Balancing Acts (26 page)

“Right now, I'm all right. We're all right. But next Monday, could you pick Noah up from school? I have a doctor's appointment.”

“Of course. Done. Does he know anything, by the way?”

“No, I've decided not to tell him until I have a better idea of what's happening. He just thinks I have a nasty cold. Or at least he's pretending to buy it. He's a smart kid, so who knows what he picks up on.” Naomi was looking forward to Monday, only because that would mean some clarity about the MRIs and the chance to really talk to Noah about what was happening. She hated being so secretive with him, but she didn't feel as though there was an alternative at this point.
Just a few more days.

“That's probably wise,” said Gene. “Tough on you though, I'm sure.”

“Yeah. But what can I do?” They smiled at each other. Naomi looked at the clock and gasped.

“What's the matter?” asked Gene.

“I have to pick up Noah at school in twenty minutes!” she explained. “Where did this afternoon go?”

“Oh, okay, let me get out of your hair,” said Gene, moving out of the bedroom and gathering his things. He slid Mini-Noah back into his envelope. “Here, you can give this to Noah,” he said, handing her both Mini-Noah and the photos. “I'll give him the one of you and the mini when I see him on Sunday.”

“Wait!” said Naomi. “What am I doing? Why am I rushing around like a lunatic? You should pick Noah up. He would love it.”

“Really?”

“Sure, go ahead,” said Naomi. “Take him out for a cookie or something and tell him about Mini-Noah's adventure. He is going to be so thrilled about the photos.”

Awkwardly, Gene moved to embrace her but then thought better of it. “Thanks a million. I'll have him home by four, promise.”

“No problem, Gene. And thanks for being so supportive. It means a lot that I can lean on you.”

“Naomi, I am so glad you came to me about this. Whatever I can do, please let me do it.” He hugged her then, pulling her toward him before she could make it awkward. It felt nice to be hugged by someone who wasn't a female or four foot eleven.

“Okay. I will.” She swallowed the lump in her throat.

Gene closed the door behind him and left, clomping his way down the stairs the same way he had come up them.

Naomi exhaled and sat on the couch. What a strange afternoon. A very nice afternoon, but a strange one. Gene had changed so much. And so had she.

She thought about her looming doctor's appointment. Whatever the MRI revealed, she knew she would be able to handle it. And although her maybe-MS was a nightmare on so many levels, it had shaken her out of her self-sufficient to the point of insanity coma. For the first time in what felt like forever, Naomi was open to help, and she actually felt stronger as a result. It was amazing how the universe delivered its lessons. Or maybe she was the amazing part—
is it okay to call myself “amazing” or is that obnoxious? Oh hell, why not
—for trying to see the positive in such a negative. Either way, the cloud was lifting, and for that she was infinitely grateful.

C
harlie lay on her mat like a lazy cat, relishing the sun that filled the studio with buttery morning light. She hoped that the recent warmer weather was not just a tease and that spring firmly had its foot in the door.

“Mornin', Charlie,” called Felicity, as she arrived. “Look at you, soakin' up the sun!” she said, poking her head into the studio as she disrobed. “It is somethin' out, isn't it?! Hope it's here to stay.”

“You took the words right out of my mouth,” agreed Charlie. “If this is just a tease, I will be sorely disappointed.” Charlie got up from the floor and rolled her mat up.

“How's tricks?” she asked Felicity, approaching the front desk.

“Good, good. Can't complain. Hey, listen, I wanted to apologize for something.”

“Oh no, what did you do?!”

“No, seriously. I gave you such a hard time about your Saturday Basics class when you were starting it up. I was stuck in business mode—couldn't see the forest for the trees.”

“Oh, it's okay, Felicity,” interrupted Charlie. “It wasn't exactly a sound business proposition.”

“No, I know, but those women are so lovely. And I can see them really opening up to yoga in a way that I don't think being part of a larger class would have allowed. You were right to create such a haven for them.”

“Hey, thanks, Felicity. I appreciate that.” She really did. Felicity was not one to bullshit, that was the truth. For her to go out of her way to admit she was wrong was a really big deal.

“And now, with Naomi creating the website, it's all good. All of it. And you. . .you look like a different person since you started teaching this class.”

“What do you mean?”

“You look good,” explained Felicity. “Relaxed, open. Accessible in a way that you were not two months ago. If I didn't know any better, I would swear you were in love.” She smiled coyly at Charlie.

“I'm not in love! But I am happy. I feel freer than I have in a very long time.”

“You're over that creep finally, huh?” Felicity put her warm hand on top of Charlie's. “Sometimes it takes a village?” she asked knowingly.

“It really does,” agreed Charlie. The woman had a sixth sense. Whatever was bothering you, she knew. Charlie was sure that she was an amazing mother.

“I'm proud of you, Charlie,” she whispered. “You took your time and fought that demon on your own terms. I did the same thing with my ex-husband. Took me a minute, but when I let him go, I felt like a million bucks for doing it my way. Giving myself permission to mourn the death of that relationship might have been the smartest thing I've ever done.”

