Beary Merry Winter: BBW Paranormal Shape Shifter Romance (Shifter Seasons Book 1) (2 page)

“Whoohoo! This is ugly as sin. I think I’ll take it!” Susie pressed the sweater against her chest. It was long sleeved with a hodgepodge of elves, mittens, and Christmas trees emblazoned across the front. We were on our lunch break from the jewelry store and had less than an hour to find something to wear to our friend Janet’s annual ugly Christmas sweater party. Janet held the party every year the last week of November to kick off the Christmas season. People canceled Thanksgiving weekend plans just to attend—it was that much fun. Everyone got into the spirit, wearing the ugly sweaters.

Fortunately we’d lucked out, and the local thrift store had a fairly decent selection of sweaters that qualified for Janet’s party, including the one Susie had pressed against her chest.

“Gawd, that is hella ugly. But I think this is uglier!” I held up a red sweater that was adorned with a pink pelican wearing a Santa cap.

“Ooh,” Susie said, “pelicans are my favorite. It will be perfect for the party.”

I looked at it again with a critical eye. “Actually, I don’t know whether it’s really ugly or really cute!”

“Rest assured,” Susie said firmly, “it’s pretty ugly. But are you sure you don’t want this one?”

Susie whipped a sweater out from the racks and I started cracking up. It was a long green men’s sweater that would hit past the thighs and featured an upside down snowman. A 3D carrot made from material stuffed with something like polyester fiberfill formed a nose, and it was right in the spot where a man’s penis would be.

“Oh my God, that’s hilarious,” I couldn’t stop laughing. “I think we’ll win the ugly sweater contest with that one for sure.”

“So, which one of us gets the good fortune to wear it?” Susie asked, grinning.

“You found it…you wear it,” I could barely get the words out. I thought I would burst I was laughing so hard.

“No, no, no, I insist you wear it,” Susie said, chortling as she tried to hand me the sweater. “Green is your color.”

I swiped the sweater away, grinning. “I think it’s more your color. It goes perfect with your blonde hair. Anyway, these are all pretty cheap. Let’s get the snowman one and the pelican one. We can decide later who wears what.”

“That works for me,” Susie said. “Do you want me to drive to the party?”

“I’ll drive. What time do you want me to pick you up?”

“Well, the party starts at 8pm, so how about 7:30ish? Does that sound good to you?”

“Yep, that’s perfect.”

“Great!” Susie said. She took the pelican sweater from me and put it over her arm, along with the snowman penis one. “I’ll buy these, and how about you buy the hostess gift.”

“That works,” I replied as we made our way to the checkout line.

At the cash register, Susie pulled out the few dollars needed to pay for the sweaters and I glanced around the thrift store again.

“What should I get Janet for a hostess gift? I’d love to give her something different for a change.” Janet was well off and she was always stocked with the usual gifts you give a hostess: wine, chocolates, and fresh flowers. It would be fun to find something fun and different for her instead of the same old—same old stuff.

Susie waved at one of the racks near us laden with cutlery, bowls and other kitchen items. “What about a kitchen gadget…”

“Hmm, this looks cute,” I said as I noticed a porcelain perfume atomizer that was sitting on the counter.

“That is a really pretty pattern,” Susie agreed.

“It is!” Small gray flowers decorated the bone china in a swirl formation. I picked it up and read the manufacturer’s imprint on the bottom. It was a quality brand and the price sticker had it at just a few dollars—a good fit with my budget. “This will make a great hostess gift for Janet.” But as I turned it over, I noticed a hairline crack on the side of the porcelain. “Never mind.”

“You know, there’s a new metaphysical store that opened up down the street from here. They may have something. Want to try it?” Sherry asked.

I shook my head. “I don’t think Janet is going to want incense or any other kind of mumbo jumbo.”

“I’m sure they have a lot more than that. They may have special tea or candles or…” Susie said.

“Alright, alright, let’s check it out.” I glanced at my watch. “We have about twenty minutes before we need to be back to work.” If I can’t find anything, I can always stop at the liquor store and pick up a bottle of something or other.”

“Boring,” Susie droned, taking the bag with the sweaters from the clerk.

“But always appreciated,” I wagged my finger at her.

As we left the thrift store and walked towards the new metaphysical shop, we continued to joke about who would wear the sweater. Every year Janet hosted the ugly sweater holiday party and every year the sweaters got more outrageous. Last year’s winner had been a red quarter-length shirt vest in wool with smirking elves mooning Santa Claus. It was pretty awful. I didn’t think anyone could top this penis snowman sweater though. But was it worth wearing a hideous sweater like the penis snowman just to win the grand prize, which was usually something like a Santa mug and cocoa? I would have to have a fabric stuffed carrot dangling from my thighs all night. Nah! I generously decided I’d let Susie have the privilege.

