Bella and the Merciless Sheikh (17 page)

And what little time he'd had, she'd ruined, Bella thought guiltily, talk of Zafiq's virility sending an excited shiver down her spine. She barely noticed as the women slid a dress over her head and adjusted the straps.

He didn't allow himself to love, did he?

He was afraid that love would make him weak.

Which was why he was planning a formal arrangement with some princess he didn't know.

So what was tonight all about?

Suddenly aware that they were all looking at her expectantly, Bella looked in the mirror and her mouth fell open.

‘Oh! That's— You— How—?'

‘You are pleased? You have such beautiful, beautiful hair,' one of the women enthused, ‘but it was in bad condition from the sand and the sun—'

‘And cramming it under a riding hat.' Bella stared in dis
belief at her reflection. ‘I used to spend hours getting ready for parties, but I've never managed to make myself look like this. What have you done?' Her hair shone with health and her skin glowed. The subtle application of make-up accentuated her best features and her mouth was a tempting, subtle pink that could have passed for nude. ‘Clever. It looks as though I'm not wearing make-up.'

‘You hardly need make-up now the bruises have faded. And we have merely made the most of what nature has given you, madam. You are truly stunning. And Sheikh Zafiq is going to be pleased.'

Pleased.

As if she were some sort of gift, ready for him to unwrap.

Bella frowned at that thought and then pushed it away. No. She wasn't going to diminish this. The fact that he'd invited her to the formal dinner as his guest was an enormously big deal. It showed that he cared about her. She
knew
he cared about her. Why else would he have arranged for six doctors to check on her condition before allowing her to be discharged? Why else would he have moved her into the most ornate wing of his palace and bought her all these beautiful clothes?

After a month without him, a month during which she'd filled every waking minute with work in order to distract herself from the pain of not seeing him, Bella could hardly breathe with excitement.

She just had to get through the dinner, and then they'd be on their own and she'd have his luscious, gorgeous body all to herself.

Sliding her feet into elegant shoes, she walked out of her bedroom suite, following a deferential member of Zafiq's staff along miles of ornate corridor and into a large opulent room where hundreds of eyes turned to look at her.

Instantly everyone rose to their feet as a sign of respect and Bella flushed scarlet.

‘Gosh—this is embarrassing.'

‘They are all thanking you.' Zafiq was by her side, pulling her arm through his and leading her to the head of the table.

Bella shrank as everyone started to clap. ‘They're clapping because I fell off a horse?'

‘They're clapping because you put your life at risk for Al-Rafid. Amira is something of a national treasure, as I have explained to you. It is because of you that she is still with us. They are already celebrating future Derby winners.'

‘Batal was certainly giving her flirtatious looks this afternoon.' Bella smiled awkwardly at everyone who was watching. ‘I think he's hoping he might get lucky tonight.'

‘Not just Batal.' Zafiq's gaze lingered on her face. ‘You look beautiful.'

‘I'm glad you think so after all the effort those poor women put into making me presentable.' In the past, dressing up had given her confidence but now Bella felt a thousand times more awkward than she had in the desert.

Why? She was used to huge, public gatherings and yet she felt as shy and conspicuous as she had at her first ball at Balfour Manor.

Sitting down next to him it was impossible not to be aware that she was the focus of attention. ‘They're wondering what a guy like you is doing with a girl like me.'

‘I think it's obvious to every red-blooded man in the room what I'm doing with you,' Zafiq drawled, apparently in different to the gossip and speculation. ‘If it weren't for protocol we would have skipped this part of the evening and gone straight up to my rooms.'

‘Wow. I must fall off your horse more often.' Bella kept her tone light, but her heart was thundering like Batal's hooves in the race.
So it wasn't going to end with dinner, then.

Unable to eat anything, she pushed her food around her plate. Every time Zafiq's arm brushed against hers she jumped,
and every time he turned to talk to her she found herself tongue-tied and gauche.

By the time he finally rose from the table and led her from the room, she was a nervous wreck. The only thing she knew for sure was that she was crazily in love with him.

She had no idea at all how he felt about her.

Grateful, obviously, because she'd saved his beloved Amira. But was it anything more than that?

As Zafiq guided her past the guards and into his private room, Bella caught his arm. ‘Wait a minute. I really need to ask you something.'

‘Anything.' His tone indulgent, he removed his tie and stepped towards her, cupping her face in his hands. ‘But make it quick. I've already waited too long for this moment and I'm not prepared to waste what time we have together talking.'

‘Would you have invited me as your guest to the ball if I'd lost the race?'

‘What sort of a question is that?'

‘I—I just want to understand why I'm here.'
Say something nice to me
, her brain was shrieking and he gave a smile of masculine appreciation.

‘You're here,' he said huskily, ‘because I have denied myself long enough.'

‘So what's happened to duty and responsibility?'

‘Our relationship has no impact on my ability to perform my duties.' He slid his fingers through her hair and trailed his lips along the line of her jaw and Bella moaned, feeling the immediate response of her body.

Suddenly she was on fire—his weeks of denial had been her weeks of denial, too. And during those weeks she'd thought long and hard about who she was and who she wanted to be.

‘Wait a minute.' She pulled back slightly, remembering the promise she'd made to herself in the cold, dark hours of
the night when she'd lain awake feeling lonely and reliving those moments in the desert.

She was going to change.

She'd promised herself that if fate ever threw him in her path again, she wasn't going to just follow her instincts, she was going to use her brain.

If he'd wanted her for anything other than sex, then it would have been different, but now she was here, she was under no illusions about what was on offer. ‘I
can't
wait.' His hand came behind her neck and his mouth came down on hers, his kiss dark, for bid den and meltingly sexy, and a bolt of heat shot through her from mouth to toes. Only the memory of the emotional agony she'd suffered over the past few weeks gave her the strength to do what she had to do.

