Beach Rental (17 page)

She lost her grip on him, bested by the pull of the ocean. She couldn’t find bottom. Her toes searched for purchase and found only water. The next wave came as she surfaced to breathe. It filled her eyes and mouth with vile salt water and sand.
This is it.

A hand closed on her upper arm with a viselike grip and pulled. She had no sense of direction, but felt ripped through the water, her arm in agony. Her toes hit sand and then her knees as she was dragged onto the beach. Ron released her. She huddled, gasping and coughing. Her lungs burned. Ron knelt beside her. She waved him away, rolling over onto her butt and pushing her hair out of her stinging eyes. Desperately, she scanned the waves and the beach.

“Ben?” Juli tried to yell, but only croaked. Her throat was raw. Ben was nowhere in sight. Charlie’s yellow water wings had vanished, too, claimed by the ocean.

Ron, above her, was saying over and over, “I’m sorry, so sorry.”

Juli tried to rise. Her legs failed her. Ron caught and steadied her. She felt otherworldly, disbelieving. She wanted to scream this was a mistake. Ben had been working a stupid, boring puzzle. They had a doctor’s appointment in two days.

Victoria was crying. Her words came to Juli through thick tears. “He got away from us. I’m so sorry. We saw his floaties and thought he’d…. but they were tied together.”

Juli turned to look. Beyond Victoria, Violet stood near the crossover. Beyond Violet was Charlie, oblivious, playing in the deep sand beneath the wooden steps, well-camouflaged by the strips of shadow and light.

Someone dialed 9-1-1 and Juli stayed on the beach. She answered the questions of the emergency workers, as did Ron and Victoria. Seeing the Beach Patrol vehicle took her back one day. Just one day made all the difference in the world. A big
if-only
. So she stayed, not because she had hope, but because the idea of returning to the house while leaving Ben in the ocean was more than she could bear. She waited.

For what? Acceptance? Would that come when her heart stopped shrieking
, no, no, no
? When tears burned the truth into her denying eyes and shattered her control?

For now, she was paralyzed, trapped in denial. She dropped her head onto her arms. A kind stranger draped a large beach towel around her shoulders.

They’d known from the start he would die, but not today. Not this way.

She couldn’t accept and hold the reality. It kept slipping away from her like mist through her fingers.

How grossly unfair that so much of life could be built upon chance, like a mom who believed her toddler had gone into the ocean alone at the moment Ben was handy to hear her frantic screams.

“Ma’am. Mrs. Bradshaw. You should go to the hospital. You took in a lot of water yourself.”

“No. I’ll stay here.” She waited. Maybe for an ocean of tears or for hysteria. Maybe for someone to come running up the beach shouting Ben was okay.

Ron walked over to the emergency workers and the beach patrol. They’d already tried to convince her to leave the scene. A police officer detached from the group and came to her.

“Is there someone I can call for you?”

“Yes,” she said. “His cousin, Luke Winters. Crescent Street. I don’t know the phone number.” Coward. But no, not a coward, it was merely a physical impossibility to speak such words into the phone, to say them aloud, to anyone.

“No problem. I can get it.”

At some point, when the remaining emergency personnel grew anxious and her vigil began to feel like a spectacle, she trudged up the steps, back over the crossover and faced Ben’s empty house. She pushed through the door, but couldn’t manage more than to reach the sofa. Sandy and salty, still wrapped in the stranger’s towel, she fell upon the cushions and curled up into as small a ball as she could manage.

Not long after, she heard someone at the door and Luke asked, “What happened?”

Chapter Nineteen

She pushed herself upright. There he stood, filling the doorway.

“He went into the ocean to save a child.” Her throat was made of sandpaper. She hardly recognized her own voice.

Luke stared.

Juli ran her hands over her face and forced her breathing to stay within normal bounds. What more was there to say?

“Did he?”

“Did he what?”

“Save the child?”

She shook her head slowly, afraid of breaking into little pieces. “It was a false alarm.”

He didn’t say,
so, he died for nothing
. Instead, he said, “I called Adela. She’s on her way. I guess there’s nothing else to be done tonight.”

His voice sounded numb. She shook her head.

“Do you need anything? Are you okay?”

She was obviously not okay, but there was nothing anyone could do for her tonight. Tomorrow was time enough to think. Tonight should be for grieving, but so far the emotions stayed jagged and painful, bottled within her.

It was an endless night.

Soon after the first rays of dawn had touched the sand and lit the water, Luke knocked on the door. Juli opened it. He stood on the threshold looking as rough and unwashed as she felt.

“They found him.”

She gasped. Instantly, her chest hurt and her throat closed. She forced the words out before he could utter the dreadful words. “I don’t want to know.”

No word pictures. No location. She covered her ears and turned away, forcing the image of Ben, as Ben, into her heart and memory, the way she wanted to remember him.

“I understand.”

Juli kept her back turned until he was gone, then ran down to the beach.

She sat and listened to the ocean. The tide came in and went back out. People walked past without stopping. The beach, littered with thick layers of broken shells dredged up by the storm, wasn’t inviting to swimmers.

