Beloved Purgatory (Fallen Angels, Book 2) (27 page)

I can't
, I mouthed.

"Do you want me to talk you through it?"

I nodded. Immediately, my hands started to shake. A
jagged red line appeared on the board. It looked like an angry sine
wave.

"Alright," Camael began. I barely listened to what he
said. I couldn't process anything but my nerves--the way my hair
stood on end, the restlessness in my legs, the soreness in my
throat. I wrote down everything he said in a fury.

Then, about thirty seconds later, I stepped back from
the board.

God, my handwriting looked bad. Preschool,
just-learning-how-to-write-numbers bad. But at least it was all
over.

I turned around.

No one moved. The teacher's mouth was open.

What the Hell?
"Um, I think that's it," I
said. "Am I wrong?"

Mr. Baker gulped. "No, you're not wrong."

I set down the marker. "Okay, I'll just go back to my
seat, then."

The teacher was still staring at me. "You didn't even
use a calculator."

I froze. Turned. Looked at the board. The answer was
5.6773692. My eyes wandered around the board, taking in the flurry
of crazy numbers. One had ten decimal places, and one of those
little lines on the last four numbers which meant that pattern
repeated forever. How could I have crunched numbers like that in my
head?

I whipped around. Mr. Baker was half-standing, now,
and gripping the edge of the desk as if at any moment he'd keel
over. "I accidentally mixed up this classes' practice test sheets
with the ones for IB Calculus."

My stomach dropped.

"It's perfect, and you didn't even use a
calculator."

Suddenly, I recognized the look he was giving me. It
was the same look that math teacher had given Matt Damon in
Good
Will Hunting
.

Oh no. No, no, no, no, no.

"Look, I got help," I stammered, backing up. "I
wasn't the one who did it," I said.

His brow furrowed with concern. "Devi, I just saw
you."

"I know, but that wasn't what happened. It
was..."

I shut my eyes.
My angel helped me with my
homework. My angel told me what to write right now, because I
freaked out and my mind went blank
. I couldn't say it. Not when
I was the only one who saw Camael.

Mr. Baker fidgeted with the ironed sleeve of his
dress shirt. "Devi, I'm not mad. I'm just trying to
understand...why are you in this class? How long have you been
pretending?"

It felt like someone had their hand around my throat.
"Pretending to do what?"

"Pretending like you're not good at math."

"I'm not pretending. I'm not good at math. I never
have been," I explained, voice wavering. "Look, what happened just
now was divine intervention. It will never happen again."

"I've never seen a student do what you just did." He
inched towards me, in a crouched position and with his hands
face-up, as if he were approaching a wild animal.

I didn't bite him. I wasn't that far gone. But then
again, most wild animals don't bite unless they're cornered or
rabid, which I wasn't either. When they see you, most animals stand
still for a few moments, and then, if you come closer, run
away.

That's exactly what I did. Mr. Baker took two more
steps, and I ran away from him, the awkward gazes of the other
students, and that horrible, horrible math problem on the board as
if my life depended on it.

***

I hid in the bathroom. It was either that or the
dumpster in the alley behind the school. Yes, those were the two
places my "genius" mind thought to flee to.

I leaned against the wall, trying to pretend the
splotchy-faced, worn-down girl in the mirror wasn't me.

"I wish you could erase people's minds," I told
Camael. I tried to keep my tone casual and not at all like I was
prodding.

I don't think I fooled him. "That is something I
would never do."

Damn
. "Could you do it, though?"

He stared at me with those tropical sea blue
eyes.

I ran my hand through my knotted hair. "What?"

"Do you really think it's right to steal someone's
memories?"

His question cut straight through to my heart. "No."
I pressed my fists to my temples. "Why didn't I just go back to my
seat? Why did I have to do it?"
And why did I run away to the
bathroom so I could get lectured by an angel?

Camael stood by the sink. A thick line of yellow ran
from the faucet to the drain. The greasy, fast-food style bricks
looked even grimier next to his flawless, porcelain skin. He looked
so out of place in here. It even looked like the blue in his eyes
was starving.

