Backwards (22 page)

I stepped back to admire my work. It’s hard to explain how much those words comforted me. When the wall had been blank, I’d been lost — a ship without a rudder. But with something there, I had purpose. Direction. The fact that I’d carved the words into the wall myself seemed negligible. After all, who’s to say something larger wasn’t working through me, using my hand to send me the messages? And it wasn’t like I’d thought up the words myself. Teagan had. I’d merely recognized their significance.

DON’T GO
! was the perfect solution. I knew Dan had been at the party — several people had seen him there. So if I kept the zombie from going tonight, then Dan couldn’t possibly hurt Cat. There was no way around that fact. And no way to misinterpret such a simple, blunt message. Even if a blow to the zombie’s head scrambled my memory, or if Cat wanted to meet Dan somewhere else, the words I’d carved into the wall would stop me from going. All I had to do was follow this one simple message —
DON’T GO
! — and things would change. They had to.

I put the calendar back and skipped into the kitchen to eat breakfast. Midway through a surprisingly pleasing bowl of cornflakes, Dan’s cell phone vibrated with a text from Finn.

Pick me up in ten.

I stared at the text, trying to decipher its meaning. It was Friday, October 31. Maybe Dan gave Finn a ride to school on Fridays. But then why send a text reminding him? Besides, the tone of the text seemed imperative, suggesting that something important was taking place.

I hurried to finish breakfast and brush my teeth. Then I grabbed Dan’s backpack and headed out.

“Where are you going?” called Dan’s mom.

“School,” I said.

“Aren’t you taking Teagan?”

Hearing her name, Teagan drifted into the kitchen. She’d just showered and her hair dripped water onto her shirt.

“I can’t,” I said. “I have to pick up Finn.”

Their mom set her coffee mug down and put her hands on her hips. “Stick her in the backseat, then,” she said. “There’s room.”

“I’m not luggage,” protested Teagan.

“I said the back, honey. Not the trunk.”

Dan’s phone vibrated again. Another text from Finn.

??????

“I’m late. I have to go now,” I said.

“Then how’s Teagan going to get to school?”

Teagan gave her mom an annoyed look.

“She’s your daughter,” I said. “You’ll find a way.”

At first, I wasn’t sure where to go to pick up Finn, until I remembered the house in the “nice neighborhood” where I’d found Dan’s car parked the other day. That must be where the Halloween party would happen, so that would be Finn’s place.

After sending Finn a text to let him know I was on my way, I focused on the landmarks around me, retracing my steps to his street. Over the past two weeks, leaves had floated back up to the trees, turning from brown to gold and red. Their colors appeared all the brighter after having seen their loss. Even the leaves on the ground had changed from how they’d been when I’d first arrived — going from drab wet piles to swirling drifts of orange and yellow, while the smashed jack-o’-lanterns I’d seen rotting in the road now sat plump on porches, flaunting gap-toothed grins.

If I continued backwards long enough, all the leaves would return to their branches and the trees would become lush with summer. But if I failed to change things tonight — if I let Dan hurt Cat — I wouldn’t be able to take that back.

I pulled into Finn’s driveway. The yard didn’t have beer cans in it yet. Still, the manicured bushes and ostentatious three-car garage were unmistakable. Finn came out and slid into the passenger seat.

“About time,” he said. “Go that way. We need to pick up Trent.”

I drove in the direction he indicated. “So, you ready?” I asked.

“For what?”

“Tonight,” I said, trying to find out everything I could about what lay ahead. “The party.”

“Hold up,” said Finn. “You just drove past it.”

“Oh. Right.” I stopped the car, not sure which side of the road Trent’s house was on.

Finn chuckled. “Wake up, Dan. You need some coffee?”

“Yeah.” I feigned a yawn. Better he think I was tired than clueless.

Trent came out and hopped into the backseat. “No truck?” he asked Finn, clearly not used to Dan picking him up.

“My brother borrowed it to get the kegs,” said Finn. “I hope people bring some money for the cover — those things are expensive.”

Trent leaned through the gap between the seats. “How much you charging?”

“Five bucks,” said Finn. “Except for girls. They drink free.”

“Even ugly girls?”

“I make no such crass distinctions,” replied Finn, taking on a lofty tone. “All ladies are welcome at my party. But,” he added, “try to be a little selective with who you invite. I’d rather not have a bunch of freshies puking in my yard.”

