Ball Peen Hammer (49 page)

Mom laughs. “I’d love to meet her. Can you bring her to dinner when we celebrate?”

“She lives in L.A.”

“Oh. That’s too bad. I was hoping to meet her.”

“She’s awesome, Mom—the smartest girl I’ve ever met (besides you, of course). She’s going to UCLA film school—she wants to make documentaries—so I hitched a ride with her from Seattle to L.A., and the whole drive we just had this incredible
connection
. It was amazing. I felt like I’d known her my whole life. She’s the best girl ever, Mom. Sweet. Funny. So smart. Doesn’t take any of my shit.”

“So she’s your girlfriend, then? Or do you kids call it something different these days?”

My chest tightens. “No. Maddy’s not my girlfriend. We’re just friends.”

“
Oh
. Really? Wow. The way you were talking about her, I assumed you two were having a romance.”

“Actually, Maddy and I
were
dating for a bit, sort of, but then she made it clear she wanted to get serious and I... freaked out.” I sigh deeply.

“Why’d you freak out? You just told me she’s the best girl ever. What’s there to freak out about?”

“Oh, you know, I was just...” I trail off, not sure of the ending to that sentence.

“Being an idiot?” Mom offers.

I exhale. “Yeah.”

“Ah.” Mom pauses. “So that’s an easy fix: tell her you’ve come to your senses and now you want to be with her. I’m sure she’ll be thrilled. That kind of giggle doesn’t happen very often to a girl, trust me.”

I run my hand through my hair. “Mom, I know you’re just trying to be helpful and all, but you don’t understand. It’s not that simple.”

“Why not? She likes you and you like her. Sounds simple to me.”

“Mom.”

“What?”

“You don’t understand.”

“Explain it.”

I sigh. “Maddy totally put herself out there—which is something that’s really hard for her to do—and I smashed her in the teeth. And now she doesn’t wanna have anything to do with me beyond making our videos.”

“Aw, honey. She’s just protecting herself from getting hurt. You can’t expect the poor girl to slam her head into a brick wall
twice
, can you?”

“Mom, I screwed up. I hurt her. Our connection was
amazing
—once in a lifetime—and I acted like it was business as usual. She told me stuff she doesn’t normally tell people. And now I can’t just pick up the phone and say, ‘Hey, Maddy, I’m an idiot. I’ve realized I’m in love with you. Please forgive me,’ and expect everything to be magically amazing like it was before.”

There’s a long beat.

“Sweetheart, do you realize what you just said?”

My chest tightens. “What?”

“Think about what you just said, Keaney.”

I think. “Oh. Wow.”

“Yeah.
Wow
. Did you mean it?”

I swallow hard. “Yeah.”

“Well, then, for the love of God, stop living up to your penile nickname and call that girl. Trust me, women have a tremendous capacity to forgive the idiots they love.”

My face flushes. “Holy shit, Mom.”

Mom laughs. “Holy shit, honey.”

I’m suddenly completely electrified. “Bye, Mom. Good talkin’ with you, babesicles. You know I love you the most, right?”

“Yes, I do. Isn’t it amazing what can happen when you actually
call
your mother instead of text her on occasion?”

I laugh. “Yeah, Mom. Point well taken.”

“I love you, Keaney Baby. Now go get that adorable girl.”

Chapter 54

Keane

Friday, 10:37 a.m.

I press my phone against my ear, my heart racing, waiting for Maddy to pick up my call. Oh my God, I can’t wait to tell Maddy how I feel about her. That I’ve been miserable without her since I left her. That I was an idiot. That I want to touch her. Kiss her. Fuck her. Hold her close while we watch a movie. And then lick her. Suck on her nipples. Make her come.
Talk to her
. Oh my God! I’ve got to tell Maddy I’m moving to L.A.!

But my call goes straight into Maddy’s voicemail.

“Hey, Maddy,” I say at the sound of the beep, my pulse pounding in my ears. “Call me as soon as you get this message, okay? I’ve got something important to tell you.” I pause. “Okay. Well. Bye. Talk to you soon.”

I hang up the phone and, for ten minutes, sit on the edge of my bed, staring at my phone, willing it to buzz with an incoming call from Maddy.

But it doesn’t.

So I wait another five minutes, feeling the whole time like my balls are gonna explode.

