Balance (Off Balance Book 1) (64 page)

“Are you getting enough rest, sweetie? I know you’re probably used to the schedule by now, but maybe you need a break.” He paused. “You can come home any time.”

My heart softened at his thoughtfulness. “No rest for the wicked, Dad,” I replied quietly.

He chuckled. “Tough little thing. What did Konstantin say about you being home?”

“I actually haven’t spoken to him, and I’m honestly surprised the gym isn’t blowing up my phone. Hayden did take in my doctor’s note so maybe that’s why.”

“Good. That’s because I took care of it for you so you didn’t have to worry. I stressed to him that it would be in his best interest to give you time to rest. I had to smooth out his ruffled feathers when he called me,” he chuckled lightly. “That piece of paper doesn’t hold much water for some people.”

I pursed my lips together, puzzled. “You spoke to Kova?”

“I did. We actually talk about every other week. I know you can take care of yourself, but I do worry about you there all alone, so he gives me updates and lets me know how your training is going.”

This was news to me. I had no idea he spoke to Kova so often. While I found his concern over my well-being genuine, unlike my mom’s, I also was disheartened by the fact he could call Kova and not me. Then again, the phone worked both ways and I didn’t call home very often either.

My heart softened. “Thanks, Dad, I appreciate it.”

“Get some rest, go to bed early.”

“Same with you.”

“Your mother sends her love.”

I laughed under my breath. “I’m just sure she does,” I said sarcastically. “Tell her hi for me.”

“Will do, sweetie, talk to you later.”

Hanging up the phone, nostalgia struck me. The painkillers were making me emotional. I changed into some pajamas, climbed into bed and switched on Netflix, searching for some mindless teenage drama to watch. As I was dozing off, my phone vibrated and the screen lit up.

Coach:
Open the door.

My heart stopped.

Climbing out of bed, I ran to my door and checked the peephole, but saw no one. I sent a text back saying I didn’t see him.

Coach:
Coming up now.

Turning the lock, I pulled the door open and Kova walked in.

“What are you doing here?” I asked as he dropped his keys and phone on the counter. Before he could open his mouth, I spat, “And if you have one thing to say about my attire, I will lose my shit.”

Kova ran a hand through his hair, his eyes raking over my body. My loose top and boy shorts were all I could manage wearing after breaking a fever.

“This was the first minute alone I had to get away from Katja.” He let out an exhausted sigh and his eyes traveled down my body. He took two steps and stood before me. Palming my jaw, he tipped my head back and examined me.

“Your eyes are all glossy and red, and you have circles under your eyes,” he said quietly. His hands threaded my long hair and fluffed it up. I remembered how much he liked it when I wore it down. “I did not mean to hurt you.”

I pulled away and looked at the floor, ashamed he knew my absence was partly due to him. I was a little peeved it took him two days to check on me.

“You didn’t though…I really did it to myself.”

“Adrianna, do not fool yourself. If it was not for me, you would not be sick.”

I swallowed, shrugging. “Partially. But also because I wasn’t taking care of myself properly.”

“I feel terrible about it, I am very sorry, Adrianna. I was too rough, too careless, I said some mean things, and I put one of my gymnasts at risk. It is just another thing I cannot forgive myself for.”

“I won’t deny you were rough with me. You were. My body was running on fumes, so it didn’t help to fight off any kind of infection either.”

Exhaustion took over and I walked to sit on the couch. Leaning over, I placed my elbows on my knees and clasped my hands together.

“This was a big mistake,” I admitted, my heart aching with each word. “Catastrophic mistake. I wish nothing had ever happened between us. I wish I could take it all back. I came here to be the best I could and I let myself down.” Looking up, I met his eyes. “Maybe I’m not as strong as I think I am.” Kova shook his head and came to sit next to me. “I should’ve told you I was a virgin, it was wrong of me and I’m sorry. We could’ve ruined so many lives, Kova.” Tears welled in my eyes and I hated that I showed any kind of emotion. Damn pain pills!

Kova brushed a strand of hair away from my face, cupping it behind my ear. Our eyes locked and I saw the inner turmoil he was faced with. He hadn’t shaved in days, and there were black circles under his eyes too. Gone were the vibrant green eyes I’d come to love, and in their place was a dull shade of olive.

“You look like you haven’t slept.”

“I have not,” he admitted dismally. “You have been on my mind day in and day out. You think you are not strong, but you are. You have taken everything I have thrown at you and ran with it. You are a fighter, Adrianna. Few can handle what you have at the rate you have, and that caused the lines to blur for me. You make me question so many things in my life right now. I wish I could tell you what they were, but I cannot. Just know you are not weak, not even close to it. You are strong, do not ever doubt yourself.”

My heart sputtered in my chest. This was one of the nicest things he’d ever said to me. A tear slipped from my eye and he wiped it away with the pad of his thumb.

“But you are right about something.”

I tilted my head to the side. “About what?”

“That this was a mammoth mistake. I was unfaithful and I hurt you in the process. I failed both you and Katja, and for that, I could not be sorry enough.”

I averted my eyes so he couldn’t see the pain he caused. “There’s a question I want to ask you, and I hope you will answer it.” His forehead cinched together. I wasn’t sure where this question came from or why I was asking it, but I had to know. Maybe it was the pain relievers talking again.

“Was I really the only gymnast you’ve ever been with? Or were there others? Please be honest with me.”

My heart thumped wildly against my chest waiting for his answer. “Ria, I am a lot of things, but I am not a pedophile. I do not yearn for young girls,” he said with disgust. “In fact, I find it repulsive. There has never been another before you, though not for lack of trying on their part. There were some aggressive ones, but I never took it past the professional level.”

“So you were never with Reagan?”

He pulled back in horror. “Reagan? Never. Where would you get that idea?”

