Beautiful Failure (16 page)

“You’re not used to letting a woman be in control are you?”

“I...No...”

I lean back and place my hands on his shoulders, noticing that his eyes haven’t left my breasts, so I go for the easy out.

“You can tip me wherever you like...” I bite my lip and lie back, seductively opening and closing my legs. 

His eyes travel across my body and I see one of the bouncers glaring at me out the corner of my eye; I’ve been taking things a little too far all week, but I don’t care.

Nervous guy pulls out his wallet and, as suspected, pulls out several bills. Fifty dollar bills.

He drags the dollars against my thigh and gently slips them underneath the thin string of my thong.

I smile at him and arch my back to lift myself from the floor.

He looks completely entranced and stands there dazed, watching my every move.

As the last seconds of my song play, I move my hands all over my body—yearning for more reaction from the crowd, inwardly smiling when I see Carter clenching his jaw.

I stare into his eyes as I slowly stand up, as the crowd cheers loudly. For at least thirty seconds, he and I are the only people at The Phoenix, and a part of me that I can’t explain wants nothing more than to step down from this stage and let him take me away for the rest of the night.

When the DJ’s voice asks for another round of applause, I slip out of my trance and realize there’s money on the stage.

I blow my typical kiss into the crowd and pick up my money, excited to see how much more I’ve earned from dancing a longer set.

I can hardly hold my excitement once I count the final amount, so to be sure I count it over and over again: Sixteen hundred dollars.

I take out a few hundred for the DJ and the bartenders and place it into their lockers. Since I wasn’t asked to assist in the private rooms, I tell everyone I’m going home and get dressed, sending Carter a text that says I’ll meet him outside. 

“You know that guy?” Charlie—the newest bodyguard, blocks me from leaving when I approach the exit.

“What guy?”

“The guy standing in the parking lot.” He points at Carter. “He claims he’s waiting for you.”

I nod and he walks me over to Carter, looking him up and down like he’s trying to remember everything about him.

He even walks behind Carter’s car and writes down his license plate number. Then he crosses his arms. “You can leave now.”

“I’m glad I have your
permission
.” Carter rolls his eyes and opens the door for me.

The second he slips inside, we both laugh at Charlie. He’s stepped in front of the car as if he’s a traffic controller, signaling for Carter to put the car in reverse and pull away.

“Is security always like that?” he asks.

“I think they have to be.” I laugh. “Sometimes they follow us for a few miles to make sure no one is trailing us home.”

He nods and pulls onto the main road, turning on the radio.

He doesn’t say anything for a long time, making me think the performance I gave wasn’t as great as I thought it was. Either that, or he’s really mad at me.

“Did you enjoy my performance?” I look over and notice his lips are curving into a smile.

“I did.”

“You
did
? That’s all you have to say?”

“What would you like me to say?”

“How about:
Thank you,
Emerald.
Thank you
for telling me about your first premier performance and putting me on the list so I wouldn’t have to pay. You did a
damn good
job and I almost came in my pants while watching your sexy ass.”

Suppressing a laugh, he slows the car and pulls it to the side of the road.  He turns towards me and cups my face in his hands. “
Thank you
, Emerald. Thank you for telling me about your first premier performance and putting me on the list so I wouldn’t have to pay, even though I would pay
triple
just to see you dance for five seconds. You did a
damn good
job, but I hate to inform you that I did
not
cum in my pants while watching your sexy ass.”

“You also didn’t tip me.”

“I
didn’t
.” He pulls me close and kisses me.

I shut my eyes as he slips his tongue deeper into my mouth, as he unbuckles my seatbelt and pulls me into his lap.

He presses his forehead against mine—leaving no space between us, and whispers, “I loved every fucking second of it.”

I feel his hands caressing my back and sigh, hoping that he’ll sense that I want this, that I was confused and hurt when he turned me away at the lake yesterday.

Threading his fingers through my hair, he lowers his head to my left shoulder and plants kisses across my collarbone, hesitating a few seconds in between each kiss.

