Back to Reality (30 page)

Dressed in jeans, his signature black boots, and a fitted black T-shirt,
Emanuel epitomized cool and oozed sexiness.  He stood in a relaxed pose next to a couple of guys I’d never seen before.  Just as I walked further into the room, he looked up and our eyes locked, stopping me in my tracks.  The abrupt stop caused Janet to run into the back of me. I felt myself falling forward before I had a chance to react.  Fortunately, Patti was next to me and quickly grabbed my arm, steadying me. 

“Thank you,” I mumbled, embarrassed
, looking at her surprised face.

“Don’
t mention it.  You spent all Saturday in those six inch heels, so I know flat boots aren’t giving you trouble,” Patti joked quietly before patting me on the shoulder and walking off.

When I looked
around, Emanuel was gone.  Gathering my thoughts, I walked to the nearest bathroom.  Taking off my coat, I adjusted my grey long sleeved charmeuse dress with the three inch leather belt.  Turning around in the mirror, I pulled up my knee high Manolo Blahnik flat, black boots and then took a step back.
At least I don’t look like the broken, emotional mess that I was this morning,
I thought as I looked at myself in the mirror. Taking a deep breath, I walked out of the restroom.

I noticed everyone gathered in a group
, so I hung up my coat and slowly made my way toward them.  The wedding planner was introducing herself to the group as I walked up.

“You must be Sahara! I’m Jillian,” the woman with sharp features said.

“Hi,” I said awkwardly, looking around until I located Emily. Emily was standing next to her father. Mr. Mills was standing next to Emanuel.  Keeping that order in mind, I chose not to look past Emily for the next five minutes while Jillian gave a brief overview of where everything will be happening.

When the group moved, we headed up to the roof. Once the double doors to the roof opened, everyone
was taken aback by the sheer beauty of it.  A large white heated tent with thirty rows of five chairs was already set up.  White pillars with glass vases were positioned down the aisle and a white runner ran down the center. Two men were carefully stringing lights that were illuminating the space.
Absolutely gorgeous,
I thought as I soaked it all in.

I looked at Emily and she was beaming. “This is perfect!” she squealed as she hopped excitedly.

The entire rehearsal took about an hour.  We walked through everything twice and Mr. and Mrs. Mills asked a lot of questions.  They seemed just as excited as Emily, which made me happy.  When everyone knew exactly what to do and where to stand, we went back into the building for the rehearsal dinner.  After I went to wash my hands, I went to check my phone and saw that I received a text message.

Tyree Barker: Give me a call. I want to talk to you about tomorrow.

              I read the text message three times before I fully grasped what it was asking. 
Something isn’t right,
I thought as I put my phone back in my coat pocket.  I stood in front of my coat for a minute before digging in the pocket again for my phone. 

Sahara Lee: I’m at the rehearsal dinner. What’s going on?

Tyree Barker: Call me when you leave. Have fun baby girl.

Sahara Lee: Ok…
?

             
I held the phone in my hand for a minute waiting for his response. When the minute hand turned, I locked my phone and put it back into my pocket.

Turning around, I saw that almost everyone had taken their seats.
Everyone except me, Cassandra, and Emanuel,
I thought as I scanned the table. There were two seats together and an individual seat between a groomsman I didn’t know and Brenda, who I didn’t care for.  Sucking it up, I decided that sitting between Brenda and the guy would be a lot better than getting the cold shoulder from Emanuel. I knew how much he loved his sister; he wouldn’t be outwardly rude to me. He would just ignore me and shut me out completely. 
And I guess that would serve me right since that’s what I did to him,
I thought unexpectedly.

Cassandra was walking toward the table and she seemed to notice the available seating options as well. Looking over her shoulder to Emanuel who was only a few steps behind her, she said something I didn’t catch. The way she threw her hair over her shoulder automatically made her actions seem flirtatious.  I don’t know why I cared or was
interested, but I slowed to a stop to watch what Emanuel would do next. He gave her a tight smile and then his eyes surveyed the table. I didn’t think he was looking for me until he did it again and then looked up in the coat room direction. We locked eyes again and this time, I was able to move.

