Bear My Baby (Shifter Squad Six 1) (12 page)

Somewhere in that, she heard him say “for you” as well. There was that wishful thinking again. The kettle whistled and Cassie grabbed for a mug, her hand shaking so hard that it slipped from her grip. Before it could hit the floor, Connor caught it, flipped it around in his hand, and lifted it up in front of her. He stood so close that there didn’t seem to be enough room for air between them. As ever, he took her breath away.

“What do you say?” he asked softly as Cassie took hold of the mug.

What can I say? No, I’m the heartless bitch that won’t let you see your son because you might die? I can’t be around you because every time I look at you, I either want to fuck you or I get flashbacks to that night?

“I don’t know, Connor,” she said earnestly, looking up at him.

Her eyes were definitely shimmering with tears now and he wiped away one that was trying to sneak down her cheekbone. 

“What can I do to convince you?” he asked bluntly, his blue eyes scanning her like she was a mission he needed to complete.

In a way, she guessed she was. Maybe it was naïve to think that he was there for more than just the baby, but she felt incredibly close to him whenever he was around. Physically, yes, but also mentally. Like he was the man that she could finally open up to and share her life with, her dreams. All those things she’d thrown on the backburner after Chicago. Could there be a fresh start for her, not only physically but emotionally as well? Trusting someone again?

She felt so silly for considering the very man who had become the epitome of her horrific night in Chicago as her possible fresh start.

“I’d love to know that too, honestly. But I don’t. This is my baby we’re talking about. I can’t allow anything in his life that might make it harder. And as much as I’d love to trust you, as much as I want Monroe to have a relationship with his father, I’m afraid.”

There was that word she hated with such passion. Fear. The thing that had been controlling her life for much too long. Suddenly, Connor threw his arms around her and pulled her in, cuddling her close. She gasped, her body going rigid for a moment. But when he put one hand on the small of her back and the other on her neck, cradling her against him in her kitchen, she slowly relaxed. He smelled so good. His arms felt heavenly around her.

Cassie let herself have that moment.

“Honey, I’ll be here. I swear. You don’t have to be afraid. It’ll take time and I’m okay with that, but I will make you trust me. I’ll show you everything there is to know about me and then you can make up your mind, okay? How about that? You give me a shot and if you’re not happy, if you’re not convinced, then we can stop this and I’ll step aside.” His voice broke when he said it.

“I’ll keep out of your lives until he’s old enough to make his own decisions. Fucking hell, I don’t want that, but if that’s how it has to be, I’ll live with it. Just give me a chance before that.”

She let that sink in and ruminated on it. She could do that much, couldn’t she? A part of her wanted desperately to know what
this
meant. Would it mean more moments in his arms? Would it mean cuddling up against him at night? Fucking him senseless whenever she wanted to? Cassie bit her lip, shedding all those wishful dreams. There was no sense in getting ahead of herself.

After a silence that lasted for far too long, during which he didn’t move an inch toward letting go of her, Cassie spoke up. “One chance.”

“That’s all I need,” Connor said, and she could hear the excitement in his voice.

“Okay,” she said sternly, but the corners of her mouth quirked up when she saw how enthusiastic he got when she spoke that one simple word.

Next thing she knew,
she
was the one being hoisted up and spun around the kitchen, with the risk of bringing everything off the counters with her legs.

“You won’t regret this, honey!” he hollered.

“Connor!” she squealed. “Put me down!”

He was grinning like a maniac when her feet touched the floor again and he flexed his muscles, pulling her close to him. The exuberance melted away as easily as it had arrived, replaced by a tension that hit Cassie right in her core. Suddenly, she was very aware of the curve of his lips and the way they were just a little bit parted. How he was dipping lower to meet her face and how his stunning blue eyes were hidden under those thick lashes.

With eagerness and impulsiveness that came out of seemingly nowhere, her hand rested against his chest, the other still gripping the damned cup. Slowly, he leaned into her and when they were about to kiss, with only millimeters between them, Monroe ran into the room. He held the teddy bear in front of himself, making a cute roaring noise as he almost ran into Connor’s leg.