I’ve never been rendered speechless by kisses before. Then again, I’ve never had kisses
like this
before. They’re sensual and slow, not the rough and primal kind I’m used to.

“Carter...” I tilt my head back as he kisses his way up to my neck and unzips the front of my shirt.

He doesn’t answer. He continues his barrage of torturous kisses and unsnaps my bra.

The second he bites my nipple, I close my eyes and suppress a moan.

He flicks his tongue around it in circles, pulling my body even closer to his, letting me feel how hard his dick is beneath me. 

I move my hand between us and reach for his fly, tugging on it—damn near ripping it off. When I finally have it down, I slip my hand into his pants, ready to pull his dick out and finally get what I’ve wanted for weeks, but he grabs my hand.

“Stop.”

“
Stop
?” I ask, breathlessly. 

He sighs and pushes me against the dashboard. Without saying another word, he readjusts my bra and zips my shirt.

As I struggle to catch my breath, he lifts me out of his lap and places me back into my seat.

“Put your seatbelt on.” He cranks the car and waits.

I shake my head and try to control the hurt that’s building in my chest.

“
Now
, Emerald.”

I pull the seatbelt over my shoulder and sit back, staring straight ahead.

He’s been confusing the hell out of me all along—throwing me for loops left and right, but
this
? This is it.

I have never,
ever
, been denied this much and after tonight I’m done with him. For good.

I don’t look his way as he drives back towards Blythe. I’m ready for this night to be over, ready to forget all about him and this turn me on, turn me off bullshit.

In the past, Leah would tell me about idiots like him. She’d say that if a man ever rejected me in the heat of the moment that he was either gay or never interested in me to begin with.

I’m honestly ashamed that I didn’t see through his game earlier because it’s clearer than ever right now: He doesn’t really like me. He just feels sorry for me.

Half an hour later, when we pull up to my grandparents’ house, I notice that there are lots of cars parked in the driveway. It’s Bible study night.

Before he can get out of the car and do that Prince Charming shit that drives me insane, I roll the window down and reach out to unlock the door myself.

After letting myself out, I slam the door and look at him. “Thank you for another pointless make-out session. I’m going to go finger fuck myself now. Don’t talk to me anymore.”

I turn away and rush towards the house with him calling my name behind me.

Grateful that the door is unlocked, I slip inside and find myself face to face with my grandparents and several other people who are all staring at me.

“Oh, Emerald!” Virginia claps. “Everyone, I’m sure you all know my granddaughter. She hasn’t been around much since she’s working at the Florentine’s diner in Tallapoosa, but Henry and I couldn’t be more proud. She’s been working like crazy and I know she got her job because we all prayed about it weeks ago.”

“Praise Jesus!” They all say.

Oh god...
“Thank you all for your um, prayer requests.”

They smile—not saying anything, just continuing to stare at me.

“I’m going to go upstairs now,” I say to Virginia. “I’m tired.”

“Of course! Of course!” She motions for me to go and turns her attention back to the group. “Now, where were we? Oh, right! Condoms are for sex, and sex is only for married people!”

“Praise Jesus!”

I grab a can of Coke from the fridge and run upstairs to my bathroom before I change my mind about getting myself off.

Sighing, I toss all of my clothes off and step inside the shower—scrubbing away the smoke of The Phoenix, the softness of Carter’s touch.

I try not to think about him—him and his lips, him and his ‘I’m-fucking-you-with-my-mouth’ kisses, him and his—

Stop it!

Turning off the water, I put my robe on and grab the candles Sarah and Robyn bought for me last week. They’re dark red cubes with crushed white roses pressed into their wax and they supposedly “set the mood like [you] wouldn’t believe.”

I light them all and place them along my desk and my mantle, immediately noticing how potent their black cherry scent is.

I turn my lights off and slip underneath the covers, thinking of the only person who can turn me on instantly. The one person I shouldn’t be thinking about.