“Cassie come sit beside me so the love birds can sit together,” Janet announced loudly, jarring me from my thoughts.

“Okay,” Cassandra huffed overdramatically. 

Some of the people at the table giggled at Janet’s brashness. The Mills family and Anthony looked uncomfortable.  Emanuel tore his eyes away from me and sat down in the first available seat and started drin
king the water on the table. When I sat down next to Emanuel, he tensed.  His entire body radiated heat and I could almost feel it billowing off of him.

We didn’t say anything to each other the entire time we ate.  I
whispered ‘I’m sorry’ to him once and he gave me a look that shut me up. It was a mixture of hurt, anger, and boredom.  And I couldn’t bring myself to say anything else to him over the course of the meal.

After the rehearsal dinner, I cornered Emanuel by himself in the coat room. “Can we talk please?”

“There’s nothing to talk about anymore Sahara.” He zipped up his leather jacket and pulled a pair of riding gloves from his pocket.  I watched him put those on and then grab his helmet. “Will you get out of my way please?”

“No. I feel like this will be one of the last times I’ll be able to get you alone to speak to you. Please hear me out.”

Emanuel didn’t even acknowledge what I said. He easily picked me up and moved me out of his way. I didn’t fight him for two reasons. His touch was a shock to the system and it took me a minute to register what had happened. Also, I didn’t want to cause a scene at Emily’s event.

“Emanuel please!” I called behind him as loud as I could without
drawing attention to us.  But he just kept walking.

Trying to keep myself from crying, I decided I needed some fresh air. I put on my coat and then pulled my phone and earbuds out of my coat pocket. 
As soon as my feet hit the sidewalk out front, I hit play. ‘Doing It Wrong’ played symbolically and I let my head fall back. My eyes closed and I inhaled deeply.  The words hurt as I felt like it was a sign.
This feels like the truth. This feels like his truth. This feels like their truth,
I thought as I fought the urge to break down and cry over both Ty and Emanuel. When it was over and the next song started, I repeated to myself,
Tonight is not about you. Tonight is not about you
, until the tears receded.

Hearing a
horn beep, I opened my eyes and looked. Isabella and two of the groomsmen were in a small SUV. “You okay?” Isabella asked from the passenger side after I pulled the earbuds from my ears.

             
Quickly plastering a smile on my face, I answered, “Yeah, I’m good. Just getting some fresh air. See you tomorrow!”

             
“See you tomorrow!”  The other two guys waved and then they sped off.

             
Walking back into the building, I saw Emily, Anthony, and both of their parents in a heated discussion with Jillian.  As I got closer, I heard Emily’s tired voice emanate through the almost empty venue. “Listen, I’m just ready to go home so I can get up, get ready, and marry Anthony. All this other stuff is complete bullshit. Pardon my language, Mr. and Mrs. Diaz,” she concluded demurely. 

             
I used my hand to smother a laugh at Emily’s ability to be both crass and courteous in the same sentence.  Hearing the noise, all eyes immediately fell on me. Emily winked as she knew what I was laughing at.

             
“I’m ready to go. Are you?” Emily called out.

             
“Whatever the bride says goes right?” I lightheartedly responded.

             
“Right!” Emily laughed, hugging all the parents before pulling Anthony away for a private moment.

             
“She’s stressed. Keep her head together Sahara. You were always so good at that,” Mr. Mills said as he hugged me.

             
“See you tomorrow for our hair appointment, Sahara,” Mrs. Mills said as she embraced me. “So good to have you home sweetie.”

             
“It’s good to be here,” I responded before turning to give quick, obligatory hugs to Mr. and Mrs. Diaz.

             
Once we said our goodbyes, Emily and I got in her car and she went on a rant about how no one was in agreement of her idea to take all photos before the wedding when makeup was fresh and it didn’t impede the flow from ceremony to reception. By the time we pulled up in her driveway, I had talked her down and we agreed to take all photos except for the ones with her and Anthony prior to the wedding. After the resolution was reached, Emily seemed to immediately lose energy.  She was fast asleep within fifteen minutes of returning to the house.

