Because the Night (The Night Songs Collection) (10 page)

Chapter Nineteen

When I came to, my brain wanted to commit suicide by jumping out of my head and shattering on the cold marble floor of Tristan’s living room. In the unlikely event that actually happened, maybe my head would be light enough to pick up off the pillow. The sun blasted through the window wall, burning my eyes. Too warm, I pushed the blanket off of me. No wonder Tristan made peace with what he was. If I woke up feeling like this every morning, I would welcome death as well.

What the hell happened last night?

The last thing I remembered was going downstairs to the party and drinking the Venomtinis. Plural. And getting really pissed at Tristan, because he took off on me to do God only knows what with that tramp. I didn’t remember coming here, or anything else.

The room spun in multiple directions when I sat up. I leaned back on the couch and closed my eyes. When I made my second attempt, I spotted my purse at the foot of the couch. I dug through for my phone, careful not to throw up when I leaned over. It was two in the afternoon. I had multiple messages from Janelle, wanting me to call her, text her, whatever. The words were too hard to read.

My mouth felt full of sand. I didn’t know where anything was in this apartment, the kitchen, the bathroom, anything. I barely had the energy to search, plus I was frightened by what I might find. I fixed myself the best I could in the reflection of the window, and made my way down to the lobby. Someone had been smart enough to mirror the walls of the elevator, so I could properly assess the damage. Besides my hair needing to be readjusted in its barrette, the rest would do. My stomach lurched as the elevator fell.

No one paid any attention to me as I made my way through the lobby and back to the bus stop. I must have put on an acceptable performance. A man plunked down next to me on the bus. He spilled into my seat and reeked of cologne. I held my breath all the way back home.

As soon as I got back to my room, I peeled off last night’s clothes, trading them for pajamas, and closed the blinds. I gulped down a glass of water, and then dove into my own bed.

“Callie. Callie!” Janelle’s voice urged me softly out of sleep. She sat on the side of my bed with her hand on my side, gently shaking me. My lids still heavy, I looked at her like I had no idea who she was. I didn’t even know what day it was.

“Are you alright?”

I nodded, closing my eyes again. “I’m just tired.”

“When did you get back?”

“I don’t know.”

“Are you sure you’re alright?”

“I’m fine.” I sighed, opening my eyes more this time. She really did look concerned.

“Do you mind if I turn the light on?”

“Go ahead.” Still, the brightness startled me.

“Do you want anything? Water? Crackers?” I wondered how she knew I had the hangover from hell. Practice, maybe?

“Water, please.” I slowly crawled into an upright position and leaned up against the wall.

“So, um, Blade came by last night, looking for you,” She was almost apologetic as she handed me the water.

“What?” Oh my God. I couldn’t believe I’d missed him. My brain hurt even more. “What did he say?”

“We talked for a while. He’s a really nice guy, Callie. I like him a lot.”

“So are you guys a thing now?” Each word carried a bite. My head was back against the wall, eyes once again closed. I couldn’t look at Janelle right now.

“No! Callie, he’s totally into you, he’s just so hurt by this whole Tristan thing. I mean, how can you blame him?”

If I had any energy at that moment, I would have reminded her that it was her website that had caused all of our problems. But I couldn’t argue. If my condition didn’t improve in the next few hours, I was going to need her to bring me to the hospital.

“Did you tell him where I was?”

“No, I didn’t say anything, since I didn’t know. But he jumped to his own conclusions.”

Of course he had. If he had just called first, all of this could have been avoided. He’d probably wanted to do something sweet, like surprise me.

And I’d ruined it, even worse than it was before. God, I was so stupid. When was I going to learn Tristan brought me nothing but trouble?

“How did you leave it with him?” I was almost afraid to hear the answer.

She looked away from me and hesitated. “He wanted me to text him last night to let him know you got home safe.”

Chapter Twenty

As much as Blade had been concerned with my safe return the night before, today he had no interest in talking to me. The sound of his voicemail shredded me repeatedly throughout the afternoon. There was no reason for him to not return my call other than he simply didn’t want to.

I couldn’t be bothered to get out bed. I might as well make myself comfortable while I spent the weekend loathing myself. The blinds were shut so the room stayed as dim as I felt. Janelle seemed alarmed when she came back to the room and found me exactly where she left me.

