Believe Like a Child (38 page)
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s the wedding day drew near, Alessa became increasingly nervous. It wasn’t the prospect of marrying Remo that heightened her tension, but the thought of all the people who would be present at her wedding, watching her every step. The rehearsal dinner was in two days and they were all excited. They would be going to the church first. Afterward, they would have dinner at the Seven Stars Inn in Phoenixville. The restaurant had been in business since 1736 and it was there that George Washington and his army had retreated after the Battle of Brandywine. Remo had gone there once a year all through his childhood and he was excited about Alessa and Lucy dining with him at a place that had always been so special for him. He raved about the food and the history of the old restaurant that had sheltered many travelers from the time it had opened. The rehearsal dinner was everything Remo had hoped it would be. They drove back to Philadelphia at the end of the night, bellies full and contentment in the air. They were happy and in love.
The next morning, they packed the car with all their wedding apparel and drove out to Patrick and Hannah’s home. The florist and caterer were already scurrying about, getting things ready, when they arrived. As promised by Hannah, the color purple was throughout the house and the backyard. They had rented a large tent that was beautifully draped with fabric in purple, white and silver. Hannah was in all her glory, not because Remo was marrying Alessa, but because she loved to throw parties and this was going to be the ultimate party. As the guests began to arrive, Alessa, Lucy, Ebby and the bridesmaids climbed the stairs to the guest bedroom to get dressed. Alessa focused on getting Lucy ready first. When she had finished, she looked at Ebby who was in tears already.
“I can’t believe you’re crying already” Alessa exclaimed. “You’re a nut job!”
Ebby told Lucy how beautiful she looked and the child felt very special as she primped before the full-length mirror. Ebby then turned to Alessa and said, “Well, you’re next. Let’s go, blushing bride!”
The younger woman laughed. “Oh, please!” she said, “I’ll probably burn in hell for wearing white on my wedding day. I’m hardly a blushing bride.”
Ebby put an arm around her and led her further into the room where the wedding dress was hanging. After Alessa had put on her dress and her make-up was done, Ebby turned to her.
“I have something for you,” she said. “Every bride needs something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue.” She reached inside her purse and pulled out a strand of pearls. “These belonged to my mother. I wore them on my wedding day just as she had worn them on hers. So this is your ‘something old’.” Then she pulled out a small, wrapped box and handed it to Alessa who opened it and gazed in wonder at the small pearl earrings that lay inside.
“These are my gift to you—your ‘something new’,” Ebby said.
As rehearsed, Lucy stepped up to Alessa and took the blue sapphire ring Remo had given her off her finger. “And this,” she said, holding out the ring, “is something borrowed and something blue.”
Alessa felt as though she were a normal person now, someone other than herself. She looked from Ebby to Lucy and realized, once again, how lucky she was to have these two people in her life. She hugged them both. “Thank you,” she said earnestly. “I love you both so much. I never want to lose this feeling. I wish I could feel this happy every day of my life.”
Realizing she was close to tears again, Ebby got a hold on herself, straightened her shoulders and said briskly, “We better get going. They’ll be starting in five minutes.”
As instructed by his mother and her caddy girlfriends, Remo was already outside, waiting in the tent. “It’s bad luck to see the bride before the wedding,” they had warned him.
When Alessa came down the stairs in her bridal dress, even Hannah was taken aback by how beautiful she looked. The dress was perfect, she thought, examining it critically, something she would have picked herself. Patrick smiled up at the girls and as Alessa’s eyes met his, she silently mouthed, “Thank you.”
He gave her a slight nod of acknowledgement and appreciation, that spoke volumes about their new relationship, and turned to tell Lucy how gorgeous she looked.
For Alessa, it would be a moment frozen in time. Miraculously, she no longer felt nervous. On the contrary, she was charged with excitement and hope now.
Hannah’s voice cut into her reverie. “Let’s go. They’re ready for you, Alessa.”
Alessa reached the entrance to the tent, then stood aside, realizing there was no one to give her away. How pathetic, she thought, the old feelings of inadequacy threatening to come back and plague her.
