Bad For You: (An Older Brother's Best Friend Romance) (18 page)
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Authors: Charity Ferrell
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I jumped at the sound of the second gunshot and smacked my
head on top of the wooden desk above me. Covering my head with trembling hands,
I tried to block out the noise, but the shots grew more erratic. They were
close. I knew it because the screams were so clear. How was this happening?
Things like this didn’t happen in our small town.
My heart thumped against my chest so hard I
was waiting for it to burst out and land on the dingy linoleum floor in front
of me. I glanced to the girl next to me crawled into a ball with tears
streaming down her face while her body rocked back and forth. Were we going to
be next?
Holding in a deep breath, I slowly stretched
my arms above me and reached around until I felt the rough leather of my purse
strap. I dragged it down and ignored the items flying out as it bounced on the
floor. My hands frantically searched through the contents for my phone. I kept
hitting his name on the screen when I found it until I heard ringing come alive
on the other end. I had to talk to him. I needed to hear his voice and be sure
the screams weren’t his.
High School Shooting Kills Twenty Students and Teacher.
Those words were on the headline of every
news channel, website, and newspaper until the shock value wore off and some
celebrity got busted banging his nanny.
Those eight life-ruining words.
My brain processed them over and over again,
but my heart tossed them out to the birds. That one sentence signified the dead
end to my road of happiness. It shattered every ounce of hope built in my heart
and then stabbed it a few more times for good measure.
The most important person in my life had been
ripped away from me by selfishness and pride. Rodney Avila. I’d remember that
name until I took my last breath. He was upset that his girlfriend broke up
with him. Out of spite and pure insanity, he decided to take his dad’s pistol
with him to school. Heading directly to her first period class, he shot her and
everyone else in the classroom. His homicidal spree ended with him turning the
gun on himself, which was smart on his part, because if the spineless bastard
were still alive I would’ve taken it upon myself to kill him.
I blinked, fixing my eyes on the daunting
building looming just yards away from me. My body shivered as the frigid
raindrops showered down, soaking my dress and causing it to cling to me like a
second skin. The weather matched my mood impeccably: gloomy, cold, and depressed.
My hair I’d spent hours on earlier was now a sopping mess plastered to each
side of my face. I couldn’t see it, but I was certain the black mascara my
trembling hands had applied earlier was now running down my face alongside the
never-ending tears and leaving streaks down my stinging cheeks.
Bodies veiled in black passed by my
stationary body, heading towards the very place I was trying to avoid. A few
bumped into me, but I was too numb to be affected. My body didn’t belong to me
at the moment. The scrawny legs connected to my torso felt like they were glued
to the slippery pavement beneath me.
Out of habit, I reached up and caressed the
tiny pendant dangling around my neck for what seemed like the millionth time
that day. My icy hands moved back and forth around the chain sluggishly,
letting the noise of the storm drown out the faint voices passing by.
I knew what everyone wanted, and it wasn’t
going to happen.
I couldn’t do it, and I wouldn’t do it.
They wanted me to come in from the downpour
and see him. My eyes fluttered shut, deflecting the heavy raindrops as I
inhaled the strong scent of rain surrounding me. If I did what they wanted, if
I stepped through those brooding doors, I’d have to say goodbye to the person
who still owned my heart.
I swiped a tear from my face. This wasn’t
supposed to happen until we were old and grey. It wasn’t his time, and I damn
sure wasn’t ready to let him go.
Chilly fingers wrapped around my arm and
broke me away from my trance. My entire body flinched as I pulled away from the
source and looked at the culprit standing in front of me. She was gripping a
bright red umbrella in one hand, and her mouth was open wide, screaming at me.
“Please listen to me!” she shouted, begging.
“Go see him,” my best friend, Tessa, screamed at me. “You’ll regret it the rest
of your life if you don’t do this, Daisy. Please, just do it!”
Her lanky hand kept reaching for me, but I
did a childish game of pulling away. Being dragged across the pavement face
down sounded better than coming to terms with the fact that I’d never be waking
up from the nightmare that had now become my real life.
My lips parted, but my mouth was incapable of
forming words. I stood there; staring at her while her begging grew more
frantic in an effort to gain my attention. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a larger
pair of hands grabbed me by my waist firmly and hoisted me into their strong
set of arms.
"Let go of me!" I wailed, kicking
my feet against him, but gaining no advantage. The rain poured down on us
faster, and my eyes widened at the realization of where we were headed.
No.
Hell no.
Hell to the fucking no.
I screamed, kicked, and punched with all my
will. Nothing. The more I fought back, the faster his pace picked up, until
finally my body quit producing the energy to fight. Whimpering, I laid limp in
his arms, ready to give in to the inevitable. Warm air hit my face, and I
twisted around, burying it into the crook of his neck to hide from the curious
looks coming our way. I didn’t look up until I heard the loud creak of a door
opening, and suddenly I was being tossed onto a cold couch in the corner of a
dusty room.
“Get your head out of your fucking ass,” a
dripping, wet Dawson sneered over my shaking body. His black suit was wrinkled
and soaked to his body.
I winced at his words, but it helped loosen
the tongue that had been tied for days. Sure, the person standing in front of
me might’ve been my dead boyfriend’s best friend, but his hurt could’ve never
matched mine.
“Screw you, Dawson!” I cried out, struggling
to control the shakiness in my voice. “Don’t you dare try to tell me what the
hell I should do!” I tugged on my frizzy locks, pulled them together, and slid
my hands down them roughly to wring out the water.
“Well, shit, Daisy,” he yelled back, bringing
out both hands and gesturing towards me. “Someone needs to say something.
You’re about to miss the entire funeral because you’re being fucking selfish!”
He paced back and forth in front of me. “How do you think Tanner would feel
about how you’re acting?”