"Go wait outside. I'll be a bit," I whispered.

After a long moment, he said: "Alright."

I retreated into the second stall. The door didn't
shut all the way because there was just a hole instead of a lock,
but at least I couldn't see the angel.

I knew it wasn't right to blame him. Not when I'd
been freaking out like that. Not when I'd asked him to help. Still,
I wish he hadn't interfered. Why did he care if I had a mental
breakdown in front of the class? Why did he care if I did well in
school?

I looked up at the ceiling. A little, round face
looked down at me. "Boo."

My muscles tensed. I gripped the roll of toilet paper
next to me, ready to chuck it at her. I almost did. The only thing
that stopped me from doing just that were those beautiful, beloved,
demonic green eyes.

I put my hand over my heart, steadying myself. "It's
not smart to sneak up on someone like that. You almost got it."

Jasmine's lips curved up slightly. "Why are you
hiding out in here?"

I shut my eyes and leaned back against the stall.
"It's stupid. I overreacted. Wait, how did you find me?"

Jasmine's cheeks got rosy.

My hand clenched around the toilet paper roll. "Tell
me, or else you really are going to get it."

She cowered so that only her eyes were above the
stall. "I heard someone freaked out, is all. Then I saw the angel
in the hallway, hanging out outside the ladies bathroom."

Laughter so eerie it sounded like I'd been possessed
by a banshee bubbled up from inside me. Jasmine gripped the stall
harder, and her knuckles turned white. I smiled. "You heard that
someone freaked out and automatically assumed it was me?"

"Devi, don't be mad. I was worried. Put the toilet
paper down."

I put it back on top of the dispenser, though I
doubted anyone would use it since it was all bent out of shape from
my mauling.

Jasmine lifted her head so her chin was back over the
side of the stall. "So, do you want to tell me what happened?"

"Not really." Her face fell, and I sighed. "But I
will. I solved a really hard math problem without a calculator in
front of the class. Well, actually Camael did, but they all thought
it was me. Now the teacher thinks I'm a math genius."

Jasmine reached down to brush a strand of hair from
my cheek. "Is that all?"

"What do you mean, 'is that all'?" I snapped, then
immediately regretted my sharp tone.

Luckily Jasmine wasn't affected by it. She hopped
down and knocked on the door.

It swung open.

"Oh, oops," she whispered, fist still in the air.

I kicked it all the way open. "It's alright."

She rushed forward and hugged me. "It's just one math
problem. Tell the teacher you remembered the answer from the
homework, and that you got help from one of your friends. Even if
he doesn't believe you, there isn't much he can say about it."

Why hadn't I thought of that? "Yeah," I muttered. My
lips brushed against her silky hair.
You smell like honey and
cinnamon
, I thought, but didn't say it.

Jasmine squeezed me once more before letting go. "In
the grand scheme of things, this isn't a big deal. Now, let's go to
PE."

I groaned. "I thought you were going to suggest
something to cheer me up."

She showed off her perfect teeth. "We're gonna run
the mile today."

I groaned louder. "I'm getting a side ache just
thinking about it."

But I let her take my hand and drag me out of that
dank, depressing restroom into the bright hallway, where the angel
waited.

***

We were lined up in t-shirts and shorts beneath a
gray sky. Our gym teacher demanded that we hop up and down to keep
our bodies warm so we wouldn't pull a muscle during the big run.
Unfortunately, since she couldn't figure out how to get her stop
watch to work, we'd been hopping around for ten minutes, so I
already had a side ache.

"Yes! I did it!" Our PE teacher called out, holding
the stop watch above her head like a trophy. "Ready, set..." She
frowned. "Oh wait. Why is it doing that?"

My classmates' moaned. Yes, it was so freaking cold
that we were actually upset that we hadn't started running yet.

"Wait!" A student in a yellow parka yelled from the
far side of the field. He was panting by the time he got to us.
"The principal wants to see Devi."

The PE teacher spat as she scowled down at her stop
watch. "Can't this wait until after she's done?"

"Nope, now," the kid insisted.

Thank God!
It probably wasn't good that the
principal wanted to see me, but at least I didn't have to run a
mile.

