Barbarian's Taming: A SciFi Alien Romance (Ice Planet Barbarians Book 9) (15 page)

It explains the noises. The earthquakes.

This one doesn’t look close—it seems very, very far away, farther even than the distant mountains—but I know ash can travel far. I’ve seen the news. What I don’t know is what it means for us.

I can’t help but worry. Life is hard here already, and the brutal season everyone keeps talking about is nearly here.

What are we going to do?

* * *

“
I
bet
it’s the island,” Josie says near the fire. “Remember, I told you it was all green? Maybe it was warm enough to keep plants growing there because of all the volcanic heat.”

“If that’s the case, it’s gone now,” Georgie tells her in a tired, dull voice. “I don’t know if anything would survive that explosion.”

“Vol-kay-no?” little Esha asks. She’s resting against Claire’s rounded belly, sucking her thumb.

“It’s a big fiery mountain,” Josie explains. “The fire is in its belly and it flings itself out with smoke.”

“And ash?” Esha asks.

“Lots of ash,” Claire says, picking a fleck out of Esha’s smooth black hair.

As the day has gone on, the scatter of people has slowly flocked together. Most are clustered near the fire, and the crowd has grown bigger as the hunters have gone out to the nearest hunter caves and brought back supplies. A few have ventured back into the rubble of the old cave, but there’s not much to be salvaged that isn’t under a ton of rock. Everyone has furs now, and a few hasty half-tents have been erected with spears and leathers to keep out the worst of the wind…and the ash.

We’re
covered
in ash.

At first, we thought it was just dirt from the cave, but when the snow around us got progressively filthier, we realized it was coming from the volcano. I don’t know how long it’ll last, but it’s not too bad so far. Just enough to make you feel grimy and remind you that this planet isn’t safe, no matter how comfortable you get.

I’m sitting by the fire next to Lila, sharing a blanket with her. Rokan is sandwiched in on Lila’s other side, his arm around her waist, and I can feel his warmth radiating. It feels weird to want to cozy up to him, but as the suns go down, it’s getting colder and colder. No one’s ready to complain yet, though, so we’re sucking it up. Today we’re just existing. Tomorrow there will be plans for survival and strategy, but for now, we’re just a wounded family leaning on each other.

Across from me, Georgie nurses her daughter, brushing her curls back from her horns over and over again. Her mate, Vektal, sits at her side, his posture strong and proud. Only his face shows the lines of worry and concern. He looks older and more tired as the day goes on. I’m glad I’m not chief—I’m not sure I’d want all of this on my shoulders.

Maylak and Pashov are both resting in a nearby lean-to. Stacy hasn’t left her mate’s side, even though he hasn’t woken up. Maylak collapsed in exhaustion a few hours ago and is taking a much-needed nap, Kashrem providing his lap as a pillow for the healer.

Pashov’s not doing worse…but he’s not doing better, either, and Maylak has wiped herself out trying to help him. Everyone’s cuts and bruises—and some have broken limbs—will have to wait another day. Others are pitching in and helping out, and baby Pacy is currently with Megan. Makash, Maylak’s infant son, is with Liz.

In the distance, there are a few figures hunched over in the snow. They don’t want to join the fire. One is Warrek, who is taking the death of his elderly father badly. He needs space, and I don’t blame him. Sometimes you have to work through things without people talking to you and asking you questions. Two hunters are at his side, offering silent companionship so he doesn’t have to be alone in his grief. One of them is Bek…

And one is Hassen.

My Hassen. It feels weird to say that, but right now, I kind of feel like he’s mine. He snatched me from the cave and saved me from certain death. And I realized as people gathered, flocking to family, that Hassen has none. He is one of the many that has no family surviving the khui-sickness from so many years ago. He’s completely alone.

So I’m claiming him. He’s mine now.

I watch his back as he sits a few feet away from Warrek. He’s normally full of energy and life, but today he’s moving a little slower, and that concerns me. I know it’s because of everything that’s happened and he’s fighting a multitude of bruises and worry—everyone is. But I don’t like to see it in Hassen. I worry about him.

He’s also avoiding me. He woke up a few hours ago, scanned the tribe like he was mentally counting heads, and I felt it the moment he saw me. Goosebumps prickled all over my body. I wanted him to come and hug me in front of everyone, but his gaze went to his chief and then moved on. A few moments later, he got up and went to Warrek’s side, and he’s been there ever since. Poor guy. I’m also a little hurt that all I got was an eyeballing, but how can I bitch at a time like this? He’s comforting a friend.