“Serena’s Gifts and Treasures,” I said, reading the sign on the store door. I peered in the window. “It doesn’t look like there’s a hell of a lot in there.”

“Oh come on, give it a chance,” Susie said, practically pulling me in the door.

Walking in I could see it was even worse than I had thought. The shelves were mostly bare and the smell of patchouli incense was clouding the air.

“See,” I whispered under my breath as a very tall, older lady with wiry reddish brown hair came towards us. “Just like I said, there is nothing much here and it stinks.”

“Sssh,” Susie whispered poking me. “Don’t be disrespectful.”

I sighed. I just wasn’t into this new age stuff like she was. Crystal balls, healing stones, tarot cards…it was all hogwash in my mind.

“Welcome to Serena’s Gifts and Treasures. I’m Serena. May I help you?” the woman asked.

Despite my size, the woman loomed over me. She was slender, but so tall I knew she had to be a shifter of some sort.

“I was looking for a hostess gift for someone but I don’t see what I’m looking for,” I responded, glancing around at the nearly bare shelves. I could see some herbs, incense sticks, a few pieces of pottery, dusty books, and a few old looking dolls, but other than that—not much.

“I have a little bit of everything, but I only recently opened in this location so I am just now getting the shelves stocked. I specialize in metaphysical items and unique gifts.” She waved her hand around the store. “I have books, jewelry, incense, oils and more. And I search all over the world to find unique gifts like special paperweights and one of a kind pottery and other pieces.”

“Ok, well good luck with the store,” I said, motioning to Susie to go. There was nothing in here for me or for Janet.

“Let’s look a little,” Susie said. I could see she was eyeing the almost bare shelves. Susie would shop anywhere!

But what could she possibly find here? I glanced at my watch. “Ok, but just for a few. We have to get back.”

As Susie started to explore the meager offerings in the store, I leaned against one of the tables.

“Back hurting?” Susie asked as she picked up a packet of incense and studied the text on the box.

I nodded. Lately my back had been a bitch and long hours hunched over the computer working on customer accounts at Courtland’s Gems didn’t help.

“Did I hear you say your back hurts?” Serena asked. She brushed a few wisps of her brown hair away from her forehead and peered at me intently.

I nodded as I reached my hand around and pressed the small of my back to try and relieve the pressure.

“Let’s see.” The woman made her way over to a nearby table that boasted a few bottles of oil. “This is what you need.” She picked up one of the bottles of oil and handed it to me. “This is lavender oil. You rub it into your back for pain relief.”

“That’s perfect for you,” Susie said.

I frowned as I looked at the purple bottle. “Does this stuff really work?”

“I sold a lot of it in my other location with no complaints. People seem to really like it,” Serena pursed her lips.

“Well, I don’t know.” I wasn’t so sure about the healing powers of oil and I hated the idea of wasting money on something that didn’t work. As I sniffed it, the scent of lavender wafted up my nostrils. “I’m not that fond of lavender, either, and if I bought it, I’d have to find someone to rub it in!”

“That’s true,” Susie grinned. “You’d definitely want a hot guy to massage it in. But you know the right man will come along soon, and it will be good to be prepared! Buy it so you have it on hand for him to rub in when your back aches…mmmm,” Susie closed her eyes. “I would love to have a hunky guy rub some lotion into my back.”

I shook my head. Susie was single, and like me she’d been put through the wringer by the men in her life. But whereas I’d decided to get real about it and recognize men were not worth wasting my time on, she was still looking for that special man. What a dreamer.

I put the oil down firmly on the table. “Don’t kid yourself. Men are jerks. Trust me. They’re a total waste of time. They’re only good for making babies,” I sniffed. “Otherwise, we’re much better off without them.”

Serena raised her brows, frowning. “Ohhhkay, I guess you don’t want the oil then.”

“Hey, look at that!” Susie squealed.

I followed her gaze to a table near the cash register.

“That looks like the atomizer we saw at the thrift store.”

“It sure does,” I said, walking over and picking up the trinket box. It had the same gray flowered pattern. I flipped it over. It was by the same manufacturer as the perfume atomizer. My eyes widened as I saw the price tag, nearly ten times as much the atomizer at the thrift store had been priced at.

This shop owner had claimed to find fine gifts all over the world—all over the world my ass! This was most likely part of a vanity set along with the perfume atomizer.  She appeared to be buying her stuff next door at the thrift shop and reselling it with a significant mark up.

“You want that?” the older woman asked.