Startled, Cassie jumped further from Connor and he smirked at her, making her smile sheepishly. The blush on her cheeks was giving her away again. No hiding from that man.

“What do you have there, baby?” Cassie asked as she picked Monroe up and he offered her the teddy.

He was getting so heavy already. The joys of having a werebear cub running around in the house. He grew like a weed and seemed to be getting stronger by the minute.

“Bear!” he announced proudly, looking entirely pleased with himself.

He even had the makings of that bad boy smirk that his father wore like a badge of honor. Connor laughed, kissing him on the forehead and reluctantly letting his hand slip from the small of Cassie’s back. She missed his touch as soon as he took the hand away.

“All right. Tell you what. Don’t make any dinner plans. I’ll be back in about an hour and take both of you out.”

He said it so confidently that it left no room for Cassie to argue. Connor gave her a wink and plucked the cup out of her hand, setting it safely on the counter.

“So you don’t drop it again while I’m not here to catch you,” Connor commented, heading out of the kitchen with long, purposeful strides.

“See you then,” she called to his retreating back, mentally scolding herself for sounding so goddamn eager.

But then again, there wasn’t any shame in that, right? She truly did want things to work out, and for Connor to somehow put her mind at ease that she wouldn’t be hanging by the phone, fearing that any moment she’d get news that he was shot dead in some nameless desert and would never be coming to see Monroe again.

You’re doing this for your baby. Giving him a chance to know his father,
she told herself.

But a very big part of her was completely convinced that she was doing it for herself as well. At least a little. Monroe wasn’t the only one who wanted to know more about Connor McLaughlin.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Connor

An hour later on the dot, Connor showed up at Cassie’s house with a fully stocked picnic basket and a plan. He left the cab running as he walked to the door. Cassie opened it even before he could knock.

Fuck, she looks good,
he thought, giving his sexy babymama a good long look.

Dressed in a casual pair of jeans that fit around her ass like they were painted on and an emerald green silky blouse, she looked absolutely stunning. Monroe was sharp as well in blue and white sailor stripes, clinging to his bear with a serious look on his face.

“Waiting for me breathlessly, huh?” Connor teased.

“You wish,” Cassie snipped back at him, but the grin on her lips told him that he was right on the money.

“I like the sass, honey,” he said as Cassie locked the door behind her and ushered Monroe down the pathway to the cab in front of her.

“Must be why you keep coming back for more.”

He would have been a liar to claim anything different.

They settled in the cab and it took them out of town, going down winding, ocean-facing roads soon enough. The air was crisp and fresh, filling Connor’s lungs with pleasant saltiness. They drove for a while but when the car stopped, Connor heard the satisfying gasp from the backseat that he had been looking for.

“Thanks,” he told the driver, slapping some money in his palm and hopping out of the cab.

He helped Cassie out along with Monroe and grabbed the picnic basket as well. Taking Cassie’s hand like it was the most normal thing to do, he walked the three of them to a table overlooking the ocean, with a patch of green forest lining it and keeping the wind at bay. There was a thin stretch of beach as well. They seemed to be the only ones there.

Connor set the basket down on the table and swung his arm in a wide motion around the scenery.

“Welcome to Connor’s, the best restaurant in Cali. As long as you like sandwiches and fruit, anyway,” he said, beaming.

“Wow,” Cassie said, putting Monroe down. “This is… beautiful.”

She was smiling, appreciatively taking in the expanse of forest, sea, and sky that rolled out before her. Monroe immediately waddled toward a patch of harmless wild flowers and sat down in the middle of them, setting off on some serious biological experimentations with the teddy bear. Connor unloaded all the goodies he had grabbed from little specialty delis, laying them all on top of a checkered cloth he had bought for just this occasion.

Well, he
had
to buy everything for this occasion. His whole life fit into a duffel bag and none of its contents could be used as a means to seduce someone. Unless they were really heavily into firearms and fistfights. While Cassie had plenty of fire to her, Connor was pretty sure that he’d have an easier time wooing her with good conversation and thoughtful actions instead of scaring her senseless.

