Behind Our Walls (5 page)

She nodded her understanding but it didn't make it any easier. As strong as her resentment for this place was at first, she had started to grow fond of it, used to the simple comforts that they had started to forget, after sleeping on the ground. She wasn't excited at all for the thought of going back to that.

James walked into the room, pacing back and forth in front of them as if he expected them to argue with whatever he had to say.

"Is she all right?" Sophie asked.

James glanced over at her and seemed to smirk at the comment. "She will be. But I know we don't really have time to wait. I'm sure you two have been whispering in here about how to best deal with the problem child, but—"

"That's not what's been going on here," Rowen said.

"Whatever you want to call it. My point is, I think that in a day or so, Corrine will be good enough that we can move on. Besides, I wouldn't ask her to ever feel comfortable or safe after what happened here."

It made sense to Sophie, but it was also hard to not hear him taking some kind of a shot at her, a snarky remark designed to get a rise out of her so that he could then pretend to be holding to the moral high ground.

"So what's the plan, then?" she asked. "I don't want anyone to think that I'm forcing you to do something you don't want to do."

"Sophie," Rowen said, the guarded tone already in his voice.

"No, really, I don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable with me being overbearing, so what does the precious princess..." She heard the words coming out of her mouth and was moments late in reigning them in. The anger and the hurt in her father's eyes was clear enough and she cursed herself for not having more restraint.

"The
plan
is to get out of here," James said, speaking with an icy tone. "Where we go isn't really important. We just need to find somewhere other than this to try and settle down for a while."

She wanted to argue, wanted to understand why they were so hostile with her, so angry for whatever it was they thought she had done. She wanted this family to be able to heal, to be what it used to be, not this wandering band of angst and unspoken blame.

"We'll start getting our things together," Rowen said. "Get what supplies we can use and assuming she's up to it, we'll plan on heading out in the morning."

James nodded and left the room. Sophie stood up to follow, not because she wanted to talk to her father, but because she didn't want to have to listen to Rowen trying to make her feel better. She wanted to be alone to regroup her emotions and her sense of control. Before Rowen could stop her, she walked out of the house and took the narrow path leading off into the woods. All she wanted to do was walk and be alone.

That night, for the first time the house lay in silence and while Sophie heard some crying from Corrine's room, there was nothing close to the cutting screams from all the previous nights. Sophie crept in, sure that there should have been at least a softening of the ice. Corrine would have calmed down by now and would listen to reason. Despite everything, Sophie still wanted to at least try to provide some comfort for her sister.

"What do you want?" She was greeted by the cold, flat-toned question before she had even fully entered the room.

"Corrine, I'm sorry, I just want to—"

"There's nothing to talk about so you might as well just leave. Dad already brought me up to date."

"Look, I can't tell you how sorry I am about Adam, we all wish that things could have gone differently but—"

"You don't say his name."

"What?"

"Don't ever say his name. I don't want to hear it from you."

"Corrine, come on, what do you want from me? Are you just going to blame me for this forever?"

"That's my business, Sophie. How I feel is up to me and you don't get to control that. You led this family off on this crazy expedition and two people are dead. If you won't accept any responsibility for that, fine. But I'm still holding you to it."

"So what are we going to do then? Just be pissed at each other? How are we going to make it like that?"

"I just don't want to be around you. I'll do what I can, help us stay safe. But I don't want to have anything else to do with you. Just stay out of my way. I just want to put this stain of a house behind me and never look back."

Sophie nodded. She had no idea how long this cold war was going to go on between the two of them, but she would have to continue riding it out. Eventually Corrine would have to come back to reality. She could be fooling herself, but it was the only thing left she had to hold on to, the only hope left to strive for.

Stepping out into the hall, Sophie closed the door and went back to the living room to resume packing for the following day's departure.

-11-

Sophie woke up on the couch, lost in a cloud of black smoke. The taste of it crept down into her throat, and when she sat up to draw breath, she ended up doubled over, hacking out what air was available. She rolled off the couch, onto the floor and into the tiniest pocket of fresh air that still remained. Reaching around with her hand, she somehow had the presence of mind to find the straps of her backpack and pull it to her. Rowen was yelling out something to her, but she couldn't understand what he was saying. She shook her head and tried to focus, to remember her bearings. The couch was less than twenty feet from the front door. Just move forward three or four feet, turn left and head for it.

She took in a deep breath and stood up. Climbing over the coffee table, she took two more strides and turned. Through the haze of smoke, she could just make out the vague shape of the door and the daylight that lay beyond. She waved her hand back and forth, trying to clear the smoke away as she made her way out, already coughing and wheezing from the effort. Her feet got tangled up in each other and she pitched forward, hitting her forehead roughly against the floor. Seeing stars, she gritted her teeth and pulled herself forward until she felt the door frame underneath her. She struggled for a new grip when a set of hands reached around her, pulled her up and out.

The fresh air tasted sweet in her mouth, but as she tried to draw in a full breath, she felt the burning in her throat and her midsection began to cramp. She bent down, in the arms of whoever held her and was vaguely aware of heaving up what food was in her stomach. As they made their way down the steps of the porch her vision clarified. Rowen carried her away from the house, James staggering along as well. Behind them she saw the house, now engulfed in raging fire.

Rowen saw the look on her face and smirked, nodding behind her as he did so. She turned and saw Corrine, looking up at the house as if she was a kid at a drive-in movie theater. She pushed at Rowen to get him to put her down and ran up to her.

"Did you do this?" she asked. "Did you start that fire?"