I took the silence in the house as an opportunity to call and hash things out with Ty.  He didn’t pick up when I called so I left a message.
Reading over everything I had written since I got on the plane days earlier, I compiled three short stacks of paper. Finding three envelopes in the kitchen, I stuffed the pages in the letter sized envelopes.  Writing their names on each, I placed them on the nightstand. 

After I put on my goodnight playlist, I felt my body start to give into the lack of sleep from the night before. As I was drifting asleep, I received a text message that I didn’t respond to.

Tyree Barker: I’ll be leaving here within the next hour or so. Times like these, I wish you’d just move here already so I could come home to you. Like before. I’ll call you when I leave.

Chapter 31
  

             
The backstage of The Smoke Room had been transformed into a bridal suite.  Makeup, hair products, and clothes were strewn everywhere.  A wall made completely of mirrors catered to the vanity of the performers who frequented The Smoke Room and aided in the preparation of Emily’s big day.

My dress was a form fitting tuxedo dress—black bustier top and fitted white skirt. The bridesmaids wore
all white versions of my dress and the hostesses wore grey versions.  We all had the same black Christian Louboutin pump to pull our outfits together.  Emily wanted everyone to wear their hair up so everyone had some version of an up do.  My hair was twisted into a mass of pretty curls with silver hair combs to give it sparkle.  We all looked beautiful and chic.

But Emily was truly stunning. When she slipped into the black Vera Wang wedding gown, she looked better than the model who wore it before her. 

“Anthony is going to flip his shit when he sees you,” Isabella said as soon as she laid eyes on her.

We all
agreed and after a few shed tears, we all redid our makeup and waited for our cue.  The hostesses left first to help get everyone seated. Then Jillian poked her head into the room to let us know that it was almost our turn.

“You ready?” I asked excitedly.

“I am,” she replied calmly.

She didn’t seem nervous at all.
She seems so sure,
I noted silently as my eyes watered.  

“I am so happy for you
Em. You—”

Emily interrupted, “Stop! You will not cry and mess up your fabulous makeup. And you will not make me cry to mess up mine!”

Laughing, I dabbed the corners of my eyes. “You’re right. I’ll save it for the toast. But I will say you look absolutely beautiful.”

“Thank you, so do you! You’re going to have men falling at your feet all night!”

I raised my eyebrows offhandedly and shifted my gaze away from her face.

Seeing the change, Emily asked, “He still hasn’t arrived yet?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t checked my phone since we got here. I spent the whole time under the dryer at the salon trying to get in touch with him. The last message I got from him was this morning saying he would definitely see me at the wedding. But anyway, that’s neither here nor there. If I need someone to dance with, there are plenty of handsome strangers who could dance with the maid of honor. I’m kind of a big deal at this thing.”

Emily laughed loudly, throwing her head back.  “I agree wholeheartedly,” she agreed jokingly. “It totally goes bride, groom, maid of honor, best man, and then the others.”

“Alright ladies, line up! It’s go time!” Jillian announced from the door.  Getting in line, one by one, we each left the backstage bridal area. Before I left, I gave Emily another hug and whispered, “Let me be the first to say congratulations, Mrs. Diaz!”

Mr. Mills came into the room as I was going out. The look on his face when he saw his only daughter in her wedding dress was priceless. Jillian and I looked at each other and smiled. As quickly as the smile crossed her lips, she scowled and pointed for me to walk down the aisle next.

The door opened and it was my turn to walk. Holding a bouquet of black and white flowers, I carefully made my way down the aisle. The happiness I felt for Emily and Anthony gripped me and floated me down the aisle.  I tried to focus on the minister who stood right behind Anthony.  I tried to focus on the candles that were burning brightly from the unity candle.  I tried to focus on anything but the man two men over from the groom. I tried not to look, but it was like a gravitational pull.

