Beauty and the Cowboy (10 page)

His wall—the one that she knew had taken so much trust for him to let down—was back up.

“I know this is fast, and you may not be ready to—”

“Tom’s married. It’s over.” She said the words a little too fast and was sorry for it, because it came out sounding all wrong.

Her phone sounded a text, but she didn’t look at it.

“I wasn’t talking about Tom, but obviously he’s on your mind. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, because maybe it is a little too much too soon.”

It wasn’t. But it was. This didn’t have anything to do with Tom—or maybe it had everything to do with him—or with her and who she’d become when she had been with him.

The breakup had stripped away part of the facade she’d built around herself. What was left underneath? Who was she? What did she want? She’d spent so much time cultivating the image that she didn’t know how to just be herself.

Even right now, when the best, most wonderful man in the world was professing his love—oh my God, he’d said he loved her—

How could he love her when she was such a mess? How could she fall in love with him when she didn’t even know herself?

As their Ferris wheel gondola came back down to earth and the attendant opened the door and ushered them out, Charlotte’s phone chimed again, reminding her of the unread message waiting for her.

She fished her cell out of her purse as Jesse waited there with the big teddy bear under his arm.

“It’s from Jane. She needs to go over some logistics for tomorrow’s competition. I’m really sorry, but I have to go. I need to take care of this right now.”

“No, you don’t. You can let Jane handle it.”

“No, I can’t, Jesse. This is my job.” She turned and started walking away, but Jesse caught up to her in a couple of long strides.

“I understand that and you’re damn good at your job. But I think you’re using it as an excuse to run away from this, Charlotte. Please don’t run away from us.”

“I’m sorry, Jesse. I can’t do this now. I have to go.”

*

Saturday night was
definitely a time of mixed emotions. Out of twenty-two contestants, Mattie captured the award for personal style and made it onto the queen’s court as third runner-up. She couldn’t have been happier if she’d been crowned Fair queen.

It was still hard for Jesse to wrap his mind around the fact that she was enough of a girly-girl to even be interested in doing anything like this. But she was and she did, and in the aftermath, she was nearly bouncing off the walls.

“Can you believe it, Jesse? I can’t believe it. First beauty pageant ever, and I made the court and won a category. Where’s Charlie? Do you two have a date tonight?”

He couldn’t bear to cast a shadow on her big night by telling her that they were… What were they doing? Were they over? Were they giving each other space? He had no idea. So, he changed the subject.

“Proud of you Matt, er, Mattalyn.”

She feigned a look of frustration and then hugged him. “I couldn’t have done this without Charlotte.”

After Charlie’s hasty exit Thursday night, he’d decided to give her some space. Her plate was full with the pageant and, of course, Tom would be back in town this time next week to hand out awards to the winners of the junior rodeo. That had to be weighing on her.

Of course it was. It had been such a short time since they’d broken up. What had he been thinking moving in so fast? So what if he’d been in love with her for as far back as he could remember? He hadn’t admitted it to himself it until Thursday. Couldn’t he have waited a little bit longer?

Their entire dating lives, one or the other of them had always been otherwise engaged. Literally, in Charlie’s case. So when she was finally free, Jesse had decided he wasn’t going to let her get away again.

That’s what his subconscious had decided. If his brain had been involved, he would’ve seen what an asinine plan moving in so fast had been, and he would’ve muzzled himself on that damn Ferris wheel the other night.

For all he knew, Tom might have realized exactly what he’d given up. He might have the knee-jerk marriage annulled and put a ring on Charlie’s finger next weekend while he was in Marietta.

The thought made Jesse want to punch a wall. Instead, he took a deep, steadying breath.

“I’m going to go off to find Charlie,” Mattie said. “Wait right here.”

“Mattie, I’m heading out,” he said.

It was a good time to make his exit. There was a dance tonight honoring the newly crowned Miss Marietta Fair and her court. Mattie wouldn’t miss him, which was a good thing, because he was in no mood to be out tonight anyway.

“No, wait,” she called. “I’ll be right back.”

He just wanted to go home. He didn’t even want to go to Grey’s and have a drink. Just in case Charlie had the same idea. He’d already experienced that wild ride, and now he was living in this dark, ugly place that he’d inhabited since she’d walked away from him.

He texted Mattie to tell her he was leaving.

She responded: No! Wait! BRB!

“Come on, Matt,” he murmured under his breath.

She wasn’t kidding. A few seconds later, she came running over with Charlie in tow. His sister actually had Charlie by the hand.

Shit.

He was going to have to face her sooner or later. He just didn’t want Charlie to think he’d put his sister up to bringing her over.

Hell, let her think whatever she wanted.

Of course, Mattie was in midsentence, talking ninety to nothing to Charlie when they stopped in front of him.

“…and Cody said he loves my blue boots. He says blue is his new favorite color. And he wants to dance with me tonight, and then he wants to go for ice cream after the dance. Please, can I go, Jesse? Please? His mom will bring me home.”

“Sure,” Jesse said, “but be home by midnight.”

A tall, lanky, blond kid called, “Come on, Matt, are you ready?”

“That’s Cody.” Mattie sighed. She directed the statement to Charlie, but Jesse could virtually see the hearts dancing over his sister’s head.