“Yeah, well it’s nice,” I replied, “a little pricey.” I wasn’t even going to go into the fact that I knew she’d most likely picked it up for pennies next door. I hesitated as I looked at it again. It was a bit more than I wanted to spend on a hostess gift, but after all, it was for Janet, and I didn’t have much time. “I’ll take it.”

I put the piece of china back on the countertop. As I paid, Susie pointed to some vials near the register. It looked like blue dish liquid in a small test tube.

“What are these?” Susie asked.

“That is magic elixir…guaranteed to give you whatever you want,” Serena answered.

I scratched my head. “Uh huh, right.”

I knew the shop owner heard the skepticism in my voice. “What do you two want most in the world?” she asked.

“A hot man to love and lots and lots of money,” Susie said dreamily.

“A baby,” I blurted out.

“Really, you want a baby?” Susie looked at me in surprise. I had never told her about my baby fever.

I nodded.

“What about a man…a sexy ass man to love you?” Susie asked.

“Men suck.”

Susie shook her head. “What the heck! You said men are worthless…that they are only good for making babies…now you’re saying they suck. Since when did you become a man-hater?”

Serena arched her brows. I could see she was listening to every word.

“Men are nasty,” I said firmly. “I don’t need a man. But I want a baby, and like I said, that’s all they’re good for.”

Serena frowned and shrugged her shoulders. “Well ladies, you need to buy my elixir. I have one for everything you could possibly want.
And
they come with a money back guarantee.”

I frowned as I studied the vials. They all looked the same…like test tubes in a high school lab class. I picked up one of the vials and read the label—‘love potion’. I put it back. Picking up one after the other I read each label; ‘job potion’, ‘get rich potion’, ‘new car potion’, ‘better health potion’, ‘baby maker potion’… They even had a ‘baby maker potion’? What the heck?”

Susie narrowed her eyes. “How much are they?”

“Susie!” I couldn’t believe she was going to fall for this bullshit. Susie was gullible though.

“They are $40 per vial,” the woman replied. “But they are on special today for only $30 each—
if
you buy two. And remember, they have a money back guarantee.”

“We’ll take the ‘baby maker potion’ and the ‘get rich potion’ please, Susie said pointing at the vials.

“I don’t think so.” I shook my head. “I’ll take the trinket box, but that will be it, thanks.” 

“Alright, I’ll just get the ‘get rich potion’ then.” Susie unzipped her clutch. “Geez, all I have is ten bucks.”

“Take that as a sign Susie,” I grinned. “You are not supposed to buy it.”

“Look, what have we got to lose? These come with a money back guarantee.”

“Sorry, Susie, but this is just silly.” Over the years that Susie and I had worked together and been friends I’d tried a lot of crazy things. Thanks to her I’d had my palm read, got a hot rock massage, visited a yogi retreat, and more. But buying a vial of some liquid that claimed it would help me get pregnant? I didn’t think so.

The shop owner had already started wrapping the two vials in tissue paper but I waved my hand at her. “Put the one for me back with the others. Just give her the ‘get rich potion’.”

“Since you’re short on cash, I’ll buy it and you can pay me later,” I shook my head. “But honestly, I think you’re wasting your money.” I didn’t want to be rude in front of the shop owner, but this was ridiculous. Forty dollars for what?

“It will work if used correctly,” the shop owner said confidently.

If used correctly? Oh, ok, I thought, there’s the disclaimer. If anyone tried to return it for the money back guarantee, she would probably just say it wasn’t used right.

“How does it work?” Susie asked.

“The potion attracts what you need so you get what you want. Just dab it on your skin like you would a fragrance…that’s all you have to do.”

As I handed over the bills, I shook my head at Susie. “Don’t forget to pay me back.” That was a lot of money, especially for some hocus-pocus crap. But who was I to tell Susie how to spend her money? All I could do was shake my head as the shop owner, Serena, handed Susie her package.

“Yeah, just you wait, I’ll be rich soon.” Susie dropped the small package inside the thrift store bag.

As Serena handed me the bag with the trinket box, I tugged Susie’s arm. “Come on girl. We’ve got to get back to work or Sam will kill us.” Sam, short for Samantha Courtland, owned Courtland’s Gems. She was a fair boss, but pretty strict with the rules. You couldn’t blame her. Her husband Jon Courtland had passed away suddenly a year ago and she had two young children to support. His family had owned the jewelry business for a number of years and Sam had worked with him. After he passed, she took it over. But with the economy the way it was, the jewelry store was just barely getting by.

“Yep, let’s go!” Susie chirped. “We got work to do and a party tonight. And I can’t wait to get back to the office and put on some of this ‘get rich potion’…the sooner I get rich, the better!”