Unable to look away, I watched Emanuel watch me the entire
trip down the aisle. His black hair was slicked back stylishly and his olive skin glowed.  His muscular body was wrapped in a black tuxedo. His eyes traveled up my body and when our eyes met, he licked his lips and ran his hands through his hair. My skin heated instantly.  Even when I had to turn away from him to position myself with the other bridesmaids, I could still feel his eyes on me.

“All rise!” the minister commanded.
Once everyone was on their feet, Emily and Mr. Mills appeared at the door and the crowd gasped collectively. I was grinning as she made her way toward her future with Anthony. The ceremony flew by and it seemed like only ten minutes had passed when the minister announced, “By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Anthony, you may kiss your bride.”

After we finished taking pictures, we returned to the main area of The Smoke Room.  My eyes widened as I took in the transformation. Because we were secluded in the makeshift bridal suite, I never saw what they were doing to turn the space into something reminiscent of Phantom of the Opera. The
bold reds and touches of black and white, the masks, and the wedding programs that were created to look like show programs all came together beautifully. Instead of place cards, Phantom of the Opera masks with guests’ names indicated where everyone sat. 

“This is beautiful!” I remarked to the best man, Timothy.

“Yeah, they went all out, didn’t they?” Timothy responded as he escorted me to the head table.

I looked around the room and I didn’t see any signs of Ty.
Then again, most people have already put on their Phantom masks so…,
I thought with a shake of the head because Emily specifically told Jillian to prevent that from happening. I looked around and the entire bridal party was seated. The adjacent VIP tables were specifically reserved for parents, grandparents and dates of the wedding party. Each time I looked at that table, I didn’t see anyone who looked like they could be Ty.

After dinner was served, the DJ announced it was time for the dances. I immediately got up.  Walking on
stage I immediately sat down on one of the two stools that were placed in front of two microphones.  I didn’t eat because I felt a little nervous about performing. Besides the fact that it was the biggest day in my best friend’s life, I would be singing in front of more than 200 guests, including Emanuel and Ty.
Even though I hadn’t yet seen Ty,
I thought as I mentally planned to go to the bridal suite area and check my cell phone.

I looked around the room and didn’t see Emanuel either.
Oh God, he was so pissed, he’s going to bail on the song. Emily is going to hate me forever if I ruined this moment for her,
I thought, feeling slightly panicked.  As soon as I thought I felt the first dot of anxiety induced perspiration, Emanuel walked out from behind the stage curtain with his guitar. 
Thank God,
I thought and exhaled loudly with relief. 

The DJ nodded at us and we looked at each other. 
Leaning toward his microphone, Emanuel tapped it twice. “Hey. We’d like to thank you all for being here to celebrate the marriage of Emily and Anthony. They are about to have their first dance, so if everyone could gather around the dance floor.”

Rubbing my hands down the side of my thighs, I cleared my throat.

“Are you ready?” Emanuel mouthed to me. I nodded.

“My name is Emanuel Mills, Emily’s older
brother. And this is Sahara Lee, Emily’s best friend. Anthony and Emily asked us to sing their first dance song so here goes.”

Emanuel started playing the opening chords to ‘When The Right One Comes Along’ and people started clapping
instantly.  Closing my eyes, I started the first verse. The lyrics flowed out of me as if I wrote the song myself. After getting through the first couple of lines, I opened my eyes.  When Emanuel came in and harmonized with me, I looked at him. His grey eyes sucked me in and held me captive. With each line, I felt increasingly emotional.  His face remained impassive, but his eyes burned passionately into me.  I wanted to watch Emily and Anthony’s first dance, but I couldn’t tear my eyes away from Emanuel.

Just because he sang it like he meant it, doesn’t mean he was singing it about me,
I thought as we concluded our song.

Walking off the stage, Emanuel was ahead of me. We had almost made it to the changing area when Emanuel stopped in his tracks.
“What the hell was that?”

“What do you mean?” I asked, confused. Walking past him, I entered the changing area and grabbed my handbag.

