Beach Side Beds and Sandy Paths (14 page)

Ryan is like dead weight with his arm draped over me, and once his breath is heavy against my ear, I know he’s sleeping. I wipe the tears from my cheeks and very slowly remove myself from his hold.

Once I’m out of the bed, I stop and watch the rise and fall of his back, the way his hair is taking on the form of sexy bed head, the relaxed features of his face that I only ever see when he’s sleeping lately. I just stare. Seeing every reason why I love him and wondering what it is about me that turns him off.

He says it’s not me, but I don’t believe that.

After the ski trip when I finally came to my senses and realized what was right in front of me the whole time, he told me he knew all along. He had been in love with me for years. So why is it that now I’m throwing myself at him he does everything in his power to push me away?

My whole life I’ve known what it’s like to crave love from someone who was incapable of returning it. But Ryan was always the one to make up for my misfortunes. I never thought in a million years he’d become the person who couldn’t love me back.

I tiptoe around the bed to my hoodie and pull it on my head. Then I remember I’m not home and grab my bra, slide it under the sweatshirt and hook it back into place.

I’m taking a huge risk right now, but I need advice. I slip out of our room and without even knocking, shocked the door isn’t locked, I slip into Kaylee and Nate’s room. Nate is snoring and relief washes over me.

If I walked in on them having…well let’s just be happy I didn’t. I wasn’t thinking. My mind is such a jumbled mess and all I need right now is my bestie. Very quietly, I walk to Kaylee’s side of the bed and shake her shoulder.

Her eyes pop open and concern streaks her face. “Lex, what’s wrong?”

I go to tell her I need to talk, but instead the tears pour out like an unexpected storm. Her feet swing off the bed. She marches over to the light switch, and flips it on. She stomps back over to Nate and shakes him violently.

He wakes up grabbing a magic wand from the nightstand ready to attack. How much harm he’d actually be able to do with that thing, I’m not sure. And if I wasn’t so lost in my misery
, I would’ve laughed.

“
Sweetie, wake up,” Kaylee says and Nate sits up. “Out please.” She kisses him on the cheek then points to the door.

He glances around the room, and when his eyes settle on me, he gives me a knowing look, grabs his pillow, kisses Kaylee on the head, and turns toward the door without a single word.

He knows the drill.

“Nate?” I say.

He stops and turns back eyebrows pointing to the slope of his nose.

“I don’t want Ryan to know I’m in here.”

Nate lets out a sigh. I know what I’m asking. Breaking bro code is unheard of. And I’m asking him to do just that. It’s not that I’m asking him to lie, but I am asking him to withhold information and that’s grounds for violating the unspoken contract.

I lock eyes with him and send out a silent plea.

“No problem, Lexie. It’s between us.”

Tears fill my eyes, but I smile through them to show my appreciation. I nod a thank you
, and he slips out into the dark hallway.

Kaylee shuts the door then practically swan dives at me, throwing her arms around my neck. “Bestie
, what’s the matter? Is it Ry? Do I need to beat him up?”

“Maybe,” I say and attempt a laugh, but it only makes me cry more.

“You just let it all out.” She pats my head and cradles me like a child.

“He doesn’t want to have sex with me,” I blurt
.

Kaylee leans back, eyebrow arched.

“It’s true. He said some bullshit about having all this stuff going on that’s making him angry and it’s not fair to me. But I know it’s just an excuse. He’s not attracted to me like that. I don’t know. Maybe he still sees me as his best friend and not his girlfriend.”

“That’s crazy talk. Ryan is head over heels in love with you.
Always has been.”

“Then why won’t he touch me?”

“Maybe he doesn’t think you’re ready.”

“I ripped my shirt off. The girls were hanging out there.”

Kaylee’s eyes double in size. “And what did he do?”

I look at my
‘
My Pointe Exactly’
polish, then back at Kaylee. “He told me to put my shirt back on.”

Her nose crinkle
s. “Are you sure? Maybe he said ‘bring it on.’”

“It was crystal clear.”

“Then maybe he’s telling you the truth. Was he purple? Rubbing his neck? Or whatever his tell is. I can never remember.”

I th
ink back to that moment. When he looked into my eyes and turned me down ever so gently. I remember the look in his gaze. Nothing but sincerity.

I shrug.

“See. You’re worrying for no reason. You’re beautiful and that boy loves you. It’ll happen. You just want to wait for the right moment so it’s special. Something you look back on with happy thoughts. Like my first time.”

“Nate killed your gerbil
, and then you had sex. How is that a happy thought?”

