Belonging (32 page)

“I...guess so?”

“I wasn’t going to tell you
this. I wanted to play it cool. But there’s only one thing that
would have made me do any of that, Gianni. Love. For the first time
in my long, bollocksed life, I’m in love. And I don’t know what to
do, because I have absolutely no experience with this! I feel like
a teenager, all stupid and awkward. I want to write you a bleedin’
love song and bring you flowers and leave a note in your locker
that says: Will you be my boyfriend? Check the box, yes or no. But
that’s fucking
insane
, because I’m forty-fucking-eight years old, and my God I
wish I’d stop talking, because the more I say the stupider it
sounds! But I can’t seem to make myself shut up! I love you so
fucking much that it hurts. It physically hurts! What the fuck is
that? I have an actual ache in my chest when I’m around you! I
thought I was having a bloody heart attack at first, which at my
age is a cause for alarm! And suddenly, holy hell, all the songs
are about you! I was listening to this CD my son bought me a few
weeks ago, and I fucking started
weeping
at a song called So
Beautiful, because it reminded me of you. Who does that? And dear
God, Gianni, if you care for me at all, you’ll make me shut up
because I can’t seem to do it myself!”

I dropped the blanket and closed the
distance between us, my lips meeting his as I grabbed him in an
embrace. We kissed passionately, desperately, and when we finally
came up for air, I whispered, “I love you, too.”

He tried to look away, turning his
head embarrassedly and muttering, “You don’t have to say that, just
because I did.”

I took hold of his chin and turned his
head so he was looking at me again. “I’m saying it because it’s
true. I love you, Alexzander.”

“But...how?”

I grinned at that and rested my
forehead against his. “I always had feelings for you, and I
realized just how deep they went when I saw you at the airport. I
was both elated that you’d come for me and completely terrified for
you. When I realized all you’d gone through to get to me, I was
overcome. I still can’t believe you did that for me.”

“I’d do anything for you, Gianni.
Absolutely anything,” he said, and I kissed him, lightly at first,
but it never stayed that way for long.

We both ended up totally aroused once
again, and he laid me on my back in front of the fireplace,
watching me closely as he took me. I smiled at him, and the smile I
got in return was glorious. After he came in me, Zan slid down my
body and sucked me until I climaxed. Afterwards, all I could do was
grin and fall asleep in his arms.

Chapter
Sixteen

Zan looked surprisingly shy the next
morning, grinning at me over his shoulder as I came into the
kitchen. He wore only his old, faded 501s, which rode a bit low on
his narrow hips, his freshly washed hair hanging almost to his
waistband. “I tried to make you some breakfast,” he said. “I wasn’t
sure what you liked. I helped myself to some things in the
cupboards, we’ll have to be sure to restock when it’s time to
leave.”

“Thank you. That’s incredibly sweet of
you.”

“What do you normally
have?”

“Just tea, but I’ll gladly make an
exception this morning.” I picked up a blueberry muffin, broke off
a piece and popped it in my mouth. It was...different.

He looked a little concerned as he
watched me. “I can’t remember the last time I baked, if ever. Even
though that was from a mix, I’m pretty sure I cocked it
up.”

“It’s good. Did you try it?” When he
shook his head I asked, “Would you?”

“I don’t see why not.” I broke off a
bit and fed it to him. “Is it supposed to taste like
that?”

That made me smile.
“Basically.”

“We’re missing some ingredients for
proper cooking, like milk and eggs.”

“You never eat either of those
things.”

“No, but you probably do.”

“I can go to the store and get what we
need,” I told him.

“You can’t, you’re far too
recognizable. A normal life is going to be all but impossible for
you now, and it’s my fault.”

“Zan, are you okay?” He was getting
upset, and I didn’t know why.

“Not really.”

“What’s wrong?”

He hesitated for a long moment before
admitting, “I fucked up, Gianni. When I left my house to come after
you, I forgot something important.”

