Behind The Mask (Nurses Book 2) (17 page)

His thrusts have a rhythmic quality as he rolls his hips with the skill of a dancer. He holds my hips in an iron grip that isn’t painful at all, he wants to be able to move me at will.

I’m getting closer, I can feel it, the sweat is pouring out of us both now. Every time a drop from him hits me, I feel as if we should hear a sizzle because right now we are on fire. His thrusts have picked up a more erratic pace, but just as good as before. He takes my legs off of his shoulders and spreads them apart. Using his thumb and finger he pinches my clit slightly and I am flying. My moans and screams are deafening even to my own ears, a year’s worth of stress melting away.

Gage apparently came at the same time as me, but I was too busy riding my waves of orgasm to notice honestly. Terrible of me, I know, but it was intense and there was no way of stopping it. We both lay next to each other, panting and feeling the high of our orgasms.

“Um, Cori, now would be the time I would do the gentlemanly thing and get you a cloth to clean up and also so I could take care of the condom, but, well you know.” He looks ashamed.
 

“Right. It’s okay, I gotta go take a shower anyways and get this sweat off of me. You are more than welcome to join me if you would like.”

With a shake of his head, he dismisses the notion of joining me. He grabs some tissue off the nightstand and takes care of the condom, throwing it into my bedside trash can. Then he lays back in all of his naked glory with his arms behind his head, staring at the ceiling. I know that it’s bothering him that he can’t get up as easily, but I can’t help it, I need to go. Having sex was easier than I thought, but emotions I didn’t expect are bubbling to the surface.

Making my way to the bathroom, I shut the door behind me and sit on the floor and just cry. I’m crying not because of fear or anything, but because finally, I feel free. Free from the weight of Xavier being on me. Having sex with Gage will never take away what happened to me, but it helps to ease the nightmare of it.

Xavier and all of his wretchedness are ingrained in me forever, but I know now that he may have damaged me, but he didn’t break me. He didn’t make me unlovable. These tears are not sadness, no, these tears are a relief. Months and months of relief.

“Cori, can I come in?” Gage asks softly, I guess so he doesn’t spook me.

I don’t answer him because who wants to get caught crying after mind blowing sex? Especially with a man as hot as him? He bursts right in.

“Why are you crying, sweetheart?”

“Because I’m not broken. I’m not broken even when I thought he broke me.”

“No, sweetheart, you aren’t broken. Scared and maybe a little bruised, but those scars should be worn with pride. You’re a warrior, you fought and survived.”

“But I didn’t fight. I was so scared, Gage, that I couldn’t fight. I mean I did in the beginning, but he was so powerful. When I fought he seemed to get off on it, so I just stopped. You always hear people saying that they leave their body when they are r-r-raped, but I didn’t leave mine. I felt everything, every damn man, every damn rip of my skin, everything. They used my body up and cut me while they were having their way with me. Before Damian found me, they had me strung up with bedsheets and handcuffs. The inmates would take their turns… it was the worst hours of my life. I finally passed out when he started carving the X into my face. My body just couldn’t take the pain anymore, and I blacked out. When I woke up, I was in the hospital on a ventilator. I took months of fighting just to get myself to look healed on the outside. But I was never healed. I always had nightmares. Xavier would come back nightly in my dreams, and I would relive the whole thing again and again.”

“Sweetheart, he is gone and never coming back. Even if he was still around I would kill him with my bare hands. Promise you that. This is your life, always has been and always will be, but you have to choose how you are going to live it. I’ve had a lot of nightmares since leaving the sandbox, and I’m sure that I will have a ton more. But once I decided to start living again, they started going away. Cori, baby, you have to start living. You are letting him win if you don’t.”

He’s right. I know he’s right, I just don’t know how to start. I’m scared to have a future because the past keeps dragging me down. I have scars that scare people, I have trauma not only on the inside but the outside.

“Baby, let’s get in the shower and let me wash you.”

As he sat on the edge of my tub, I was surrounded by all things Gage. This was a very powerful shower. Not because I had a man in front of me, but because as he washed me, he washed away the bad.

Sleeping better than I ever had, I had a dreamless night. The first in a very long time, surrounded by a man who wants to chase the demons away, my own personal demon slayer.

There are not enough good words to describe last night. I fell asleep with the most beautiful woman in my arms. I had no nightmares at all, and when I felt like she needed me to, I held her tighter.

I have never been a man who gets sappy at this emotional shit, but dammit it felt good. I was needed again, wanted again. I think deep down, that is all a man wants in life. Yeah, the money and cars are good, but being needed by a woman is something entirely different.

The drive into the rehab is mostly silent, although I make sure to hold her hand the entire time. That physical connection to her is vital to me, she just doesn’t realize it. Today I will be fitted for my leg, and I know that this is only the beginning. The beginning of a new life. I was shitty about getting out. I felt like my life was ruined because this is all I would ever know. But it’s not, I have friends, I have a good woman, and I will be soon walking out of this place to start anew.

Once we get back to the rehab, I notice from the lobby that Sam is watching us. I let go of Cori’s hand before we got out of the car because I know she could technically get in trouble for dating a patient. When I see Sam, though, I get an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I don’t trust this girl, and I also don’t trust her bitch friend Emily.