Finally, when I can’t take it anymore, I shoot Maddy a text: “Hey, Maddy,” I write. “I left u a vm. Gimme a call. There’s something I gotta tell u. It’s important. Please get back to me ASAP. Thanks. Can’t wait to talk to u!!”

I sit and stare at my phone for another five minutes, waiting for a reply, but she doesn’t respond.

Fuck
.

I can’t stand it. I gotta take matters into my own hands.

I pull my laptop off my dresser and five minutes later, I’ve got myself booked on a two-hour flight to LAX, departing Seattle in a few hours.

I check my phone. Still nothing from Maddy.

Shit. My balls hurt.

I get dressed, pack a duffel bag, and sprint out of my bedroom. When I get into the living room, I find Zander entangled on the couch with Daphne, watching a movie. “Hey D,” I say to Daphne, my heart racing.

“Hey P,” Daphne replies.

I clear my throat, trying to keep myself from sounding like a madman. “Z, can I tear you away from D for just a minute? It’s rather important.” Oh my God, I’m about to explode.

“Sure thing,” Zander says. He lays a soft kiss on Daphne’s lips, touches her cheek, languidly disentangles himself from her long limbs like he’s got all the time in the world, and rises slowly from the couch. “What’s up, baby doll?” He looks at my duffel bag. “Where you going?”

“On safari, son—I’m going big-game hunting in L.A.”

Zander flashes a huge smile. “You’re finally gonna bag yourself a Maddy?”

I return Zander’s broad smile. “Boo-fucking-yah.”

“It’s about fucking time, Steve Sanders.”

“You’ve got an electric razor, right?”

“Yeah, in my bathroom. Left drawer.”

“Actually, I need your help with something. Come on.” Without waiting for Zander’s reply, I turn around and march toward Zander’s bathroom.

“Hang on,” Zander says behind my back. “I use that razor to shave my balls.”

I stop and weigh that nugget of information for a short beat. “Doesn’t matter,” I quickly decide, shaking my head with sudden determination. I motion to my blue hair. “Even if I have to rub this shit off using your balls as a scouring pad, it time for this shit to go.”

Chapter 55

Keane

Friday, 5:48 p.m.

I rap on the front door of Maddy’s apartment, my pulse racing. Why hasn’t she answered any of my calls or texts all day long? Since this morning, I’ve left Maddy a total of five messages—two voicemails and three texts—all of them asking her to please give me a call because I have something important to tell her. I thought for sure when my plane landed in L.A. and I turned my phone back on, there’d be a text or voicemail waiting for me from Maddy—but, no.

And now, honestly, I’m freaking the fuck out, imagining Maddy lying in a ditch in her car or huddled in some far corner of campus after having been assaulted by some sicko. Oh my God, if a single hair on Maddy’s beautiful head has been harmed in any way, I’ll never recover. Just the thought of something happening to Maddy is turning me into a psychopath.

I knock on Maddy’s apartment door again, panic threatening to overwhelm me.

Now that everything’s clicked inside me, I’m a man possessed. If I don’t talk to Maddy right away and tell her how I feel, I’m gonna explode.

I raise my fist to knock a third time, but the door abruptly opens and Hannah’s bespectacled face greets me.

“Keane?” she says. “What are you doing here?” Her tone makes it clear she’s less than thrilled to see me.

“Is Maddy okay?” I blurt.

“Yeah. She’s fine.” Hannah’s face flashes concern. “Why? Did something happen?”

“No, I’ve tried calling and texting her all day, but she hasn’t replied.”

“Oh,” Hannah says, her face relaxing.

“Is she here?”

“She’s out.”

“I’ve texted and called her all day and she hasn’t replied,” I repeat.

The faintest hint of a smirk dances on Hannah’s lips. “Gosh, that must feel pretty shitty to be ignored like that, huh?”

My face flushes. “Will you please just tell me where she is?” I ask evenly, choosing to ignore Hannah’s obvious barb.

“Why don’t you hang out at Dax’s for a while?” She motions across the hall. “I think Dax and the guys are at the studio all day, but I’ve got the key to their apartment if you need it. Just hang out there and I’ll text you when Maddy gets home.”

“No, I need to talk to Maddy.”

Hannah makes a “suit yourself” face at me and begins closing her door.

I stick my arm out to stop the movement of the door. “You think maybe Maddy’s at school? At the library?”

Hannah leans against the doorjamb, cool as a cucumber. “Maddy’s not at school.”