“Callie, you’ve got to get up.” She coaxed me.

“Why?” I spoke more into the pillow than to her.

“It’s not that bad.”

“How is it not that bad? What should I do? Blade won’t talk to me. He knew I went to Tristan, and for what? So he could go off and act like his rock star asshole self and screw up my life even more?”

She sat on the edge of my bed, looking thoughtful. “Maybe some things are just meant to be.”

Maybe I didn’t deserve Blade after all. He certainly deserved better than me. I squeezed my pillow as my phone vibrated.

How are you feeling?
Tristan. His timing impeccable as usual. I didn’t realize it was late enough for him to be awake.

Like I’ve been run over by a fleet of Mack trucks.

Wimp. You need some more practice.

Like a hole in the head.

Peel yourself off the pavement and come back tonight. I still owe you some fun.

I don’t know if I like your idea of fun.

You don’t even know what fun is yet. See you later. XX

Of course I was going to go. I couldn’t stay away. And Blade already hated me, there wasn’t much left to lose. Once I dragged myself out of bed, I took a long hot shower. It helped. I hadn’t been dressing to impress on my recent visits to Tristan lately, but tonight I needed to try to feel good about myself. I pulled out my favorite tie dyed skirt and eyelet tank.

The same outfit I had met Blade in. So much for feeling good about myself. My options were limited, so I went with it as a reminder of what Tristan had cost me.

Once I arrived at the theater, someone led me to Tristan’s chair in front of the monitor, just like last time. Tonight they were filming a scene with the band playing one of their songs to a small, enthusiastic audience. Scantily clad girls smeared with blood intermingled with the band in a choreographed dance.

“You look amazing tonight,” Tristan breathed into my ear. I didn’t even hear him come up beside me between takes.

“Thanks,” I looked him up and down. He wore a red military style coat with long tails with no shirt underneath, leather pants, and undone combat boots. Somehow, it worked. “You do too.”

He moved in front of me and gently pulled me forward out of the tall chair, so I slid down the front of his body on the way down. “You need to stop teasing me, Callie.” His eyes were inches from mine, full of need. “I will drag you out on that stage and make love to you in front of all these people. They’ll think it’s part of the show. And all you’ll be able to do is beg for more. Do you understand me?”

His arms closed tightly around my hips. I didn’t realize I could be this close to him without, well, him being inside me. I swallowed hard, my eyes never leaving his, and nodded slowly.

He kissed me. I expected it to be rough, more like an invasion, but it instead it was sweet and gentle, his lips playing softly against mine, making me hungry for more. Somehow I resisted.

Who was teasing who, again?

“Is that what you want?” His voice was low and raspy.

I could barely breathe, let alone think. I opened my mouth, still cold from his intrusion, to try to speak.

He smiled when no words came out.

I resorted to shaking my head. “Not like that.”

I pulled my eyes from his to look around the room to see if anyone was paying attention to us. Everyone was too wrapped up in their own worlds to notice.

His fingers softly tipped my chin back to him. “Like what then? Tell me.”

My eyes grew wide.

“Tell me how you want me to make love to you.”

I couldn’t form the words to answer him. He let me go so abruptly, I fell back against the director’s chair from the shock of it.

“You don’t even know what you want.” Acid dripped from his words. My heart exploded as he turned from to go back on stage.

He called over his shoulder as he picked up the guitar and stepped in front of the camera. “You need to get your head and your heart of the same page.”

I curled myself into as much as a ball as I could in the chair and watched the endless series of takes from the monitor. I could see the fire in Tristan’s eyes as he played, and I knew it wasn’t for the show. He was right, I needed to figure out what the hell I was doing here.

The director called cut and the crew relaxed. The girls in the audience cried out to the band members for photos and autographs. One pulled up her shirt to get their attention. Tristan marched passed them without looking at them or acknowledging them and came straight to me. They gasped in disappointment. The sea of eyes rested on us.

“So, do you have any answers for me?” His question made me jump. I was hoping that conversation had ended.

“I just need time to think.”

“Think about what? What did you come here for, Callie? I may have forever but it doesn’t mean I want to spend it waiting.”

“I know that.” So he was willing to walk away from me, again. Tears brimmed in my eyes.

