Beach Side Beds and Sandy Paths (5 page)

“Mom?” I say
and knock again as I ease the door open.

“Just a minute,”
she says, grabbing a towel to wipe her mouth. It’s too late. The contents in the toilet stare back at me.

Her cheeks redden
, though I don’t know why she’s embarrassed. Doesn’t she remember puking all over my purse a couple months ago? At least now she has the sense to go to the toilet.

“You don’t have to do this alone you know.” I reach down and try not to cringe at the yuckiness I feel.

“Do what? I…I’m. I was just cleaning the toilet.” She runs her fingers through her newly blond bob. Her
You Only Live Twice
nail is chipped. I’ll have to fix that later. “It can never be clean enough.”

“Why won’t you let me help you?”

“It’s just a toilet, Lexie. I got it,” she snaps.

“I’m not talking about the toilet
, Mom. I’m talking about
you
. And how these withdrawals are kicking your butt. I hear you throwing up in here. And see your hands shaking. You told me it wasn’t bad anymore. But it is. Why don’t you want me to help you?”

Her arms cross over her chest
, and now that she got sober they are covered by more than enough material. Somehow getting sober turned her off of the Trashy Barbie look. She turns away from me, a tear falling down the side of her cheek.

“Don’t you think you helped me enough?”

She doesn’t need to elaborate. All the times I picked her up from in between the garbage pails. All the times I changed her out of her vomit-stained clothes. All the times I listened to her belittle me and tell me I wasn’t good enough.

Maybe I
did
help her enough. She did put me through hell, sending me to a dark place time and time again, and without Ryan, I don’t think I would ever have come out. But I did. He was there for me. Through thick, thin, sticky and…gooey.
He never gave up on me. Because when it comes to the ones you love, you just don’t.

I look into Mom’s
bloodshot blue eyes. “No.”

At first she looks stunned like I slapped her
, which I never would, even though I’ve been tempted at times. Then her lip quirks up in that special way, and before I can give the big, long speech I have planned out in my head about all the reasons why, her arms engulf me.

“How’d I get so lucky?” she whispers into my hair, voice thickened by tears.

“I think you said something about a fifth of Jack and a backseat.”

Mom’s hands slide down my arms
, and she pushes me away from her. “I told you that?”

“Several times actually.”

She smacks her hand over her face and peers at me through parted fingers. Unsure of how to proceed, I shrug, and when her contagious laugh spills from her lips, I can’t help but to laugh too.

Seventeen years she’s been my mother
, yet the fifth of Jack she consumed the night I was conceived is one of the few things she can actually remember. We have a lot to catch up on.

“
You working tonight?”

“Nope. Roger told me a night off would be beneficial.”

“Are you going out with him?”

“No!
” Mom fidgeted with her hands. “I mean of course not.”

“Good. Get cleaned up. I’m taking you out.” As soon as I change my underwear.

I’m sending my grandparents to the crazy house. They’ve gone completely senile. Or they’ve gotten to the point in their life when they just don’t give a shit about what anyone thinks, because they’re old now and they’ll be dead soon.

Only they’re not
that
old. They should care about their vegetarian grandson being subjected to fishing with his dumbass half-brother.
“You can bond over the experience!”
Hell. Give us a set of boxing gloves instead. We can bond that way.

I’ve spent the whole time on my phone texting Nate. Brett sits next to Pop-pop in the boat asking him questions about his
“younger years” and giving me looks that say he doesn’t give a crap about my grandparents, and he’s just doing it to bug the shit out of me.

I move to the other end of the boat and face the
muddy water. My fishing line hangs over the edge and I don’t touch it. I pull my feet up on the rail and clack the keyboard on my phone.

Me:
How many beds are there in this beach house again? Can’t remember

Nate:
5 bedrooms. Nick’s claimed the master, but there are three others with attached bathrooms. We all get our own crapper. *wahoo*

Me: Room for all of us then, yeah?

Nate: You’re sharing w/Lexie, right?

Me:
Hope so. I just want Brett as far away from me and her as possible

Nate:
Oh, right. Sry man. But there’s a bunch of stuff to keep us entertained. Don’t let him mess up our spring break, baby!

Brett and Pop-pop’s laughter float across the boat and I shift my position in my chair.
Maybe I’ll dive off this thing and hike up the mountain. There’s a shitload of trees right in front of me, so if they follow, I’ll take cover behind a shrub.

Me:
We’ll see how that one goes

Nate:
Hate to change the subject, but I’m freakin’ out

Me:
Why?