Suddenly, Patrick was by her side. “I would consider it an honor, if I could walk you down the aisle,” he whispered in her ear.
Alessa was grateful to be rescued. Hannah, on the other hand, visibly cringed. When Remo saw his father approaching him with Alessa on his arm, he was proud of them both. At that moment, he believed that they could all be one happy family. It moved him deeply to observe how beautiful his bride was and how affectionate his father was being to her.
The reception was fun and they all drank and danced. Alessa recognized that while Hannah could be a real bitch when she didn’t get her way, she certainly knew how to throw a great party.
Although Alessa and Remo couldn’t afford a honeymoon, they did take off the week following the wedding to hang out with each other. They had received 15,000 dollars in cash as wedding gifts from the people who attended the wedding and they decided to put it aside so that eventually, they would be able to buy another house for themselves to live in—some day.
One morning, midweek, when Remo and Alessa were sitting together on the front porch, drinking their coffee, they were surprised by the arrival of an apparently unknown woman. Watching her approach, Alessa assumed, at first, that she was just another of the many homeless people who often stopped by for something to eat or to use the bathroom. The woman seemed to be in her twenties and looked dazed. As she drew closer, however, Alessa realized that it was Sara, the young girl who had taken her to live with the other homeless teens when she found her standing outside the train station three years ago. Alessa knew full well that if it hadn’t been for Sara, she would never have found Lucy. She sprang up from her chair and met the other girl midway. Alessa hadn’t seen Sara since she had left with the others to spend the winter in Florida. The girl looked weathered and worn. By the way she was dressed, Alessa could tell she had been hooking herself. The dark circles around Sara’s eyes and her withdrawn look also told her that she was using hard drugs. Alessa remembered that look only too clearly. It was the same one she had seen on Harlin’s face in the last months before she fled from him.
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lessa reached out to her right away. “Hi Sara!” she said warmly. “How have you been?”
“Do I know you?” the other girl asked, looking up at her with a vacant expression.
Slightly annoyed, but concerned, all the same, Alessa said, “It’s me, Alessa. Remember, how we met at the train station and you took me to live under the bridge near Thirtieth Street Station?”
Sara sidestepped and would have fallen, but caught herself just in time. “Oh yeah,” she said, apparently thinking hard to extract the memory from her foggy brain. “Yeah, I remember you. You and that little girl you took care of.”
Alessa was overwhelmed with sadness at what Sara’s life had become. This was the person who had befriended her in her hour of need and was indirectly responsible for why she was here today with Remo and Lucy, living the life she had dreamed of.
“Yeah, Sara, that’s right,” she said gently. “It’s me, Alessa. The little girl was Lucy. She’s still with me.”
Sara suddenly dropped to her knees and threw up at Alessa’s feet. Remo rushed over to help her up and together, they led the girl into their apartment. Alessa guided her into the bathroom and helped her take a shower. Between the vomit and the smell of filth from not showering for God knew how long, Sara was almost too ripe to be near. When Alessa helped her undress, she noticed all the track marks in her arms and legs.
“What kind of drugs are you shooting, Sara?” she asked, her face twisted with pity.
The girl’s head dropped back, as though she were a bobble head, until she had regained enough control for her neck to be able to support her head again. Trying very hard to focus on Alessa, she said, “Yeah, I like heroin. You got any, man? Listen, I ain’t got no money, but I’ll fuck you or your guy in exchange for some. I’ll fuck you both at the same time, if you want. I give great fucking head. It doesn’t matter to me. It can be a guy or a chick. You wanna fuck?”
Alessa eyes filled up. “No Sara, I don’t want to fuck. Let’s just get you cleaned up and you can eat something afterward.”
Sara smiled a drugged-up, doped-out smile, “Hey man, whatever you say…
whatever
you want to do. You want to pay me to take some pictures of me in the shower?”
Alessa lost her temper. “No, what the fuck, Sara!” she snapped. “Just take a fucking shower!”
Startled by the vehemence of her response, Sara stepped into the shower obediently. When she had finished, she pulled the shower curtain back and looked at Alessa.
