Being Jamie Baker (15 page)

“Ryan, wait.”

He whirled around a lot faster than I expected, and his hopeful expression made me nearly forget why I was stopping him. “Yes?” he prompted when I forgot to speak.

“I don’t deserve that honor. I haven’t really earned it.”

“What honor?”

“Rejecting you.”

“What are you saying?”

“I wasn’t right. It
is
too big a secret. It’s too big to try to keep it alone. It’s dangerous and completely unfair of me to push this responsibility onto you. It’s a lot to ask, and I know I don’t deserve it, but if you’re not too freaked out by me, is it too late to accept your offer to be friends?” I’ve never seen anyone look more stunned than Ryan did right then. It was as though finding out that comic book characters can actually exist was nothing compared to the possibility of me wanting to be his friend. Nice. Real nice. I must have been more of an ice queen than I realized. On the bright side, it was a good kind of surprised. He was definitely happy with my confession. Once he gained his composure, his smile turned into that infamous smirk of his. “Friends?” he asked skeptically, taking a step closer to me.

“Friends,” I warned seriously.

His face was only inches from mine now, and he was smiling down at me as if he owned the entire world. “I knew you secretly wanted me.”

Way to kill the moment. “Oh, would you get over yourself already?”

“I can’t.” His grin grew even wider. “I just won the heart of the world’s only superhero. I’m the man!”

“Ugh. Okay. I’m going home now, before I get sick.”

“All right, all right, I’m sorry. I’m just kidding. Kind of. But seriously, you like me. I can tell. I’m man enough to say it. I want you, Jamie. So bad I’m going crazy over it. Why won’t you just admit that you want me too?”

“I want to keep you alive—that’s what I want.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s a pretty big thing, don’t you think?”

“Well, yeah, not killing me is a pretty good goal to have, but I meant, is that all that’s keeping us apart?”

“Duh.”

Once again Ryan was so close to me that all I’d have had to do was pucker and our lips would meet. I felt my heart speed up, and then suddenly he was leaning in. “You’re not really trying to kiss me, are you?” I breathed just before his lips touched mine.

“You’re not really trying to stop me, are you?”

You know? In the end? I swear it’s going to be Ryan’s cockiness that saves him. It’s a lot easier to say no when he’s so sure he’s getting his way. I sighed and then lightly tapped my index finger to his stomach. The jolt didn’t hurt him, but it definitely didn’t feel good.

“Ow!” he grunted, and then frowned at me. The pout didn’t make me feel sorry for him. “Did you just do that on purpose?” he whined.

“Didn’t have any choice. What you were about to do to yourself would have hurt a lot worse.”

“But you kissed me before.”

“Yeah, and I was completely, one hundred percent calm then because (a) I had no idea that it could hurt you, and (b) that kiss was just a bet. It meant absolutely nothing.” Ryan’s frown disappeared. “So you admit that kissing me would mean something to you now?”

“No.” I’m stubborn, what can I say?

“You’re killing me, Jamie. Killing me!”

“Look, Ryan, if you can’t handle being just friends, we can always go back to the me-rejecting-you option.”

The angry glare Ryan gave me was priceless. “Fine,” he grumbled, “just friends. But just for now.”

“Just for always.”

“Just until you learn to control it.”

Ryan raised his hand to my face again. I started to back away, but he refused to let me, so I took a deep breath before he ran the back of his hand slowly down my cheek. It felt so good that my eyes fluttered shut.

“All it will take is some practice,” he whispered.

You have no idea how much I hoped he was right.

* * * * *

Eight o’clock Saturday morning I was up in my room—yes, watching cartoons if you must know

—when Ryan’s voice suddenly caught my attention. Wherever it was coming from, it wasn’t that far from my house. “That’s great, Mom,” he was saying.

I turned off my TV and tried to concentrate on his conversation. Invasion of privacy? Maybe. My moral compass usually points pretty north, but I do have my moments of weakness, and let’s face it, a teenage girl spying on her crush is not exactly front-page news. I can’t help it if I’m better at it than most. Besides, I was curious as to why he was in my neighborhood.