Nate:
Kaylee just sent me a text saying she’s at Planned Parenthood

Me:
…

Nate:
Yeah, my thoughts exactly

Me: Call her!

Nate: Tried. Not answering. Maybe she’s in w/the doc. I dunno. But shit…

Me:
Yeah. Shit

Nate:
What the hell do I do?

Me:
Well, you guys were, you know, careful, right?

Nate:
Yeah. I don’t go anywhere without at least ten on me

Me:
Ten? Dude, where are you putting them?

Nate:
Pocket, wallet, Kaylee’s purse

Me:
You guys are freakin’ rabbits

Nate:
Not helping

Me:
Sorry. Maybe she’s tired of the rubbers

Nate
: ?

Me:
You know, pills

Nate:
You think she’s getting on the pill?

Me:
Maybe. Better than the alternative, right?

Nate:
Hell yeah

Me:
Has she been acting weird?

Nate:
Weirder than normal?

Me:
Lol. Yeah

Nate:
Nah. Well… maybe. She sort of freaked the other day. It was nothing, tho. We were fine. We are fine

Me:
When you what?

Nate: Nothing.
Forget it. I’m gonna try to call her again

Me:
Good luck

I don’t get anything else after that, so I hit a text to Lex, hoping she’s okay to talk.

Me: Hey, I miss you

Nothing. But she may be with Kaylee, and yeah… I’m not gonna mess with that till we know for sure what’s happening. Makes my mind shoot to what happened in my bed and damn… good thing we didn’t resort to sandwich bags.

And we won’t be resorting to anything anytime soon. Because after Lex left, I’ve been consumed with more guilt than I’ve ever felt. How could I treat the girl I love like that? Use her as a distraction instead of… well, it was wrong no matter how good it felt.

So, as much as my dick is gonna yell at me for it, I’m gonna cool it with Lex. But that’s easier said sitting here on a boat with Pop-pop and Brett than it is when she’s grinding on top of me.

“Hey Ryan! I got a bite!” Pop-pop shouts.

Yippee
.

“I’ll help you with it,” Brett calls back.

Call it my ego or whatever, but as I crank my head over my shoulder and see Brett helping
my
Pop-pop in this real Hallmark Grandpa/Grandson moment thing, something churns in my gut, making me stumble like a damn fool across the boat to shove him out of the way.

I don’t make it four steps before I lose my footing and topple over the side of the boat. It’s too late to save myself, but I chuck my phone onto the deck before I smack the water ass first.

The lake is freeze-my-balls-off cold. And I’m pretty sure I just scared all the fish away. Pop-pop and Brett are stifling laughter, and the freezing water suddenly doesn’t seem so cold as heat rushes up the back of my neck.

“This is why you don’t bring a vegetarian fishing,” Pop-pop says, waving a hand out to me treading water. “Maneuvers like this just to save a few cutthroats.”

It’s immature as hell, but I send a wave of water up at them, which barely sprinkles their hands on the railing.

They both laugh again, and I become a raging inferno in the water.

“Come on.” Pop-pop grins and sticks his hand out for me. “Let’s get you home before your grandmother throws a fit over you getting sick before your trip.”

I freeze my ass off on the boat ride back to the docks, and squish my way to the Lincoln without a word. Pop-pop tosses me the keys and sits in the back with Brett. Like I’m some damn chauffeur.
I catch Brett’s face in the rearview, his mouth cocked up at the corner and a slight shrug of his shoulder like he’s innocent. I almost run the red light in front of me.

We pull up to where
Grams is sitting on the swing on the porch. She waves as I help Pop-pop climb out of the car and then scolds me as I try to shut the door in Brett’s face.

I
want to beeline to the shower, but Pop-pop puts his arm up to stop me, letting Brett in the house first.

“What gives?” I spit,
then quickly apologize after Grams shoots me a look.

“Your grandmother and I need to talk to you.”

“Can’t it wait till I’m dry?”

Pop-pop glances at Grams, and she shakes her head.

“Guess not, son.” He gestures over to the porch railing in front of Grams’ swing. I huff a breath and cross my arms. I don’t even have enough energy to wonder what this is about, or care either. If I’m about to get another lecture over being hospitable, I’ll bolt from this house right now.

Th
e words Brett shouted at me the other day still ping through my head. My fists tighten. I’ve tried to explain to my grandparents why I don’t like him, why I don’t trust him, but they couldn’t care less. We’re going to be nice, because we’re “all he has.”

Keeping my mouth shut is about as nice as I’m going to get.

“Ryan, sweetie…”

Oh shit. Uncomfortable conversation ahead. I avert my eyes to my feet.