What did she look like? Wretched and disheveled? Had the people strolling by heard of the drowning and wondered? Been curious? She didn’t care so long as they didn’t bother her with questions or sympathy. The wind tangled her hair and the sand and shells abraded her skin. Classic shock, she knew. And bludgeoned by grief and regret.

She should have been a better partner for Ben. A better wife. Had she done her best?

The worst blow was that she’d be paid because Ben died.

That had been the bargain from the beginning.

The day’s light waned. She became aware someone was standing behind her.

“I knocked. No one answered. I almost didn’t look down here.”

She didn’t turn around. She pushed the hair out of her face and sat straighter.

“Adela arrived this afternoon. She’s making the funeral arrangements. Do you want to be involved? If you have special wishes or anything, you can tell her, or I’ll tell her for you, if you prefer.”

“Whatever she wants is fine.”

“You can’t stay out here.”

She ignored him.

“You have to pull yourself together. The service is in two days.”

Juli looked over her shoulder and saw his bare feet. The hem of his dress slacks hung awkwardly without the shoes and socks. She wanted to appreciate that he’d come out here to make sure her wishes were considered, but the trimmings were meaningless. Dead was dead. The ritual might be comfort for some, but it didn’t change a thing.

Juli didn’t want comfort. She wanted to know she’d given Ben what he needed despite how their marriage had started out, despite the fact she didn’t fall in love with him in the same way he’d come to love her. Still, she loved him. Had it been enough for him? Had he known about her divided heart?

“It’s time for you to go inside.” Luke shifted his feet. “I have to leave now. Call me if you need anything.”

She bit her lip to keep from begging,
tell me I made Ben happy. Tell me
. There was no one to whom to address such a question. Certainly, not to Luke.

The sand whispered beneath his feet as he walked away. Juli waited in the twilight to give him time to depart. When she stood and turned toward the house, he was standing on the porch facing toward her and the ocean. By the time she climbed the stairs to the crossover, he was gone.

****

Strangers filled the funeral home chapel in Morehead City for the service. She glimpsed Ron and Victoria standing at the back of the chapel as she entered, but pretended not to see them. She walked with the family, stood with the family and sat in the pew with the family, but she felt encased in a plastic bubble. She was front and center at the service because, to the world, she was the widow. To Ben’s family, she was a calculating interloper. She stared straight ahead, deliberately blind to the people around her.

The smooth wooden pews were hard beneath her. Hard was good. This was not a day for comfort.

She kept wishing she was back at home on Emerald Isle. But it would be without Ben. And now, with Ben gone, she’d be out soon, too. Her brain hit a roadblock there and could go no further. She’d think about that tomorrow or the next day.

Pastor Herrin spoke about Ben. She kept her eyes on him and remembered nothing of his eulogy. Each word passed right out of her head. All of her concentration was bent upon making it through.

There was a program in her hand. Someone had written it up and had it printed. Juli held onto the paper like an anchor, but didn’t dare read it.

She had to survive the service, then the ride to the cemetery and the graveside service. She could do this for Ben. For Ben’s sake and in his memory, she wanted to avoid causing gossip as much as his family members did. They’d get through this day and then they could all move on with their lives.

Tears welled in her eyes, stinging. She sniffled, but refused to cry.

She rode to Bay View Cemetery with Luke and another relative. They sat in the front seat, she sat in the back. They’d had the good sense to put Adela in a different car. Juli settled back in the corner of the seat as if she might find a hiding place. She saw Luke checking on her via the rearview mirror. She met his eyes, then looked away.

He was one of them. She wasn’t.

They walked past the thigh-high red brick walls and then between the graves. She tried not to step on them, yet she was trapped in the front of the crowd making its way to the gravesite. She dared not stop. A tingly, jittery feeling started in her chest and the air felt thick. Someone moved in beside her and took her arm.

“Juli.”

Maia. Juli nodded. She wasn’t alone amid strangers and hostile acquaintances.

They seated Juli in the front row of chairs, smack in the middle and directly in front of the casket, as befitted the widow. Maia remained standing near the end of the row of chairs. Luke had seated Adela. He handled her gently, murmuring soft words to her.

She said, “–Deb. He’s next to her now, at rest. They are finally reunited.” Juli heard her clearly as did everyone within a few feet.

Somewhere deep inside, she felt it rising, sharp and suffocating. Her ears rang and she began to panic. She couldn’t run for fresh air here. She was trapped and began to shake. Juli looked up, her eyes bypassing the flower-draped casket. She felt her calves tightening, preparing to stand, to escape. Anna caught her eye. She was standing near Maia who lifted her hand in a slight wave.

Beyond Anna and Maia was a weathered, wrinkled face, topped by a snow white crew-cut. Dodge. Next to him were Laura and Donna, their eyes red and swollen. Billy Wooten stood with them, hair combed and dressed in a suit.

