Banger's Ride: Insurgents Motorcycle Club (Insurgents MC Romance Book 5) (17 page)

The following morning,
Banger came into the kitchen and smiled when he saw Kylie at the stove scrambling eggs for breakfast. He pulled out the kitchen chair and she turned around, narrowing her eyes when she saw him. Banger sat down and reached for the orange juice, pouring himself a full glass. “It’s like old times, seeing you making my breakfast. I’ve missed you.” He took a large gulp and wiped his mouth with a napkin. “Just seems like everything moves so fast. Sometimes I’m out of breath just trying keep up with the passing of time.”

“I’ve missed being home too, but I do love college.” Kylie placed a plate of scrambled eggs, bacon, and hash browns in front of her father. “Who’s Belle?”

He jerked his head back. “A friend, why?”

Kylie shrugged, her eyes fixed on his. “She called while you were in the shower.”

Banger glanced at the kitchen counter and saw his phone on it.
That’s where I left the fucking phone.
“You checking up on me?”

“Your phone rang, and I picked it up to make sure it wasn’t one of the brothers. I’ve done that ever since I can remember. I saw her name flash on the screen.”

Banger nodded. “Belle’s a cook over at Ruthie’s diner, and we’ve been hanging out for the past few weeks. She’s a nice lady. You have to meet her sometime.”

Kylie wrinkled her brow, and twisted her hair around her fingers. “Now I know why you put the pictures away. You’ve met someone and you’re airbrushing Mom out of your life. You can put away all the pictures, knickknacks, and anything else Mom ever had in this house, but you’ll never take her away from me. Even though you’re trying to.” Kylie’s voice broke.

Banger stood up and pulled his daughter into his embrace, cradling her head against his shoulder. Pangs of guilt and stabs of heartbreak assaulted him as Kylie sniffled. “I’m not trying to get rid of your mom’s memory, in this house or in my heart. I loved your mother, and I will never stop loving her. I know this is hard for you to understand because you’ve been used to everything being the same for so long, but I have to go on with my life. Since your mother died, I’ve been a lonely man. She didn’t want me to be lonely, but I was so heartbroken when she left us, and I had to raise you all on my own and didn’t know what the fuck I was doing, so I ignored how alone I was. Just because I’m going out with Belle doesn’t mean I will ever forget your mother. It also doesn’t mean that I don’t love her because I do, very much, and I always will.

“You’re young and away at college, and you’re experiencing new things in your life, as you should. It would be unrealistic for you to expect me to live my life on my own and sad. Belle makes me feel happy in a way that a man should be.” Gripping Kylie’s shoulders, he pushed her back a little, then placed his hand under her chin and lifted her head so she would look at him. “I’m hoping you understand where I’m coming from. Don’t ever think for one second that I don’t cherish and love your mother. She will always be in my heart.”

Kylie wiped her nose. “It’s hard for me to accept right now because it’s all so new, but I can tell you’ve been alone for a long time. I know things haven’t been the same for you since Mom died. I guess all I can say right now is that I’ll try to understand, but you have to appreciate that this is really hard for me.”

“That’s fair. I don’t want you to think the last six years have been awful for me either. Raising you, getting to know you in a way that I would probably never have if your mom had lived, has brought me more happiness than I can ever tell you. It’s just that a man needs certain things, let’s leave it at that. And I do want you to meet Belle.”

Kylie nodded. “I’d like to meet her, but not right now. I need some time with all this.” She chewed her cuticle as she looked at her dad. “Do you love her?” she asked in a barely audible voice.

Banger shrugged. “Don’t know. I feel good when we’re together.”

Kylie hugged him. “Now your eggs are cold.” She pointed to his plate on the table. “I’ll zap them in the microwave for a few seconds.” She nudged her father toward his chair.

Kylie’s two friends walked in, and the three of them decided they wanted to go shopping at the mall. His daughter placed his piping-hot breakfast in front of him, gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, and smiled broadly when he handed her his credit card. Giggling and chattering, the three girls left, and silence shrouded him.