I could hear his mother’s voice coming through the receiver of his cell phone. “Well, we wanted to come home and take you to lunch to celebrate, but we’re going to be a little longer than we thought. I’m sorry, Ry, but it looks like you’ll be on your own today.”

“That’s okay. I actually have plans for the rest of the day. Well, hopefully. I haven’t asked her yet, but I took the day off work.”

“Something I should be worried about?” his mother teased.

“Only if I get caught, in which case the police will fill you in, I’m sure.” Ryan laughing with his mom had to be the cutest thing I’d ever heard. What a momma’s boy. It’s no wonder he got along so well with my parents. “Actually, Mom,” he said, becoming excited,

“remember that girl I was telling you about, Jamie?”

Wait, what?

I was at my window now, trying to see if I could spot him driving down my street. I couldn’t.

“Oh, honey!” his mom gushed with sudden excitement. “She’s finally letting you take her out? Ry, I’m so proud of you! You see? I told you no girl could resist you.”

“Oh sure!” I laughed out loud to myself. “Throw gas on the flames, why don’t you?” It’s no wonder he has such a giant ego.

“Well, actually,” Ryan said, “she hasn’t agreed to a date yet, but I’ve got a plan that I think will work. I’m headed over to her house right now.”

“Good for you, honey. Good luck.”

“Thanks, Mom. Have fun with Gene, and tell him congratulations for me.” Ryan was on his way to my house? Not good. If he showed up, acting like we were friends now, my father would have a conniption. Especially if he realized that Ryan knows about me. I had to cut Ryan off before he could reach the front door. I ran downstairs, but then I saw my reflection in the china cabinet and headed back to my room.

I know I could break a lot of world records if I wanted to, but even for moving at superspeed, I took the world’s fastest shower, brushed my teeth, and threw on the first thing I could find. I came flying down the stairs, but my parents are all too familiar with that faint breeze rushing past them.

“Jamielynn, you get back here right now and tell me where you’re going, young lady!” my mom called out to the thin air, knowing I could still hear her.

“Sorry, Mom.” I was out of breath because I was slightly panicked, not because I was tired. “I was just going to go for a run. I’ve been cooped up too much, and I need to get some of this energy out. You want me to bring back a souvenir from somewhere?”

You should see our refrigerator. I’m not sure if having so many magnets is really healthy, but I can’t help picking them up from the random places I stop at when I’m bored. I like the look my mom always gives me when I come home with one and she realizes that I was just in Nebraska or wherever.

“Jamie, sweetheart.” Oh great. She was in one of those lecturing moods. Not exactly the best time when Ryan was going to show up any second. “I don’t think going for a run is what you need. Why don’t you try to find where all the kids are hanging out? Isn’t there a school football game to watch or something?”

“The football games are on Friday nights here,” I answered dryly.

“Oh. Well, there has to be something going on. Jamie, when your father and I said you needed to get out more, we didn’t mean running around the country all by yourself. You should use all this energy to be with kids your age. You need to be social.”

“Okay, fine. I’ll go see what Ryan’s up to.”

“Jamie.”

I could tell my mom wanted to say yes, but I suppose I couldn’t blame her for worrying.

Just then I heard Ryan’s truck pull up to the curb of my house, and I nearly had a heart attack.

“All right, fine,” I said, not having any more time to argue. “I’ll go out and look for a job. Will that make you happy?”

My mother’s face lit up with a glimpse of hope that actually made me feel very guilty all the sudden. “Very!” she exclaimed, clapping her hands together. “But you can’t get a job wearing that. Go put on something nice.”

I frowned down at the jeans and T-shirt I’d pulled off my floor in my haste to stop Ryan. I disappeared so fast that I was standing in front of my mom again in a businesslike skirt and jacket before she could even shake her head. “Better?”

“Beautiful,” my mom said. “Good luck, honey. You won’t regret this, I promise!” She was calling out to the air again because I was already gone.

