Backtracker (65 page)

Why
had Billy told
Larry
?
Billy had only known the guy a short time, a few weeks; it
didn
'
t
make sense that he would have divulged such sensitive information to someone whom he hardly knew.

It
didn
'
t
make sense. Dave
couldn
'
t
believe it; he
couldn
'
t
understand how such a grand betrayal could possibly come to pass. He
couldn
'
t
understand why Larry Smith felt the need to tell him about it, either.

He
didn
'
t
want to hear any more, but Larry
wasn
'
t
finished.

"
Three years ago,
"
he said calmly,
"
Billy decided to give you a surprise birthday present. Do you remember what it was?
"

Anxiously, Dave combed his memory, groping for the incident to which Larry was alluding.

It took him all of a second to remember.

"
He took you for a drive, remember? He wouldn
'
t tell you where he was taking you.
"

Too much. It was just too much.

"
He drove you way out past Hartsburg, and you ended up at a house back in the woods. You
'
d never been there before, and you kept asking him what the place was, but he wouldn
'
t say. He just told you your birthday present was inside.
"

Dave felt as if he were freezing, as if the temperature had suddenly dropped below zero. His stomach lurched.

He
couldn
'
t
believe what he was hearing.

"
Billy made you put a blindfold on,
"
continued Larry, his voice even and inexpressive.
"
You didn
'
t like the idea, because you figured he was going to pull some kind of practical joke on you, but you went along with it.

"
Then, he led you out of the car and into the house.
"

Scowling with pain and confusion, Dave shook. He knew what was coming next; he
didn
'
t
know how
Larry
knew.

Surely, Billy
hadn
'
t
told him about this.

"
He led you into a room, and then he said
'
Happy Birthday
'
and left. You heard the door shut, and you started to take off the blindfold...and then somebody grabbed you.

"
Somebody kissed you.
"

Wincing, Dave looked up, looked at the sky, had to look away from Larry.

He closed his eyes.

"
You couldn
'
t see who it was. You were really nervous, thought for sure that Billy had set you up for a joke.

"
Then, whoever was kissing you started rubbing your crotch.

"
The person finally spoke. It was a girl, and she said...
"

Too much.

"
...
'
Happy Birthday, virgin. I
'
m gonna
'
give you a present you
'
ll never forget.
'"

Dave wanted to run.

"
You were in a whorehouse. You were still a virgin, and Billy knew it, so he took you to a whorehouse to get you laid for your birthday. He paid for everything in advance, and he thought you
'
d appreciate it.

"
Well, of course you didn
'
t,
"
said Larry, a sardonic bite in his voice.
"
As soon as the girl touched your privates, you jumped away from her and ripped off the blindfold.

"
She actually didn
'
t look too bad. She was maybe just a little older than you, and s
he had
long, black hair, and she was wearing some skimpy lingerie...but you just couldn
'
t handle the situation.

"
You were babbling like an idiot. Every time she tried to get near you, you jumped away from her. You were too embarrassed and scared to even let her get within three feet of you, let alone
touch
you again.
"

Rushing with shame and confusion, Dave beat his fists against his thighs.

Larry
shouldn
'
t
have known this story.

Larry
shouldn
'
t
have known
this
story.

"
Finally, you ran out of the room. You ran down the hall, and the girl was yelling...
"

The girl was yelling.

"
...
'
Geez, I
'
m
sorry
!
I didn
'
t
know
you were
queer
!
'"
The girl was yelling.

One of the worst moments...

He hadn't
expected...

Larry
shouldn
'
t
have known.

"
You weren
'
t queer, of course. You
'
d just freaked out. You
'
ve always been so paranoid and self
-
conscious that you just couldn
'
t deal with the situation. You were ashamed just to
be
in a whorehouse.

"
The girl
'
s yelling made you feel even
more
humiliated. You lammed out of that place, ran right past Billy and out the front door like you
'
d just seen a ghost.

"
You ran down the driveway and kept going right down the road. You were upset about the girl, you were ashamed of yourself for acting like a baby, and you just wanted to run straight home and hide. You didn
'
t even want to
see
Billy.

"
Naturally, he came after you in the car. He tried to get you to settle down, and he tried to talk you into going back to the whorehouse, but you wouldn
'
t even speak to him.

"
He gave up on the whorehouse idea and told you to get in the car so he could take you for some beers. You just kept running. He finally pulled the car over and got out. He ran with you until you broke down and went back to the car with him.

"
As soon as you got in the car, you started crying.
"

Too much.

Dave felt a fresh pressure building within him, a rolling, growing force that bucked at the paper
-
thin walls of his restraint. Everything fed that force: the shame of the memories of his weakness; the humiliation of hearing Larry describe his failures; the confusion about how Larry had learned these most private of histories; the fear of the killer; the fear that Billy might already be near death; the urge to escape; the image of the faceless kid; the absolute exhaustion of a night of sleepless worry, a day of chase and horror.

It was too much.

The girl was yelling.

Most of the face was gone.

Stacy Evans.

Six so far.

The pressure intensified.

"
You couldn
'
t stop crying,
"
said Larry.
"
Billy was apologizing up and down, doing his best to snap you out of it. You wouldn
'
t say anything, but he kept at you.