This was another first. She hadn’t been interested in boys before. He wanted to warn her that it might seem fun now, but where there was love, there was heartache.

That was his baggage, not hers.

Still, why didn’t that kid come over and introduce himself? Jesse might not have been Mattie’s father, but he was her guardian. It would’ve been the decent thing to do.

“Be home by eleven,” Jesse amended.

“Jesse, no! You said midnight. The dance isn’t even over until eleven.”

She leveled him with a look that she was getting so good at. He had a sudden premonition of what he was in for over her next few years of high school. God, this wasn’t going to be easy.

“Midnight and not a minute later, I promise,” Mattie called over her shoulder as she was walking away.

“Fine, midnight. But you’re grounded if you’re late.”

Then Mattie ran back to him, holding up the hem of her gown and wearing her Miss Marietta Fair Court sash, and gave him a quick hug. Then she turned to Charlie and hugged her, too.

“Thank you for your help, Charlie. I couldn’t have done this without you. I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Charlie said.

Something in him softened, which was a good thing, because now they were standing there alone in the middle of the post-pageant crowd.

“How are you?” she asked.

“Fine. Happy for my sister. Thanks for helping her. She really couldn’t have done this well without your advice. She doesn’t have many feminine role models. Or, I don’t know, maybe she could’ve done it solo. Seems like I’m not that great at reading people these days.”

They were quiet for a moment. Charlie looked as if she wanted to say something. But he didn’t want to hear her apologies. He’d be fine. And she would eventually figure out what she wanted.

Eventually.

His heart gave the strangest squeeze.

“So, I’ve got to run,” he said. “Have a good night.”

He turned to leave.

“Jesse, don’t go.”

He should have just kept on walking, but he didn’t. Like an idiot, he turned back to her as if she had the answer that could make everything right. But he knew she didn’t.

“Please, let’s get out here where we can talk without the ears of Marietta listening to us.”

He thought about saying, It’s fine to talk here. But he didn’t. He led her to the backstage exit, and they walked to one of the few places on the fairgrounds that the masses couldn’t access.

When they stopped, she said, “I’m sorry, Jesse.” She looked as if she were searching for the right words.

“So am I.”

They stood there looking at each other, and he could see the anguish in her eyes.

“Look, I know you’re not over Tom. That’s okay. There still may be hope for the two of you. I think you owe it to yourself to see where his head is when he comes into town next weekend. Whatever happens happens. As far as I’m concerned, you and I are good. Friends. Okay?”

Her eyes clouded, as if she were about to cry. “No, Tom and I are over. It’s just that I don’t know…”

Okay, there it was, and he didn’t need to hear it.

“You know, Charlie, one day you’re going to have to stop running away from relationships—real relationships.”

“I don’t run away. I was committed to someone for six years.”

“It was long distance. That’s not real life. It’s easy to pretend you have something real and strong when you only see each other on a weekend every three months or so. That’s prime time, not grind time. Real is when you wake up with someone every morning, when you stick it out even when it gets hard. When you know someone so well that you can anticipate what they want, what they need—and that’s not boring. That’s real life. This is real life.” He gestured back and forth between the two of them. “You need to decide whether or not you want to have a real-life relationship. Because if not, then I don’t think there’s anything here for us.”

He probably sounded like a bigger jackass than Tom was. So he needed to take his pride home before he said anything more.

Hurt pride and all, the truth remained that he loved her. Always had. Always would. But you don’t always get what you want. If anyone knew that, he did.

*

Why had she
run?

Why was she so scared?

She pondered those questions as she watched Jesse walk away. The place where her heart should’ve lived felt empty and hollow. She wanted to run after him, but she couldn’t make her legs move. She couldn’t even find her voice to say, Don’t go.

Jesse wasn’t Tom.

They were night and day, apples and oranges. Jesse was as grounded as the earth. Tom was as proud as Narcissus.

Jesse knew the real her: the one who, once upon a time, didn’t care what others thought; the one who went fishing in cutoffs and a T-shirt, without a smidge of makeup on her face and her hair in a ponytail, because she didn’t know any better. He knew that her family didn’t have much money. But they’d had a lot of love and so much pride in her and her ambition.

But as the years had gone by, she’d lost touch with her authentic self. Her mother’s death had taken a big toll on her and an even bigger one on her father.

Her dad had been so happy that she was with Tom. She’d quit striving for unattainable perfectionism and had gotten swallowed up in playing a supporting role to Tom’s rising star.

So without Tom, who was she now?

What did she want?

She couldn’t go back to who she’d been before, but she didn’t much like the person she’d become.

Where did that leave her?

She hoped she could figure it out before it was too late.

T
he following Saturday,
Charlotte saw Tom before he saw her.

Thank God for small favors.

She was working backstage with Jane, setting out the awards for the junior rodeo winners’ ceremony, which was set to begin in less than an hour.

She looked up, and there he was.

She’d known it would happen like this. She’d be going about her business one minute and then she’d look up and boom, there he’d be.

Of course, Tom was too busy glad-handing to notice her straightaway. That was a good thing. It gave her a moment to compose herself.