The PE teacher glared at me as if seeing the
principal was my idea. "You're gonna have to make this up. State
says you've gotta run."

I hopped towards my yellow parka savior. "Yeah,
okay."

Jasmine caught my wrist. "Do you want me to go with
you?"

The PE teacher pointed at Jasmine. "Get back in line,
Miss Sanchez."

"It's okay, I'll have the angel," I whispered.

Jasmine pouted, but remained in place as the yellow
parka kid led me off the field. He left me in the secretary's
office to talk to the principal. The woman behind the counter gave
me a pitying look and offered me some lemon drops, which I
took.

Seconds after I popped the first one in my mouth, the
kid returned and led me to an office down the hall.

An office I'd become quite familiar with over the
past month.

"Wait, you can't be serious. I thought I was seeing
the principal."

The kid shrugged and opened the door. "You're to see
the counselor. Go on." He waited for me to enter before
leaving.

Forneus' office felt ten degrees cooler than the
hall. I hugged my stomach and started to bounce. Behind me, I heard
the door creaking. "Come on, Camael," I whispered, reaching out for
his hand.

I didn't feel it.

My heart lurched as I spun. "Camael?"

He was in the doorway, bouncing too. No, not
bouncing--trying to burst in. Sparks flew off his fists as he beat
against the open space in between the door frame. The door was
closing over him...

I leaped to the door, trying to push it back. I
couldn't even touch it. Something was in front of me--a cold,
unforgiving and unseen wall between and everything that lay outside
devil's room.

"He can't enter." The devil's voice slithered over
the back of my neck. "And you can't go to him. I didn't think it
would take either of you so long to figure that out."

Forneus' purple eyes looked past me, at the angel.
"Have you thought about my offer?"

I breathed heavily.

"The question isn't as difficult as you're making it.
Do you want to save your father, or not? Do you want to find your
brother, or do you want to continue to play house with the angel
and ride around after school in the demon's car?" Forneus bent
over, until his crusty bottom lip rested on the faded cotton on my
shoulder. "Right now, I am the only one who can help you, but I
won't be able to for long. You must decide now."

A burst of white light hit the doorway. It scattered
when it hit the surface, like oil on water, beading up and
trickling down the door frame.

"If you don't believe me, then ask him. He can hear
everything we say, so ask." His hands gripped my waist. I felt him
smile on my neck. Every cell in my body recoiled in horror. I
couldn't move. Had he cast some spell on me, or was this my own
fear? My throat went dry. The angel in front of me kept pushing,
beating at the air, as Forneus crept closer, until he felt like my
shadow.

"Ask him now if he will free your father. Ask him if
Azazel has the ability to free him. Ask if I am the only person
that can help you."

I didn't want to believe it. The Camael I knew always
stayed beside me. He helped me with stupid homework, for Christ's
sake. He hated to see me cry. He wanted to help--

No, that didn't make sense. Angels didn't feel. They
didn't want anything. Even now, as he tried to remove the wall with
all his strength, his eyes were calm and clear as a deep,
undisturbed pond. And that face that I'd believed I'd begun to
reach remained immobile.

I took a step back, hitting Forneus' chest. "Camael,
is it true?"

I realized, before he even answered, that I didn't
need to ask because I already knew it was.

The angel stopped struggling. He pressed his palms to
the invisible wall. They flattened, as if on glass as he leaned
forward, and spoke. I couldn't hear him, but I could watch the
movement of those perfect lips.
I can't. I'm sorry.

Maybe I'd just imagined he'd said that. Or maybe
there was even more distance between us than I'd thought.

"Camael, can you help me save him?" I asked. "You
knew him. How can you leave him there? He doesn't deserve it."

I was begging, now. My eyes felt heavy, my throat
tight. Even that didn't move him. He said something more, but his
mouth was moving too quickly for me to see, and my vision was too
blurry.

Still, the answer was the same. He wouldn't help. I
always knew, deep down, that it wasn't me he worked for. No matter
how close I got to him, he would never be my friend. And he would
never understand how much he
hurt me, because his
heart would never break.