower in a bit, when the nurse says it’s okay.” She gave me a bright smile, but it wasn’t genuine. She looked tired and worried, and it was all my fault.

              “I’m sorry, Lauren,” I began to apologize.

              She put her hand over my mouth to silence me. “Don’t apologize, Heather. If anyone owes an apology it’s me. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you about Tom earlier. None of us wanted you to know, not because we were trying to hurt you, but because we were trying to spare you. I couldn’t stand the look of pain on your face. It was my undoing.”

              Tears slowly escaped her eyes and slid down her hollow cheekbones. She looked as disheveled as I felt.

              “I understand…. I promise… I do. And… I’m sorry… I snuck… out of the…. hospital and ….back to Billy’s. I… I…”

              “You were going after him,” she finished my thought.

              “Yes,” I admitted, determined this time to speak in a clearer voice. “I couldn’t stand the thought of something happening to him because of me. When you told me about Tom it was easy to figure out where Billy had gone and why.
It was all just too much.”

              “I can’t imagine,” Lauren said.

              “I think you can relate,” I responded, looking her in the eyes. “I just wish I was as tough as you. Look at what all you’ve been through, and you got your happily ever after.”

              “I did,” she agreed with a genuine smile. “And so will you.”

              “I think it’s too late for that.”

              “Why? Don’t you love him?”

              “More than anything,” I answered, honestly. “But he’ll never forgive me and quite honestly, I’m tired of being put on the back burner while he runs off to save the world.” I shrugged my shoulders defiantly, realizing how childish I must’ve sounded.

              “I get it,” Lauren finally admitted. “I do. It was kinda that way with Luke, too. After a while I guess I took it for what it really was. He was protecting me the best way he knew how. I think Billy is a lot like that. They just can’t see that what’s best for us is
them
.”

              “They are stubborn.” I sighed, and turned onto my back. “Lauren?”

              “Yes, sweetie?”

              “Can I still help you at the shelter? I mean, if you still want me there.” I lowered my gaze to the bed, unable to look her in the eye.

              “I would love nothing more than to have you work with me. I think you could really help a lot of people.” Lauren looked at me with unshed tears in her eyes. “I think you have a lot of special gifts to share with the world, Heather. You just have to believe you’re worth it.”

              I nodded my head and looked away. “Thank you,” I whispered.

              “Mind if I sit with you for a while?”

              “I’d like that,” I grinned. Lauren sat at my bedside for hours and we talked like we’d been best friends for years. It certainly felt like we were. She didn’t mention Billy, and neither did I. The hurt was still too raw, and so I did what I did best: I pushed all thoughts of him aside and pretended I was alright.

50

Billy

              We were pulling into the hospital as the sun was setting. It was cooler than normal, and definitely a drastic change from the warm California weather.

              The waiting room was full of people, all there to see how Heather was doing. As if they knew what was coming, everyone stood and parted, making an aisle for me until I found myself standing directly in front of Randy. I gave him credit; he didn’t back down. I stood with my legs parted, chin down, and my hands balled into fists at my sides.

              “You get one,” he said, calmly.

              I reared back, putting all my weight into the punch that landed squarely on his jaw. His head flew back with force, but he recovered within seconds. He rubbed the redness and I noticed I’d broken the skin. I didn’t have it in me to feel bad, though.

              “I deserve it,” Randy argued when Hallie tried to step in. “We good now?” he asked, directing his attention to me.

              “Yeah, we’re good,” I huffed.

              I turned my back without another word and began to walk away. “You can’t think any less of me than I already do, Billy. I let ya down, I know that. I just thought I was being a friend to her, that’s all.”

              “And what about being my
friend
?” I asked over my shoulder. “What about promising me that you’d take care of her?”

              “I know, man. How can I make this up to you?” he pleaded.

              I stopped and took a deep breath. Turning slowly, I grinned. “You really wanna help me? Then take your girl home, hold her tight, and never,
ever
leave her lonely. Tell her every second of every day that you love her. Never give her a chance to doubt that.”

              “Will do, man. Will you call if there’s any change?” he asked.

              “Yeah,” I answered.

              We said our goodbyes as did everyone else, and then I approached Caleb.

              “Thanks for staying with her. Any news?” He knew what I was referring to.

              “Nope, haven’t seen him. I was gonna head over to your house though. Have a peek around. Phillips has been there all day. Thought I’d give him a call and see what he thinks.”

              “Keep me posted, will ya?”

              He nodded in agreement. I noticed Caleb squirming a bit, unusual for him. “What’s up?”

              “She doesn’t want to see ya right now, man. Don’t know why, but she thinks you’re pissed at her, or that you’re gonna fly off the handle. Any reason she’d think that?” Caleb stood up taller, crossing his arms over his chest.

              “What are you talking about? You think I
beat
her? You’ve gotta be shittin’ me, man. You
know
me!”

              I could see the regret on his face immediately. “Yeah, man, I know. Sorry. I just… in this line of work nothin’ surprises me anymore. I’m sorry, Billy.”

              “It’s fine,” I shrugged, trying to brush off the sting of his accusations.

              “She’s pretty tore up. Just take care of her, alright?”