The frantic feeling flowed out of Juli. She was in control. She could make it through. Maia and Anna were Ben’s friends, but they were also hers. Some of these people were her friends only. They were here because they liked her enough to show support by spending these hours at a funeral for a man they never knew.

****

“Juli, these are my parents, Matt and Susannah Winters.”

She saw two middle-aged strangers who looked remote. Sad? Yes. But around her, people were hugging and commiserating with each other over the loss of their friend. She was trying to figure out what to say when Adela’s voice echoed across the open cemetery. “What do you mean I can’t sell the house?”

Juli cringed at her strident voice and the words. Fred Lawson, a kind man and Ben’s attorney, placed a hand on Adela’s shoulder and guided her across the sloping green lawn toward the line of parked cars. He was bending toward her speaking low, soothing her.

When Juli turned back, Mr. and Mrs. Winters were gone.

“Juli?” Pastor Herrin took her hands in his. “Your hands are cold. Are you alright?”

He’d married them, and now had presided over Ben’s funeral, all within a span of about four months. “Thank you, yes. I’ll be okay.”

“Please call me when you’re ready to talk.”

She nodded, grateful he’d stopped to speak with her. He’d given the eulogy over the closed casket and made brief remarks at the graveside. Juli couldn’t recall a single word, only the calming cadence of his voice.

Luke escorted her to the lead vehicle with a hand placed delicately, but firmly, behind her elbow. He wasn’t exactly friendly, but she didn’t sense the tension to which she’d grown accustomed. Was he subdued by grief? Or was it, now that Ben was gone, she would vanish from their lives in a matter of days?

Adela had made the funeral arrangements and no gathering was planned at Ben’s house. Or anywhere. Food and fellowship following the funeral was customary. Juli suspected Adela wanted to cut her out. If everyone came to their home for food and condolences, it would have been impossible to exclude Juli. It was cruel and petty, but unwittingly, Adela had done Juli a favor. Having to host fellow mourners after surviving this day, would’ve been the ultimate nightmare.

When they returned to the house, she was surprised to see two cars parked on their side of the driveway. Luke gave the rental car a long look. “The black sedan is Fred Lawson’s.”

“Mr. Lawson and who else?”

“Adela, I think.”

She couldn’t miss the chilly tenor of his voice. She said, “No one’s in sight. Adela may have a key.”

Luke frowned. “We’d better go up.”

Luke had planned to drop her off and continue on his way. She tried to decipher what this change in plans signaled. He knew Adela better than she. Perhaps he’d play the intermediary. Did they think she had designs on Ben’s furniture and linens? Maybe they wanted to protect Ben’s pots and pans.

Mr. Lawson was seated in the living room. He looked stiff and uncomfortable. He rose as Juli and Luke entered. Adela was not in sight.

“Juli, I apologize for dropping in like this.”

She felt warmed by his tone, but any comfort vanished when Adela emerged from Ben’s study. Juli bristled, an unexpected territorial instinct rising, but she kept her mouth shut.

“Luke. Juli.” Adela nodded in their direction. “Mr. Lawson told me I couldn’t put the house on the market yet, but refused to tell me more without you being here. Don’t think I’m cold.”

Far from cold. If she touched Adela, they’d both combust.

“I have to return home. I need to get on with wrapping up Ben’s affairs.” Adela walked over to Luke and wrapped her fingers around his arm. “I can’t leave all of the tasks to you. It wouldn’t be fair.”

She turned to Juli. “I don’t want to be unfair to you either. The way the real estate market is these days, you should have plenty of time to make other living arrangements.”

Luke spoke, “Adela. She’s just come from Ben’s funeral. Can’t we take a moment to breathe?”

Fred Lawson moved into the middle of the room, breaking up the conversation. “Adela. Luke. I’m sorry, I must ask you to leave, or, at least, to step outside, while I speak to Juli.”

Adela replied, “Is this about the contract? It’s not a secret. Ben shared the terms with us. Luke is his executor and I’m his sister.”

“I insist,” Mr. Lawson said.

“Let’s get it over with, shall we?” Juli was tired of it all. “Then everyone can leave and I can have some peace.” She winced at the hard sound of her voice. “I’m sorry. It’s been a difficult few days.”

“I understand completely,” Mr. Lawson said.

“Let them stay and be done with it. As Adela says, Ben shared the details of our arrangement with them.”

Mr. Lawson nodded. “If that’s what you’d like.”

He drew Juli over to the table, gently, as if she was fragile. His solicitude almost did weaken her, but she steeled herself to get this done. This last task.

The pieces of that blasted jigsaw puzzle still littered the surface, about halfway done. Mr. Lawson sat at the end and she took a nearby seat. Luke stood near the door and Adela simmered a few feet away.

“Ben asked me to speak to you privately about this after his death. Given the family tension, it may be as well to go over this with Adela and Luke present. Ben came to me a month ago and amended his will. He left all of his estate to you. His sole heir. Luke continues as the executor.”

An explosive non-verbal sound came from Adela. Mr. Lawson turned to her and said, “Ben intended to inform you and Luke of the change in terms. His time came sooner than he expected.”