“Your trip is coming up, and Pop-pop and I…” Grams stops as Pop-pop throws out a very loud cough. “Okay,
I
think we need to talk about this… thing with Alexis.”

My mind has to play catch up. The
“brother” talk was what I’d been expecting, and instead I’m getting the “girlfriend” talk.

“Uh, what ‘thing
?’”

Pop-pop snorts then stifles it behind his hand.
Grams purses her lips at him before looking at me again.

“You two are getting serious, right?”

“We’re already serious, Grams. I love her.”

Her face drains of color
, and she rubs her neck, stretching out her wrinkles. “Um, yes we know. We… heard you two the other… well, we just want to make sure you know what you’re getting into.”

Wait? Heard what? What the hell is she talking about?

“Grams…”

“No need to explain, honey. I understand it’s not the old days when there had to be a ring on the finger before the consummation of a relationship.”

“The
what
?” I drop my arms and look at Pop-pop for help, which he doesn’t offer since he’s doubled over in laughter. “Grams, wait, Lex and I… we haven’t… it’s not…” Ah hell, I’m having this conversation with my
grandma
. After she heard… shit!

“I don’t want to know details.” She waves her hands in front of me and closes her eyes.

“There aren’t any details.”

“Okay, hun, that’s fine. But
this trip… don’t think for one second you and Alexis are pulling the wool over our eyes. We know you’ll be in the same bed together.”

C
an’t argue with her on that one.

“And even if there aren’t any details now…” She lets out a defeated breath and looks to Pop-pop for help.

He shakes his head and tucks an arm around her shoulders. “Just be careful, son. That’s all we’re saying.”

“I know. We’ve had this talk before.”

“Before you had a girlfriend. And before this unsupervised trip.”

“Nate’s brother will be there,” I mutter as a pathetic attempt to get them to stop the sex talk.

“Still, we want you to take this,” Grams says, handing me… shit, she’s handing me a condom. My grandparents are handing me rubber. And not just one rubber. “Oh, and these.” She hands me a few more, different colors, sizes, and brands while Pop-pop stifles more laughter. There are so many she’s putting in my hands, they’re sliding between my fingers and falling on the porch.

“Geez, May. How many do you think he needs?” Pop-pop says through snorts.

She drops her voice to a whisper, but I can still hear her. “Well, how am I supposed to know what size he is? I haven’t seen the thing since he was in toilet trainers.”

I’m bolting off the porch now. I’m sti
ll soaking wet from the lake, and I am way done with this conversation.

“Thanks, Grams, but I won’t need these.” Because I won’t. And because I don’t want to shove them all under her nose, I let them fall to the porch.

Pop-pop picks one up and sticks it in my hand. “Just for our peace of mind?”

I roll my eyes, but fist the condom anyway, thinking the rubber it’s made out of weighs a hundred pounds.

“And here,” Grams says, pulling something else from her bag. What else does she want to bestow on me? “I want you to take this with you too.” She slaps a thick book in my hand. The gold lettering glints in the sunset light.

The Holy Bible

There’s no stopping my feet now. Shower is my destination, and I’m not let anything stop me from getting there.

***

I was hoping the hot water would drown out all the anger I have pulsing through my body. Normally, that conversation with Grams and Pop-pop would’ve had me rolling with my grandpa, with equal amounts of amusement and embarrassment. But ever since Brett showed up, I can’t help but feel just so
mad
all the time.

And it pisses me off that I’m mad about dumb shit. It’s not who I am.

I squeeze my eyes shut and pinch the bridge of my nose. Walking around in just my boxers and undershirt, I pace my room and toy with my phone. Should I call Lex? Can I bug her with this? Can I have her over here without using her, but actually talking with her? I don’t know if I can. I don’t want to be angry. I want it all to go away… she’s the only one who does that for me.

But I’m not going to use her. I won’t even kiss her. I just need to hold her. Hold her
all night. Hold on to the one thing in my life that doesn’t make me angry.

I tap my screen and press the phone to my ear. It’s late, but she’ll answer, even if she’s sleeping.

“Hey, Ry. Sorry I didn’t text back.”

I smile just from the sound of her voice, sappy as that is.

“That’s okay.”

“I miss you, too, though, if that counts several hours later.”

“It does.”

Man, my voice is shaky,
and my eyes are watering. I hate that I act like a pussy when I get overwhelmed.

“Are you okay?”

She can always tell when I’m not, so I don’t lie my ass off.

“Not really. Can you come over? I need you.”

“Ry…” She sighs, and I know what look she’s got on her face. She’s pulling on her ring and giving a semi-pout, her big brown eyes getting glossed over.