“Come with me.” He softened, held out his hand to me, and I accepted it. There was nothing I could do to stop this downward spiral. I had lost control over my entire life.

Tristan paced restlessly once we returned to the apartment. I sat in one of the chairs but I couldn’t relax watching him. He poured himself a healthy glass of some poison, downed it quickly, and refilled his glass.

“C’mere, Callie,” he said slowly, looking at me though heavy eyelids. Whatever it was he drank worked fast. I stepped towards him.

He pulled me in closer in a jerking, ungraceful motion.

“I crave every inch of you.” He ran his lips slowly down my forehead, the bridge of my nose, settling just above my mouth with his forehead resting on mine. “Want and need, that’s all I have. Just instincts.”

He kissed me hard on the lips, grasping me against his body. If it wasn’t for the strong taste of alcohol and a little bit of sloppiness on his part, I would have enjoyed it. Tonight, he terrified me.

He moved down and started to kiss and explore the side of my neck, settling on the spot where my pulse throbbed. He had such a tight grip on me, I felt I was in a coffin. Tristan began nipping very softly at first, sending my heart racing even more. When neither of us could take it anymore, he sunk his teeth into my flesh.

I screamed.

The pain blinded me.

“NOOOOO!” I pushed away from him with all the strength I could muster. I could barely think as he continued to feed. His mouth drew me closer, no matter how hard I fought.

“NOOO!” I finally worked myself free of him, landing in a heap at Tristan’s feet on the floor. I pushed my hand against my pulsing neck, slick with my own blood, and tried not to scream again. I looked up at him in horror.

No human in the eyes looking back at me. Just animal.

He felt to the floor, on top of me, holding me motionless while his tongue caressed the wound, sucking me dry. I whimpered, trying to form words that wouldn’t come, too scared and too weak to beg him to stop. My eyes, unable to blink, stared at Tristan’s body on top of me, his hair splashed across my face. I faded in and out of blackness. The cold from his body consumed mine.

Finally, he freed me. All I could do was close my eyes and wait whatever came next. Inside the static of my brain, I prayed.

“Oh my God, Callie,” Tristan gasped somewhere in my haze and fell back on top of me. “I’m so sorry. Callie! Can you hear me? Oh my God, answer me.”

His head fell on my chest. He sobbed. I couldn’t tell him if I was okay. I didn’t know if I’d ever be okay again.

Chapter Twenty One

Please, let it have been a nightmare. Alone in my bedroom, I woke up with a jolt, having no idea how I got there. Slowly, painfully, I crawled out of bed. This was worse than the Venomtini hangover. My neck burned. The mirror was the only way I would know for sure.

Two nasty rips in my flesh screamed to the world exactly what had happened to me. Purple, pink, yellow, and green bruising fanned out around it in grotesque decoration. I put my hand up to it slowly to make sure my eyes did not play tricks on me. Heat radiated from the spot. I fell back on my bed and tried not to faint. I looked like I’d been attacked by a wild animal. There was no nice neat swipe of vampire spit or magic that made this ugliness go away. My brain couldn’t rewrite history in my favor when I looked like road kill.

Tristan had attacked me. I kept staring at my neck to make myself believe it. I moved my head back and forth and gasped in pain. Of course, it might have meant something totally different in the vampire world, but in the world I knew, it was nothing but violent. This is what I had thrown my life away for? What else would he do to me?

Everyone had been right. I didn’t know what I was messing around with. Tristan wasn’t human, he was a monster. He didn’t play by the same rules. I needed to bow out of his sick little game if I expected to stay alive.

It was time to take matters in my own hands. I’d racked my brain to remember the name of the garage that Blade worked at. I prayed I remembered correctly as I mapped out the bus route. It would take me three changes and two hours to get there. The trip promised to be long and torturous accompanied by some of Las Vegas’ finest residents. I hoped this bus route didn’t take me anywhere too dangerous. I didn’t know the difference looking at the map. I didn’t want to tell anyone what I had cooked up in case they tried to talk me out of it. My bravado was fragile at best.

Two and a half hours later, I arrived at what I thought was the garage Blade worked at. I adjusted the gold scarf Blade bought me to make sure it covered the carnage on my neck. I said a quick prayer that I was doing the right thing.