‘No! This isn't— I can't!' She pushed against his chest. ‘I don't want to be the one you have fun with while you're finalising plans to choose your bride and do your duty.'

‘You're saying you don't want this?'

‘Of course I want this.' Bella groaned. ‘I just don't want what's coming afterwards. I don't want to have to drag myself out of bed every morning feeling as though the world has ended. I don't want that awful ache in my chest. I felt bruised, Zafiq, like you'd gouged part of me away with a blunt instrument—it was worse than falling off Batal. I just don't want to feel that way again.'

‘You're saying no?' Under different circumstances the disbelief in his tone would have made her laugh.

‘I know that isn't a word you've heard very often, but if you look it up in the dictionary, it's the opposite of yes. And I'm not saying no because I want to challenge your authority or be generally annoying, or do any of those things likely to make you want to overrule me on principle. I'm just trying to keep us both sane.'

‘Saying no keeps you sane?'

‘Yes…no.' Bella groaned and dug her fingers in her hair, gritting her teeth with frustration. ‘I can't have an on-off relationship. It's like rubbing your self over the teeth of a saw! It hurts too much.'

The breath hissed through his teeth. ‘Staying away from you has been driving me mad.'

‘So why did you stay away from me, Zafiq? Was it because of your father?' She was taking a huge risk, but she had to ask the question. ‘Are you trying not to be like him? Is that why you're denying what we have?'

‘What do you know about my father?'

‘I know you're afraid to be like him. I know you'll marry someone you've chosen with your head, not your heart. And—' it took a supreme effort to force the words past her lips ‘—I don't want what you're offering. I don't want to be the Sheikh's mistress!' Wrestling her self-control back into some sort of shape, she stepped back from him.

His hands moved and, for a moment, she thought he was going to reach for her and haul her against him, but then he stepped back too, his eyes wary.

‘You're saying that you don't want what we had in the desert?'

‘That was different,' Bella whispered, pressing her fingers to her throat. ‘We were a million miles from our real lives. For a time we both escaped from who we really are. It was just the two of us.'

‘It is still just the two of us.'

‘No. You're still the ruler of Al-Rafid, Zafiq. Do you think I don't know how hard you've been struggling
not
to renew our relationship? That night when you came down to the stables to accuse me of sleeping with Rachid—'

‘That was
not
my finest hour.'

‘Don't apologise. Honestly, we're past that. I don't even blame you for thinking it, given everything the newspapers
have written about me. But that night taught me that, to you, I'm a temptation that has to be resisted at all costs.'

‘If that were true, you would not be here now.'

‘Really?' She gave a lopsided smile. ‘Do you know what I think? I think even you aren't quite as strong as you'd like to think you are. I think our chemistry is pretty hot and it would be all too easy to let it take over and for us to think,
What the heck—let's just have a good time and enjoy our selves while we can.
But there's always a price for living in the moment.'

‘You are speaking from experience…'

‘Yes. And for once I've learned from that experience. I know you, Zafiq. You might be able to leave behind duty and responsibility for one steamy night, but you won't leave it behind for long. It's who you are. You're a brilliant ruler and your people love you. They
need
you. And when the time comes you'll choose a suitable woman to be by your side to give you children and all those other respectable, duty-like things.' Bella swallowed hard. ‘And that isn't going to be me, is it?'

There was a lengthy, protracted silence.

He took so long to reply that hope flickered to life in her heart.

Hoping desperately that she was wrong about him, she reached out her hand but he simply stared at it for a moment, a muscle working in his jaw. And then he looked her in the eyes.

‘I will not make the same mistakes in my marriage that my father made in his.'

It was like being stabbed through the heart and she pulled her hand back and rubbed it against her chest, trying to ease the pain. ‘Then this is good bye, Zafiq.'

‘Wait! I haven't finished.'

‘But I have.' Bella ignored his command, her hand on the door handle. ‘Honestly, Zafiq, this is
so
hard—you have no idea how hard, especially for someone like me. I don't do
this, OK? I don't behave for the greater good, nor do I act unselfishly, so you've got to give me some help here! It's—it's like tipping away a drink when you're an alcoholic, or saying no to chocolate when you're starving.'

‘I'm an addictive substance?'

She was embarrassed she'd revealed so much about her feelings for him. ‘We're not good for each other! Why did you even invite me tonight? I was doing OK in your stables.' Sort of.

‘You're saying you would have preferred to continue working in my stables?'

‘In a way, yes,' she said miserably. ‘I did it to prove to everyone that I wasn't Bad Bella, that I could be responsible. But I'd forgotten how much I love horses. And I've discovered that I love the responsibility. I love knowing I managed to win that race—well, Batal won it, I know, but I was on his back and I'm proud of that. It felt as though I'd achieved something.'

‘You achieved a great deal, and…I want you more than I've ever wanted any other woman.'

Sensing his struggle, Bella stared at him with a lump in her throat.
Hug me
, she thought to herself.
Drag me into your arms and tell me you can't live without me.

But he stood rigid, as if he were hanging onto control by a thread. ‘I have never offered another woman what I'm offering you now. I'm inviting you to live in the palace with me.'

‘As your mistress. I don't want that, Zafiq. You treated me to dinner because I won the race, but that's over now. And now I'm going back to the stables.' Her knees were shaking, her stomach was quivering and every nerve in her body was straining to touch him. She'd never,
ever
in her life wanted anything or anyone as badly as she wanted him and denying herself was the hardest thing she'd ever done.

Seeing his handsome features frozen in a mask of disbelief, she almost gave in to temptation and launched herself at
him, and then she reminded herself that sooner or later he'd dump her.

And if life had taught her anything, it was that she didn't want to be with a man who didn't love her.