“Man, that felt so fucking good!” she exclaimed. “What did you say your name was?”
Agitated now, Alessa replied, enunciating each word carefully, “My name is Alessa and you know me. We’ve met before. You helped me a long time ago, when I had nowhere to sleep. Remember?”
Sara’s grip on her towel slackened and the towel dropped to the floor. She was now standing naked in front of Alessa. It was quite obvious that Sara had had a rough life over the last three years. There were bruises between her legs and bite marks around her breasts.
“Nah, I don’t remember you,” Sara countered. “Maybe if you could loan me some money and I could get some dope with it, I would remember.”
Alessa gave up and decided to feed Sara and let her sleep on the sofa. Maybe after some sleep, she would remember who Alessa was. Maybe the sight of Lucy would act as a catalyst. She had forgotten about Lucy. Alessa’s stomach twisted, thinking of how the child might be affected when she came to know what had become of Sara. Although she was accustomed to being around drug users—after all, many of the homeless people they talked to used drugs—Lucy might be utterly disheartened to see Sara in this condition, precisely because it was Sara. Alessa decided to meet the child at school and talk to her about Sara before she came home. She wanted Lucy to make her own decision about seeing her old street friend.
After Alessa had gotten Sara into clean clothes, she led her into the kitchen. Remo was already making her scrambled eggs and toast. He had also made fresh coffee, hoping it would speed up the sobering process. Alessa sat with Sara as she tried to eat. She would pick up a shaky forkful and occasionally fail to deliver it to her mouth, spilling it, instead, on the floor. But she began to sober up ever so slightly, as the minutes went by. When she had finished eating, Alessa led her over to the sofa and told her to try and get some sleep. As soon as she had Sara as settled as possible, Alessa kissed Remo and left to get Lucy from school.
When Lucy saw her waiting outside the school, she asked, “What’s wrong? Did something happen?”
Alessa explained how Sara had shown up at the house and that she was stoned on heroin. Lucy looked at her with the wisdom of a hundred-year-old woman. “So, you’re worried how I will react to her?” she asked. “I mean, I feel bad for Sara and I still like her, but it’s not like she scares me or anything. We know lots of homeless people who do drugs. It’s fine. Did she remember you?”
Alessa shook her head. “No, she keeps asking me my name. We need to get back now. I left Remo there with her alone and she is really whacked out.”
The moment they entered the apartment, Alessa saw Lucy take a deep breath and steel herself for the worst, growing into a different person in front of her eyes. Sara was sitting up on the sofa trying to convince Remo she would give him head in exchange for “a few bucks”.
Lucy walked over to her and touched her arm. “Hi Sara,” she said softly.
“Hey, I know you, don’t I?” Sara asked. “You’re that little girl that used to live with us, right?”
Lucy sat down next to her.
“Hey, little sister, you got any money you can lend me?” Sara went on. “This dude over here,” she said pointing to Remo, “doesn’t want to pay for n-o-t-h-i-n-g that I have to offer him! He’s a real, fucking drag!”
Lucy stared at Sara with utter disgust, waiting hopefully for the person she once knew to emerge. But after a while she accepted that the real Sara wasn’t in there anymore. At least, not right now.
Lucy turned to Alessa. “I think we should call Ebby and see if we can get her into a rehab,” she said, trying to be practical.
Alessa patted the child on the back. She hadn’t thought of it, but Lucy was right. There was no way they would be able to help Sara, until she got clean. In the state she was in now, Alessa thought she was repulsive. At the same time, she felt bad for her, knowing how hard it was to live on the streets. She understood why girls went into prostitution to survive, but was extremely disappointed Sara had turned to drugs. Alessa knew that most of the girls at the go-go clubs used drugs. Many of them had confided in her that if they didn’t, they could never get on stage and let “all those pigs” grope them. Curiously, Alessa had never needed to use drugs. She had grown up having sex, with nothing to numb her body or her mind. Maybe she had been lucky, she thought. Lucky to have been broken in, before her mind was fully developed, so that she had looked upon it as just a way of life.