Because You Love Me (Falling for You, Book Three) (2 page)

She’d chosen me instead of the check. She’d chosen the possibility of something real and lasting—and now I was standing in the middle of the street like a crazy person.

Another horn blast screeched in my ears and I balled my fists, giving into the familiar indignation that simmered in my gut.

What the hell was wrong with me? When would I learn my lesson? Dating, romance, happily ever after, was not worth the fucking drama. First, Jenna appears out of nowhere, grinning like she’d just ran to the bathroom and hadn’t been MIA for years. Before I could tell her to get the hell away from me, Penny was fleeing the scene like I’d run into my ex’s arms in slow motion, complete with some sappy love song playing in the background.

And I ran after her.

A sinking thought punched its way through my muddled thoughts.
Just like you ran after Jenna. And you remember how that turned out.

I cleared my face of every hint of pain and sorrow and fixed my tie.

“Hey mis-”

I snapped my head to the right and the self appointed traffic monitor clamped his mouth shut. I casually strolled back to the sidewalk, angled toward the hotel entrance like it was completely normal to stand in the middle of the street. Something in me made me pause and steal one last glance at the street. I wanted to see reverse lights, followed by the squeal of tires as the driver popped a wheelie and she spilled out the back. Spilled into my arms.

That thought is about as crazy as you running after her.

I marched back into the reception, pointedly ignoring all the interested gazes that followed my movements. Our little display had taken the stage: the bride cackling as she sat on her high horse, sure that she’d performed some public service by saving her sister from my web of deceit.

My anger waned when I met Victoria’s piercing gaze. I expected to see glee shining bright as her earrings, but she couldn’t hold my eye. She had sauntered over, victorious, with my ex waiting in the wings like some ace up her sleeve. She should have been in the center of the dance floor, filled with delight, but she looked like she wanted to flee her own reception.

Jenna’s voice seeped into my ears like syrup. “Where did your cute friend run off to?”

I ignored my ex completely, unready and unwilling to look at her face again just yet. The woman in white was first. “Can I have a word, Victoria?”

Ten minutes ago she’d glared right through me. Those cold blue eyes had been so sure that she had my number. Now, she didn’t meet my gaze. “I...uh-”

“Fantastic.” I led the way toward a corner of the bar that was populated by a trio of older gentleman twirling their wedding bands, eyeing the buffet of twenty something’s gyrating on the dance floor. They could care less about the impending one-sided conversation about to occur two seats down; one-sided because I had no intention of listening to a damn thing Victoria had to say.

She leaned against the bar, fiddling with a cluster of pearls on the bodice of her gown. “Look, I know we don’t know each other well-”

“How interesting,” I cut in, my voice as cold as ice as I gripped the edge of the bar. I tried to keep a handle on my anger. “I’m slightly confused. You seemed to know me well enough to trot out my ex and make some grand proclamation about my relationship status. I’m bad news and just stringing your sister along, right?”

Her nostrils flared, the woman who was used to running things peeking out. “Not right, actually-”

“I wasn’t waiting for a reply,” I said brusquely. I let go of the bar and eased onto the stool. “My question was rhetorical. Here’s the thing, Victoria. I know my reputation precedes me. Before Penny, you wouldn’t have had to do very much work to find a string of broken hearts that I trampled beneath my feet to get to my next conquest.”

Shock rendered her speechless, so she just gawked at me. I wasn’t sure if she was feeling vindicated in her meddling or stunned that I was owning up to my colorful past. It didn’t matter much, because I wasn’t done.

“That being said,” I continued. “I knew there was something special about your sister the night we met. I’m not sure if it was the way she just unloaded on me like, take it or leave it, or the smile she made me work for, or just the heart that she wore unabashedly on her sleeve-” My throat was on fire remembering that night and all the confounding and exciting feelings that a virtual stranger elicited. That was the most ironic part: a few hours with Penny  and she knew more about me than the handful of friends I didn’t confide in. A few hours with her and I knew that whatever was happening between us was something worth exploring.