“What if they’re hot freshies?” asked Trent. “Like Dan’s sister.”

“She’s not coming,” I said.

“Why not? I thought she was your date.”

“Very funny,” I muttered, trying not to let Trent get to me. I couldn’t risk provoking Dan.

“So, who are you bringing?” asked Finn.

“No one,” I said.

“Because you’re bringing your sister?” quipped Trent.

I shrugged.

“Seriously,” asked Finn. “Who do you want to hook up with?”

“I don’t want to hook up with anyone,” I replied, turning into the school parking lot.

“Dan, Dan, Dan,” said Finn. “As your friend, I can’t allow you to wallow in self-pity at the best party of the year. We need to find you a girl.”

“How about Kendra?” asked Trent. “She’s stacked.”

“‘Stacked’?” I said.

“Or Bella,” he pressed. “Or Laney. Take your pick.”

“I’m not into them,” I said.

“Then, who?”

Without intending to, I thought of Cat. Several seconds passed before I realized I was staring at the flagpole where she usually hung out with Tricia. I glanced down and fiddled with the car keys. “No one,” I repeated.

“Really?” pressed Finn. “Then who were you just staring at?”

“I wasn’t staring.”

“Yes, you were. You’re even trembling.” He peered across the parking lot at the flagpole. “It’s her, isn’t it? The girl with the purple hair?”

“Cat-Lip?” asked Trent. “
That’s
who you like?”

“Don’t call her that,” I said.

Finn and Trent looked at each other.

“You’ve got it bad, my friend,” said Finn. “You should go ask her.”

“No. No way.”

“Come on, Dan. It’s easy. Want me to do it?” Finn reached for the door handle.

My heart kicked. “Don’t!”

He raised an eyebrow. “So, are you going to ask her out?”

“Maybe,” I said. “Not right now.”

Finn sighed. “When are you going to learn, Danny boy? There’s no time like the present.” He shoved open the door. “Hey, Cat!” he shouted. About a hundred students looked over — Finn knew how to command an audience. “Dan wants to ask you something.”

I grabbed Finn’s jacket and tugged him back, but it was too late. Everyone was already staring at us, including Cat.

“It’s nothing,” I yelled. “Forget it.”

Behind me, I heard Trent giggling.

I waited until Cat walked away with Tricia, then I turned to glare at Finn.

“Relax, man,” he said. “I’m helping you out. Just wait — you’ll see.”

I managed to steer clear of Cat for most of the day, even skipping biology class so I wouldn’t see her. It went against every instinct to avoid her like this. Usually, I spent all my time looking for her, but today was too important to risk rocking the boat. After tonight I could spend all the time I wanted with Cat. I wouldn’t have to worry about Dan hurting her. I’d be past it. I might even be able to take over completely. Just keep away from Cat for one more day and things would change — it was as simple as that.

When the final period ended, I zipped Dan’s backpack shut and hurried for the door, nearly home free.

“Hi, Dan,” said Cat. She must have been waiting in the hall for me.

“Excuse me.” I tried to edge past her, but she wouldn’t let me go.

“I thought there was something you wanted to ask me.”

I shook my head. It hadn’t occurred to me that Cat might look for me. Even after all those nights watching her, she still managed to surprise me.

“So I suppose all that ruckus in the parking lot this morning was just in my head?” she continued, the slightest hint of a smile turning up the corners of her mouth. “Another figment of my overactive imagination?”

“We were joking around,” I said.

“Oh. I see.” Her smile fell. She probably thought Dan and his friends had been making fun of her, calling her Cat-Lip like everyone else.

“We weren’t joking about you,” I added.

“Of course not.” Her eyes narrowed, and she clasped her binder to her chest.

I noticed a crescent-shaped grin drawn beneath two slit eyes on the back of her hand. “Is that the Cheshire Cat?”

“Changing the subject,” she observed. “Smooth.”

“Really?”

“No. But you get points for being right about this.” She indicated the drawing on her hand. “Are you a Dodgson fan?”

“You mean Charles Dodgson?” I asked, recalling the name from something I’d seen in her room one night. “That’s Lewis Carroll’s real name, right?”

“Well done, Mr. Franklin. Most of the time no one gets what I’m talking about.”

“Their loss,” I said. “So why do you admire Dodgson so much?”

