BAD WICKED TWISTED: A Briarcrest Academy Box Set (80 page)

“
Everyone’s got a limit
.”

–
Dovey

I CAME HOME and sat on the front porch until the dawn peeked her yellow fingers over the horizon. Heather-Lynn found me there when she came out for the morning paper.

She didn’t seem surprised by my all-nighter. She simply plopped down beside me, dressed in her housecoat and kitten heels. Together, we watched Ricky look for a place to potty. She smelled like tea and cigarettes. She smelled like home. Not this old house, but the warmth of our threesome, the way it held us all together.

Sighing, I leaned my head on her shoulder. “I did something bad.”

She was quiet for a while, mulling over my words. She was a smart lady in the end. “You lied about Alexander waiting for the house to sell, didn’t you? He wants his money now?”

I nodded.

She wrapped her arms around me. “You wanna talk? Tell me what you did?”

I chewed on that, played it through my mind. “I don’t know, but it seems I’m more like my mama than I ever thought.”

She sucked in a sharp breath. “Oh, Dovey, don’t say you—”

“I had to,” I said, explaining about the drugs and how I couldn’t sell them. I told her how Alexander had threatened all of us. “It didn’t matter to him that I’m his daughter.” And still that hurt me. Perhaps because a parent’s rejection is one you never recover from.

She sniffed, and I saw with surprise she’d teared up. “Hey, don’t you dare cry for me. We gotta stay strong.”

She shook her head. “I wish I had the money to give you, but I barely make it each month myself. You sure you can’t ask your friends for it?”

Oh. That hurt. “No, it’s too late for that anyway. I don’t think I have any friends left.” I patted her knee. “You do so much for Sarah. Thank you for watching her for me.”

As the sun rose, I realized the world is all about complimentary opposites. We exist with ups and downs, with shadows and light, with heaven and hell. Everyone makes a choice, and I’d picked my own path willingly. I’d harmed only myself.

People will judge me for what went down in that hotel room. But I own it. I did it.
And, I wouldn’t ever change my mind about that. Perhaps it’s the way I was raised, to never know if you’d have food or if your mama would come home. Those precarious facets shaped who I was, making me into someone who didn’t dwell on self-flagellation or pity. What happened, happened. Perhaps a person made of sterner stuff would have called Alexander’s bluff or gone to the police. Perhaps they would have gone to Cuba and asked for money.
But that was not me
.

I wasn’t saying it was right. It wasn’t. But, I forgave myself for my sins because, well, I’d do them again. For Sarah.

I EMAILED THE headmaster Mr. Cairn over the weekend and asked him for an emergency meeting on Monday morning. I knew what had to be done to make things better for everyone. He emailed back, agreeing to meet before school started, saving me from having to face Cuba or Spider or whoever else they’d told.

On Monday, I settled in his office chair and told him about Sarah and how I was being given power-of-attorney, making me officially in charge of our lives. I asked to finish out the last two and a half months through correspondence, claiming that with our limited resources, I needed to be with her twenty-four seven. Medical emergency. It wasn’t a lie. He agreed and gave me all the necessary paperwork to sign to get the ball rolling with my teachers.

Thankfully, classes had started by the time I left his office and cleaned out my locker. After that, I left to see Mr. Keller in the dance building. I trekked across the quad and into his office. He seemed shocked at my leaving but understood. I told him I’d be continuing my training alone. And I would. Nothing would stop me from my audition.

I left him and braved the quad.

My traitorous eyes drifted over to the football field, and I thought back to the day I’d run the entire 100 yards just to find him.

My stomach felt leaden.

And maybe that was enough of a distraction that I didn’t notice when my feet carried me to our barn. It drew me, sucked me into its orbit, and in a way that was full of regret, I was glad. I’d never see it again. Without analyzing it too much, I walked inside and peered around at the empty building. This past school year, BA had finished building a brand new equestrian facility, leaving this one empty. The loneliness of the place ate at my gut, reminding me of the days we’d spent here after practices, learning each other, falling in love.

I climbed up to the loft and looked around. The sun came in at an angle making it easy to read the graffiti-covered walls. And what I saw blew me away. My name, his name. Written in with a red sharpie or a marker.

But wait
.

Neither one of us had written our names last year, yet at some point, he’d come back and done so.

“Sebastian said he saw you out here,” a deep voice said, startling me.

I whipped around to see Cuba and took a step back. Drawn up, he appeared riddled with tension and ready to snap.

“I want to know why you did it,” he said, amber eyes burning into mine.

I hitched my dance bag on my shoulder. “Why do you care?”

He glanced at my bag. “You left your locker open. It’s empty. You’re not coming back, are you?”

“No.”

“Why?” His voice rose.

What to say? That I couldn’t bear to see him every day? That him knowing what I’d become made me want to shatter. “I did what I had to do for Sarah.”

“All you had to do was ask me.” He rubbed his hands through his hair. “I can’t wrap my head—”

“Life is not that easy or simple,” I said, exasperated. “You’re a rich kid. You don’t know how I think.”

His tossed his head back and groaned out. “Fuck me. I can’t help that.”

I kept going. “But, the thing is, you have no concept of where I come from. I can’t just snap my fingers and have money. I’ve watched a man kill another man. I’ve watched hookers crawl into cars with men. I’ve been fucking hungry and cold for nearly half of my life. And I don’t have rich parents.
I am the parent
. Don’t you see that? She’s all I got. She saved me a long time ago. Do you think I’d be here, right now, if it wasn’t for her? I wouldn’t. Most likely, I’d be dead.” I paused. “I love her. Like you love your dad or your sister or your mom. Wouldn’t you do anything to save them?”