With all the confidence I could muster, I opened the door and approached the desk. A heavy set, middle aged man sat behind it, talking to a customer on the phone. He addressed me when he hung up.

“Can I help you, miss?”

“Can I speak to Blade, please?”

“Is there something I can help you with?”

“No. Blade will know what I am talking about.”

“Can I tell him who’s asking for him?”

“Just a customer.”

A few minutes later, Blade appeared. His hair was tied back, and he hadn’t shaved in a couple days. I’d always thought he looked sexy that way. His hands and shirt were a little dirty, and there was a little smudge of oil in his blonde beard. He looked surprised but not exactly pleased to see me. He leaned up against the door and crossed his arms.

“What are you doing here, Callie?”

“My engine is broken. I need you to fix it.”

He rolled his eyes and my heart sank. I thought I was being cute.

“You don’t have a car, Callie. You don’t even drive.”

“How do you know? You won’t return my phone calls.”

“Well if your car is broken, why don’t you just ask your boyfriend to buy you a new one?”

“Maybe I’d rather have a boyfriend who can fix my car instead.”

Blade looked down at the floor, hopefully contemplating what I just said, but he didn’t move away from the door or uncross his arms. From the neck down, his body language was so closed off I didn’t have a chance in hell of winning him over. But his eyes and face had softened a little bit.

“You know, you can’t just have what you want when you want it like no one else is involved,” he finally said softly.

Not exactly the response I was hoping for. “I understand that. That’s what I am trying to tell you, but I can’t get you to talk to me.”

“I don’t know if I’m ready yet.”

I had a sinking feeling I was losing this battle, so I had to lay all my cards on the table. Now. “Didn’t you mean what you said to me that last morning I was at your house?”

That snapped him to attention. He stared at me for a moment, eyes wide. “I did.”

“So you can just say things like that and then walk away so easily?”

“It hasn’t been easy, Callie. I meant all of what I said to you. I won’t share.”

“I know.”

“I’m at work. I can’t talk about this right now.”

“Can we go somewhere and talk when you’re done with work?”

“I won’t be done for three more hours. What are you going to do until then?”

I flopped down in one of the chairs in the waiting room, feeling semi-victorious. “I am going to sit here and read a magazine while I wait for my car to be fixed.”

“Suit yourself.” He shook his head as he headed out of the office. I watched him go over my open copy of Popular Mechanics. I’m pretty sure he was smiling as he headed through the door.

The afternoon passed in a mind numbingly slow fashion. I’d read Popular Mechanics, Car and Driver, Guns and Ammo, and every other outdated magazine on the table with testosterone dripping from its pages. I attempted to make small talk with the guy at the desk, but he didn’t seem interested in chatting with random young girls who loitered in his lobby.

“I don’t have a change of clothes,” Blade explained as we left the garage. “I wasn’t expecting company.”

“Do you want to go home and change?”

“No.” He said it too quickly, too decisively. This was not going to be easy. He opened the passenger’s side door for me and I watched him cross over to the driver’s side. He looked more serious, sadder than he had before. He hadn’t been kidding when he said he wasn’t sure he was ready for this.

We rode in silence for a few minutes, with Blade mindlessly punching at the radio buttons. I wasn’t familiar with this part of town, so I had no idea where we were going.

“Are you hungry?” Blade finally broke the silence.

I was starving. But the thought of food turned my stomach. “No,” I lied. It wasn’t going to help my cause if I upchucked all over the inside of Molly; since Blade undoubtedly preferred his car to me right now. Back to silence. It didn’t do anything to calm my stomach.

We headed away from the city, west towards Red Rock. From the amount of turns he made, Blade didn’t seem to have a particular destination in mind. It felt like we were driving in circles.

Once we were inside the park, Blade pulled into a lot and cut the engine. The first strips of pink had appeared in the sky, so he removed his sunglasses and carefully tucked them in his visor. I unbuckled myself, I realized a maybe a little too optimistically, and I turned my body so my back was against the window and tucked my knees up against my chest. I watched him for a minute, to see what he did, but he just looked at me blankly. Any style points I had earned earlier this afternoon were long gone.

“You wanted to talk, so talk.”

I practically jumped off the seat. It wasn’t a statement, it was an order. “Blade, I’m so sorry.”

“Are you sorry you did it, or are you sorry you got caught?”

