Belonging (35 page)

"Well, what do you think?" With the
characteristic energy that was almost his trademark, Neil was at
the car door and opening it for her before she had a chance to turn
in her seat.

Out on the sidewalk, Jenna could only stare
at the large Cape Cod-style house in front of her. Dense foliage
edged the house before giving way to a velvety green lawn that
stretched to the curb. Tendrils of ivy hugged the base of the huge
oak tree in the middle of the front yard, lending a homey ambience
that she found immensely appealing.

"Why are we stopping here, Neil?" she asked
curiously as he pulled her toward the house. "I thought you were
taking me home."

A slight breeze ruffled his thick brown
hair, and he grinned openly at her. "How would you feel about
calling this place home?" Pulling her toward the front door, he
laced his fingers through hers.

Stunned, Jenna turned slightly to stare over
his shoulder. Her gaze encompassed the house and surrounding
expanse of lawn before she turned her tentative look on him.

"Well, don't you have anything to say?"

A niggling feeling of suspicion traced its
way up her spine. "Neil," she began, "are you trying to tell
me—

"I bought this place?" he finished for her,
smiling. "Not exactly, but I think we should think seriously about
it. Even the location is perfect—halfway between Houston and
Galveston. It's no more than a thirty-minute drive to work for
either of us." He grabbed her hand and pulled her along behind him.
"Come on, I'll give you the grand tour."

Jenna was speechless as he produced a key
and led her through the house, exclaiming delightedly over the
extensive use of wood and brick throughout, the polished oak
parquet floors, the crisp starched curtains hanging at the windows.
When they were standing in what Neil informed her was the master
bedroom, he wrapped an arm around her and tipped her face up to
his. "Tell me the truth now. Do you like it?"

"I—I love it," she told him breathlessly.
"But I had no idea—"

"I know." His mouth curved in a
self-satisfied smile. "I wanted to surprise you. You don't mind, do
you?"

"Mind! How could I mind living in this
lovely home?" Her fingers traced his cleanly shaven jaw. "You're a
treasure, Neil. You know that, don't you?"

He laughed and pressed a kiss in the palm of
her hand before his eyes roamed around the room. "You're the one
who's a treasure. I wish I'd found you years ago. Long before I
ever met Anna." He shook his head. "Marrying her was the worst
mistake of my life. Thank God the marriage lasted only two
years."

Jenna smiled. "Marrying her was probably the
only mistake you've ever made in your life," she teased gently.
"And you did find the perfect woman eventually."

"A woman after my own heart," he said,
looking down at her. "Just as dependable, efficient, stable and
practical—"

"As you are," Jenna finished, laughing.
"I've never been much of a believer in the theory that opposites
attract."

Neil drew her body firmly against his. "We
are a lot alike, you know. Anna used to prattle on incessantly. I
think your reserve was one of the first things that attracted me to
you."

"I didn't think you even noticed," she
recalled dryly. "The night we met you were too busy talking about
the job offers you'd had and which one you were going to
accept."

His smile was a little sheepish. "What can I
say? I was fresh out of law school and I guess it went to my
head."

On reflection, she could see why. Neil had
worked hard for his law degree. His parents had farmed a small
piece of land in west Texas that had seen drought after drought for
many a year, and his childhood hadn't been the easiest. After a
stint in the military, Neil had been nearly twenty-six before he'd
been able to scrape up enough money even to begin college. But
despite juggling his classes with a full-time job, he had graduated
from law school with honors. As a result, he'd had offers from
several prestigious law firms. He had finally accepted a position
as legal counsel for Citizens for Texas, a watchdog land
conservation group that had become a force to be reckoned with
during the past two years.

"You told me once you thought I was rather
standoffish," she remembered suddenly.

"You do come across that way at times," he
said, raising an eyebrow. "You're not shy, just rather
conservative. Not that there's anything wrong with that." A rare
twinkle appeared in his eyes. "But I certainly never thought I'd
have an Amazon in my bed."