Shutting my eyes, I picture what it would be like if we actually did have sex, how—

My phone rings.

UGH!

I groan. I already know it’s Virginia. She wants me to come down and partake in the final prayer of the night, which suddenly makes me feel dirty.

Putting the phone up to my ear, I sigh. “Yes?”

“Have you fucked yourself yet?” Carter.

“Have
you
? Clearly that’s what you prefer to do every night.”

He laughs. “You left without saying goodbye.”

“It was implied, and I meant what I said. I don’t want to talk to you anymore.”

“Then why haven’t you hung up?”

I’m silent.

“Are you touching yourself?”

“Goodbye, Carter.”

“Tell me.”

“Yes,” I admit. “I
am
touching myself because the man I was dating is
gay
and I was the last to know.”

“He’s far from gay.”

“Does he have
erectile dysfunction
?”

He laughs again. “No. Not at all.”

“Well, can you explain why he doesn’t want to sleep with me? Why he leaves me high and dry—literally
dry
, every chance he gets?”

“How wet are you right now?”

“
Desert
wet.”

“The guy you want to fuck doesn’t do
desert wet
.”

“He doesn’t do anything.”

“I stopped
doing
things tonight because I knew if I started fucking you I wasn’t going to stop. And when I finally fuck you, you’ll
feel
exactly what I mean...”

Silence.

“Are you still
desert
wet?”

“No...” I murmur.

“Did you pick the man that was sitting next to me on purpose tonight?”

“Yes.”

“To make me jealous?”

“Yes.”

“You don’t find that
cruel
?”

I close my eyes. I don’t want to have a conversation. I just want to hear his voice as my fingers strum my clit. 

“Say something, Emerald.”

“If you were jealous, you should’ve done something about it.”

“You stood up before I could do that.”

I move one hand up to my breast and pinch my nipple, picturing Carter biting it with his teeth—keeping my other hand busy. “What would you have done?”

“Before or
after
you fucked with me by picking the wrong guy?”

I don’t answer.

“You confused me, because when you stepped on that stage, you looked directly at
me
and whispered, ‘I can’t wait to fuck you.’”

I gasp. I didn’t realize he’d read my lips.

“But then you picked the asshole sitting next to me.”

“It wasn’t...It wasn’t like that...”

“Are you sure?” he asks. “Because it seemed like you wanted him
more
than me.”

“I’m sure...”

“Maybe it’s good that you picked him.” He hesitates. “I’m not sure if I would’ve let you finish your routine if you opened your legs for me like that, if you put what I wanted right in front of my face.”

“Liar...” I whisper.

“No.” His voice is firm. “When you arched your back and said, ‘You can tip me wherever you like,’ I would have tipped you with my dick.”

I tilt my head back and sigh.

“I would’ve made sure that everyone in that building knew that you were mine.”

My fingers slide deeper and my breath catches in my throat.

“I don’t like games, Emerald.” His voice is low. “And trust me, the next time you invite me to watch you perform and you pick someone else to touch you, I’ll jump on stage and fuck you against the pole.”

“
Carter
...”

“I’m going to remember this shit...” He sounds upset, but then a smile returns to his voice. “I’m going to make sure you regret it in
numerous
ways.”

“I...I do...”

“Do you regret it enough to let me hear you cum? Are you almost there?”

I nod as if he can see me.

“Is this what you’ve been doing in bed since we met? Fucking yourself to sleep?”

I don’t respond. My thoughts are all over the place and I’m seconds away from coming. I hear him asking me to say his name again, him telling me to promise that I’ll never pull that stage shit again, but everything around me begins to blur together and my body starts to tremble.

“Ahhhh....” I let a moan escape as he whispers, “Next time I’ll make you cum
personally
.”

It takes me several minutes to calm down, and I knock my phone onto the floor when I stretch my arms out. Rolling off the bed, I grab it and hold it up to my ear again.

He’s still there.

I’m not sure what to say.

“Do you still think I’m gay?” he asks as if nothing happened seconds ago.