“What?” This almost seemed like a trick question. “I’m sorry about all of it.”

“Did you sleep with him?”

Someone wasn’t pulling any punches today. “No! If I had slept with him, it would have changed everything, forever. And I just want things to go back to the way they were between us.”

“So you think if you show up, bat your eyelashes, and act cute things are just going to go back to the way they were? I have news for you, Callie, things have already changed. We can’t go back.”

I sucked a deep breath in. His words felt like a punch in the stomach. I stared at him wide eyed.

“How can I trust you?” His mouth was a thin, unhappy line.

“You can,” I whispered. “I promise.”

He shook his head defiantly. “You’ve already shown me that your promises don’t mean anything. You’ve shown me that you’re willing to lie right to my face. You’ve also shown me how spectacularly bad at it you are. At least if you’re going to try to juggle two guys, you should make sure one of them doesn’t have his face plastered all over every billboard in the city and every gossip site on the web.”

“So you think I’m a whore?”

“No. I just think you’re acting like a selfish little girl.”

“I was a virgin when I met you, Blade. You didn’t seem to have any problem putting a stop to that. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”

“It does,” he said quietly, and looked away from me for a moment, out at the sunset, where orange and purple and met up with the pink in a stunning display. “But you’re acting like it doesn’t mean very much to you.”

The tears that had been welling up and the sob that was lodged in my throat ever since we arrived in this parking lot came bursting to the surface. I didn’t want to look at him as he watched me lose control so I put my head down on my knees and cried like the little girl he’d just accused me of being. When I had exhausted myself out of every last drop of emotion, I picked up my head and rested my chin on my knees. My brain throbbed and it felt too heavy for my wounded neck to hold up on its own.

“It means everything to me,” I said, my voice barely above a raspy whisper. “You are the only one. I can have Tristan. I want you.”

He didn’t say anything, he just looked at me. His face had softened to the point where he looked like my Blade again. Maybe I had a chance.

“I just don’t know,” his voice was barely above a whisper.

The shock of the rejection rolled through my body like a violent clap of thunder and if there was anything left in my tank, I probably would have broken down again. Instead I just stared at him, my head off of my knees, wide eyed, lips quivering, whole body quivering.

He wouldn’t look into my eyes, but he seemed a bit apologetic, and unsure, maybe?

“But it’s not a no?”

“No,” he ran his fingers along the steering wheel, still not looking me in the eye. “It’s not a no.”

I could breathe again. There was no reason for celebration; this was far from a victory. All I could do was breathe.

“I should bring you back,” he said quietly and turned over the engine. Molly roared in comparison to the silence of the park. Full dark had fallen and we were probably the last ones here. The soft, cool air coming through the vents felt heavenly. The car had grown warm and stale, with the windows fogged. A passerby would think a very different heated exchange had happened. As we rolled back towards the city and its obscene bright lights, I pressed my head against the cool of the window and watched it all pass by.

I jolted back into consciousness when Blade came back to a stop in front of my building. Here everything stood just as I’d left it. It seemed impossible. My insides were rubble. Was this it? It couldn’t be. Blade shut off the car, and got out to open my door. My heart pounded.

He opened my door, but I didn’t get out right away. He stood patiently, not encouraging me to do anything. Finally, I put one shaky foot on the ground to test it. The other followed. My legs felt like jelly.

“When is your show?” I needed to keep him here as long as possible.

“It’s next Saturday, the thirteenth.”

“I’d like to come see you play.” I glanced up at him and held my breath.

“I’d like that.”

We just stood there, looking at each other, neither one of us sure what to do next. Finally, I broke through that invisible barrier that had formed between us over the last three weeks and slid my hands underneath his jacket, around his waist, and leaned my head against his chest. I prayed he wouldn’t push me away. I wouldn’t be able to take it. He might as well just run me over with his car and leave me for dead. Instead he pulled me in closer, wrapping one arm around my shoulders and his other hand stroking my hair.

I closed my eyes and inhaled his scent. He smelled faintly of mint and a little bit like he’d been working all day. It was all Blade, and it was wonderful. I had missed him so much. I pulled my right hand away from his back and placed it over his heart, still under his jacket. It beat just as hard as mine.

It was no victory, but it wasn’t a no.