Okay, mentally I’ll bitch, but I won’t say a thing aloud.

I know it’s rough right now. I know Hassen’s on shakier ground than ever before, so maybe that’s why he’s deliberately avoiding me. He’s an exile, and I’m the only single female left. And with all that’s going on, relationship stuff should be the least of our problems. But I still wish he was cuddling next to me by the fire, keeping me warm like Rokan is keeping Lila warm. And I know he has to be hurting, too. Not just physically, but mentally. Everyone is. You can only be strong for so long before you crumple on the inside.

I know this. When our parents died, I took over being both Mom and Dad to Lila so she wouldn’t feel the lack. I pushed hard to be everything to her, and I think I ended up needing her more than she needed me. Maybe that’s why I’ve struggled so much here on the ice planet while she’s thrived. I’d made her my purpose in life, and now she no longer needs me, so I’ve had to find a new purpose.

I just…haven’t entirely found it yet. And I’m worried that with Hassen, I’m just latching on to a new person to make my ‘project,’ as horrible as that sounds. But I guess I shouldn’t trust my judgment about relationships on a day when a volcano exploded and made everyone homeless. I’m probably freaking out and overreacting, just like everyone else.

But I also can’t sit here. I need to talk to Hassen, if only to make sure he’s coping all right. Some of the sa-khui are completely losing their shit, and I don’t blame them. This is all they’ve ever known, and it’s gone.

I get to my feet, pretending to stretch, and then step away from the fire. Lila gives me a concerned look, but I wave her off. I’m restless and need to get up and move around. Everyone’s all huggy by the fire, and while it’s sweet, it’s also making me feel lonely. I watch the three figures on the horizon and then move to the food and water skins that have been gathered from the hunter caves. It’s a lot of trail mix and dried jerky, neither of which I’m a fan of. Time to learn to enjoy it, though. I get a pouch of each and then hike through the ash and snow toward Hassen, Bek, and Warrek.

Bek gets to his feet as I approach, warning in his gaze. “Now is not the time. Go sit with the humans by the fire.”

I look at Warrek’s slumped shoulders, and my heart breaks for him a little more. “I brought food and water in case you guys were hungry.”

At the sound of my voice, Hassen goes alert and turns around.

“No one is hungry,” Bek says.

Hassen ignores Bek. He gets to his feet and approaches me, and as he does, I hold out the pouch of food and the half-frozen water-skin. Did I think Hassen was giving me a brush-off? I must be insane, because the devouring, hungry, possessive stare in his eyes as he looks me over? Yeah, that pretty much puts all my fears to rest.

He doesn’t take the food, though. He just curls my hands around it and gives them a little squeeze. “You should eat.”

I snort. “Pretty sure I can miss a meal or two. I brought it for you and your friend.” I almost ask if he’s okay, but that’s a stupid question. His home collapsed and his dad died. He’s not okay. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

“You can go back to the fire,” Bek says, surly. He takes a step forward and he’s standing in front of Warrek. He’s being protective of his friend, I get it. I’m not even annoyed.

Hassen is, though. He bares his teeth at Bek and pulls me protectively against him, his arm going around my shoulders. “Mah-dee is trying to help.”

“It’s okay. Really.” I put a hand around his waist, and I don’t know if it’s to comfort him or me. “I just wanted to check on you guys. Make sure you’re okay.”

“You’re cold,” Hassen says, placing his hand over mine where I press it against his side. “I will come back to the fire and warm you. There are not enough blankets to go around—”

“No, stay here with your friend,” I say in a soft voice. “He needs you. I didn’t come to pull you away. I just…well, I don’t know what I wanted.” I’m just being needy and now is not the time. I’m kind of ashamed of myself for distracting them, and I feel like Bek’s look of displeasure in my direction is sadly appropriate. “I’m just glad you’re feeling better. Take it easy if your head hurts, okay?”

Bek gives me an incredulous look.

Okay, yeah, I feel stupid even for suggesting it. Everyone is hurting. Everyone is injured. No one has the luxury of taking it easy, and I’m making a mess of things. I give Hassen’s side a squeeze. “I’ll talk to you in the morning, okay?”

“You are cold—”

“I’m fine, really. I’ll go sleep with Lila and Rokan.”

He growls low in his throat. “Next to Lila.”