Waiting for the elevator it’s just me and Cori, then as we enter the car so does Sam and Emily. The whole ride up to the third floor is uncomfortable. Sam stared daggers at Cori while Emily just stood there with a shit eating smirk on her face. The anger and hate radiating off of Sam can be felt and as soon as the elevator opens I thank God for fresh air.

Throughout the day, I watched Sam to make sure she didn’t try anything with Cori. For some reason in my gut, I feel as if she is more than capable. The thought sickens me. Getting to physical therapy, I realize that I can’t watch Cori the way I want to. So I ask who could be the next best thing, Allyn.

“So where the hell were you last night?” He wags his eyebrows up and down like some vaudevillian.

“Ha, I’m not telling you old man.”

“Oh, I know where you were, saw that friend of hers pick you up. It’s okay, you don’t have to say. But I swear you found your one, boy.”

“Hey look, I need your help. Well, actually Cori needs your help.” Just like I said all men want to feel needed, and sure enough, Allyn is no different. He jumps at the chance to keep an eye on Cori.

Before I go to my appointment, I text Cori to let her know I will meet her at her car when she gets off at five. It’s the only way I can talk to her because Sam is everywhere. I know when she reads it because she gets a smile on her face. Sam notices too, and gives a wicked sneer towards Cori, although she doesn’t see it. That smile, though, that is the kind of smile that can heal even the most rotten of hearts. I have an overwhelming feeling of pride that I’m the man who put that smile on her face.

Appointment time comes and I’m hoping that today is the day that I get to try on my prosthesis. I’m unsure of how it will feel although I know there is some pain to be expected until a callous can form on my stump, but I am nervous. I wonder how it will feel, will it be heavy? Will it feel like an extension of myself? All of those things I keep in my mind so I can remember to ask the therapist.

Because of the amount of people here, we see so many different physical therapists and assistants. Plus it is the military, you never really have one dedicated doctor, ever. But going into the physical therapy room, I wasn’t expecting Emily to be my assistant today.

“Gage,” she says my name like she smells shit.

“Emily. I didn’t know you were my assistant today.”

“Yeah well, just happened to be scheduled that way. So let’s get started. The doctor prescribed you this to try to offset the pain of fittings and trying to stand. That’s all we are working on today is trying to stand.”

She hands me a cup with a pill in it and I throw it back like it’s nothing. When she shows me the socket that is now mine, I get a little bit emotional. This is finally happening. If Emily notices the tears in my eyes, she has the good sense not to say anything about them.

When she brings out my new leg, a few of those tears fall. I never thought I would get emotional over a leg. But then again, I never thought I would lose mine. Trying it on for the first time and trying to stand the tears quickly go away and the sweat forms on my brow. As many times as we have done exercises to help strengthen my good leg and to help the rest of the other leg, nothing prepares me for the strength it takes to stand.

Sweat pours down my back and drips off the tip of my nose and chin, but it’s an incredible feeling to be standing at full height again. To have people look up to talk to me will be an incredible feeling again. To be able to walk side by side with Cori is going to be the icing on the cake.

As time goes on, I’m feeling weaker and weaker. Emily keeps reassuring me that it’s normal. The drowsiness, however, is not something I expect. On my last trial with standing, I fall on my face. Thankfully I didn’t hit the bars I was using to stand up. That is the last thought I remember thinking.

Where the hell is he? It’s a quarter after five, and I’m ready to get the hell out of here. I can’t wait to hear about his therapy appointment today. Hopefully, he gets here soon because I’m starving and ready to get home. Home. Such a powerful word, it can make you or break you. Just a few short days ago, I was going to an empty house, devoid of any happiness. Yet just last night, I invited a man I hardly know to move in with me. Plus, I had mind blowing sex.

At five-forty-five, I start to worry. He told me he would be here at five, and now he is nowhere in sight. I have been texting him and texting him with no response. Starting to doubt myself on the whole thing. I mean why would he want me? Of course, he just wanted to hit it and quit it, he’s a guy after all. Isn’t that what they do?

Feeling stupid and defeated, I get in my car and prepare myself to leave. But something is holding me back. I’m pretty sure he didn’t leave, so where the hell is he? But I have to know, I have to see for myself that he is okay and wants nothing to do with me.

Making my way up the elevator again, I keep chastising myself for not taking the stairs because one of these days I will get stuck on it. Thankfully it’s not today because the doors opening stop me from berating myself for not taking stairs.

“Hey, doll, what are you doing back here?” Allyn comes towards me as I head to Gage’s room.

“I, ugh, I forgot something.”

“Sure thing, that thing you forgot? I haven’t seen him since his therapy appointment.”

I can’t help but smile at the man. Behind all his dirty jokes and inappropriateness, he really is an incredible man. The affection he shows for his deceased wife is truly something I wish I would have someday.

“Yeah, thanks. I guess everybody knows?”

“If you are wondering if everyone includes Nurse Ratched, then I dunno. But I do know all of us little folks have known for a while that he was your one.”

I feel my face turning that wonderful red shade of tomato. “He’s not my one, I don’t have a one.”

“Keep kidding yourself, sweet cheeks, but you don’t see what we see. That boy has it bad for you.”

“If he has it bad then he would be waiting for me now like he said he would be. Instead, I seem to be the one chasing him.”