“What did you forget?”

“My pills,” he muttered, averting his
eyes.

“What pills?”

“The ones I take for my bipolar
disorder. I feel myself slipping into a mood episode, which is the
fancy phrase my doctor has for when I start to go all wonky, and
there’s nothing I can do about it without my meds. I’ve already
given you so fucking much to deal with, and now this!” He seemed
genuinely distraught, and I pulled him into a hug.

“I thought you didn’t take pills of
any kind. Christian told me once that you hated the medicine for
your bipolar disorder because of the way it made you feel, so you
refused to take it.”

“But that was me being a selfish
prat,” he said. “I made my poor son put up with my highs and lows
because I couldn’t stand what the medicine did to me, and that was
terribly unfair. Then you came into my life, and I knew I had to
get my shit together, no matter the cost. I needed to be a better
man for you.”

“Oh God, Zan,” I murmured.

“I phoned up my doctor, the one who’d
helped me years ago when I detoxed, and he agreed to write me a
prescription without having to come into the office. Christian
filled it for me. I made him promise not to tell you, because I
didn’t want you to know how messed up I really was. I’ve been
taking it for about two months. Or I was, until I left it
behind.”

“What did the drugs do to you that you
didn’t like?”

“The ones I was on before flattened
out all my emotions. I felt like I was just existing, instead of
really living. I wasn’t experiencing the extreme highs and lows,
but I wasn’t really feeling much of anything else, either. I hated
that deadness more than I hated the mood episodes.”

“That must have been miserable. I can
see why you wouldn’t want to take them.”

“I should have kept trying,” Zan said.
“It wasn’t as bad this time because the doctor tried a different
drug and had been fine-tuning the dosage. I felt off the first few
weeks, but then it improved.”

I leaned against the counter and took
both his hands in mine. “Tell me how I can help.”

“I don’t know. I can have my doctor
call in a refill to a pharmacy up here, but if we go get it, we’ll
be recognized. I really need some downtime with you, we can’t go
right back to being hounded by the paparazzi.”

“You know what we need? An assistant,
someone who can run errands for us and take care of whatever comes
up that would require us going out in public,” I said. “I think we
just need someone temporarily, while we’re up here at the lake.
Once we return to the Bay Area, we have lots of family and friends
that can help us.”

“You’re right. Do you think one of
your brothers might be able to come up here?”

“Not them, they all have careers,
kids, or both so they couldn’t really drop everything and come to
Tahoe. My cousin Nico is busy with law school,” I said, thinking
out loud, “and my best friend Yosh is a business owner, so they
couldn’t get away. Nana needs Jessie more than we do, so that
wouldn’t work either.” I thought for a moment, chewing my bottom
lip, and finally said, “My friend Chance might be
available.”

“What does he do?”

“He’s a prostitute, actually. I could
ask him, but would knowing what he does for a living make you
uncomfortable?”

“That doesn’t even sort of concern
me,” Zan said. “I’ve no problem with that whatsoever.”

When I called Chance, he was really
enthusiastic about the idea of acting as our assistant. He said he
was finishing his photography class that morning and could come up
in the afternoon. He didn’t have a car, so I told him I’d get him a
rental. We worked out a few details before we
disconnected.

My next call was to Dante. I asked him
if he could arrange a rental car and provide Chance with some petty
cash, and told him I would reimburse him. My brother assured me
he’d get right on it. He also said he’d pick up my luggage from
Vincent and make sure that went along. One of the many great things
about my oldest brother was that he was incredibly good at getting
things done. I gave him Chance’s number so they could coordinate,
and by the time we hung up, I felt confident that everything was
totally under control.

“Done,” I said, handing Zan the phone.
“Go ahead and call your doctor’s office and see about getting your
prescription forwarded up here. Oh, but wait. Isn’t his office
closed today?”

