Bear My Baby (Shifter Squad Six 1) (11 page)

Cassie sat down on the couch and put the package down in front of her, pushing her laptop and notebook aside. She was nose-deep in researching some kind of new LCD screens used by one of her more prominent clients. The Word document open on the screen resembled a jumbled mess more than a coherent set of words and thoughts. The mug of chamomile tea that was throwing wisps of steam up called to her.

“Mama, box!” Monroe commented smartly, pointing at the package now.

Cassie grinned, nodding. “Yes, baby, that is a small brown box,” she said.

Monroe seemed happy with that confirmation and turned back to his very important toddler business. The way his forehead crinkled a bit as he focused immediately reminded her of Connor. A lump formed in the back of her throat again and she cleared it, trying her damndest to ignore the feeling of irritation that came over her when she thought about how she handled the situation.

Definitely not one of her proudest moments. Not by a long shot.

What the hell is it about you that you manage to screw all of those situations up?
Cassie asked herself, rolling her eyes at the melodrama of it all.

This wasn’t exactly how she wanted it to play out. Her original plan had included not saddling Connor with the responsibility of knowing he had a child somewhere at all. But when he found out regardless, Cassie was ashamed of herself for blowing up in his face like that. He had to be as surprised to find out as she was shocked to ever see him again in the first place.

“Monroe McLaughlin,” Cassie said to herself quietly.

It had a ring to it.

She smiled slightly, shaking her head. Simply put, everything altogether was a bit too much to handle. She had just gotten used to the thought of being alone with her baby, and had stopped constantly looking over her shoulder. Seeing Connor had brought it all back tenfold. While he made her lust for him desperately, he also made her remember everything about that night she’d tried desperately to forget. Not the part in the cabin, but the rest of it.

Now, when she looked at the plush cream carpet in her living room, she was immediately reminded of how blood pooled on the one at Jonah’s place. How his last words turned into nothing but gargles and how the life left his eyes, leaving nothing but glassy depths behind. And how that man who had slumped down right in front of her on the rooftop had died much the same way.

It was almost morbidly funny how everybody died the same way. Whether they were on their own or surrounded by other people, they always died alone. It never looked any different.

Her attention snapped back to the box in a flash in an effort to put the darkness out of her thoughts. She picked at the taped ends, casually checking for a return address. Cassie was used to receiving most of her stuff through the mail and couriers, though she had started moving away from it more and more in favor of actually going out of her house and her yard with Monroe. There was still that discomfort of being out of her sanctuary that kept her at bay, though. A bit of fear, a bit of worry… it all melded together at one point.

She’d managed to pull loose one end of the taped edge when there was a heavy knock on her door. Whoever it was, he didn’t go for the doorbell, but chose to pound his fist against her thick wooden door, making the whole damn house shake. Cassie only knew one person who could make the world rumble like that. Standing up, she wasn’t entirely certain if she desperately wanted it to be him, or anyone but him.

“Door!” Monroe announced, not looking up from his picture book.

She could already imagine how he was going to be when he hit his teens, buried in a book or lost in his infatuation for a girl. If Monroe was really interested in something, he already got very deep into it even at his age. Cassie figured that he had to have gotten that from his daddy too.

Cassie rose up on her tiptoes and looked out of the peep hole. She could see the rough sweep of Connor’s collarbone and the metallic chain of his dog tags and her pulse picked up immediately. She put her hand on the lock and then hesitated, thinking for a moment.

What the hell can I say to him?
she wondered.

“Cass, let me in! I need to talk to you,” Connor bellowed. “I know you’re at the door, honey.”

Cassie groaned. Damn that werebear hearing. Or was it his sense of smell that gave her away? She had no idea, honestly. All she knew about werebears and shifters so far had come from a few online searches, trying to figure out how to raise a shifter baby without having the first inkling of what he would be like as a grownup. Another thing she would have loved to pick Connor’s brain about.

