Before Now (Sometimes Never) (22 page)

I nod tig
htly and Bree nudges her toward the door.

***

I’m dumping dishes in the sink when I hear voices. Since I came home from the hospital four days ago nobody knocks anymore.

I hear Hope laugh and decide I need to start locking the door.

When I make it into the living room, I see they’ve made themselves at home. Guy and Hope are sprawled across the couch, chatting like I want them here.

“Hey, man,” Guy says, grinning. “You look better than yesterday.”

I doubt that. My bruises are starting to turn this weird brownish-green color. It’s not pretty. I just cross my arms.

“Yeah,” Hope agrees. “You’re less swollen.”

I arch my brows.

Hope sighs. “I’m going home tomorrow.”

I nod. Can’t say I’m going to miss her.

“We need to talk before I leave.”

I chuckle and rub my chin. I need to shave. I haven’t bothered with it because my face hurts, but now I’m getting itchy and I think that might be worse.

“Please,” Hope whispers. It makes me go still and I narrow my eyes, scrutinizing her.

“Why?”

“I’m going to go hang out with Lulu and Bree,” Guy
says before heading quickly for the door. “I’ll be right upstairs if you need me.”

I return my gaze to Hope and wait for her to say whatever the hell she feels like she needs to say.

“I want you to know that I forgive you,” she starts, and I laugh. Loudly.

“Oh, that’s fucking awesome. No, really, that is priceless.” I have to hold my chest because it aches still when I laugh too hard. “You forgive me?”

She gives me a sad smile. “Yes. I thought you should know.”

My amusement fades. “What the fuck do you forgive
me
for?”

“For telling Mason and Guy that I cut myself.”

I don’t think I’ve ever heard her say it like that before. So honestly.

“You told me you were sorry and I couldn’t forgive you then, but I can now. It hurt me when you did that, but it ended up being one of the best things that ever happened to me.”

I nod. “Let me guess, Mason is on that list too.”

“Yeah, he is.”

“But not me,” I say. I never meant anything to her.

“No, Park. You are on that list. Just in a different way.”

“If I was so special to you, then why? How could you cast me to the side so easily? I leave for an hour and when I come back you’re suddenly with Mason and Guy knows about it. Encourages it. How could you do that to me?”

Hope drops her head, shaking it slowly. “
It
didn’t
happen in an hour. I should have handled it differently. I’m sorry I didn’t. You were one of my best friends. I counted on you for so much, but you have to know we weren’t meant to be.”

“That’s not the point. You should have told me.”

She looks up quickly, her sharp gaze focusing on me. “You didn’t tell Lucy before you moved on to another girl.”

I snap my mouth closed, pressing my lips together.

“You pretty much did the same thing to her. Worse even. I kissed Mason. That’s it. And I did that because I wanted to be with him. I cared about him. You dropped Lucy and fucked another girl.”

“Don’t,” I say hoarsely. “Don’t talk about her.
It wasn’t like that. You don’t understand.”

“The hell I don’t. I get it, Park. You care about her and it scares the living shit out of you. Cheese and rice. I get that.
You pushed her away so she couldn’t push you first. You’re afraid she’ll hurt you. But don’t you realize that you’re hurting both of you?”

“Wait,” I say, holding up my hand. “Just stop for a second.” Something about this conversation is causing a severe case of déjà vu. I close my eyes and try to think.
“Lucy and I…we were never really together. It’s different.”
But weren’t we? I told her she was mine. Fuck. I wanted her to be mine. I still do.

Hope
laughs without humor. “Neither were you and I, technically. I told you I didn’t want a relationship, but I’m pretty sure Lucy does, so I think what you did might be a little shittier.”

My eyes pop open.
Shit
. My chest is tightening. Did I do to Lucy what Hope did to me? God, no. I did worse because Hope loves Mason. I could give a shit about Erika.

“I didn’t fuck that girl,” I say.

Hope sighs. “Good. You can fix this. She’s hurt because she thinks you did. And on the same day as her.”

I shake my head. “I didn’t fuck her, but she…” I feel awkward talking to Hope about this of all people. “She blew me,” I spit.

She inhales deeply. “Okay. That might be worse.”

I don’t understand woman’s logic. How is that worse? It doesn’t even matter. “She’s better off without me fucking up her life.”

“I think she’d be better off with the real Park in her life. Don’t push her away because you’re afraid of getting hurt. It’s a shitty thing to do.”

“You keep saying that. I’m not pushing her away to keep myself from getting hurt.” I pause as I’m struck again by a sense of déjà vu. “Were you in my room? At the hospital? That first night?”

She cocks her head to the side, watching me. “What?”

My heart is beating way too fast. I take a step toward her. “The night I went to the hospital—were you in my room with Lucy? Did you talk to her about me?”

Hope nods slowly. “Yeah. We talked.”

I sink onto the couch beside her. “You said I made Lucy leave so it wouldn’t hurt as much.”

“Yeah,” she agrees. “Did she tell you?”

“I heard you. I thought…it was a dream.” I’m trying to remember the rest of it.
What did Lucy say?

Hope touches my arm and
I look at her. “She loves you. You can make this work, but you have to stop purposely fucking up to keep her at a distance.”

Holy shit
. Yes. That’s it. Lucy said she loved me. But she didn’t want to. Because of what I did to her.

I don’t know what to feel. My veins are alive, my blood rushing with fear. I don’t know how to save this. I’ve become way too good at fucking up.

But Lucy…she fucking loves me.

29

Lucy

I hate that nine days can feel like months. That’s how long it’s been
since I’ve seen Park. He’s probably a lot better too. At least, that’s what I keep telling myself.