“That’s only a very small part of it.” Kaylee brushe
s her pigtail over her shoulder and turns to face me. “Remember how he used to write me those love notes and stick them in my locker only I didn’t know it was him?”

“Yeah and it took you forever to
catch him in the act.”

“What can I say? He’s a good magician.”
She pauses, picking at her
‘Sweet Memories’
toe polish. “Little did I know he was revealing his identity in the very note I caught him with.”

“What?
You didn’t tell me that.”

“It was something special between the two of us. And since I have such a big mouth with everything else, I decided I wanted to keep it between me and him.”

“So what did it say?” I ask and her eyes grow huge with excitement. She shakes her butt into the mattress and a huge smile spreads across her face. Then when I expect her to spill she jumps up and goes to her purse hanging on the door knob.

She pulls out a crinkled piece of paper and hands it to me. Unable to control my impatience, I unfold the note while Kaylee continue
s with the story.

“After the
Mr. Pippi incident, he kept apologizing and trying to talk to me, but I was too upset to even look at him. I blew him off every time. And then suddenly those notes started reappearing at my locker again, and I got suspicious so after gym, instead of showering—don’t give me that look, this is important—I bolted to my locker and there he was, looking all sexy in that fedora I got him. I wanted to hate him, but I couldn’t. He looked so sad, and I hated that. I don’t like to see anyone I care about sad.”

Tears buil
d in my eyes as I get to the end of the note. I blink them away and look back at Kaylee.

“I walked up to him and asked what he was doing there. He took his fedora off
, did this trick and a note appeared. He begged me to take it, and I couldn’t say no to those puppy dog eyes.

Kaylee nods to the note, but I don’t even have to read it, she cites it word for word without ever looking at the paper.

Kaylee Elizabeth Sperling you are the rabbit to my hat, and I love you.”
Kaylee finishes. A smile tugs at my lips as I set the note back on the bed.

“And that was our moment, Lex. I forgave him and then
our make-out session led us to my bedroom—”

I held my hand up. “I don’t need the dirty details.”

“There was nothing dirty about it. That time at least,” she says with a wink, and I hit her with a pillow.

“Look Lex. You and Ryan have been through so much already. More than anyone our age should have to deal with. I’m sure Ryan doesn’t want to taint your relationship in anyway. It’s the best thing you two have. Other than me and Nate of course.
” She smiles big  before continuing. “So I’m sure he’s just waiting for the perfect moment. It has nothing to do with you. That boy is crazy for you. Always has been. For longer than you actually know.”

My eyebrow cock
s, and by the look on her face I know she let something slip she shouldn’t have.

“Kaylee?” She twirled her pigtail around her finger and looked everywhere, but at me. “Speak.”

“Fine, but I’m swearing you to secrecy!” She stuck her pinky out, and I rolled my eyes, but I knew I had no choice. I looped my pinky with hers and kissed my fist. “I know Ry told you that he’s had a thing for you for a long time.”

“He did.”

“According to Nate, it stems all the way back to third grade. He has loved you for almost a decade. He’s a master at waiting and self-restraint. So don’t think it’s you. It’s not. It’ll happen. You just have to wait for your moment.”

“Thanks,
bestie.” I hug Kaylee and get up from the bed.

“You’re okay?” she asks.

“I think I will be.”

I open the door and Kaylee says, “Can you tell Nate I’m waiting for him. All this talk about sex.”

“Oh. My. God!” I whisper scream.

“I’m kidding. But really can you tell him to come back to bed.”

“Sure.”

I tiptoe into the hallway and kick something solid on the floor. Nate rolls over rubbing his head. “I’m so sorry. Why are you sleeping in the hallway?”

“You said you didn’t want Ryan to know you were in my room and the spare room is on the other side of the house. And…Well, I don’t like being that far away from Kaylee.”

I smile. He’s more than a good guy.
“Thank you. You can go back in now.”

He grabs his pillow
, stops, leans in and kisses my forehead. “You’re welcome. And I may not be as good with the girl talk as Kaylee, but Ryan loves you. Cut him a little slack even if he’s being a jerk.”

“Thanks, Nate.”

He nods and drudges towards their bedroom. Before he gets in the door, Kaylee bounces up and wraps her legs around him. Nate comes to life, wrapping his arms around her waist. The door shuts, but it doesn’t keep the giggles inside, and I know Kaylee wasn’t kidding. At least someone is getting it on.

I very slowly open
the door and walk back into our room. I sit on the bed doing my best not to make a noise. But as soon as I stretch, and my weight shifts, Ryan moves towards me.

His arm loops over m
y stomach and tugs me close. He always senses me. He could be dead to the world, but as soon as I lie down next to him, he knows, moving close to me like attracting magnets.