"Who the hell cares?" Corrine asked in response. "It isn't like we were going to be staying here."

"You started that fire! What the hell is wrong with you?"

Rowen held her back, trying to separate the two of them. "Stop," he said, "We need to get clear of the area. That smoke is going to attract anyone from miles around, we need to get out of here."

"Why did you do it?" Sophie asked, already feeling her throat going hoarse from yelling. She wanted to reach out and smack her, anything to wipe that indignant, entitled look off of her face.

"I don't want that house to stand here for another minute!" Corrine yelled back, getting right up in her face. "You don't understand what that piece of shit did to me, what he was about to do to you. Who knows how many other times it happened here before he got his dirty, fucking hands on us and I am
ending
it!"

"Corrine, the guy is dead."

"I don't care! This place needs to end. I did what I had to do. If you don't like it, that's just tough shit."

"Corrine," Sophie said, trying to understand what was going on in her head, what she could possibly be thinking. She needed to break through to her. "Corrine. You set fire to that house while we were still in it!"

She thought that would be the end of it, the emotional straw that would break her. Instead, Corrine's expression managed to get even more stoic and withdrawn. She stared through Sophie, as if she wasn't even there.

"You got out."

Sophie pulled her backpack tighter around her and stalked up the driveway to the main road. She had to get away, just so she could clear her head and get out of this head space of wanting to reach down her sister's throat and yank every last bitchy cell out of her body. She wanted to hit her, and keep hitting her until Corrine saw reason. If they were going to stay alive, they needed to support each other, and that was the last thing she wanted to do at the moment. She had to get past this, or they would end up in a much worse place than she could imagine.

-12-

Sophie looked up into the late afternoon sky and listened to the crickets and cicadas. There was a time when she found the sound to be soothing, but now it just seemed to foretell of something looming ahead of them. Rowen walked alongside her, and she could hear Corrine and James shuffling behind. She hadn't known that footsteps could sound indignant. It had been over a week since the fire but as much as she tried to move on, Corrine took nearly every opportunity to snip away at Sophie's patience.

"It's almost nighttime, we need to stop soon," Corrine said from behind them. It occurred to Sophie that they didn't have anywhere to stop other than the woods, but she kept her thoughts to herself, glancing at Rowen to see if he agreed.

He glanced at her and nodded. "Probably a good idea."

She cringed at the thought of halting their march and having to put up with the other two for another night. At least when they were on the move, they didn't bother her as much. Once they stopped and there was time to fester, all of the attitudes would come marching out. It was unbearable to see her father's willful deterioration. None of them had bathed, but for some reason he seemed to generate even more of a foul odor. His clothes hung off of him, torn badly in several places. He refused the offer of new clothes which Sophie had found for him, simply shaking his head and limping off.

They made their way closer to a dense grove of trees. James wandered off for a few minutes and returned with an armful of wood to start a fire. He dropped it at their feet and reached into his pocket for a lighter but Rowen put a hand up to stop him.

"Wait," he said, turning his head away before the look of annoyed incredulity appeared on James' face. Rowen took a small hand shovel from his bag and began to dig. He went down for several feet before taking the wood and dumping it in. "Less chance of people seeing it in the dark anyway." James sat down without a word of gratitude and within minutes was lying down, with his back to them. Corrine sat with her knees pulled up to her chest, staring into the fire, not acknowledging the other two or showing any interest in speaking.

"I wish you would at least say something," Sophie said to her. She didn't even look up. "I just wish you—"

Corrine stood up before she could finish and walked off towards the trees.

"I don't think it's a good idea to wander off like—" Rowen reached out to try and stop her, but Sophie shook her head.

"There's no point. She's not going to listen to either one of us. Just let her go, she'll be all right eventually."

"Sure, unless there's someone wandering around out there and—"

"Would you shut the hell up about it?" James snapped at them with his back still turned. "If she wants to walk off into the God dammed woods, then let her do it."

"Daddy," Sophie said, grabbing on to whatever frayed patience she had left. It didn't matter what she would have said anyway as the sound of his snoring made its way over to them. She shook her head and huddled up to the fire pit.

The minutes ticked past slowly as she felt her senses begin to dull. Just as she felt on the verge of sleep, she looked up at the sound of branches snapping, thinking that maybe Corrine had made her way back but it was a deer, frozen in mid stride. It cocked its head, as if surprised at their presence and for the barest moment, Sophie imagined that she saw a look of smug satisfaction on the animal's face, at the proof it now saw of the natural playing field being leveled. Before she could voice that thought however, it turned and darted back into the trees. Rowen turned back to her, showing no indication that he had noticed.

"When we left home..." he trailed off and she sat there in silence. He had yet to really talk about himself in any way, but as much as she wanted to hear about it, she also didn't want to pressure him. "When we left, I didn't say anything to the girls because I didn't want to scare them."

"You had daughters?" She knew this much already, but it felt natural to ask anyway.

He nodded. "Two of them. Their mother disappeared years ago. After the bomb went off...I figured that things were pretty much finished, at least the way we knew it. We were already seeing signs of rovers making their way around neighborhoods and looting houses."

She shook her head. "Rovers". Leave it to society to come up with a cute name for nothing more than looters, making their way around the country, killing and taking whatever they wanted. There was no point. No value to anything anymore. It didn't matter if it was gold, or money, diamonds or jewels. It was all worthless. Of course, that wasn't going to stop people from taking as many things as they could get their hands on. Wouldn't keep a family from getting gunned down for their television, even though most places probably didn't even have the electricity to turn it on.