She smiled in spite of herself. "You may
never have one in your bed if you keep this up," she warned him
with mock severity. Neil was usually so serious and businesslike;
she enjoyed the few times he teased her. But the fact that she
didn't wear her heart on her sleeve was no indication that her
feelings weren't as strong as the next person's. And as for her
height, she was tall for a woman—five-nine in her bare feet.
Secretly she was glad she didn't have the large bone-structure that
sometimes went hand in hand with such height in a woman. As a
child, she'd hated towering over her schoolmates, boys and girls
alike. It wasn't until Jenna was thirteen, when her mother finally
convinced her to throw back her shoulders and make the most of her
slender gracefulness, that she'd gotten over her
self-consciousness. And, she had to admit, it was certainly no
liability for a nurse to have a strong back.

She lifted her hands to Neil's shoulders and
glanced up at him. "When Mother and I were shopping today, I found
the most fantastic wedding dress at Neiman-Marcus." Touching her
lips gently to his, she smiled up at him. "You should see it,
Neil—yards and yards of ivory satin and lace, a high Victorian
neckline..."

A half smile tipped his lips. "Are you
trying to tell me I'm marrying an old-fashioned girl?"

"I thought I was marrying an old-fashioned
guy," she retorted pertly.

"You are." Gently he untangled her arms from
around his neck. "Come on, I'll show you the rest."

There were four bedrooms upstairs, a
country-sized kitchen, very spacious living room and a small den
downstairs. Though the house was old, it had obviously received a
great deal of tender loving care.

"Has it been on the market long?" she asked
as they stepped into the dining room. Her voice bounced off the
walls of the empty room.

Neil shook his head. "The owner was
transferred out of state. I don't think it will take long to sell
once it goes into multiple listing. Mark Henderson tipped me off
about it."

"Mark?" She glanced over in surprise. A big,
sandy-haired man with a booming voice, he was an acquaintance of
Neil's. "I thought he was an insurance salesman."

Neil nodded. "He's taken up real estate on
the side." Blue eyes alight, he clasped both her hands in his.
"Well, what do you think? Should we buy it?"

Jenna frowned. "What about the price?" she
asked cautiously. "You're not a struggling young attorney anymore,
but can we afford it?"

A faint line appeared between his eyebrows.
"You said it yourself, Jenna. I'm not a struggling young attorney.
Do you think I'd even consider it if I thought it was beyond our
reach?"

It was, she decided, a silly question, after
all. Neil was perhaps the most organized person she had ever known,
always planning ahead. Her smile reappeared. "Does that mean no
more peanut butter sandwiches for lunch?"

He seemed to relax. "No more peanut butter
sandwiches," he assured her, then kissed her briefly on the mouth.
"The owners are eager to sell and they're asking less than market
value. I think we could make this place a home, Jenna." Slipping an
arm around her narrow waist, he walked her into the living room,
glanced sideways at her and said lightly, "I can see it
already—coming home from the office into your arms, the smell of
fresh-baked bread drifting through from the kitchen, the
pitter-patter of little feet upstairs—"

"Whoa!" Jenna wrinkled her nose at him. "I
might be a little old-fashioned, but homemade bread? Not unless
you'd like a few broken teeth. Yeast and I just don't get along.
And as far as the pitter-patter of little feet..." She shook her
head. "There's no hurry, remember? We've already decided to put
that off for a while."

"I know. But I've been thinking." He gave a
shrug. "We've got money in the bank and we're financially able to
support a child. Why wait?"

Jenna stared up at him for a few seconds
before gently pulling away from his arms. "But we already agreed,"
she protested. "We were going to wait at least a year."

Neil frowned. "What's the matter, Jenna? I
thought you liked children."

She half turned away from him, aware of the
displeasure in his tone. "I do," she said earnestly, then
hesitated. "But there's plenty of time—"

^"
This is the perfect time."
Neil's face softened as he caught her by the shoulders and turned
her to face him. "And how are perfect in every way for me, Jenna.
You'll be a perfect wife, a perfect mother." He bent to take her
lips in a brief kiss. "That's why I'd like to buy this place. My
apartment in Houston is no place to bring up a child. Here he or
she will have room to run, room to grow."

