Beloved Purgatory (Fallen Angels, Book 2) (40 page)

Tim yelped and jumped back once I made eye contact.
He held out his arms as if debating if he should make a protective
cross with his index fingers.

So I look about as good as Forneus. Good to
know
.

"You must be Cannon Man," Oz said.

Tim glanced up, dazed. Two seconds later he flashed
us a grin. Guess he was pleased that some twenty-something guy with
tats had heard of him. "Yeah."

Oz tilted his head. "It's cold out tonight.
Especially in here. You might want to, you know..." Then, he
glanced down at me and winked. "So, do I owe you more
doughnuts?"

More doughnuts?
Oh yeah, he'd said you know,
and...

I pressed my face to his chest.
Does this mean you
don't hate me?
I balled my hands up in his shirt. It smelled
like fabric softener and Hell.

"What?" Cannon man laughed. Then, he whispered
conspiratorially: "Are you guys like on something?"

"Tim Cannon!" Someone yelled from our right. I looked
up in time to see a large vein throbbing in the center of Mr.
McDonnel's rosy face.

"Oops!" Tim raised his hands above his head and
screeched: "Cannon--"

He didn't have time to finish. One teacher was
already next to him, and the other was circling around to cut him
off.

He dashed through the crowd. "Go Cannon Man! Go!"
Some of his football buddies whooped. Tim gave a mock salute and
almost tripped over the drink table; though he didn't fall over, a
number of the refreshments did.

"Tim Cannon!" Mr. McDonnel yelled, slipping on the
wet floor. "Get back here now!"

Tim beelined to the exit. Some of the guys he passed
slapped his ass with their socks. Some of the girls he passed
cried.

And then he was out the door, the two teachers
following close behind.

Oz rested his lips on my forehead and resumed our
meandering dance. At least most of the kids no longer stared at us.
They still gave us practically the center of the basketball court,
of course, but I think gossiping about Tim Cannon was more
interesting than contemplating otherworldly portals and kids who
looked like they'd just barely escaped from a street fight.

"That was interesting," I murmured.

He said nothing.

My body stiffened. Are you really okay with
everything? You offered to buy me doughnuts. Were you just... I
couldn't finish. I was too afraid to think it, let alone ask.

"Do you hurt anywhere?" He whispered.

I shook my head.

He held me tighter.

Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. "Do you hate
me?"

"What?" He pulled back. His emerald eyes were
glistening.

"I was made to end everything you love," I said.

He looked to the side. "It doesn't matter."

"Really? Sariel said the demons vowed to destroy me
once I was found. Did you? When you'd first found me on your
doorstep, would you have killed me if you'd known?"

His jaw clenched. "That doesn't matter now."

My arms trembled. Why did it suddenly feel so
cold?

He sighed. "Devi, I'd never hurt you, but don't make
me answer that question. I don't want to think about it."

I shut my eyes. I wished I could block out my
thoughts just as easily, but they spilled out. "Whenever I was
lonely or sad I thought of Kai. Even when I was happy I thought of
him. I wanted him beside me always, because I felt things more
deeply when he was here. I used to think that if I could just find
him, everything would be alright."

I bit my lip--that same lip that less than an hour
ago I'd bit straight through. Oz had cleaned up the blood, but I
could still taste the bitter soil of Purgatory. "I don't want to
hurt anyone. I don't want to end anything. That should mean that I
don't want to see him anymore, but I do. I miss him so damn much,
but I can never see him again."

I felt his Adam's Apple bob on my cheek as he
swallowed. "It's fine if that is your choice."

"What do you mean? What other choice is there?"

He paused. "You could go to him."

"That isn't an option, Oz."

"You say that now, but if you change your mind, just
tell me."

This time I stepped back. "What is that supposed to
mean?"

"It means that if you want to go to your brother, I
won't stop you."

My throat constricted. His words were sick. "Do you
know what you're saying?"

His eyes narrowed. "I'm not a good person. I turned
my back on Heaven for love when it was the only thing I knew. Is it
so surprising that I would abandon this world for it as well?"

"But that isn't who you are. You love everything so
much, Oz. How can you give that up?"

He didn't say anything for a moment, then: "Do you
know why my body contorted in pain when I began to see what you
were? Do you remember how I changed unconsciously after Sariel
confirmed it? It's because I shouldn't love you, and yet, my first
thought after he said it was:
fine
. Let her end it, if that
is her will. The rest of the world doesn't matter if she doesn't
exist."

His fingernails scratched the back of my head. He was
holding me so close, and I couldn't find the strength to speak.

"Maybe our Father forbade us from falling in love
because it is too dangerous. It's too late now, though. Wherever
you go, I will follow. It's too late to save me from you, and even
if there was a cure, I wouldn't take it."

"What about Princess?" I whispered desperately.