I tugged on Ryan’s arm just before he had the chance to knock on the door. If I weren’t so paranoid about my parents seeing him there, I would have enjoyed the confused look on his face as he realized I’d just appeared out of thin air and was dragging him off my porch. The only words he seemed capable of spitting out were “What the—”

“I’ll explain in a minute,” I grumbled. “Just get us out of here before my parents see you.” Ryan frowned but obeyed, obviously happy that even though I was making him leave, at least I was going with him.

“Good morning?” he finally said, very unsure of himself for once in his life as he rounded the corner, putting my house out of sight behind us.

“I’m sorry.” I sighed. “It’s just that I heard you pull up, and I didn’t want my dad to have an aneurism if you mentioned something about knowing my secret.”

“They don’t know about your powers?”

“Oh, no. They know about me. They don’t know that you know. I would have told them, except my father sort of banned me from ever speaking to you again.”

“What? But I thought your parents liked me.” I don’t know what was cuter, the surprise in his voice, or the wounded look on his face. “Your dad told me to come back anytime. You’re mom actually hugged me.”

That confession made me cringe. “Yeah, she gets a little excited sometimes—sorry about that. But it’s not you. They just freaked after I mentioned the accident and you helping me out with the cops.

They’re afraid you’re going to figure me out and expose me to the world. My dad went into his usual secret-government-lab-testing rant.”

“But I don’t want anyone to take you away any more than he does.”

“He’s a great dad. It’s his job to be overprotective.”

Ryan’s face slowly straightened out of its frown. “I guess if you were mine, I’d be crazy overprotective too.” He sighed and then smiled at me. “I’d probably be worse, judging by how I felt when that reporter showed up.”

I couldn’t believe my heart was fluttering over that, but it was, and even worse, I liked the feeling.

“That was quite a punch you threw.” I laughed, trying not to let myself blush.

“Yeah, I was quite impressed myself.”

“I’m not surprised—you’re always impressed with yourself.” Ryan laughed but didn’t deny the accusation. “I’ve never really been a fighter, but I’ll admit I wanted to kill that guy.”

Ryan wasn’t the only one. I wanted to put Carter six feet under too. The only difference between me and Ryan is that I could have. All too easily. My power scares me, but sometimes the feelings that come with that power are a lot scarier. I can almost understand how supervillains get the way they are, because it’s so hard not to want to use your power to hurt someone when they’re hurting you first. Of course my conscience always gets the better of me, but if I had to deal with guys like Carter all the time, forever and ever, eventually I’d crack.

I shuddered at my train of thought, and when Ryan questioned it, I quickly changed the subject.

“Where are we going?”

Ryan grinned, successfully distracted. “I hope you didn’t have any plans today.”

“No, but you obviously do. Would you mind filling me in?”

“Practice.”

“No offense, Ryan, but I’m not exactly excited by the idea of watching you and Mike smear each other into the ground for hours.”

“Not me—you. You’re going to learn how to control your power.”

“And how do you suggest I do that?”

“Practice,” he said again. “Haven’t you seen
Smallville
?”

“Everyone’s seen
Smallville
,” I said, not amused that he was now comparing my life to a TV series about a fictional town full of freaks.

“Every time Clark gets a new ability, he practices. It never takes him very long, so if you’re as much like Superman as you claim, then I bet we could be making out by next week.” I gave him a sideways glance, but he just laughed. “You know you want to.”

“This plan is right up there with your plan for getting to take Becky to homecoming.”

“Hey! Technically, that plan worked.”

I was annoyed to high heaven that he was right about that. “Okay, Einstein, then do you have a strategy for this game plan?”

“Interesting choice of words,” Ryan said, and then intentionally changed the subject. “You look so hot, by the way. Very Lois Lane.”

“Oh, shut up!”

“Sorry, it’s just a little ironic, considering what we’re about to do.”

“And that would be?”

“A surprise.”

Ryan wouldn’t tell me his plan any more than he would tell me where we were going. Of course it wasn’t really a mystery when he turned off I-80 toward Tahoe City. I wondered why he was taking me to Lake Tahoe, but I have to admit, after that dream I had about the Grand Canyon, I wasn’t exactly opposed to being alone with him in the wilderness.