"
Finally, you screamed
'
I
'
m not queer! I
'
m not queer!
'

"
Billy just said
'
Well, if I
'
d thought you were
queer
,
there wouldn
'
t
'
ve been a
girl
in that room.
'"

Too much.

Larry
shouldn
'
t
have known.

"
Anyway, he took you home after that,
"
said Larry.
"
He swore he
'
d never tell anyone what had happened.

"
After a couple days, things got back to normal...but for a long time, you were worried that your best friend still thought you were queer...or a total chickenshit crybaby, anyway.
"

Too much pressure.

Dave
'
s instincts insisted on silence; the tidal forces welling within him insisted on release. He knew that he
shouldn
'
t
say a word, that Larry had probably wanted to goad a response from him from the start...but unreasoning emotion overruled all sense of caution.

Dave exploded.

"
What the hell do you
want
from me
?
"
he screamed, voice cracking with rage and fear.
"
Why are you
telling
me this?
"

"
To prove a point,
"
Larry said calmly.

"
What
point
?
"
wailed Dave.

"
That I know,
"
stated Larry.
"
That I know things...only
he
could know.
"
Gently, he swept a hand toward the body in the dirt behind him.

"
I don
'
t
understand
!
"
blurted Dave, eyes burning with tears.
"
I can
'
t
believe
he
'
d
tell
you all that!
"

"
He didn
'
t have to.
"

"
What are you
talking
about
?
"
cried Dave.

"
He didn
'
t have to tell me a thing,
"
said Larry.
"
I already knew all of it.

"
I was there when it happened.

"
You see,
"
said Larry Smith,
"
I am
him.

"
That
'
s my secret,
"
said Larry Smith.
"
I
'
m Billy Bristol.

"
I
'
m Billy,
"
said Larry Smith,
"
and I have one more person to kill, and you have to let me do it...for old times
'
sake.
"

*****

Larry:
"
That
'
s my secret. I
'
m Billy Bristol.

"
I
'
m Billy, and I have one more person to kill, and you have to let me do it...for old times
'
sake.
"

Dave
'
s reaction: stunned silence; cessation of thought; a null state like overloaded circuitry after a shutdown.

Nothing; Dave said nothing, thought nothing, felt nothing. He no longer knew what to say or think or feel; everything dropped away from him but the whisper of the breeze and the sound of Larry
'
s voice.

"
I have a story to tell you,
"
said Larry.

"
It will seem as incredible as the lies I told you about my being psychic...
more
incredible...but you will know it
'
s true. I
'
ve already proven who I am, proven that I know things that only
he
would know...and that he would never tell.
"
Again, Larry gestured at the body in the dirt; eyes closed, mouth open, arms splayed, Billy remained motionless, uninvolved and yet more involved than ever.

Crossing his thick arms over his chest, Larry cocked his head to one side. His expression was newly grave, not so aloof as before; his eyes flicked briefly from Dave, then slid back.

"
Once upon a time, Billy Bristol was happy,
"
Larry said grimly.
"
He was going to college, and he thought
he had
a bright future. He was working at the Wild West Steakhouse, and he enjoyed his job.
He had
lots of friends, and they were like family to him.

"
He worked, he went to school,
he had
parties almost every week...and life was good. His troubles were few, and he never worried about anything.

"
Then, his luck ran out.
"

Larry dropped his eyes to stare at the dirt floor of the fissure. For a moment, he was silent, as if struggling with a great pain, fighting to subdue it so that he could continue. He scuffed his feet in the dirt, shifted his weight to one hip, then the other; he cleared his throat twice.

At last, he swung his head up with a decisive movement.
"
He didn
'
t see any of it coming,
"
he said, his voice tight.
"
He thought he would be happy forever.

"
He graduated from Orchard College, and so did you and Ernie. After graduation, the three of you celebrated your freedom. For weeks, there was one party after another, and you three had more fun than you
'
d ever had.

"
It started out as a perfect summer. Billy didn
'
t have a care in the world. Believe it or not, he even fell in
love
.
He
'
d always prided himself on not getting tied to one girl, but there he was, head over heels for this beautiful blonde he
'
d met at the lake.

"
For a while, everything was fantastic. Billy had his job, his buddies, his new girlfriend, and the weather was great.

"
Then, around the middle of July, things started to go wrong.
"
Larry drew a deep breath, slowly released it. He slumped, appeared genuinely shaken...but then, he seemed to forcibly collect himself.

"
You
'
ve heard of the seven
-
year itch
?
"
he said.
"
Well, Billy got the
three
-
week
itch.

"
He really did love his girlfriend, but old habits die hard. After three weeks of being faithful to his steady...a
record
for him at the time...he slept with another girl. He met her at one of his parties, and he was drunk and she was willing...and his sweetheart wasn
'
t around, so he dove in and did his thing.

"
It was supposed to be just a one
-
night
-
stand...just wham, bam, thank you ma
'
am. He woke up the next afternoon with a hangover, and he hardly even remembered what he
'
d done.