Victoria squinted at me, my sudden speechlessness arousing her suspicion. I flagged down a bartender and took my shot. It did nothing for the apprehension in my throat or the ache in my chest. I wasn’t ready to admit that it was all a damn smoke screen to pretend that what we had was serendipity or a set of hopeful circumstances that clicked into place. While my father’s ultimatum threw us on a collision course, I asked her to be my girlfriend because I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to her. Big, bad, powerful Xander Wade, and I couldn’t even tell a woman,
the
woman, that I wanted to get to know her better. I hid behind the very ultimatum that I claimed disempowered me. I asked if she wanted 10k without blinking, like love was something to be bought. Like it was some sick charade. And I was upset, indignant, because Penny had a moment of wondering if I was full of it?

I flipped the shot glass upside down, chuckling bitterly. “You want to know something fucked up? A week ago, I would have believed that you were right to think I was up to no good. That I would just hurt Penny.” I glanced over and Victoria was listening intently, her lips pressed into a skeptical line. “But she brings out the good in me. The me that’s vulnerable. The me that goes to bat for the people I care about. The me that’s capable of loving and being loved.”

My words were just sappy enough that heat rushed to my face and I almost winced. The old Xander would have chuckled uncomfortably, probably flirted to diffuse the sticky sweetness of my words. I didn’t run from the embarrassment that had me tapping my foot and fighting the urge to get out of dodge. I knew that feeling had roots with my father. I could hear him growling for me to man up. What did being a man get him? A wife that was terrified of him and terrified of being alone. A wife that kept her past in a box, lovingly caring for and protecting every hidden piece like someday it would all be waiting for her, just where she left it.

I wouldn’t let my life pass me by. I refused to lose the best thing in my life because I let my pride take the wheel. I wouldn’t be my father, with wealth and fear the only currency that mattered, facing death with the only thing to show for it a name that would one day turn to dust. And I wouldn’t waste one more moment explaining myself to a woman that wasn’t worth the energy.

“Congratulations, Victoria,” I said with all the joy and well wishes that I could muster. I rose and buttoned my jacket, spinning toward the exit...where Jenna was waiting, all teeth, and clearly suffering from amnesia.

I’d conquered the meddling bride, now there was just the disappearing ex—then I could find Penny.

The closer I got to Jenna I thought that anger and all my unanswered questions would drown me, but as I waded through the guests, I found myself having a different reaction altogether. Our unsolicited reunion had ripped me from the best day in recent memory. I’d flipped through every page in the reaction dictionary from ‘Am I still breathing?’ to ‘Well, I guess I should ask her where the hell she’s been’. To be honest, her whereabouts since she ended things were irrelevant. She was currently standing in the way of me getting to my actual girlfriend.

“Excuse me,” I chewed the words, knowing full well I wasn’t getting rid of Jenna that easily.

Jenna swayed to the left, then the right, wrapping her arms tight around her body. I remembered the first time she’d done that and I thought she was like some enigma, dancing by herself, free, needing nothing and no one to glow brighter than anything I’d ever seen. But when her smile spread like she thought she’d ensnared me, I realized just how empty that little dance was. How empty our relationship was.

“I have nothing to say to you, Jenna.”

Her crafty smile faltered, but she beckoned me with her finger anyway. “Let’s dance, X!”

X—her nickname for me. It used to make me feel special. ‘X marks the spot!’ she’d playfully explained the first time she’d tried it out, wrapping her vine-like arms around my neck. Now, it was just annoying. Manipulative. Little more than the opportunistic man who thought he was on a first name basis with me. He didn’t know me. She didn’t know me.

“Get out of my way, Jenna.”

Her pale eyes narrowed, her pout following suit. “Well, that’s no way to treat an old friend.”

“Friend?” I snorted. She had brass ones. It was hard to believe I’d once found that wild, pouting thing she did not only sexy, but endearingly Jenna. “At what point were we friends? When you told me about how your first love disappeared, then did the same thing to me?”

“Xander-”

“Or is a friend whatever bullshit game you and Victoria have been playing?” I growled. “I haven’t seen or spoken to you in years, but we’re dating?”

And just like she’d flipped some switch, Jenna dropped the pout, her stance hardening like she was ready to step in the ring. “God Xander, where is your sense of humor?” She swept agitated fingers through her chopped platinum locks. “Marie told me you lost it and now I can see that’s true.”

My anger was already balancing on a tight rope and hearing my sister’s name made it snap in two. “Marie is behind this?”