Charlie hugged Felicity fiercely. “Thank you, Felicity. That means a lot. You sure are sweet this morning,” she added, releasing Felicity from her embrace.

“I can't help it. Spring brings out the sweetness in me.” She winked at Charlie.

“Good morninnnnng,” greeted Sabine, breaking the women out of their love fest.

“Hey!” replied Charlie, genuinely thrilled to see Sabine's rosy-cheeked face. “How are you?”

“I'm well! How could I not be? Spring is practically knocking at our doors!” She had decided to focus on the weather rather than her love life. The weather was getting better every day and promised good things to come. Her love life, not so much. She was supposed to go out with Zach tonight, and the time away from him had only made her more confused. It didn't help that she had talked to him only once.

“Happy spring!” sang Naomi, shuffling into the studio next. It was much easier to focus on the positive when the sun was shining and the birds were chirping.

“I know, isn't it amazing out?” asked Sabine. “You can feel it coming, right?”

Charlie smiled at their enthusiasm. They were like two little squirrels, scurrying up and down tree branches with unbridled glee.

“Mornin',” echoed Bess—the last to arrive.

“Bess!” Sabine yelled. “Welcome back!”

“Yeah,” echoed Naomi. “We missed you!” She walked over to give Bess a hug.

Bess hugged her back. “I was in LA, visiting Dan. Sorry I didn't let all of you guys know. It was sort of a last-minute decision.” She laughed. “Because, you know, spontaneity is my forte.” She realized that Charlie, Naomi, and Sabine did know her well enough by now to know that it was anything but.

“Is everything okay?” asked Charlie.

“Everything is great. I had such an awesome time out there—”

“Holy shit, are you moving there!?” squealed Sabine.

“Take it easy!” said Bess. “I don't know what I'm doing. But I do know that I had a much better time in LA than I expected to. I ended up talking to a couple of friends in the business out there, just to see what was what. I think I could work out there if I really hustled.”
And this article is well received.
She had been working on it all week and really liked where it was going.

“I think it's awesome that you went out there,” said Sabine. “You opened yourself up to the idea of moving, and were surprised by what you found.”

“Yeah, it's amazing what happens when your attitude shifts,” added Naomi.
I'm trying, I swear.

“I introduced him to my parents!” Bess blurted out.

“Get out!” exclaimed Sabine. “That's huge!”

“Yeah, it really is,” agreed Bess. “But it worked.”

“When's the wedding?” teased Naomi. “You need a ring bearer? I'm happy to offer Noah's ser vices.”

“Let's move into the studio, shall we?” interrupted Charlie. She felt a bit uneasy. She wanted to open up to them about Neil, but her previously established ideas about boundaries and the perils of crossing them haunted her. On the other hand, their talk of attitude changes was right on. If she didn't break through her own boundaries, she would forever be restrained by them.

She surveyed their warm faces from the front of the room and decided to go for it.

“Hi, everyone,” Charlie said.

“Hiiii,” they sang back.

“I wanted to start off today's class a little differently,” she explained. “Something happened to me this week that I feel might resonate with all of you. I. . .I ran into the former love of my life, and the universe rewarded me with this. . .this. . .” She searched for the right way to phrase it. “This life-affirming, closure-inducing epiphany of epic proportions.”

“Wow,” whispered Sabine.

“Yeah, wow,” said Charlie. “I know, it sounds kind of mind-numbingly dramatic, but it really did change so much for me in such a positive way, most especially the whole concept of timing.”

“I don't want to take up too much of class with my story, so maybe we can begin some stretching exercises while I tell you about it,” said Charlie. “Everyone come up onto their hands and knees. We'll do a couple of rounds of cat-cow.” This setup was good actually. Now she could share her story without having to face their expectant stares. She was still the teacher this way.

“Okay,” said Naomi, as she pulled herself up onto her knees. “But I still want to hear this story. Don't stop now!” She was so happy to see Charlie opening up. It felt like a gift.

“Yeah,” echoed Bess. “On with the show!”

“Okay, simmer down, I'm gettin' to it,” replied Charlie. “Inhale deeply. And as you exhale, be sure to draw your navel to your spine. Nice, Sabine. So, about this former love of my life,” Charlie continued, as she circled the studio. “Our relationship was pretty textbook really. I was young and naïve and he was an asshole.” Bess laughed in response as she arched her back.

“He was into Buddhism and spirituality in a way that I just wasn't,” Charlie continued. “I was working on Wall Street and hustling my ass off to fulfill what I thought was my legitimate dream. We were complete opposites, but something about that appealed to me. Work was making me very unhappy, and he was a hundred-eighty-degree switch from that world.

“Nice, ladies, two more. Make sure you drop your belly, Naomi,” said Charlie, momentarily breaking from her story.