He stopped mid-stride and narrowed his eyes
at me. My heart dropped at his name, but I knew Tanner would understand my
reluctance. The man I was in love with would’ve grasped my hesitation, aware of
how hard it would be for me to see him like that.
Dead.
In a casket.
That wasn’t the last image I wanted to
remember of him. I wanted to treasure our last goodbye – when he kissed
me in the hallway and told me how much he loved me.
I snapped, jumping to my feet, and leaving a
wet spot on the couch behind me. “Don’t try to tell me how Tanner would feel,”
I replied, my voice harsh. “I’ve known him my entire life. Since the day I was
born!” I paused, swiping away the soggy hair falling in my eyes. “You’ve known
him for what?” I stopped, waiting for him to answer my question, but he stayed
silent. “Four years! So you can shut the hell up!” A shaky finger stabbed him
in the chest at my last word.
My emotions had been on overdrive since
everything had happened. Not one word I said processed through my brain before
I allowed it to leap straight out of my mouth and into the open. It was a low
blow. Everyone, myself included, knew that Tanner loved Dawson like a brother.
They were best friends, and I was a shitty person to devalue their friendship.
My chest heaved in and out, my breathing
growing shallow. Dawson and I stood face-to-face, having a stare down, neither
one of us making a move or spewing out a word in our defense.
He was the first to give up at the exact
moment his eyes began to glaze over. Shaking his head, he threw up his hands in
defeat and shuffled backwards, away from me.
“Wow,” was the only thing that came out of my
mouth, but it was enough to let me know that I’d stepped over the line, and his
patience with me had been extinguished. He whipped around, opened up the creaky
door, and slammed it shut behind him.
Regret crashed through me as I belatedly took
in what had just happened. My legs gave out and I collapsed onto the carpeted
floor. My body tensed up at the feeling of a warm one falling down beside me
and wrapping me in their arms. I shook my head in embarrassment, and she pulled
me in tighter while we both attempted to let our hurt out together.
I cried for the person I lost. I cried for
his family, and the best friend next to me who lost her twin brother. I cried
for the other families who lost a child, a brother, or a friend, in the
shooting. I was certain my tear ducts were close to falling out from excessive
flooding.
“I miss him, too,” the girl I’d been
inseparable from my entire life whispered into my ear gently. “We’ll get
through this together.”
A soft knock came from the other side of the
door, and the door crept open before I had the chance to tell the person to go
away. My mom appeared in the doorway, and shut the door closed behind her. The
first thing I noticed was how her red, puffy face fell when she took in the
scene in front of her. Her knuckles flinched, clutching the tissues that were
balled up in her hand, as she let out a light whimper.
Tessa was the first to get up, reaching her
hand out for me to grab. Running my hands down the length of my dress, I tried
to get rid of the ugly wrinkles, but it didn’t help. The dress was ruined. I
didn’t care. It had a scheduled meeting with my fireplace as soon as I got
home.
The sound of my mom clearing her throat broke
through the uncomfortable silence. “Sweetie,” she said softly, looking straight
at me. “They’re getting ready to start the service.”
My eyes immediately dropped to my shaking
hands and studied the chipped, pink nail polish on my fingernails. I gave her a
slow nod. Nodding, and shaking my head had become my regular form of
communication since that day. I’d practically become a mute with the exception
of the bitchy outburst I’d just given Dawson.
“Okay,” I mumbled, drawing the word out. “Can
you two just give me a minute alone, please?”
“Of course,” my mom answered, squeezing out a
fake smile. “But you only have a few minutes. Make it quick.”
Turning around, she left the room. Tessa
briefly squeezed my hand and then followed my mom out, closing the door behind
her.
With the room empty, I stumbled back towards
the couch and dropped down onto the hard cushions. My fingers were still
shaking as I fished out the now slightly damp, folded paper from the pocket of
my blazer. I swallowed the nausea creeping its way up my throat and carefully
unfolded the note.
Tanner,
This is the best way I knew to tell you goodbye. I hope
that’s okay. I remember you always loved the letters and notes I’d write you
during our free periods. I even decorated the corners with tiny hearts like I
did when we were in middle school. I wanted you to be the only person to hear
my goodbye, not all of those people sitting in the room. This is our goodbye,
just for the two of us.
I’ve spent all of today missing you, and I know that’s how
I’ll spend tomorrow, and the next, and the next. I don’t know how I’m going to
get through everything without you by my side. I’ve never had to do anything
without you, and I’m terrified. I’m scared. God, I’m so, so scared.
All of our plans, our dreams, have been ripped into shreds
and thrown into a blazing fire. I can’t stop thinking about all of those talks
we used to have planning our future. Our huge wedding in your parent’s backyard
before our honeymoon in Tahiti, and the four kids we were supposed to have. You
know they would’ve been a handful, but you would’ve been an amazing father. And
husband. We were supposed to have a great life together.
Everyone keeps telling me I have to move on with my life,
but I have no idea how to even start. I remember when I first told you I loved
you, you told me, “there’s no taking it back.” I never really thought about how
much those words meant to me until now. I’ll never take them back. You’ll
always have my heart.
I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. If I could take it back, I would.
I can’t wait until I see your smiling face when we meet again.
Love always,
Daisy
The words grew blurry as I dragged my finger
across the paper and then quickly folded it back into a square before securing
it back into my pocket. The heels of my shoes sunk into the carpet as I lifted
myself up and tried to mentally prepare myself for what was about to happen.
I was seventeen years old, and about to say
goodbye to the love of my life. I’d been shattered to pieces, and I knew the
shards would never fit back in the same mold. But me breaking wasn’t the hardest
part. No, that wasn’t it. The worst part was that even though I didn’t pull the
trigger, I could’ve stopped the bullet from hitting him.