As he ate his meal, he thought about Kylie’s question. Did he love Belle? He wasn’t sure, but he knew he liked her a lot and wanted to spend time with her. He loved fucking her, and he’d be sad if he didn’t see her again. But love… He didn’t think so. Even though he had put some of Grace’s pictures away and told Kylie that he was ready to move forward, he still felt like he was betraying Grace when he was with Belle. He knew that was fucked up, but that’s just the way it was. It also didn’t help that Belle was holding something back; she acted like she didn’t trust him. He wasn’t sure what was going on with her, but he suspected it was more than just having an out-of-control teenager in the home. He had plans to get together with her the following night, and he sure as hell was going to find out why she kept pushing him away. It was time for her to lay her cards on the table.

He took a sip of his coffee as he stared out the kitchen window, watching the snowflakes cling to the windowpanes.

*     *     *

Banger watched Belle
as she spoke in hushed tones to her daughter on the phone. The glow from the fire crackling in the large stone fireplace softened the crease in her brow. In the firelight, her brown hair shined like melted chocolate. She was beautiful, and he was glad that they were seated away from the crowds at the restaurant. Since Big Rocky’s was the club’s other restaurant, he didn’t want to bump into a lot of the brothers. He wanted to be alone and share the night with Belle. There would be time for her to meet the brothers, go to a club party, and experience the thrill of a bike rally, but that night was only for the two of them.

“Everything good with your kids?” Banger asked as Belle laid her phone on the table.

“Thankfully, yes.” Her shoulders slumped a bit. “What’s new with you? We haven’t spoken in a few days. I called yesterday, but you didn’t pick up. Did you get my message?” Belle looked him in the eye, and he took her hand. What could he say? He should have called her back the previous day, but his feelings were all mixed up.

“Yeah, I got your message. I was busy. Kylie’s in town with two of her friends.”

“Really? Why didn’t you tell me? I’d love to meet her.”

Banger cleared his throat. “Didn’t know she was comin’ ‘til she was on her way. She and her two friends came to ski. They’re doing an overnight tonight in Aspen, left real early this morning. She’ll be heading back after the Aspen trip. Maybe next time she’s home, I can get the two of you together.” One thing Banger had learned during his forty-six years was not to tell the
whole
story to a woman unless he wanted hysterics and drama. Anyway, no sense in upsetting Belle over the way Kylie was feeling. He didn’t even know if they’d be together by the time her summer break started.

“I’m sure they’ll have a wonderful time. I’d like to meet your daughter, so when she’s ready, let me know.” She slipped her hand away from Banger’s then touched the base of her throat.

“Why’d you take your hand away? You don’t want me touching you tonight?”

Belle turned her eyes away from him. “That’s silly. I wasn’t aware that I moved it away from yours. It’s not a big deal, is it?”

“Look at me.” Banger caught her gaze when her eyes locked with him. “What’s going on with you? I feel like you’re keeping your distance from me. What the fuck?”

“I’m not.” She motioned the waitress to bring her another glass of chardonnay. “You’re being overly sensitive.”

“Never been accused of
that
before.” Leaning back, he grabbed his whiskey and downed it. “How’d you get along with your husband?”

At first, Banger didn’t think she’d heard him, then she blew out a long breath, tucked her hair behind her ears, and placed her elbows on the table, her chin resting on her hands. “It was all right for a long time, but toward the end of our marriage, Harold cheated on me. I probably would have left him if he hadn’t died.” She smiled.

“Was it just an affair, or did he love the bitch?”

Belle’s eyes widened as a large smile spread over her lips. “Good description. She
was
a bitch, and I don’t know if he was in love with her. I know he was in love with the way her youth made him feel. I never met her, but I’d speak to her on the phone when I’d call his office. She knew I was his wife, and she fucked him anyway. Harold later told me she was twenty-three years old.” She shrugged.

Banger didn’t bother to tell her that his world called all women “bitches”; he didn’t think she’d understand it. “Was that his first time, or was that the first time he got caught?”

