Bear Naked (14 page)

“They don’t,” he said with a chuckle. “They want us to be as miserable as they are.”

“But doesn’t it bother you?”

“It bothers me that they’re making you so miserable,” he said gently. “But as for the rest of them, I stopped caring what they thought sixteen years ago.”

For some reason, that made me feel worse. “So you were fine until I dragged you back here. That makes me feel even worse. I can’t please anyone.”

Leif’s hand stroked my cheek, and then tilted my face so I looked him in the eye. “What makes you think I’m unhappy now?”

The gentleness in his gaze made fresh tears splash down my cheeks. “You didn’t want to be with me. Not really. I came after you and practically shoved my overheated vagina in your face so you’d have no choice but to mate with me—“

He laughed at my words. “Is that how you see it?”

“— And I promised you that things would be better and now they’re not! They’re worse than before because they exiled you and now they’re threatening me and everyone thinks you’re crazy and—“

“Shhh,” he soothed. His fingers brushed over my mouth, halting my words. “‘Lina, stop. You’re just making yourself upset. I’m not unhappy. And I’m not surprised they’re being this way.”

“You—you’re not?” I hiccuped, then sniffed loudly. I tucked my head against his shoulder, because it felt so good to cuddle against him and let him hold me. God, there was nothing better. How had I gone for so long without Leif? How could I go on without him if they took him away from me? My hands tightened on him.

He stroked my hair, my skin, my shoulder, until my breaths were coming slower and more regular. Until I was calm. And eventually, he spoke. “Remember what I told you? That sometimes what we think we want isn’t what we truly want?”

I nodded, inhaling deeply at the scent of his skin. He smelled woodsy and wonderful, and just a little bit wild. I loved that. Just being close to him was helping me calm down a little. With Leif, everything would be okay, somehow.

“Did you know Katja was running away when she died?”

I stiffened. It was awful and selfish of me, but I didn’t want to hear about my dead rival for Leif’s affections. Not right now, when I was so vulnerable. But I made myself say, “Oh?” as if this were interesting.

“It’s true. She’d stolen her father’s truck and was going to drive away. She didn’t care where, just…away. She told me, because she thought I deserved to know. We were best friends, but she didn’t want to marry me. She wanted to marry for love, and we didn’t love each other.”

I stilled. This…wasn’t what I expected to hear.

“And Katja was tired of the elders controlling every aspect of our lives. They didn’t want her to go to college. They wanted her to stay home with me and make babies. She wanted to study forensics. And I wanted to keep sculpting, but the elders didn’t think that was an appropriate job for someone that was going to start a family. They were going to make me apprentice to Jokkum.”

I flinched, thinking of Aunt Erika’s words. Jokkum was a plumber.

“The clan was making Katja miserable, so she was going to run away. Except she got into a car accident and died, and I realized…that I was miserable, too. That was why I left. It wasn’t because I was so lovesick over Katja’s death. I loved her as a friend, but I was more upset that she had wanted so badly to escape…and that she was right. The clan loves to keep control over everyone. They don’t care if we’re miserable as long as they’re in control. Look at your cousin Mikkel. Have you ever seen a more wretched man?”

I thought of Mikkel, always hiding from Gerda. And I clung tighter to Leif. “So…you weren’t in love with Katja?”

“Not the way everyone thinks I was.” His fingers brushed over my cheek in a caress. “I just wanted freedom. Letting everyone think I’d gone mad at her death seemed to be the easiest way to get it.”

I dragged in a long, shuddering breath. “And…I made you come back here. To the place that made you so unhappy. I’m such an awful person.”

“You’re not,” he said softly. “You’re just…uncertain of yourself. That’s their fault, too. I’m stunned that the bear clan has taken a woman as beautiful, and strong, and loving, and proud as you, and made her think that she’s so unlovable.”

“I don’t — I’m not — I — “ I stammered, and then stopped.

He was right, I realized with astonishment. Ramsey’s defection from the clan had hurt me worse than I’d realized. Because I’d been the one left behind, I was the one that had to take all the blame. The pitying looks and the thoughts that there must have been something really wrong with
me
for him to not want to return. The talk from the elders and the arguing over who would ‘take one for the team’ had only compounded that.

My clan had made me feel lonely and unloved, despite being surrounded by people who were supposed to be family.

I tightened my grip on Leif.

“Do you know,” Leif said, voice musing, “out of this clan that purports to love and care for each other, you’re the only one that thought to come after me in sixteen years?”

“But…” I hesitated. He was making me sound so noble, so giving. “I did it for my own selfish needs, Leif. You know that.”

“The motive was desperate,” he agreed, hugging me close to his naked skin. “But you could have just mated with me and left, if all you wanted was a heat partner. But you saw how lost I was, and you did your best to bring me back. You gave up your own clothes so I could be warm. You gave me the last of your coffee and your chocolate, because I didn’t like the coffee bitter. Every time I mentioned a discomfort, ‘Lina, you gave me whatever I needed to make me happy. How is that selfish?” The backs of his fingers stroked my cheek. “You worried that you were using me, and you offered to let me out. It was me that chose to stay.”

“Leif,” I said softly. “Stop making me sound so self-sacrificing.”

It was like he wasn’t listening to me. “You say that you were using me, but every touch you give me, every caress, is so full of love and caring. That’s not using someone.”