I laugh, because I guess that did sound weird. “Yes, next to Lila. I promise.” On impulse, I take his hand in mine and lift it to my lips, and kiss his knuckles. His hands are torn up from digging earlier, scabs and scratches everywhere. I smooth my fingers over his skin, wishing I could help. “I’m going to go back to the fire now. Just say something if there’s anything we can bring you, all right?”

And I leave and turn back to the fire, to my sister, and the tribe. I’m not exactly sure I fit in there, but I know I’m not needed up here on the ridge. I’m just intruding. I feel Hassen’s gaze on my back as I go, and I have mixed emotions about that. On one hand I’m ashamed that I went and bothered them. On the other hand…I’m relieved that Hassen needs me and wants to be with me. It’s his sense of loyalty to his friend that is keeping him at his side.

I can’t fault him for that. I know all about that sort of thing, I muse as I head back to my sister’s side.

I
go
to Mah-dee in the middle of the night. My people are piled into the snow, huddled together under the makeshift awnings, doing their best to avoid the wind and the ash it brings with it. Mah-dee’s yellow mane is easy to find even in the darkness, and she sleeps on the edges of one blanket, her sister on the other side. She shivers even in her sleep, and I am filled with protectiveness at the sight of her. I should be here warming her with my body. Let the chief snarl at me in the morning. He is busy right now keeping his mate warm, their kit snuggled between their bodies.

Mah-dee needs me.

Bek remains at Warrek’s side after I am gone. My old friend is silent in his grief, but I am glad he has company. I went to him because I know what it is to lose family. I lost mine to khui-sickness and grieved alone. Bek lost his parents then, and even now, I suspect he grieves the loss of Claire. His silent company will be a comfort of sorts, even if Warrek will not realize it for some time.

I shrug my cloak off of my shoulders and lie on the ground next to Mah-dee. The snow does not bother me. The wind is a bit crisp, but the weather is still pleasant yet. I try not to think about the fact that it will turn in less than a moon’s time. I try not to think about all of the supplies in the storage caves, crushed. I try not to think about the fact that we have no place to live. I try not to think about old Eklan, or Pashov, who has yet to awaken. I try to ignore the low weeping of Pashov’s mate.

Instead, I focus on Mah-dee. I pull her against me, and she turns immediately against my chest, nestling close. I wrap her in my cloak and hold her tight. My cock aches with the need to be inside her, but it is reflex only and easy to ignore. Right now, all I want to do is feel her pressed against me and know that she is safe. I tuck her head under my chin, wrap my arms around her, and try to sleep. Tomorrow will be a difficult day.

Even when I close my eyes, though, I can hear Stay-see’s broken sobs. I do not sleep for long, and when I do, I dream of Mah-dee, trapped behind rock. I see her fingers reaching through the hole, trying to get to me. I wake up covered in sweat, my hands knotted in her hair as if I am trying to cling to her even in my slumber.

Mah-dee sleeps on, though. She drools against my chest, and her breath rumbles out of her, unaware of my nightmares.

I hold her until dawn. At least, it should be dawn. Instead, the light is dull and ominous. The clouds overhead are thick and dark, and more ash continues to fall. I worry that Mah-dee is breathing it in, and cover her head as she sleeps. We will need to make masks for everyone in the tribe, I think, until the ash stops falling. It is yet another thing that must be done. My heart aches at the thought of just how much.

I sit up slowly, making sure that Mah-dee is bundled against the cold, and look around for Vektal. My chief is standing in front of the collapsed cave, his arms crossed. From here, I cannot read his expression, but I know what he must be thinking.

I rise to my feet, noticing that ash cascades off of my body as I do. It is a concern, but then again, what is not? We have no home, no supplies, and there are so many small kits and fragile human females that we must work even harder to keep all fed. I would not change it for anything, but it weighs heavily on my mind.

I approach my chief, passing by Aehako, who is stoking the fire. Raahosh is stringing his bow, readying to go out on the hunt. Others are rising, and I hear the gurgle of more than one kit being fed. Today, we must have solutions. And I must be one of them, exile or not.

“My chief?” I ask, coming to his side. “What can I do to help?”

He turns away from the cave to look at me, and there is stark grief in his eyes. His jaw is set in a grim line and he nods at me. “Hassen. Are you injured?”

“I am well enough.” I can hear now. My limbs ache, but my bruises are fading. Nothing is broken. “Tell me what to do and it shall be done.”

Rokan approaches, and Salukh, too. Taushen is nearby and gets to his feet. Even Hemalo, who is not a hunter, has a spear in his hands and comes forward.