“At any rate, to make a very long, painful, and predictable story short, we broke up under the guise that ‘I wasn't spiritual enough for him,' and some hot, young twenty-one-year-old was instead.”

“Are you kidding me?” asked Sabine. “Just because you had a job and weren't wearing crystals around your neck, you weren't spiritual!? Give me a break.”

Charlie laughed. It was nice to have this sort of support. “Exactly,” she replied. “But I couldn't see his ridiculousness at the time. His words haunted me. So much, in fact, that they led me to yoga. Very good, everyone, last exhale. At first, I didn't take to the postures as naturally as I would have liked, but I loved it. And with that love, I began to see just how much my day job was sucking the life out of me. I struggled with it for a while, but then decided that I wanted to make the switch. I wanted to be a yoga instructor. I left it all behind. Quit my job, got a smaller apartment, sold my furniture and a lot of my clothes. You name it, I did it.”

“That's pretty amazing,” said Sabine.

“Eh, it's not so amazing. Okay, take a child's pose. Nice. See, I was in love with yoga, but I was also still in love with Neil. In my mind, he was solely responsible for changing my life so dramatically.”

“How?” asked Bess, her voice muffled.

“I thought that I never would have found yoga if he hadn't challenged my spirituality. In part, I felt like my new life was a little bit about proving him wrong. I was giving him all the credit.”

“Can we sit up for a minute?” asked Naomi. “I really want to hear you.”

“Uh, sure,” answered Charlie. “If that's okay with everyone else.”

“Absolutely,” said Sabine. “Naomi, you read my mind.” The women all sat on their mats, waiting expectantly to hear the rest of Charlie's tale.

“For years, I lived under that assumption. I was beyond happy with my decision to change all that was familiar to me, but I couldn't shake the feeling that he was responsible. Lately though, I began to break out of that bubble. I was releasing him, finally. And then, naturally, I ran into him.”

“That's always the way it happens,” Bess volunteered. “Just when you're over someone—there they are. It's like the universe is testing you.”

“Exactly!” agreed Charlie. “Seeing him, now, was such a gift. I truly saw him for what he was and was able to give myself the credit that I had been masochistically denying myself for so long. He was just a rung on the ladder to my self-awareness, you see,” Charlie explained. “I am my own inspiration.” She teared up, saying it aloud. She paused, regaining her composure. “I just wanted to share this with you all. You are all such wonderful women. I really think our class has opened me up. Our friendships have opened me up. So I wanted to share this with you and then thank you.”

“I want to hug you so badly!” exclaimed Sabine. “What a wonderful story.”

“And one we can all relate to,” added Naomi.

“I don't care, I'm hugging her!” said Bess, crossing the room to embrace her. Charlie's story was such a perfect addition to the scope of her article.

Charlie hugged her back. “Thank you,” she said. “All of you.” She smiled broadly.

“Okay, enough of this!” said Charlie. “Class will begin now,” she said. “Officially. Everyone, press up into downward dog,” she instructed.

As Naomi flowed through her postures, she thought about Charlie's story. It was so nice to hear about the “real” her. Her confession had set the stage nicely for Naomi's own reveal.
But am I up to it? Do they really need to know?
She wiggled her fingertips. Still numb. They were the only remaining evidence of her episode. Naomi had read that sometimes, symptoms from a flare-up never disappeared. The idea of never again feeling Noah's soft skin against her fingertips took her breath away.

Bess eyed her mat as she moved into downward facing dog. She thought about how much her article had changed—how much she had changed—since this class began. She had come in with such evil intentions. In a way, she supposed she had been holding these women responsible for her unfulfilled dreams as a journalist—using them as innocent pawns in an attempt to make her name known. It wasn't until she took a step back and looked at the bigger picture—the truer picture that painted them all as women trying to maintain a balance between what they had to do and what they wanted to do—that she was able to consider the article from a different angle.

At the end of class, they all lay on their mats, eyes closed, emotionally and physically exhausted. Charlie's story had set the tone for a grueling mind/body hour and a half.

“Allow your feet to fall apart,” instructed Charlie. “Spread your toes wide. Relax into your mats,” she encouraged. She dimmed the light and circled the room, stretching each of their legs and arms softly and rubbing their heads. When she finished, she asked them to slowly roll up to the seated position.

“Thank you so much for your compassion and empathy today,” Charlie said. “It means so much to have such an incredible support system. I hope that my story filters into your openness about yoga and, really, life as a whole. I'm learning so much lately, that I can't help but share.”

“We're so glad you did,” answered Naomi.

“Namaste,” said Charlie, smiling.

“Namaste,” they echoed.

Charlie stood up, slightly embarrassed but mostly so grateful. There was a reason these women had come into her life as she transitioned into this next, post-Neil phase. They were excellent guides.

Bess stood up and began rolling her mat. “That was like therapy!” she announced.

Naomi laughed. “Completely. Mind and body therapy.”

“Should I add a new class to the schedule?” asked Charlie. “Thoga?”