“It is,” Zan said, dialing a number,
“but as one of his private clients, I call him at home.” Once that
was taken care of, Zan gave the phone back to me and kissed my
forehead. “Thank you, Gianni. You were amazingly efficient at
getting that solved.”

I grinned as I put the phone in my
pocket. “Really, Dante’s the one ironing out a lot of the details.
It’s both a blessing and a curse that we Dombrusos are a package
deal. It means you have to put up with a boatload of crazy, but it
also means an awful lot of people have our back, including my
brothers and my grandmother.”

“That’s a nice thing. Truth be told, I
enjoy the crazy, too.”

“Even if Nana tries to make out with
you occasionally?” I said, my grin widening.

That made Zan smile. “I have to admit,
I didn’t see that coming. She’s a pistol, that one.”

“Undeniably.” Then I said, “So, I have
an idea. I haven’t gotten to work out in a few days, and neither
have you. Want to put on some snowshoes and go for a hike? I think
both of us would benefit from a bit of exercise.”

“I’d love to, but how can we? This
isn’t really the middle of nowhere.”

“It’s not, but remember what Finn
Nolan said when he was driving us up here? The land behind us is
private property and his family is friends with the owners, so we
can use the trails. It’s off-season right now, so I bet we wouldn’t
see another person. But even if we did, it’s freezing out there so
we’d be all covered up under sunglasses, caps, and parkas. No one
would recognize us.”

“Alright,” he said, “let’s do it. I’d
love to stretch my legs.”

After we were completely bundled in
knit caps, parkas, gloves and boots, we found some snowshoes in the
mudroom. It seemed like a lot of things had made it up to the cabin
over the decades and remained there, including snowshoes from
probably the 1950s, the 1980s, and present day. We went with the
modern versions.

It turned out that snowshoeing in the
soft, deep powder was surprisingly strenuous, even for two people
in good shape. The higher elevation also slowed us down, as did the
steep incline. It was a glorious day though, the sky a clear blue
and the snowy forest around us sparkling like diamonds in the
sunshine, and it felt good to exert ourselves.

Eventually, we reached the summit of
the small mountain, our breath forming clouds as we stopped and
looked around us. As predicted, we hadn’t seen another person or
even any footprints that would indicate anyone had been there
recently. I was pretty overheated, the parka doing too much to keep
me warm, and I unzipped it as Zan brushed off a big boulder with
his gloved hand and sat down.

“What an extraordinarily perfect
view,” he murmured. I’d bent over to remove one of my snowshoes,
and when I looked back at him, I saw that he was looking at my butt
and not the panoramic scenery. Zan grinned and I smiled at
him.

Once both the snowshoes were off, I
closed the distance between us. The clearing we were in was in full
sun so the ground was bare, giving me a welcome break from those
cumbersome contraptions. I leaned over and kissed him, seeing my
reflection in his mirrored sunglasses. “This was a terrific idea,”
he said. “Let’s do this every day that we’re here.”

“Absolutely,” I said before kissing
him again. He slid his hand around and cupped my ass as he sucked
on my tongue. It was obvious he was getting aroused even before I
reached down and massaged his swelling cock through his
jeans.

I crouched between his legs and opened
his fly, then took his cock in my mouth. I removed my sunglasses
and he did too, and I maintained eye contact as I sucked him,
loving the electricity and incredible intimacy between us. His cock
swelled between my lips as he let out a low moan. I rested my hands
on his thighs and concentrated on making him feel as good as I
possibly could.

After a few minutes, I was rewarded
with his orgasm. I felt a deep sense of satisfaction as he bucked
and shook with pleasure. “Oh God,” he ground out, trying to be
quiet, even though there was clearly no one within
miles.

When he’d finished, I tucked him back
in his jeans and buttoned the fly, then kissed the bulge through
the denim and straightened up again. As soon as I did that, he
pulled me onto his lap and hugged me. “Thank you, love. That felt
absolutely wonderful.”