“We cannot stay here,” Vektal says. “The cave is ruined.”

“Can we go inside? Salvage what we can with a bit of digging?” Salukh asks.

Vektal shakes his head. “I have been standing here watching and I see rocks continue to fall inside. One more shake and anyone inside could be killed. We cannot risk it.”

“We must have supplies,” Hemalo says. “What can we do?”

“We need a place to live and for the females and kits to be safe,” Vektal says, rubbing his chin. “But I worry the South Cave will be just as bad as this one.”

“Then the Elders’ Cave?” Someone suggests. “Or the cave that the females landed in?”

“The caves by the salty lake?” Another adds.

“Too many sky-claws,” says Taushen. “The females would never be able to leave the cave entrance.”

Vektal nods slowly. “I hear all of you. And I have many concerns, but right now, we must find a place that is safe for our people for the brutal season. If that is the South Cave, then we will go there. If it is not, then it must be somewhere else. We must check them all out to see which has survived the earth-shake. We can send hunters out to each one and see if they have survived. If it does not look safe to enter, do not go in.” His expression is grim. “I lost one tribesmate yesterday and am close to losing another. I do not wish to lose more.”

“Where to first?” I ask. “The Elders’ Cave? Har-loh and Rukh are there.”

Vektal’s mouth flattens. “If they live, yes. For now, we will take the tribe to the Elders’ Cave. Rokan, you and Li-lah go to the fruit cave you found and see if it remains. Raahosh, go with Taushen to the caves by the salt lake and check for sky-claws and to see if they are safe.”

“I will bring my Leezh,” Raahosh says. “I can protect her from the sky-claws. But I will not leave her behind when it is not safe.”

Vektal nods grimly. “I understand. Taushen will go with you anyhow. Haeden, take Jo-see with you and go to the South Caves to see if they have survived. Harrec and Ereven, go to the original cave of the humans. The one where my Georgie and the others came from. See if it has survived or if it has been completely buried.”

“I cannot take my Claire,” Ereven says, pained. “She is heavy with my kit.”

“I will go,” Salukh says. “Tee-fah-nee and I can go with Harrec. Let Ereven stay with his mate.”

Vektal turns to me. “I must stay here with the tribe. The hunters with the youngest kits will stay with the tribe and hunt for them. I need more hunters that can go to the farthest of storage caves and bring back everything you can. The farthest-flung caves must be checked, and if they are viable, bring back all furs, weapons, supplies, anything we will need. Bring the gear to the Elders’ Cave. We will make that our home for now. Bring back all that you can. Hassen, you take the caves to the north. Hemalo and Asha can check the caves to the south. Bek can go to the west, and Vaza to the east.”

I nod my agreement, but even as I do, my heart sinks. It is a good plan, and yet…the farthest-flung caves to the north are deep into the mountains. The others will be closer to their families and return that much faster. My journey is a long one. It will take many hands of days to travel that far, and returning will be that much slower, weighed down with sleds of supplies. I will be separated from my tribe—and Mah-dee—for a long time.

But it must be done. My tribe needs every hunter…and I am just the exile. The rule-breaker. Why should I not go to the farthest caves? I have no family waiting here for me. “I will go.”

“I want to go with Hassen.” Mah-dee’s voice cuts through the air. She marches forward, bundled in furs, and comes to stand in the midst of the hunters. Some are smirking with amusement, but others look irritated.

The expression on Vektal’s face goes dark. “Mah-dee—”

“I want to help,” she cuts in. “You’re sending out all the single guys, right? Send out the single lady, too. Hassen’s been giving me lessons and teaching me to hunt, so I can help out. He can keep teaching me in the field, and I can help him bring supplies back.”

“You do not need to help, Mah-dee,” I tell her, though I would like nothing more than to have her with me. My heart thumps in my chest at the thought. “It will be much walking. It is not always safe.”

“Because staying here is safe?” She gestures at the rubble-covered cave. “Nowhere is safe anymore. I’m capable. Let me help.”

“You can go with Bek,” Vektal says. “His journey is shorter.”

Bek makes a grunt that sounds like irritation.

My fists clench at my sides, but my chief is right. My journey will be the longest to travel. She will struggle.

“I don’t want to go with Bek,” she says evenly. “He’s not the one that’s been teaching me. Why can’t I go with Hassen? Because he’s the guy that kidnapped my sister? You think I don’t know this?”

“Mah-dee,” I say in a warning voice. “Listen to your chief.”