“What makes you so certain I do?”

“Don’t you?”

“If I didn’t know better, I’d think you’d been spying on me.”

My pulse sped up and my skin prickled. A wave of vertigo rushed through me. What was I thinking, talking to her like this? If Dan sensed what I was doing . . . “I should get going.”

“He was creative,” said Cat. “Not just in writing, but in everything he did.”

I paused.

“He invented hundreds of things,” she continued. “A device for taking notes in the dark, and a card for measuring drinks, and tournament rules for tennis. He went through life creating things no one else thought of. But he stammered so badly that most people thought he was dumb. Nobody saw who he really was.”

“I know what that’s like,” I said.

Cat tilted her head. Dan wasn’t exactly the misunderstood-genius type, so my comment probably confused her. She studied me for several seconds. “You’re different from the others,” she concluded.

“What others?”

“Sorry — that came out wrong. Sometimes I talk too much. ‘That’s the effect of living backwards. It always makes one a little giddy at first.’”

“What did you say?”

“It’s a quote from
Through the Looking-Glass.
The White Queen tells Alice that it’s a poor sort of memory that only works one way.” She shrugged. “I quote things when I’m nervous.”

As had happened before, the first day I’d seen her, I got the sense that she could see beyond Dan’s exterior to who I truly was. “I don’t mean to make you nervous,” I said.

She smiled, and her gaze deepened. “You probably do a lot of things you don’t mean to do.”

God, it felt amazing to be seen by her.

“You ask her yet, Danny?” interrupted Finn.

The slam of lockers and bustle of bodies in the hall called me back. I’d been so focused on Cat that I’d forgotten where I was. Or what I was supposed to do. Finn gave me a wry grin, seeming to know I’d lost track of things.

Cat’s demeanor instantly changed. If she’d been nervous around me, that was nothing compared to how she acted now. She fidgeted, unable to meet Finn’s gaze but unable to look away, either. “Ask me what?”

“To my Halloween party. Dan was hoping you’d come. He didn’t mention that?”

“No.”

“I hadn’t gotten around to it yet,” I said, feeling sick. Things were spiraling out of control. Cat might go to the party now. I never should have talked to her.

“Well, don’t let me ruin the surprise,” joked Finn. “Maybe I’ll see you there. Wear a costume.”

Cat didn’t say anything in response, but the way her cheeks flushed spoke volumes.

“I’ll leave you two lovebirds to it, then,” said Finn.

“We’re not —” started Cat, but Finn was already several steps away. He glanced back and smirked at her quick denial, then continued down the hall, leaving the two of us to sort it out.

It suddenly became clear to me what I had to do. Keeping Dan from the party wasn’t enough. There was one more step I needed to take.

“Sorry about that,” I said.

“Don’t be. So, you were about to ask me something?”

“Right.” I swallowed, fighting down my panic.

Students eyed us as they walked past, while inside, Dan pressed against me. There were roles we had to play. Expectations to fulfill. “Would you like to go to Finn’s party?” I asked, determined to deliver my lines as credibly as possible.

“I don’t know.” Cat’s gaze drifted past me to where Finn had gone. “It’s not exactly my scene.”

“Oh.”

“That’s it?” she said. “You’re not going to try to convince me?”

“How about this: I think you should go,” I said. “I think you’ll have fun.”

“Fun, huh? What if I don’t like fun?”

“Then, I know some really boring people you can talk with. They’ll be there, too.”

“Tempting. Will you pick me up?”

I wanted to say yes. I would have given anything to be able to drive to her house and start over someplace else with her. But the future would never change so easily.

“I can’t,” I lied. “My car broke down. Why don’t I meet you there? Around eight?”

“Okay. Eight it is.” By now the hall had mostly cleared out. She started to leave.

“Bye, Cat,” I said. “Take care of yourself.”

“You’ll see me in a few hours,” she said.

No,
I thought.
I won’t.
Only I couldn’t say this.

I did my best to smile as she walked away.

Finn and Trent were waiting for me in the parking lot when I finally came out. They talked about the party. I had trouble focusing on anything they said. I didn’t even realize I was biting my cheek until the taste of blood filled my mouth.

Trent gave me directions as we left the parking lot. I cranked up the radio and turned when he told me to. We ended up at a duplex on the edge of town where they needed to pick up some “stuff” for the party.