“I love you,” I said softly, pressing my face against his neck again. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, ‘Lina,” he murmured. “You’re the only reason I came back.”

And because we were back, things were miserable. “I don’t know what to do,” I told him. My hands smoothed up and down his back, enjoying the feel of his warm skin against mine. “I feel like if we stay, they’re going to do their best to make sure we’re as miserable as they are.”

“I don’t think you’re wrong about that.”

I knew I wasn’t. The clan elders loved control more than anything else. If they had to crush the life out of the rest of us to ensure that they kept that control? They’d do it. Even my own father didn’t have my back. He wouldn’t let me move out, and had even taken my truck from the airport, all because he wanted to keep me under his own control.

For the first time in my life, it made me angry.

I’d cheerfully gone along with it for so long, thinking that
I
was the problem, the unlovable one. All this time, they’d let me think that, because it kept me subdued and under their thumbs.

No longer.

“Sometimes I think Ramsey was the lucky one,” I told Leif. “At least he got away from their head games.”

“Do you think he’s lucky?” Leif asked. “He left you behind.”

Sweet man. I squeezed him in a hug, and nestled closer. I thought of Ramsey again, of the unhappy teenager he’d been. I wondered if he was as miserable now that he was part of the Paranormal Alliance in the south. Now that he had a little she-wolf for a mate. I’d tried to join the Alliance in the hopes that there would have been another were-bear out there that we hadn’t known about, but my father had found out that I’d contacted the Alliance and shut that avenue down.

He
liked
me being single and lonely, I realized. If I’d never gone into heat, he would have been fine with me being alone all my life. I frowned at the thought.

And then I sat up, thinking hard.

Leif’s bright blue gaze searched my face. “What is it?”

“If I leave, would you follow me? Even though it means leaving your family behind again?”

Leif’s smile was beautiful to see. “You’re the only reason I’m here. My family is with you. You, and whoever we have growing in here.” His hand brushed my stomach.

A burst of love shot through me, and I leaned forward and kissed Leif on the mouth, hard. “You’re wonderful, you know that?”

He grinned and kissed me again. “So what’s the plan, love?”

“I think we’ll pay Ramsey a visit.”

To say that my father wasn’t pleased by our decision was an understatement. Actually, my father wasn’t pleased with anything that involved me. He’d seen me come out of the woods, hand in hand with my mate, and had tried to send Leif away again.

We’d ignored him.

When his bluster didn’t work, he threatened to call Leif’s father, citing that Leif’s refusal to obey simply showed his mental illness and suggested that the elders wouldn’t look well upon this.

For the first time in my life, I realized it was an empty threat. I didn’t care what the elders thought of us. If they wanted to separate us, I wanted no part of being in the clan any longer.

So we ignored my father and went to my garage apartment to get my things and dress. My hands trembled as we did, but Leif’s strong presence at my side made things easier.

With Leif at my side, I could do anything.

I packed light - there wasn’t all that much I needed, really. My laptop for work, clothes to change into, and some personal toiletries. My phone. My savings account had been tapped out due to my Antarctic trip, but Leif told me he had an IRA he’d planned to use for college that had been accumulating money all this time. It would be more than enough to cover anything we needed when we got to our new home.

A new home. Strange, how invigorating and freeing that sounded.

Leif had one bag - a backpack - that was sitting on my front porch. He’d apparently come with intentions of not leaving my side again. I’d adored the sight of that, and kissed him long and hard out of pleasure.

God, I loved that man.

When my car was packed up with the last of my possessions, my father showed up again with Gunnar Ludvik in tow. “What do you think you’re doing, Niko?” Father asked in an angry voice as he saw the boxes in the back of my little sedan.

“I’m leaving with Leif,” I said.

“Leaving?” He sputtered. “Do you want to be exiled like this fool you mated?”

“Fool?” Gunnar asked, turning an angry face toward my father. “My son is not a fool. You brought me here to talk sense into the boy, not to insult him.”

“He is leading my sweet daughter to ruin!” My father roared.

“Am I?” Leif murmured at my side, amused. “Have I corrupted you?”

“Only the parts I wanted corrupted,” I told him with a cheeky grin. Now that we’d made our decision, I felt so light. So…free. So happy. Why couldn’t I see how the clan’s ridiculous rules was smothering me? Without them, the world seemed full of possibility once more.

“You cannot go,” my father demanded, charging forward. “Your elders forbid it.”

“And if we go,” Leif asked, coming to stand in front of me protectively when my father approached. “What will you do? Exile us?”

“This will be no turning back for you, son,” Gunnar said in a low, sad voice. “Are you sure this is what you want?”

Leif looked to me. I knew if I said the word, he’d stay…because he loved me. He’d be willing to put up with their bullshit all to make me happy. Such a wonderful man. I felt so lucky. So I simply smiled and nodded at him. He winked at me, then turned back to his father. “I’m sure.”

Gunnar drew his son in for a long hug, and murmured something in his ear. Then he clapped his back and released him. “If I cannot stop you, then so be it.”

Leif patted his father on the shoulder, and then stuck his hand out to my father to shake. “Mr. Aasen.”

My father glared at Leif, then looked at me again. “You’re making a mistake, Nikolina. You will be exiled—“

I ran forward and impulsively kissed my father on the cheek. “Bye, Daddy. Wish us luck.”

“Never!” His face was turning beet red. “You stop this right now! You—“