We wound through the mountains, and there was nothing but forest to see out the windows until suddenly we were pulling up to a big log house with a huge veranda that wrapped all the way around the side. I couldn’t help but stare at the beautiful structure. It seemed to be hidden so perfectly from the world that I felt like Ryan and I were the last two people on earth. Again, not complaining.

“You like it?” Ryan asked, seeing the smile on my face.

“It’s hard to believe that something so beautiful can be so close to Sacramento. It looks like a jigsaw puzzle.”

“Close. It was featured in a wall calendar once.” Ryan chuckled. “It’s my stepdad’s cabin.”

“You call this a cabin?”

“Gene does. When he married my mom, he moved into our house so that we would feel more comfortable because the house he used to own was a good three times bigger than this.” I blinked. I couldn’t help it. My dad manages a sawmill in West Sacramento. He makes enough to afford our nice little cookie-cutter piece of suburban heaven, but he’d have to win the lottery to own a house like this.

“A lot of screwed-up people in this world need motivating,” Ryan joked. “Come on, the view from the back is better.”

He was right; the view from the back was much better. The deck hung over the side of the mountain, granting a view of the entire lake. I actually recognized the back of the house. I’d seen it from across the lake on the many trips I’ve made here to do my homework in a little peace and quiet. It was one of the nicest houses visible from the lakeshore, and I’d often wondered what kinds of people own a place like this. It felt strange to be standing there now.

“Thank you for bringing me here, it’s absolutely beautiful, but what exactly are we doing here?”

“Well, if we’re going to unleash these powers of yours, then we need to be someplace where no one is going to see us. This was the most private place I could think of.”

“You want me to ‘unleash’ my powers?”

“Yeah, show me whatcha got.”

“What do you want, a front-row seat to the freak show? I’m not going to stand here and do tricks for a handful of doggie biscuits.”

“Jamie.” Ryan rolled his eyes at me like I was the one being ridiculous. “I get that you’re self-conscious about being different, but you’re really not going to scare me away, so stop worrying so much. I’m not looking for cheap entertainment. I’m just trying to help you. If we’re going to practice, then I need to know what you’re capable of first. Like tryouts.”

“Tryouts?”

“Yeah.” Ryan reached into a duffel bag he’d brought with him and retrieved a lightbulb. “Then, after I know what you can do, we start with the fundamentals.” Ryan grinned really big. I hate it when he does that. It’s so not fair! He was being too cute, and I was eating it up. I couldn’t stop myself from humoring him. “What is that for?”

“Can you light it up?”

I glared at him, but he waited for me to do as he asked, so I grabbed the lightbulb out of his hand and pumped the thing so full of power that it exploded.

“That’s what I thought.” Ryan laughed, pulling a second light bulb from his bag. “Now, can you hold this one without lighting it up?” I was still not amused. “Well, can you?” I took the bulb and closed my fist around the bottom. “Satisfied?” I asked when the light stayed dark.

Ryan smiled bigger than I’d ever seen him smile before. “Completely,” he admitted, and then stepped closer to me. “You see? You do have
some
authority over it. You just have to figure out what that feels like, and then try doing it when you start to lose control.” Ryan slowly took my free hand in his, and the minute his fingers touched my skin I could feel butterflies in my stomach.

“Like right now, for instance,” Ryan said, looking at the dim glow now shining from the light in my hand. “You’re starting to lose control. See if you can turn it off.” I was dying of embarrassment, but I was also curious to see if I could do it, so I played along. I kept my eyes focused on the lightbulb because looking at Ryan’s face as close as it was to mine now was sure to be a guaranteed repeat lightbulb explosion. After a moment the light slowly started to fade. I felt a tinge of excitement, and it started to glow again, so I concentrated even harder. Again the light faded.

Ryan dropped my hand with a proud smile on his face that screamed, “I told you so,” but I was too amazed to care. Even though it was on a tiny scale, I was actually controlling myself.