Though he had tried that once. With a good outcome.

“Take a seat, honey,” he said, patting on a place next to him.

The scene that unfurled around him reminded him of another time. Those evenings when he had tried his hardest to be the best man he could be for another woman, and be rewarded with nothing but heartache for it. Somehow, looking at Cassie, he doubted that she would go out of her way to break his heart, though.

“So what’s this all for?” Cassie asked, grabbing a strawberry from one of the containers that Connor opened and nibbling on it.

“I’m making a legitimate effort here,” he said with a chuckle. “Doesn’t it show?”

There wasn’t much more than a few inches between them, but Connor still felt like it was far too much. He wanted to reach out and pull her to his side and keep her there. But he could respect that she needed her time. Now it wasn’t about only him and her anymore. There was a little boy in the mix as well and he had to come first.

“It does. But I wonder what your endgame is.”

“Sex on the beach,” he replied immediately, receiving a good-natured scoff in response. “I’ll settle for a good conversation, though. Like we had the other night, before everything went to hell. You still didn’t tell me why you didn’t go out for band in high school. The drum section was the best place to be,” he said, completely unabashed about his nerdy past.

He’d been a wrestler, part of the football team, and in the band. As far as he was concerned, he had the musical hearing of a deaf elephant, but banging on drums was a hell of a lot of fun. Seeing as he was built like a tank, no one could tell him otherwise, either. Nobody screws with the state champ wrestler, regardless of what he does with his free time.

“I didn’t want to play second fiddle,” she said, chuckling.

Connor gave her an incredulous look and she laughed, her lovely voice ringing clear as a bell.

“Literally, I didn’t want to play second fiddle. The first fiddler in the band was so much better than I was and it sort of enraged me. I vowed I wouldn’t try out before I could beat her, but before I could, high school ended.”

“And you never picked up the fiddle again,” he said, smirking.

“Exactly.”

“Sore loser, huh?” he taunted, picking up a ham sandwich and taking a big bite out of it.

“You’re the one to talk,” Cassie said.

Connor gave her a sideways glance and saw the sparkle in her eyes that put the sun itself to shame. She was having fun. Thank God. Yesterday, he’d been so close to throwing in the towel and pondering the next big failure of his life, but today he had hope. He could turn this around. All it took was time and legitimate effort. She’d see that he wasn’t just the cocky asshole she knew him as.

“You’re saying I don’t know how to lose?” he barked, his brows furrowing in mock irritation.

“You saying you can? I get the feeling you don’t know how to give up, Mr. McLaughlin,” Cassie said, turning his tease back around on him.

Connor shrugged his shoulders, pouring both of them some sparkling cider. He only drank non-alcoholic stuff on missions, but being around Cassie made him want to clean up his act for good. He wanted to be a role model, not someone Cassie was ashamed to let her kid be around. Their kid. His gaze fell on Monroe, who was plucking out blades of grass and building some sort of a pile out of them with the teddy keeping close watch.

That child made everything seem worth it. For years he’d been living the life of a soldier-for-hire as a means to an end. He needed it to survive. He didn’t have anything but his squad, his work, his skills. But now he had someone to really fight for. Two, actually. It blew his mind how quickly everything inside of him had shifted because of it.

His bear, usually violent to a fault, barely caged, had settled and quieted, watching, waiting. Instead of being a constant explosion of activity, he was now a carefully loaded spring, capable of controlling himself and biding his time. Or at least he was on his way there. Cassie and Monroe made him want to do that. To be better than who he was.

“I don’t see why I would ever want to give up on something important to me. I’ll fight to the last drop, yeah,” he said, nodding.

Connor caught Cassie’s gaze and she was the one who broke it, plucking another strawberry out of the box. He could see the makings of a reddening blush creeping up her cleavage and neck and he was waiting for it to hit her cheeks and light her up. He loved it when she blushed around him. It made him want to bend her over a table and give her everything she could have ever wanted.