She moves to my side and reaches up and pinches my cheek. “That’s cute. You trying to give me advice on that.” She winks at me to take the sting out of her words and then turns to Vektal. “I want to go with Hassen. We’re a good team, and I can help out. Two people bringing back supplies is better than one.”

Vektal puts a hand on Mah-dee’s shoulder. “You truly wish to do this? You wish to go with him?”

“What, you think anyone could make me go somewhere I don’t want to go?”

This time, Rokan snorts.

“Can you keep up?” The chief asks her.

“I can and I will.” Mah-dee’s ash-smeared face is stubborn but determined. “You don’t have to worry about me.”

Vektal turns to me. “You will keep her safe.”

It is not a question. I nod. “I will protect her life with mine.”

Vaza steps forward, gesturing at me. “He is exiled!”

Vektal’s expression grows bleak. “My friend, we are
all
in exile now.”

I swear I’ll be fine
, I tell Lila and give her hands another squeeze of reassurance.

She pulls her hands from my grip, a troubled look on her face.
If you want to help, you can come with us
, she tells me, every movement of her body indicating her worry.
You don’t have to go with him
.

I want to go with him
, I tell her.
He’s my
… I pause in my signing, trying to think of the best way to put it.
Friend
, I decide on.
He doesn’t have anyone but me, and I want to be with him.

Her brows draw together, and I can tell Lila is trying hard to understand.
You don’t hate him?

I shake my head.
I hate what he did, but I don’t hate him. Do you?

She thinks for a minute.
I guess I am the same. Those weeks with him were awful, but he didn’t mean me harm. And I have Rokan now. But…is it safe?

He’s not going to try to hold me captive to force resonance, if that’s what you’re asking.
I’m pretty sure the thought would make Hassen break out in hives at this point. He’s seen what he has lost with his tribe, and it’s affecting him greatly. Plus, I know him now, and I like to think that we’re better friends than that. He wouldn’t pull that sort of stunt on me.

No, that wasn’t what I meant. Rokan says it’s a long journey. I worry it’d be hard on anyone, and we humans are a little more fragile than the locals.

It might be, but I can’t stay here and gather dust.
I flick my ash-covered hair, hoping she catches the joke.
And I’m just an extra mouth to be fed if I go with the others to the Elders’ Cave. This way, at least I can help.

But…Hassen?

Hassen
, I agree.
He’s been a good friend to me, believe it or not.

I trust your judgment
. Lila’s expression is sad.
But I’m still going to worry about you.

Oh, I’ll worry about you, too,
I sign to her. How can I not? She’s my baby sister, and it doesn’t matter that she can take care of herself and she’s got a mate to watch her back. I’m always going to worry and want to take over and help out. Maybe that’s how she feels about me, too. The anxiety and resentment I’ve been feeling towards Lila’s happiness is gone. It’s weird, but I’ve been slowly figuring out that if I need something—emotional support, friendship, even breakfast—I have to take charge and get it on my own. It’s not going to fall in my lap, and people aren’t going to make excuses for me being a shitty person. If I want things to change, I have to make them change. I just hate that an earthquake had to demolish our home in order for me to realize that.

Change is good. It’s not always easy, but it’s good. And it’s time I made a few changes.

I’ll see you back at the Elders’ Cave,
I sign to Lila.
I love you. Don’t get killed, okay?

I’m going to a fruit cave
, she signs back, her smile wry.
It’s not dangerous.

Not unless the entire horde of metlaks has moved in there, but I don’t say that. I don’t even want to put it out into the universe.
Just be careful anyhow.

I will.
She pauses in her signing and then gives me a curious look.
Is…something going on between you and Hassen?

Why do you ask?

Because I’m deaf, not stupid?
Her mouth quirks into a wry smile.
I just know he can be pushy.

And I can’t?
I tease back.

True. I guess if anyone can tame him, it can be you.

The thought of taming someone leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Taming implies that I’m going to ‘fix’ him. Break him to my will. And that’s not what I’m interested in at all. I like Hassen just like he is—impetuous and overbearing, sure, but it’s because he cares too much. He feels things too keenly. And I don’t want to break that.
We’re going on this together as friends
, I tell my sister.
If we end up more than that, you will be the first one I tell.

Fair enough
. She pauses in her signing and then grabs me in a fierce hug.

And I hug her back just as tightly, because this can’t be the last time I see her. It won’t be. I can’t even think that or I’m going to start crying.