Belle winced. “He swore he’d never cheated on me before, but I didn’t believe him. I’d suspected he was seeing someone even before he hooked up with his secretary. I guess now it doesn’t matter.”

“So, that’s why you push me back? You think I’m gonna hurt you like your old man did? Fuck, woman, I’m not anyone but me, and I don’t cheat if I care about a woman. The minute I met Grace, I stopped fucking around. Hell, I never looked at another woman the whole time I was married. I get that your old man did shit behind your back, but you can’t compare me to him.”

“I can’t help being jaded by it. You tell me you’re not that way, and you’re asking me to believe you. Harold told me the same thing, and I did believe him, but it was all one big goddamned lie. I know bikers have a rep for screwing around.” A half-smile brushed across her lips. “How many women have you been with since your wife died?”

Banger shook his head. “What difference does it make? How many women I’ve fucked doesn’t mean shit. The bitches were there to take my mind off shit, that’s all.” Why was she asking him
that
? The past years of fucking different women didn’t mean squat. He couldn’t even remember most of their names or even how they’d looked. For him, they’d all blended into one big pussy.

“Wow, that many.” She stared down at her hands.

Banger rubbed his hand over his face. Cupping her chin, he made her look at him. “I told you, none of those women meant anything to me. At the club, easy pussy is everywhere. The club whores are there to pleasure the brothers. It doesn’t mean shit to the men or to the women.”

In a soft voice, she said, “If you’re trying to win me over, you’re blowing it.”

He laughed. “I just want you to know that I’m not the cheatin’ type of man. Many are. There’re members who fuck all the time behind their old ladies’ backs, but not me. I’m not that way.” He smacked his lips as the waiter placed a steaming plate of beef brisket and hot links smothered in barbecue sauce. “Now that we got that settled, let’s eat.”

Belle picked up her fork and took a bite of mashed potatoes. “Yum. The chef put a hint of horseradish with the sour cream before he whipped them up. Delicious. I’ll have to try that at the diner.”

After the large meal, they sipped a shot of Amaretto, and Banger leaned over and kissed Belle full on the lips. He reached behind her neck, drawing her mouth closer to his, and he slipped his tongue between her lips. Desire teased his stomach. When she pulled away, he frowned.

“Something’s been on my mind since I went over to your house a couple weeks ago.”

He raised his eyebrows, taking in her apprehensive look. “Speak your mind.”

She licked her lips several times before speaking. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I don’t think you’re over Grace yet. I can’t give you my heart for fear it’ll be shattered. I don’t want to be a bed warmer. I don’t think I have the personality to be one. I don’t sleep around, and when I’ve given myself to someone, it means something to me.” She tapped her index finger against her lips.

Banger scrunched his face. “You think that’s all you are to me? A fuckin’ bed warmer? If that were the case, I wouldn’t be sitting here with you at the restaurant. A bed warmer is for fuckin’ only. We got a helluva lot more than that. I enjoy your company, and I want to find out a lot more ‘bout you.” He brought her hand up, resting it on his cheek.

“You have to admit, your house is a shrine to Grace.”

“Maybe I didn’t have a reason to change anything once she died.” He winked at her. “Kylie is in Aspen, Ethan and Emily are crashing at their friends’ houses, so it seems fitting that we should take advantage of the situation.” Moving her hair away from her neck, he whispered, “Let’s go to my place.”

He felt her stiffen under his touch. “I don’t feel comfortable with all the pictures of your wife staring at me. I understand and respect that you want them, and I’d never,
ever
tell you to take them down, but I feel like an intruder. For reasons I don’t even understand, I feel like I’m being disrespectful to Grace.”

He placed a hand on either side of her face, forcing her to look at him. “That isn’t the case at all. As a matter of fact, Grace would like you if she were here.” He gently kissed her mouth, murmuring, “I want to spend the night with you. I want to feel your skin against mine when I fall asleep, and when I wake up. I fuckin’ need you, babe.”