Jenna batted her eyes innocently. “Girls will be girls, Xander.” She picked at her nails nonchalantly. “If it makes you feel any better, I would have asked for more if I would have known you actually liked that brunette.”

There weren’t very many instances where I was totally blindsided, but looking at my ex, the first woman I said those three words to, the first woman I dared to imagine a future with...I was stunned. I realized I never knew her at all.

I didn’t want to waste one more second on her, instead using my anger to navigate my way to the exit. Even outside, finally able to breathe, not sharing air with that conniving-

I powered forward, leaving that toxic energy behind me with every step. Victoria, my sister, my ex, it was all irrelevant. Right now, I had to get to Penny.

Every call went to voicemail. I left a text, asking her to call me back, fighting the urge to unload the whole sordid mess in a series of confusing texts.

I needed to hear her voice. See her face.

Behind the wheel, I pointed my car in the direction of her hotel. I knew her room number and knocked to no avail. Deciding that she wasn’t back, I leaned against the wall, ready to wait as long as it took. The whey protein walking advertisement that ambled down the hall toward me an hour in had other ideas.

I could hold my own, lean and muscled with my own gym membership to show for it. I didn’t bat an eye as he flexed his muscles, giving me a once over.

“Are you a guest at the hotel, sir?”

I loosened my tie casually. “Just waiting for my girlfriend.”

He smiled like it was Christmas. It probably wasn’t often that he had the opportunity to wield actual power or authority. “Unless you’re a registered guest, I’m going to-”

I whipped out my phone, finding the number for the hotel in an instant.

He took another step. “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you-”

I held up a finger, the chipper voice of the receptionist pouring out of the receiver. “Hi, yes. I’d like to make a reservation.”

The security guard’s head looked ready to explode. Two hours later, with no sign of Penny, I walked downstairs and handed over some twenties, asking the receptionist to call me when Penny returned.

The call never came.

I
waited until I was fairly certain that Xander would have given up hope and my sister was buckled in, her plane headed to Hawaii before I slinked back to my hotel. Even though I was far from VIP or celebrity status, I tucked my chin to my chest and hustled through the lobby. The elevator was on my side as it shuttled me up to my floor. My stomach was a twisted mess until I slipped inside my room.

I braced myself for another floral sneak attack, every square inch coated in red rose petals and regret. I flipped the light switch and  heart skipped right off the cliff when there was no sign of anything but the disaster I'd left. I stepped over a pile of dirty clothes, the tangle of charging cords, and my opened suitcase. My bed covers were torn back, the pillows fluffed just right. It was like fate knew I was going to have an awful day and would need to just collapse into something warm and familiar.

I had one order of business to attend to first. I trudged to the bathroom and halfheartedly flipped the light switch. I expected to be startled by the transformation; Cinderella morphing into a wilted, rotten pumpkin. I looked the part—the braided masterpiece was now a frizzy, greasy mess with stray hairs sticking out everywhere. My skin glowed like the sun before but now I looked pale and gray. Makeup? What makeup. And the dress...

I glared at my reflection as I craned my arms behind me and pulled the ribbon, the tightness, the weight, lifting as the bodice loosened. Watching my thorough unraveling, I wasn't startled by the woman that looked back at me in nothing but a strapless bra and a silly taffeta skirt. I was ashamed.

I was twelve years old when I convinced myself that being invisible was better than being Penelope Robertson. P.E. was tantamount to water boarding for any kid unlucky enough to not be athletic or popular. After being the last one picked (and the sole reason that my team lost, even though I was one of the first to be knocked upside the head with a rubber ball), I skittered to the locker room, utterly terrified. I was sure that the captain of our team, Lisbeth Peters, was going to continue listing off all the ways I sucked. If I could have hidden in the bathroom until everyone left, I would have—but since there were only three stalls, that would have put a bigger target on my back. Instead, I picked the farthest corner of the locker room and took my precious time getting undressed. I huddled beneath the last shower head, away from Lisbeth and her friends. I clutched my brush for dear life as I stood in front of a mirror tucked in the corner, praying they wouldn't notice me. And they didn't. I was invisible. It was a victorious moment...and one of the loneliest of my life.