Jenna grew suddenly stiff in his arms. "You
want to buy this house because you think it's the perfect place to
bring up a child? I thought you wanted it for us."

The minute the words were out of her mouth
she realized how selfish they sounded. But Neil didn't seem to
notice.

"I do. For all of us. And now that I've been
giving it some serious consideration, I like the idea of having a
child right away. After all, I'm a man on his way up and I won't be
at Citizens for Texas forever. And I have an idea being a family
man could be a big plus for my career."

"A man on his way up..." Jenna could hardly
believe what she was hearing. His tone was matter-of-fact, but
laced with a touch of something she found oddly disturbing. "I
thought you liked your job," she said slowly. "I thought you
believed in what Citizens for Texas stands for. Environmental law
is your specialty."

"That's not the point, Jenna." There was a
slight tinge of exasperation in his voice. "The experience has been
invaluable, but who says I have to be locked in to one organization
for the rest of my life? In fact, I've been putting out a few
feelers lately and it looks as if I might be in hot demand. We're
going places, lady!" he said almost gleefully. "I have big plans,
Jenna. Plans for me, plans for you, plans for us." His blue eyes
gleamed as he squeezed her waist and grinned down at her.

Jenna felt almost sick. There was nothing
wrong with a little ambition. After all, Neil had had so little as
a child and he'd come such a long way. But she couldn't shake the
feeling that he was being greedy, that he wanted too much too soon.
She had to struggle to find her voice. "And those plans include
starting a family right away?"

"The sooner the better. In fact, even six
weeks is too long to wait." His expression changed as he bent to
take her lips in a hungry kiss. "I wish we were getting married
tomorrow," he whispered against her mouth. "And don't say you
weren't warned—I don't intend to let you out of bed for an entire
week after we're married."

And that should accomplish what he wanted
quite effectively, Jenna reflected with some resentment. Unable to
feel her usual tingling response at his touch, she pulled away from
him to gaze out the window. Darkness was settling, and pink and
purple clouds hovered on the horizon. Love and family and children
were what marriage was all about, so why was she feeling such a
burning sense of betrayal? Neil was a strong-principled man,
staunch and firm in his beliefs. He was close to his parents and
two sisters, perhaps not as close as she was to her mother and
father, but they kept in touch and spent many holidays together.
And yet... here he was talking about making a home, having children
and his career in the same breath.

She clenched her hands. She was
overreacting, she told herself frantically. Putting too much into
his words, looking beyond them. But that didn't explain her strange
reaction to the mention of a baby so soon in their future.

Jenna's skin grew cold and clammy. Suddenly
she knew what was behind this vague feeling of doubt she was
experiencing, and it could be summed up in a word.

Robbie
.

"Jenna, what's wrong?"

She could feel Neil's puzzled look on her
face and shook her head quickly. There were some things better
left unsaid and—God, but she hated to think it forgotten. Buried in
the past, where they belonged.

She forced a smile. "Nothing. Nothing at
all."

And she went through the evening with a
curious feeling of hope in her heart—hope that the matter would
work itself out and things could go back to the way they were
before. But it was a sense of blighted hope, as she soon
discovered.

They had finally agreed to put off making a
decision about the house and give it a little more thought, but
again and again over the next three days she recalled his wish for
a child, and soon the words hung over her like an oppressive
shroud. He wanted a family right away. Regardless of Robbie,
regardless of Neil's reasons, the idea shouldn't have bothered her
so much. They had discussed children soon after their engagement
six months ago, and she'd known the first time they'd touched on
the subject that she was going to have to deal with it eventually.
But now that the prospect was baldly staring her in the face, she
was aware of a nagging restlessness inside her, and she wasn't sure
why.

Still, she tried to delude herself. She even
tried to picture herself as the mother of Neil's child. Would he or
she have Neil's rich brown hair with her green eyes? Or would he
have her dark hair and Neil's blue eyes? Or would their child be a
carbon copy of him—or her?