I curl up into him and tuck his arm tighter around me. His lips brush against my ear
. “I love you.”

I was an idiot to think he didn’t. And after what Kaylee
said… he’s always loved me. Now if I could just get in his head and fix whatever it is that is holding him back, keeping him from being with me completely.

I don’t want to wait anymore. I want all of him. If a moment is what he wants
, then a moment is what he’ll get.

The sun sinks into my back, and I can feel my skin darken by the second. I’m one of those lucky guys who rarely burns, but I’m kicking my ass for not remembering sunscreen today. And I’d run up to the house for some, but Kaylee and Lex said I’m not allowed near it. They won’t tell me why either. So Nate and I—and Brett, but I’m pretending he’s not here—are out on the beach boiling our butts off.

Nate spins his fedora in his hands. “Maybe they’re dancing around in their underwear. Pillow fights and whipped cream…”

I snort into the sand, grateful I’m on my stomach in case visuals creep in my head and cause a major hard-on.

“Sure, he says it, and you laugh. But if I say it, you beat the shit out of me.” Brett grabs a handful of sand and starts burying his feet. I know he brings up a fair point, which sucks and I slam my face into my towel and try to breathe. I was doing pretty
good this morning…with the anger thing. Lex sleeping next to me and understanding without me telling her everything, helped a lot. Made me realize I don’t even know where the anger is coming from. And that I should probably find out so I can make it stop.

I clear my throat and grumble, “Yeah, I probably would.” Then I tilt my head up and a light smirk touches my lips. Brett’s brow furrows, but he doesn’t say anything. Just goes back to covering his feet.

Nate flips his fedora again, setting it on his head. “You know, I think I’m gonna go in.” He pushes off his beach chair and marches into the waves. His hands are like vices on his hat as the tide rushes over him. I shake my head and flip to my back so the sun can roast me evenly.

“He’s weird.”

I want to punch him for saying it, but I keep my fists to my side and say, “Sometimes.” I don’t want to be angry anymore. I don’t want to get set on edge over every comment that comes cascading from his mouth. And after what Lex did for me, I need to be a better guy for her. Not just for sex, but for every reason under the sun. I need to be the guy she fell in love with, and not this screwed up version of myself.

“I had a friend like that in Vegas. She saw one Chriss Angel show and was sold.”

Taking a deep breath, I throw an arm over my eyes and talk to the sky. Seems easier this way. “Did she stick with it?”

There’s a pause before Brett talks again. Not sure if he’s just surprised I’m responding or what.

“Uh, kind of. She… she counts cards. Not exactly magic, more math, but still. Vegas seems to be a good place for her.”

I adjust on the beach towel, trying to get the sand from riding up my shorts. “I’ve never been.”

“I’ve been so many places I’m not sure if I know them all anymore.”

He sounds weird about it, and I peek out from under my arm to see his face. His eyes are on his hands as he digs his feet farther and farther into the beach.

Scratching the top of my head, I clear my throat and ask, “So… your dad’s mostly stateside, right?”

“Up until now, yeah.” He uncovers his feet and stretches his legs in front of him. “But even stateside, it sucks. We moved all the time, and I’m not all that good with first impressions.”

A sharp laugh bolts from my mouth. “No shit.”

He punches my shoulder, and it’s the first real brotherly contact we’ve had. It feels strange, but it doesn’t at the same time.

“You know, I get that from him,” he says.

“What? The douchebag thing?” I joke.

His mouth picks up at the corner. “Do you get the asshole thing from your dad?”

“I’m pretty sure I get that from Mom.”

Brett somewhat laughs, then he drops his gaze to his knees. I throw my arm back over my face and ignore the tension in the air. Or that could be the heat. Man, I’m roasting alive. I’m seriously considering heading back to the beach house even though Lex told me not to set foot in there till she gave the thumbs up.

“I’m not like her, you know,”
Brett says, cutting the silence.

“What?”

“Mom. I’m nothing like that woman.”

Is that why he thinks I have a problem with him? No, I have a problem with the way he came into my life. He jacked it up, threw his anger at me and my dad and said things I can’t get out of my head. I didn’t
do
anything to him. I didn’t even know about him.

Just like he didn’t know about me.

Ah shit.

I rub my hand over my eyes and
breathe out. “Yeah, I’m not like her either.”

We don’t
say anything else. His presence isn’t bugging me as much anymore. Like the sun soaking into me, my anger seeps out in the process. I try not to think about him being my brother—he’s just a kid who had a messed up childhood like me. Only I had the best dad. I had Pop-Pop and Grams. I had Nate and Kaylee and… Lex. I have no idea what or who he had, but now he just has me. And as I think about it, that really sucks for him.