“You know exactly what I mean. I told you I’m done. Don’t look at me like that. Don’t sing to me like that. Just don’t.” He didn’t sound angry; he sounded tired. He sounded like I was exhausting him.

“Ok, I’m sorry,” I apologized. “From the bottom of my heart I’m sorry.”
  Pulling the letter with his name on it out of the zippered center of my handbag, I held it up to him.  He looked like he wasn’t going to take it at first. But begrudgingly, he took it. “I just wanted to explain some things to you. Please read it.”

Emanuel opened his mouth to say something, but decided against it as he whipped around, slamming the door behind him.

Sighing, I shook my head.
All I can do is offer him my truth,
I thought.

Finding my cell phone, I checked and saw a couple of missed calls and three text messages—all from Ty.

Tyree Barker: Flight was overbooked because of the holidays. I’ll be there soon.

Tyree Barker: Just landed. Booked us at The Renaissance.

Tyree Barker: Here.

             
I started texting Ty back, but deleted it.  I decided it would be more fun to find him since I knew he was actually in the building. 

             
With my mask on and my handbag flung over my shoulder, I searched each and every man who could reasonably be Tyree Barker. I even did a double take at people who didn’t even fit his physical description. The one place I didn’t think to look was the front steps.
And there he is,
I thought when I saw him in his charcoal suit.  He was on the phone when I came up behind him.

             
“I told you what I had to do, Bennett.  You’re going to have to take care of that for me. I’ll probably take an earlier flight. Yeah… a waste.  I feel you. You were right. Okay thanks man.”

             
Turning around, he saw me standing a few feet away and he instantly tensed. “Sahara,” he sighed.

             
Scrunching my face up, I frowned a bit. “Hey…” I said back as he just stared at me. 
Not the welcome I was expecting,
I thought in confusion.

He didn’t say anything so I continued,
“Okay well, I have something for you…” I pulled out the letter with his name on it and handed it to him.  “Please read this. All of it.”

             
He nodded as he took the letter rather dismissively and put it in his coat pocket.   Looking past me, he took a deep breath.  His jaw clenched several times causing a knot to form in the pit of my belly.

             
“What’s wrong? Was your flight okay?” I asked. Even as the words left my lips, I knew that whatever was bothering him had nothing to do with his flight.

             
His chocolate eyes found mine and he just stared at me. Before he opened his mouth to say anything, I knew it was coming. My gut told me it was coming.

             
“I travel during the busiest time of year to come to your best friend’s wedding and when I get here, I walk in on you and Emanuel singing to each other.”

             
“I thought I told you Emily wanted us to sing?” I began to get flustered.
I did tell him that didn’t I? Yes, I did. I know I did,
I silently assured myself.

             
“You told me that you both were singing. You didn’t tell me that you two were singing together. But that isn’t even my point! You weren’t just singing together, you were singing to each other.”

             
My heart started beating faster and I swallowed hard. “That’s just the way the song was written. It is the—”

“What’s going on between you and Emanuel?”
Ty interrupted with a quiet force that made my blood run cold. He ran his hand down the front of his black tailored suit jacket.

             
“Wh—what?” I asked him. My eyes started to water as I looked at him. “I would never cheat on you Ty. You know that.”

             
Ty’s face clouded over.  “I told you, I don’t play these games, Sahara.”

“I—I’m not playing games,” I stammered nervously. I couldn’t get my thoughts together. Everything was spiraling quickly.

“I’m going to ask you this one time. Are you still in love with him?”

             
Inhale 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, Exhale 5, 4, 3, 2, 1,
I coached myself before I answered my boyfriend honestly. “Yes.”

             
Ty shut his eyes tightly and rubbed the back of his neck.  Breathing heavily, he didn’t say anything, but I could tell he was pissed.

             
The silence stretched between us, so I continued quickly, “I also love you, Ty. I do. And—”

             
“Sahara,” Isabella called from the door. I turned around, thankful for the temporary distraction.