              “You don’t have to tell me. I’d do anything for her.”

              “I’ll holler at ya later,” he said, stuffing his hands in his pockets and walking away.

              I dropped into the chair, holding my head in my hands. I felt a small hand on my back and the smell of apple pie. “She’s gonna be alright,” Rose said. I hadn’t even noticed she was here.

              “I’m sorry for my behavior, Rose. You shouldn’t have had to see that.”

              My head was still down, but I could feel her shaking next to me. “Goodness,” she wailed, wiping tears of laughter from her eyes. “If you hadn’t punched Randy I was gonna do it for ya!”

              I cracked a smile; a full-blown, toothy smile. She was something else.

              I didn’t know if it was sleep deprivation, or my nerves, but Rose and I were soon doubled over with laughter, causing those around us to stare at our lack of hospital etiquette. I suppose we were being somewhat disrespectful, but dammit, I’d earned this laughter and I wasn’t about to stop.
Oh, it felt good.

             
I managed to get myself under control, as did Rose. She sat next to me, pulling my beefy hand into her frail one. “You’re like my son, Billy, and I love you with all my heart. All of you boys are like my own, and you know me and your Grams were close, too.” Her eyes glassed over in thought. “She’d be so sad to see that beautiful house burnt to the ground,” she spoke, softly.

              “I know.”

              Rose sat quietly for a moment, reflecting and gathering her thoughts. “I’ve had a chance to spend some time with Heather while you’ve been gone,” she admitted. “Not a lot, mind you, but enough to know how special she is.”

              “Can’t argue with that,” I agreed.

              “She deserves you, Billy, but more importantly
you
deserve her.”

              Rose stared at me, waiting for something, but I wasn’t sure what. When I didn’t respond, she continued. “You have to let the past be what it is, dear. You can’t change it any more than I can. What matters now is that Heather needs you and you need her.”

              I let out an uncomfortable chuckle. “I don’t know if I’m good for her,” I murmured, more to myself than to Rose, but she heard me loud and clear.

              Rose got up from the chair and knelt her small frame in front of me. She took my face in both her hands and forced me to look her in the eyes. “You are what that girl needs and more, but I can’t make you believe that. Only you can. Just don’t waste too much time being angry over things you can’t change. You’ve missed out on so much over the years, Billy. Don’t let it steal your happiness any longer, okay?”

              I gave a slight nod.

              “I need words, Billy. Tell me you understand,” she goaded with a smile. Lord, Rose was something else.

              “Yes, ma’am. I understand.”

              “Good!” she replied, springing back to her feet. She had spunk, I’d give her that.

              “Now, where’s my son? I need a ride home.”

              “Right here, Mama,” Luke replied, coming up to stand behind her. He put his arm around her shoulder and comforted her.

              Luke cleared his throat. “Lauren’s in with her now. I’ll get her and get out of the way so you can spend some time with Heather.”

              I knew he felt bad since he was supposed to be watching her, but I didn’t blame him. Truthfully, even though I’d knocked the hell outta Randy I didn’t really blame him either. It was just a knee-jerk reaction to something I couldn’t control, and I
hated
not being in control.

              Feeling the need to speak up, I stepped around Rose and faced Luke. “I’m not mad. I understand how stubborn Heather can be when she sets her mind to something. We’re good, man,” I said, clasping him on the shoulder.

              I chuckled when Luke let out a breath. “Thank God!” he exclaimed. “For a minute there I thought I was gonna end up looking like Randy’s twin! You popped him a good one, man.”

              I laughed out loud at that, and so did Rose. I winked in her direction, remembering that she was going to punch Randy if I hadn’t.

              “Nah,” I continued. “I was mad, Luke, but not at you, or anyone else really. I was mad at myself for not being here…for not protecting her.”

              “Hey,” he reminded me, “That’s what you thought you were doing, remember? You left trying to get a handle on things. You weren’t to know, man. Don’t beat yourself up.”

              I lowered my head in shame. “Did I really, Luke? Or was it revenge, just like always?”

              Rose gave me a knowing smile. “It doesn’t matter what it was, dear. It’s over and you’re here now. Focus on that and everything will be alright.” She reached up and patted my cheek, then turned back to Luke. “Let’s get Lauren and head home. I’m bushed!”

              I sat back down in the chair, waiting for everyone to leave so I could have time with my angel. Seemed like they would never go, yet I don’t know what I’d have done if they hadn’t been here for her. Lord knows I wasn’t.

              From the corner of my eye I noticed Caleb talking on his cell phone in hushed tones. I paid careful attention, trying to figure out what was going on. Blake had made it pretty clear that I was to concentrate on Heather and leave the rest to them, but apparently that just wasn’t in my nature. When I saw the two of them turn their backs to me and lower their heads in conversation, my body stiffened. 

              “We’re gonna get going,” Luke said, breaking my thoughts.

              I glanced up and saw Lauren standing a few feet behind him, her eyes refusing to meet mine. Knowing she was scared to death to face me, I decided to end her dread once and for all. I was carrying enough guilt on my shoulders for all of us. There was no point in anyone else doing the same.