I still can’t erase the things he said to me. But maybe I can try understanding them.

“What’s your dad li—”

“Hey there!” a female voice says over my head. I let my arm fall so I can see who’s interrupting my brave moment here.

A couple of girls, one in a bright red bikini and another in a yellow stand over us with pouty, playful lips and a bottle of sun oil or something or other.

“Would you guys mind getting our backs?” the girl in the red asks, tucking a strand of her brown hair behind her ear. Brett jumps to his feet so fast you’d think the sand was burning his ass.

I put my arm back. “Sorry, I’m waiting for my girlfriend.”

“She won’t mind, will she?” one of them asks, and I roll my eyes under my lids.

“I’ll mind.” I wave my other hand in the air. “But Brett’s got two hands.”

I don’t even have to open my eyes to know he’s smirking at them and wrapping his arms around their waists as he says to me, “I’ll be back later.”

I wave my hand in the air again and nod. Then I let myself smile because I’m pretty sure we just spent five whole minutes without wanting to kill each other. That and other girls will keep him from hitting on my girlfriend.

I’m about to doze off when a petite body with a whole lot of force behind it plows onto my lap. Before I can open my eyes, Lex’s familiar lips crush mine. Her tongue jumps out hard and fast in my mouth, and I can’t help but laugh around it at first out of shock, but I match her rhythm and after a few moments, I pull away because if we keep kissing like we are, I’m going to have to dive into that cold ocean before going anywhere.

“Hi,” I say, wiping her soft hair from her face.

“Hi.” She looks happy, and she’s in that bikini top of hers that makes it real hard to concentrate. I drag my hands up her sides and squeeze, tickling her a little just to watch her smile grow wider.

She stops my hands, laying flat against my chest. “I think I have the best boyfriend.”

“Yes
, you do,” I tease, then lock my fingers with hers. “But tell me why, please.”

“I saw those girls, and hell, even
I’d
rub oil on their backs.”

“I fully approve of that.”

She flicks my nose, then kisses it better. “Can I do yours?”

I let out a rush of relieved breath. “
Yes
. I’m frying my ass off.”

She sits back, reaching around behind her. I sit up, too, needing to be close to her. My hands plant on her waist as she bites a smile back and squirts sunscreen on my chest.
It’s cold, and I jerk back and tickle her sides again as she laughs.

“You know, I could totally live in California,” she says,
spreading her fingers on my chest and rubbing the sunscreen in. She runs her palms over my collarbone and to my shoulders, and I find my brain turning to the off switch. “But only if you’re here with me. Shirtless. All the time.”

“You shirtless all the time? Deal.”

She pinches one of my nipples and twists, and I threaten to do the same to her, but she starts rubbing again, and off goes my head.

“Did you apply for a college out here?” I sort of grunt at her.

“Nope. But hey, speaking of… Mom said I got a big huge envelope from Colorado State.

“Yeah? What’d it say?”

She shrugs and her hands move down my arms. I give her a nice good flex.

“I told her not to open it till I get back. But big envelopes are good, right?”

“Usually.”

“So, you should call Grams and see if you got one too.”

Her fingers slide down my forearms, and I catch them in my palms. I give her a slight smile. I didn’t apply anywhere, and I know bringing it up now will probably cause a fight, and I just don’t want to do that. I’m finally feeling okay. Had a good brotherly moment and shit, and my sexy girlfriend is rubbing tanning lotion all over me. Not ruining it.

“So…I have a surprise for you,” she says,
when I don’t say anything.

“Mmmm…what’s that?”

She leans forward and bites my earlobe. “It’s back at the house. And don’t worry, it’s not about expectations or anything. Just something I want to do for you.”

Now I feel like a damn girl. I sort of
want
her to have expectations, but I’m glad she doesn’t. Today’s been better…but I don’t know if that’s because I’m bottling it up and it’ll explode, or if I’m finally letting it go.

I’d hate to let the bottled up anger explode around Lex.

“Do I get it now?”

She slowly shakes her head, her two-dimpled smile still on her face. I love seeing her so happy, especially after how pissed she was last night. I can’t help but bring her lips to mine again, lightly this time, to show her how much it really means to have her happy.

“Ry?” she breathes when we part. “We need to get to the water.”

“Why?”

“Because if you keep kissing me like
this, and the way I’m sitting on your lap…I’m going to end up dry humping you on this beach into next Tuesday.”

I laugh, grabbing her arms and securing them around my neck. Her legs tighten around my waist
, and she clings to me as I stand us up and take us to the edge of the ocean.

Then I dump
her sexy ass in.