I hate that I miss him. I don’t want to be that girl—the one that gets walked on, cheated on, forgotten about, and pines away for the asshole who did it.

I hate that I am that girl. I can’t stop thinking about him. I try. I tell myself to stop. I remind myself of what he did.

But then I remember we were never officially together. I hate that too.

But if we were never together, then why did he say I was his?

Stop it.

I’m done.

I push myself out of bed and go to Bree’s room. I tap my nails on her half open door. “Hey.”

“What’s up?” she asks as she shuffles through the clothes in her closet.

“Are you going out tonight?”

She grins widely at me. “Yep. Are you actually going to come with us?” she asks, her voice full of excitement.

“Yeah, if that’s okay. I don’t want to be the third wheel.”

“Tricycles are awesome—FYI, but just so you know, you get to be one of the training wheels tonight. Chase and Guy are coming out with us too.”

“Where are you guys going?”

Bree concentrates on her clothes as she shrugs. “I can’t remember the name. It’s a little bar near campus.” She tosses a shirt over her head, the thin, black fabric hits me in the chest and I catch it. “Wear that with your cut-offs. It’ll be cute and you won’t get too hot while you’re dancing.”

“Okay
Princess Bree. Anything else?” I say sarcastically.

“Leave your hair down,” she says, ignoring my tone. “And at least gloss your lips.”

I growl at her, but go to do what she says. I need to get out and have some Park-free fun tonight. And if that means I have to wear her clothes and slap on some gloss, I’m cool with that.

***

The bar is packed for a Thursday. That should have been my first clue. No. Scratch that. That should have been my second clue. Bree telling me all Park’s friends were coming out here tonight except Park should have been the first tip off.

My eyes keep sliding to the table in the back where Park sits nursing a beer with a girl fighting to keep his attention. If she l
eans over any farther, her boobs are going to fall out of her push-up bra and spill all over the tabletop.

I roll my eyes and look around, trying to focus on anything other than him. I don’t think he’s noticed me yet and I contemplate sneaking out before he does. I don’t need that awkwardness.

Bree hands me a drink and I scowl at her. “What?” she asks, innocently. I point at her in warning. I don’t want to hear it.
Back-stabber
. I toss my head back, gulping down the shot and hand her the glass back.

“More,” I say. I’m going to need it. She hands me hers and I repeat the process. “More,” I say again.

“Damn. All right. Let me find Jessie. Take this for now.” She hands me her rum and Coke and I suck on the straw. Her eyes settle on my empty glass that I drained almost immediately. I meet her gaze, daring her to say something. I’m not usually like this. She can put up with it for one night—especially since this is her fault. She knew I wouldn’t have come if she told me Park was going to be here.

Why is he here anyway? Shouldn’t he be home healing or something?

My gaze slips back to his table and it’s empty. Good. Maybe he left with that trampy girl. My stomach churns at the thought and I feel guilty for assuming she’s a tramp.

And then
I giggle because seriously…she seemed pretty damn trampy.

“How’s it going?”

I look up at the guy standing beside me. I turn to get the full view. He’s cute with his curly dark hair and bright blue eyes hidden under a pair of squared glasses.

“Um, good,” I say.

“I’m Wyatt.” He holds his hand out and I shake it.

Wyatt. I like it. “I’m Lucy,” I start the usual spiel, “but my friends call me Lulu or Lu.”

“You can call her Lucy.”

Wyatt’s eyes focus above my he
ad, and I don’t move. I can’t. I’m too busy having an internal debate with myself. On one shoulder, my little devil is jumping for joy. On the other, the angel is seething over Park’s nerve to pull this macho bullshit when he has no right to me.

Wyatt gives me a strained smile. “It was nice to meet you, Lucy.” He turns on his heel and disappears into the crowd. I roll my eyes and suck on my straw. I probably should have eaten something before drinking.

Well, too late now.

Where the hell is Bree? I still haven’t turned around and I think I need another drink before I can deal with Park.

“Lucy,” he says and I try so hard not to shiver, but the way my name passes through his lips is so sexy.

No.

Stop it.

I spin around and he takes a step b
ack when he registers my anger. “What?”

He sets his half-full beer on the table next to us and rubs his forehead. “I want to talk to you.”

Arching an incredulous brow, I swipe up his beer and chug it. Eck. It’s warm. I grimace as I wipe my mouth. His eyes follow my movements. I try to ignore the way his white tee shirt hugs his biceps. I don’t need him to be so attractive right now. “You want to talk to me?”

“Yes.” He smiles. “Please?”

The “please” makes my stomach pull tightly, but I take another drink and ignore it. “Sorry,” I say smartly, “but I want to dance. I’ll talk to you later.”

I push past him and I hear him suck in a breath through his teeth. I turn back quickly, realizing I was too rough. “Oh, my God. I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?”

His eyes are trained on me, his hand pressed into his side. “Nothing I didn’t deserve.”

I stare at him and he smiles weakly. “Are you trying to manipulate me?”
I ask quietly.

“What?” He takes a step closer to me. “Why would I do that?”

“I don’t know. Why would you fuck me in my shower then turn around hours later and fuck another girl?”

His dark eyes widen in surprise at my outburst and then I see something else flicker there. Some k
ind of heat that makes my stomach plummet like the drop on a roller coaster.

“Lucy, I need to talk to you.”

I shake my head because I’m so close to saying okay. If he pushes it anymore, I know I will. And then I’ll definitely be that girl. “There’s nothing you can say that I want to hear. Not after what you did.”