Resigning herself to another possible bout of verbal diarrhea, but promising herself that she would at least
try
to control her emotions and her temper, Cassie undid the locks on the doors. One by one they clicked until each one was released and she could pull the door open. She knew the locks were mostly for her own peace of mind and they would never stop the kind of people who had come for her last time. The type of people that Connor knew far too well.

When she pulled the door open and saw Connor standing there in his steel gray T-shirt and faded blue jeans, she had to remind herself that she was
not
supposed to ogle her babydaddy. Even if he was oh so delicious and
totally
worth the time of taking him all in. In more ways than one.

She blushed and stepped aside, chiding herself for her dirty mind.

“Hey,” she offered weakly.

Connor noticed her reaction and smirked, giving her a knowing wink. “Hello yourself, honey. Thought you’d never let me in,” he said nonchalantly, like she hadn’t kicked him out screaming the day before.

“Where’s my little soldier?” he hollered, striding into the living room and picking up Monroe like it was the most natural thing after setting down a yellow paper bag on the carpet.

Cassie followed him in, stopping at the door frame and leaning against it. Her light-toned living room with its peach couches and open spaces made for such a peculiar backdrop for the rugged, sexy man holding her baby in the middle of it. He was dark and dangerous, and her life was supposed to be light and happy. But the more she looked at them, she had to wonder if it wasn’t her life that was masquerading behind the cheery colors. Maybe it was Connor who was the good and happy one out of the two of them.

His face lit up as he swung Monroe around, raising him high up above his head to the tune of Monroe’s excited squeals and giggles. Cassie cracked a smile, watching the two of them be reunited. There was an obvious spark between them. Though Monroe was generally a happy boy to begin with, he really seemed to take to Connor. She’d rarely seen him so excited to see anyone, let alone on the second time meeting.

“You’ve been building any forts again, hmm?” Connor asked, swooping Monroe down on the ground with a controlled but fast motion that made Cassie’s heart jump.

But of course, Connor was completely in control. He wouldn’t let anything happen to his son.

His son.

A shudder ran through Cassie when that realization materialized in her head. Connor was sitting down on the floor with Monroe now, chatting animatedly about Monroe’s block fort from yesterday and the book that Monroe was offering to Connor. She giggled when the first thing Connor pointed out in the picture book was the big bear with the slightly goofy face.

“You know,
real
bears are much bigger than that. Do you know how big a bear is?” Connor asked seriously, waving his hands at several lengths from himself. “This big, or this big, or
this
big?” he said, scooping his arms as wide as he could.

Monroe raised his hands over his head, his little fingers wiggling, emulating Connor. “This big!”

“Yeah! That’s what I’m talking about. You need to know how big you’re going to be, you know,” he said, chuckling.

Connor tossed Cassie a look and her smile wavered a little. She hated to ruin their fun, but if she let it go on for much longer then she wasn’t sure if she could ever tell him to leave again. Lord knew she didn’t want to.

“You said you needed to talk?” she asked, trying to keep her tone neutral.

“Right. Sorry. Got a bit carried away,” he said, looking almost bashful. “I had something for Monroe.”

Connor pulled a stuffed bear out of the yellow bag. It had a dark brown coat and wore a tartan bandana around its neck, and was just big enough to hug comfortably. On one foot, it read “Monroe” in a thick, masculine font.

“Is it okay if I give him this?” he asked, keeping the bear behind his back even though Monroe was trying to lean to either side to get a look at what he was doing.

Cassie smiled sadly, nodding her head. Those pesky tears were gathering in her eyes again and she tried to force them down before one made its way down her cheek. God, that man knew how to play on her heartstrings. And he barely knew her!

“Yes, Connor. It’s okay,” she said.

Connor grinned and took the bear out from behind his back, keeping it in his hand as he pointed at it, looking at Monroe seriously.

“Do you know what this is, Monroe?” he asked.