I shook my head, feeling like an idiot for even asking now. “Just some things she said to me.”

“Reagan, while she is an incredible gymnast, lacks the drive and willpower you have. There has never been more than a coach/athlete relationship with her, or anyone else. I can promise you that.”

Reaching a hand into his pocket, he pulled out a little box. Flipping it over, my heart sank as I read the front of it. I shook my head, a sad laugh escaped me.

Kova and his stupid little, white fucking pill.

“We’ve been pretty stupid, haven’t we?”

He huffed at my understatement and handed the box to me. “Me more so than you. I knew better”

Opening it up, I popped out the morning after tablet. I stared at the pill and hesitated. I had to decide whether I should just ignore what the doctor recommended and deal with the repercussions later, or hand the box to Kova and explain why I can’t take it and how I’d had a pregnancy test already.

I glanced Kova’s way. The last thing I needed was a baby or for him to go to jail. I reached for the bottle of water I left on the coffee table earlier. Popping the tablet into my mouth, I swallowed it without dwelling on the situation further. His shoulders relaxed visibly but then something dawned on me. He was more worried about me being pregnant than my well-being. Luckily for him, I didn’t have the energy to confront him.

“Problem solved,” I said dejectedly.

Standing up, I went to step past Kova, but he placed a hand on my thigh and stopped me. With him sitting on the couch and his height, we were eye level with each other. Turning toward him, I looked into his tempestuous gaze. His hand was high on the back of my leg, cupping the crease of my thigh and butt. His fingers moved in little circles, causing a warmth of heat to course through me. My nipples hardened. I didn’t move, I couldn’t, as his hand skimmed over my ass and up my back ever so slowly. Goose bumps coated my skin. He placed his other hand on my body and my breath caught in my throat as he pulled me closer. After what he said, I was confused by his actions.

“Kova?” I whispered.

He sat up higher. “I do not know what it is about you, but I have the hardest time keeping my hands to myself when it is just you and me. You understand me as I understand you. We have the same drive.”

A pained look resonated on his face. He muttered in Russian as his hands roamed my body. Despite the pain he caused me a few days ago, my body came alive when he touched me.

“What are you doing?”

“Memorizing you with my touch.” Kova shuffled me closer between his legs, and I could smell the faint scent of vodka on his lips.

My heart hammered against my chest. This man was so confusing. His words contradicted his actions on a daily basis. But one thing I knew for sure, there was no denying what he felt for me. The look in his eyes as his hands caressed my back, pulling me closer, solidified his feelings. My shirt lifted, baring my back and stomach. His palms grazed my nipples and my back bowed in response. His head dipped to the side, and a breath caught in my throat.

The way he looked at me broke my heart. He was struggling, and what he said earlier was in fact true. After everything, was Kova going to kiss me? I swallowed hard. I wouldn’t refuse him if he did. I didn’t think there would ever come a time I could refuse anything he offered.

“Malysh, I need one last kiss.”

He was saying goodbye.

With a small nod, I licked my lips and wound my arms around his neck. Leaning in, my chest pressed to his, my nipples hard. Kova’s strong arms wrapped around my lower back, crushing me to him. I loved how strong he was, how he held me and made me feel safe. Our lips grazed each other’s, different than any other time. He was gentle and slow, and took his time as he nibbled on my lips.

I took this moment for what it was—he was using his actions to display the things he couldn’t say.

When our tongues touched, it wasn’t rushed or wild for once. It was deliberate and provocative. My body was a blaze of heat, desire hitting me hard. Our tongues caressed one another’s, tangling around and holding on, in the most intense kiss we’d had yet. Wet, warm, and passionate.

My fingers weaved through his hair as I put everything into the kiss, just as he did. I knew after tonight, it was over completely and my heart ached. I had let myself fall completely for someone I could never have.

Kova’s hands skimmed up my ribs, his fingers splaying out wide and palming my breasts. I moaned into his mouth, pressing harder into him and devouring him. My body ached even more, but this time for release and nothing more. His kiss made me forget every ounce of pain and replaced it with pleasure.

“I love how responsive you are to my touch,” he whispered against my lips, shifting to the edge of the couch. His erection grazed my thigh and I leaned into him as his tongue collided with mine, the same time his forefinger and thumb found my nipple and pinched. A little purr escaped my lips.

Kova’s strong hands landed on my hips. His fingers trembled against me as his tongue found my heated skin. My head fell back, I wanted to be the one who eased the pain for him, to give him what he wanted.

The sad reality of the story was I would never be that girl.

And he would never be that man.

His thumbs dug into the crease between my hips and thighs while his long fingers scooped under my ass. He stood and hoisted me up, one arm wound securely around my back, his other hand tangled in my long hair, holding me to him, like he feared I would pull away. I wouldn’t. I couldn’t. There was no possible way I’d be able to now. I was his for the taking.

I wrapped my nimble legs around his waist. My emotions were climbing and for some reason, tears prickled my eyes. I didn’t want this to be over between us, the fire was too wild to contain.

“You can’t do this to me and then leave, Kova,” I whispered against his lips. “Either stop altogether, or don’t stop at all. It’s not fair.”

I pressed my lips to his, pouring my heart out through my kiss. This fucked up relationship between us was against all morals. He knew it, I knew it, and we didn’t care.

Kova pulled back and pressed his forehead to mine. “I need to go.” I nodded, agreeing with him. Kova held me as if it was second nature for me to be in his arms. I never wanted him to let me go, but deep down I knew it was time. We’d carried on this affair long enough, because in the end, I knew that everyone gets caught.

Sliding out of his arms, I stood in front of Kova. He cupped my jaw and angled my head back.

“You are so beautiful it hurts. You hold yourself together even during the toughest times. You are a force to be reckoned with, something no one will see coming.”