Holy fuck, Hannah sounds like a cold-blooded killer right now. I’ve never seen her like this. “Well, then, where is she?” I ask, suddenly certain Hannah knows exactly where her sister is.

“I’m not at liberty to divulge that information,” Hannah replies primly, staring me down.

I clench my jaw. “Hannah, please. Just tell me where she is. I hopped a flight just to talk to her. I’ve got something important to tell her.”

Hannah’s face softens. “You flew down here just to talk to her?”

“Yeah. I’ve got no other reason to be here. Dax doesn’t even know I’m here. She didn’t answer my calls or texts so I booked a flight and hopped on a plane and here I am.”

Hannah twists her mouth. “Well, that’s kind of awesome.” She looks at me sideways. “Will Maddy like what you came here to tell her?”

“If she still has feelings for me, then most definitely. And if not, then at least she’ll enjoy the satisfaction of watching me grovel.” Hannah’s clearly on the cusp of helping me—it’s written all over her face—so I go in for the kill. “Please, Hannah,” I say earnestly. “I know you’re pissed at me for hurting Maddy’s feelings, but I—”

Anger flashes across Hannah’s face. “You didn’t ‘hurt Maddy’s feelings.’ You broke her heart.” She lets out an angry puff of air. “Maddy’s sensitive, okay? More sensitive than the average bear. Maybe what happened would have been no big deal to another girl, but Maddy’s not like everyone else. She’s not used to being used and thrown away. I know it’s par for the course for you, Ball Peen Hammer, but for Maddy, feeling so special like that and then being tossed aside like it was nothing was a crushing blow. She thought you two had something really special.” She glares at me. “And now she feels stupid—
pathetic
—like she made the whole thing up in her head.”

A huge lump has risen in my throat. “She didn’t make it up,” I say. “Everything she felt, I felt it, too. I was just too big a chicken shit to admit it.”

Hannah crosses her arms over her chest. “Maddy’s been the saddest little puppy dog you ever saw since you left. This should be the time of her life—she’s at her dream school, studying the thing she loves more than life itself, meeting new people every day who share her greatest passion—and yet all she does is mope around here, missing you and then feeling like a moron for missing you.”

My heart is squeezing painfully inside my chest. My eyes are stinging. “I get it,” I breathe. I run my hand over my newly cropped hair. “That’s why I came down here. To tell her I fucked up.”

“I love your hair, by the way,” Hannah says, her attention obviously drawn by my hand movement. “It makes your eyes pop. Jeez, your eyes look like they’re photoshopped.”

“Thanks.” I drop my hand from my head. “Hannah, please. Just tell me where she is. I got some incredible news today—game changing, amazing news. And the minute I got it, the only person in the whole world I wanted to share it with was Maddy.” I look into Hannah’s eyes. “Please, Hannah. I hopped a flight to tell Maddy I’m an idiot. Please let me throw myself at her mercy before I combust. At the very least, give your sister the satisfaction of hearing me say I’m sorry and turning me down.
Please
.”

Hannah visibly softens. But then she does something I’m not expecting whatsoever: she rolls her eyes. “Jesus, Keane. Great timing, you idiot.”

The hairs on my arms stand on end. “Why? What’s happened?”

Hannah looks up at the ceiling, shaking her head with disdain. “After weeks of wallowing in misery, Maddy
finally
decided to move on
today
. She said pining for you was too hard and she had to face the fact it wasn’t gonna happen. This morning, she said she was gonna turn the page and move on.”

“What the fuck does ‘turn the page and move on’ mean? How the hell is she planning to do that?”

“She’s on a date, Keane.”

“A
date
?” I blurt. “With who?”

“Some guy she met on the drive from Seattle. She said he’s here visiting his brother.”

“Oh motherfucker. Hell no. The dude from the mini-mart?” I grit my teeth. “Hannah, you gotta tell me where she is right fucking now.
Please
, Hannah. If you don’t, I’m gonna go DEFCON-one here.”

There’s a beat as Hannah makes up her mind. “Okay. Come on, Ball Peen Hammer,” she finally says, rolling her eyes. She opens her front door wide. “Maddy didn’t say where the guy was taking her tonight, but I’ll track her iPhone on my laptop.”

Chapter 56

Maddy

“What’d I tell ya?” Brian says as I bite into my hamburger. “Legendary, right?”

I nod, still chewing.

“Best burger ever,” Brian says.

“Pretty good,” I say. I take a long sip of my water. “It’s got a surprising kick to it.”