He flinched, gazing at me with angry eyes. Why didn’t he get it?

Then he surprised me.

“If you’re leaving BA for good, then kiss me before you go,” he said.

“What? Still making your bargains?” I said.

“Why not?” He clenched his fists. “Do you want me to pay you for it?”

And that comment crushed me, but I powered on. “I forgave you, Cuba. Where’s your forgiveness for me?”

His eyes dropped mine as the words pinged around us, and that was his answer, but I needed to hear it, so that on nights when I had to do the
thing
, I could remember that it didn’t matter anyway.

“Cuba? Talk to me. Tell me the truth about how you feel. For once.”

At his continued silence, I changed gears. Laying it out. “Do you still love me?”

“Love is overrated,” he said, his face hard.

I spoke in a rush, my voice skipping over the words, trying to get it all out before I changed my mind. “That loanshark Sarah borrowed from? He’s my
father
. I grew up watching him beat my mother, who was a hooker—” my voice caught but I yanked it back, sucking in a sharp breath. I pivoted away from him and faced the opposite wall.

“Dovey—” he said, but I help up my hand. I had to get this out.

“He wanted to punish me the same way he does everyone else. He promised me he’d make us pay. He threatened Sarah and Heather-Lynn and me with death—or worse. They are all I have, and I have to protect them. And he was following me around, watching me. How was I to know he wouldn’t use you or Spider against me. So yeah, I had to do it. He’d wanted me to sell drugs, but I chose
me
instead.”

He came up behind me and turned me around, his hand on my shoulder. “Drugs?” His face was pale.

I nodded. “He wanted me to pay him back by setting up a connection at BA.”

“But you couldn’t?”

I shook my head.

“You lied to me,” he muttered. “Even from the very beginning that night when the Mercedes was at your house. Why couldn’t you just trust me to help you?” he said roughly.

I shook my head. “Because you lied to me and broke my heart. Why should I trust you?”

His jaw line tightened at my words, perhaps remembering the past. But then his eyes blazed with what I interpreted as heat.

I backed away from him.

“Come here and kiss me,” he demanded, his eyes heavy. “I want to wipe that bastard’s mouth off of you.”

“No,” I said, but I wanted to. I wanted to clutch him to me and grind our mouths together until we both bled.

Since I wouldn’t go to him, he came to me, our feet automatically aligning, our chests touching. I inhaled him, my body throbbing with need.

“This means nothing,” I lied, looking up at him.

“Nothing,” he rasped, his full lips finally settling on mine.

He groaned at the first taste of me, and I grasped his shoulders and held on, giving back as good as he gave. He kissed me hard, like I needed, his mouth vicious, his tongue an explosive invader. And just like all our kisses, it wrecked me with too much heat, too much need, too much everything. It broke me up in tiny pieces and then stitched me back together again. I’d take whatever I could get, and if this furtive moment was all he had for me? So be it.

He pulled my shirt up and off, his fingers going for the clasp on my bra. It opened and he hissed, his lips finding my nipples, his hands holding them for his attention as he sucked them painfully. I jerked at his touch. So fast. So wrong.
Yet right
.

And after that, it got hazy.
Hurry, hurry, rush, rush
. We became a frenzy of skin on skin, touch on touch. We tore into each other, driven by forces we’d both denied for a year. I unsnapped his jeans and took him in my hand, and he lost it.

“Dovey,” he called out, making me hot, making me insane.

Our clothes flew off, and he worshipped me, his fingers driving me higher and higher. Like a madman, he inhaled me, traversing every single inch, memorizing my body with his hands, his tongue. I egged him on with breathy words and promises I couldn’t keep. He didn’t care. He just wanted me.

I’d like to think it was love that made him crazy for me, but it was darker. Still my hands sought him out, memorizing his bumps and ridges and muscles.

He spread our clothing out on the ground, his eyes glowing like embers, his face flushed, his eyes full of the same need I felt in myself. He pulled a condom from his jeans, put it on, and positioned me beneath him. He entered me there, his hands braced on the ground, and I gave in to it all, arching and crying out as he hitched my legs up around his hips, moving me the way he wanted.

And even though this was about punishing each other, the loft disappeared as I closed my eyes and pictured the moon and stars above us. I imagined we were at his lake house, and it was my first time. I thought of how things might have turned out differently if we’d waited to have sex. If I hadn’t been so insecure; if he’d gone home that night when she called.

Would we have made it?

“Stay with me,” he muttered, his fingers grasping my face.

“I’m always here,” I panted. “I never left.”

He grunted and took what he wanted, sliding in me, doing things I’d dreamed about, only with him. His fingers plucked my nipples to the rhythm of his thrusts, sending me over the edge. My pulse hammered and my need rose until I came hard around him, my cries echoing up into the ceiling, my sweat-slicked body pulsating.

I went limp. And then something changed in him, and he slowed, his movements more drawn out. He took my chin in his hand and kissed me gently, lingering, until I wanted to cry out with the whirlwind of emotion it brought to the surface. The past came rushing back again, making me reel.

He’d never forgive himself for his sins, and now he’d never forgive me for mine.