Monroe didn’t hesitate for a second. “Bear!” he called proudly, and Connor let him snatch the teddy out of his hand.

Monroe looked at in awe and then to Connor, laughing and making his teddy fly up like Connor had done to him before.

“I think he likes it,” Cassie said softly.

“I think you’re right,” Connor agreed, looking entirely pleased with himself.

He scuffed his hand through Monroe’s dark hair and then hauled himself off the floor, standing up to his impressive height. He was so tall his head almost touched against the light fixture in the middle of the room.

“Can we talk now?” he asked, his tone getting more serious.

Cassie nodded and motioned for him to follow her. Every step seemed to take forever as her insides battled against one another, trying to make sense of how in the hell she was supposed to feel about everything. Nothing would have made her happier than to have Connor around her and her baby more. He was Monroe’s father after all and Monroe deserved to know him. Especially because Connor could give him something that Cassie couldn’t—not only the love of a father, but understanding as a shifter. As someone to learn from about one whole side of him that Cassie couldn’t even pretend to understand.

It had only manifested in Monroe being a strong climber and developing much faster than other children physically, but Cassie feared what would happen when he started shifting. When the hormones hit he’d be confused and scared because he didn’t know what was happening to him and he didn’t have anyone to learn from.

But at the same time, Connor was a mercenary. A man who solved problems for a living, who killed maybe on a daily basis. There would never be a guarantee that he would be returning to them after a mission. And she could never sleep easily knowing that he was out there, risking his life and potentially leaving Monroe alone again. Wouldn’t it be better if the boy never knew him instead of the very real probability that one day, when they had already bonded, he would just stop coming around?

They walked into the kitchen and as Connor stepped in, she peeked out through the door to make sure she could still see Monroe playing on the floor with his teddy. Sure that he wasn’t too far out of her sight, Cassie stopped next to the counter where she’d been standing when they were talking in her kitchen the last time. This time, the kitchen was sunlit and happy, completely contrary to their moods, unlike before.

“So, what do you want to talk to me about?” she asked defensively, noticing that she instinctively crossed her arms over her chest.

“I have a deal for you,” Connor said, a spark burning in his eyes.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Cassie

Cassie’s eyebrows shot up and she gave Connor an expectant look. Exactly what she needed—to haggle with her estranged werebear babydaddy. Simply thinking about that line gave her a migraine.

“I’m listening,” she said, busying herself with making some more hot water for tea.

Her chamomile tea was definitely cold by now and frankly, she needed to do something with her hands to keep herself from throwing her arms around Connor’s neck and kissing him senseless. He did something to her and damn if it wasn’t impossible to distract herself from the fact that he was the best she’d ever had. It wasn’t even simple lust.

She wanted all of him. All the time. There was no other reason why she’d taken so long to get back on the dating scene than the realization that no one could measure up next to Connor. Connor gave her a look from under his thick lashes, and she hated that even
that
made her wet.

Dammit, you’re supposed to be rational and collected here, Cassie! Stop imagining him naked!

So much easier said than done.

“I can understand that you don’t feel comfortable having me around Monroe. I know what you worry about. My job isn’t safe. You don’t know me. You don’t know my family, though they’re not in the picture much anymore anyway. We had one night together that may have left a bad taste in your mouth.

“But honey, I want you to understand that I treasure that night. Not only because of Monroe but because I had it with you. You’ve been with me since then and I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving that memory.”

He cleared his throat, leaning against the windowsill. His back was so wide it blocked out a good deal of the light, leaving a big shadow in front of him. Connor had a bit of that James Dean thing going on as he stood there, the look in his eyes pleading with her to understand him. To give him a chance.

“I can talk to you or at you until we’re both blue in the face. But what I’m trying to say is that I need you to give me a chance. I want to do right by him, and you. I fucked up once with you but I will never do that again. I want to be in Monroe’s life. I’ll follow every rule you give me. I’m good at that. And I’ll try my fucking hardest to come back every time. For him,” he said.