"
Unfortunately, someone who
'
d been at the party remembered. A friend of Billy
'
s girlfriend had seen him going back to his room with the one
-
night
-
stand. She went straight to Billy
'
s steady and let the cat out of the bag.

"
Billy
'
s girlfriend was furious. She called him and told him to go to hell, she never wanted to see him again. Before he could say a word, she hung up on him.

"
Right away, Billy drove over to her house to try to patch things up. Like I said, he really loved her, and he didn
'
t want to lose her over one stupid mistake.

"
She was fit to be tied. He tried everything to smooth things over, but she wouldn
'
t give an inch. She spit in his face and told him to never come back, and that was the end of it.

"
He was pretty depressed after that...at least for a day or two. You know Billy, though. He isn
'
t the kind to sit around and mope, even when something
'
s really bo
thering him...maybe especially
then.

"
He turned himself into a full
-
time party animal.
He had
a bash almost every night of the week at his trailer, and
he had
a different girl almost every night, too.

"
He got wilder than he
'
d ever been, drinking, screwing, running around, never sitting still for a minute. He wouldn
'
t admit it, of course, but he was trying to forget that girl.

"
It took a car crash to snap him out of it.
"
Larry sighed, again seemed to grow uncomfortable; he unfolded his arms, placed his hands on his hips, then crossed his arms once more over his chest.

"
It was a pretty bad wreck,
"
said Larry.
"
Still, Billy
'
s old luck was holding out. He wrapped his car around a tree after he
'
d been drinking one night...hell,
while
he was drinking...and the car was totaled, but he got out with just a broken leg and a bunch of bruises.

"
He was laid up for a little while. Couldn
'
t work, couldn
'
t run around like he
'
d been doing. Didn
'
t have any choice except to sit and do some thinking. Naturally, he started thinking about that girl.

"
He realized how much he loved her, how he couldn
'
t do without her. He decided to try to get her to take him back. A few weeks had gone by since she
'
d broken up with him, so he figured maybe she
'
d calmed down enough to give him another chance.

"
One day, he made a couple phone calls, found out where she might be. He got you to drive him, and the two of you tracked her down. He hobbled up to her on his crutches, one leg in a cast, and he poured out his heart to her. He begged her for one more chance.

"
She told him s
he had
a new boyfriend, a real big shot. She told Billy to stay out of her life.

"
Billy didn
'
t want to take
'
no
'
for an answer,
"
Larry said sullenly.
"
He hounded her for weeks, calling her house, calling her at work, getting you and Ernie to help him follow her.

"
Finally, he got his cast off, and he went after the girl and her new boyfriend on his own. Ended up in a fight with the guy. Got his ass kicked, bad. Got his nose broken, lost a few teeth.

"
That was the end of it. Billy finally had to accept that it was over.

"
A couple weeks went by,
"
continued Larry, shifting against the wall of the trench.
"
Little by little, Billy started to pull himself together. He stop
ped thinking so much about his
ex
-
girlfriend, even started planning parties again.

"
Then, another bomb hit.

"
Billy got a visit from the one
-
night
-
stand who
'
d led to his break
-
up. She came to his trailer one morning, and she was in tears.

"
He didn
'
t want to talk to her, didn
'
t even want to
see
her because she reminded him of his terrible mistake. He tried to get her to go away, but she wouldn
'
t leave. She just kept crying and blubbering and stumbling around the yard.

"
Finally, she managed to get out what she
'
d come to tell him. She said that she was pregnant...and Billy was the father.
"

Larry lowered his eyes and sighed.
"
Billy couldn
'
t believe it. After all the girls he
'
d slept with, it didn
'
t seem possible he
'
d actually gotten one pregnant. He
'
d always been so careful...well,
almost
always.

"
The more he thought about it, the more he realized he couldn
'
t remember if he
'
d used protection or not. He barely remembered the
act
, let alone the details.

"
Still, he tried to get the girl to tell him she
'
d made the whole thing up. He really went at her, made her cry even harder...but she kept insisting he was the father, he was the only one she
'
d slept with in over a year.

"
Eventually, he believed her,
"
said Larry, his voice lowering.

"
What did he do next? What
could
he do?

"
He tried to talk her into having an abortion. He did everything he could to persuade her...but she wouldn
'
t go along with it.

"
He was stuck. He didn
'
t know
what
to do.

"
If she wouldn
'
t have an abortion, she
'
d give birth to his baby...his
baby
.
He would be respo
nsible for it. He would feel
responsible for it. He wouldn
'
t be
capable
of just abandoning his own child.

"
So what could he do? Marry this girl? He hardly even
knew
her. He
'
d met her at his party, had never
seen
her before that night, and he
'
d had sex with her once...sex he barely even remembered. How could he spend the re
st of his life
with her?
"

For a long moment, Larry was silent. His features pulled into a puzzled frown, as if he were struggling afresh to solve the dilemma.

"
Well,
"
he said at last, pain and resignation in his voice,
"
Billy married her. He couldn
'
t think of anything else he could do. He was trapped by his mistake and his conscience.

"
He was just trapped.

"
Still, he really did try to take it all in stride,
"
Larry said glumly.
"
He tried to make the best of it.