He made a sobbing sound in the back of his throat. "I
don't want to hurt anything either. I fought against the angels
when they evicted man from Eden, and again when they slaughtered
the Nephilim. After watching my children die, I swore that I would
never harm any living thing that came from the soil their blood was
spilled upon. But what choice do I have if it is your destiny to
see your brother? I can only go with you or stand against you."

He inhaled deeply. "Devi, don't say anything now but
if, one day, you want to go to him--if you want to wake him up--I
only ask that you let me stand beside you when you do, so that you
are the last thing I see when I leave this world, and the first
when we enter whatever comes next. I don't want you to ever be
alone."

I don't mind being alone
, I thought as I
rested my cheek on his shirt.
I've been alone most of my life.
It's you who is afraid of that. But don't worry about such things
anymore, Oz. I'll never leave you
.

The music throbbed. It was some dance song I hadn't
heard before with a hook so catchy that it nibbled on my sanity. I
held onto the one who I knew would always be there for me. The one
who loved me to such stupid, suicidal, beautiful lengths.

"I think we officially have the most messed up
relationship in the world," I murmured.

"Really? You're not gonna give that honor to you and
Camael?"

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the angel watching
us from the corner of the room, unseen by the crowd. The disco
lights sparkled on his white, perfect, expressionless features.
Sure, he lived in my closet, doing God-knows-what as I slept, but
that was pretty tame compared to this.

"He doesn't even come close," I said.

Then I buried my face in Oz's chest, and allowed his
heartbeat to drown out all thought and sound.

THE END

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Fallen Angels: Book
3

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Excerpt from
Forgotten Self
by Rachel
Carr

Chapter 1: Then (Rachel Carr's
Forgotten
Self
)

Today had been graduation day for a good
portion of my friends. They had long since finished their photo
slide shows and singing of "Time of Our Lives" and all the other
standard high school grad nostalgia. I had fallen into it too,
despite having just ended my junior year, writing page-long letters
in yearbooks and posting Brand New's "Soco Amaretto Lime" lyrics on
my Facebook page. But as many of my former classmates got ready for
the all-night party hosted by our very own Snowline High School, my
friends were headed elsewhere. A bunch of us, new seniors and
recently graduated alike had planned a small party on the other
side of town, at the edge of the forest. The trees were thick here;
tall pines crowded the mountains. Which meant a perfect hiding
place lest we got busted for underage drinking. It wouldn't be the
first time.

NPR news played through my speakers, more and
more static breaking in the higher I drove up the trail. It
definitely creeped me out being in the woods at night. I mean,
we've all seen Blair Witch. NPR had this real-world feeling to it,
so I played it whenever drama or paranoia came my way. It said to
me, "Hey, the world's still here. Important, actual things are
going on." Sometimes you need that.

I reached the spot quickly enough, but
everyone was already there. A fire had been lit and a couple
coolers sat nearby. I got out of the car and was instantly
inundated with the sounds of MGMT. "You guys are such sell-outs," I
called at my friends. A chorus of "shut ups" and one "look who's
talking" came right back at me. I smiled and made an obscene
gesture in return.

A tall, slender girl with long red hair came
running over. This was my best friend, Danielle. "What's up,
A-dawg?"

I slapped my forehead. "Ugh, I thought I told
you to stop calling me that."

She grinned and offered me a beer. "Drink
with us tonight. Please," she added when I grimaced. I wasn't much
of a drinker. I mean, it didn't taste good and it made you feel
sick afterwards. No logic. But, it was kind of fun in the middle I
guess.

I stuck my hand out.

"Awesome," Danielle chirped and bounded
away.

I sighed, popped the tab, and joined everyone
at the fire.

"Ah, miss music critic has graced us with her
presence at last."

I looked across the fire. "It was only so I
could look upon your sweet face once more, handsome prince," I
mocked Jonathan. We'd had a thing in junior high, but after our
disastrous 'fling', stuff like that had been off-limits. It's not
that he wasn't hot, because he was really, really hot. It's just
that sometimes the people you like the most aren't the best for
you, and after our final argument had ended up in a serious
Skittle-throwing fight - like welt serious - I'd decided that
dating in school was probably a waste of my time. I thought I'd
give myself and my peers a little more time to mature. And not
bring Skittles to an argument.

Jonathan beckoned me over to the log bench he
sat on. I joined him and drained my beer. My friends were dancing
and laughing and reminiscing and I watched them quietly. I would
miss this. But before I could get nostalgic about my friends – one
day out of their high school careers – I reminded myself that
college awaited me, too. I'd worked my ass off so far to get there
and I would be happy. Or something like that.

"So what'd you think of the ceremony?"
Jonathan asked me mischievously.

I grinned. "Well, the introductory speech was
really
motivating
."

He laughed. Jonathan had been the host this
year, and instead of reading the administration-approved speech
he'd turned in, he'd read something a little less polite. The
phrase "booze, women, and rock & roll" had been used at least
once. Though, our soon-to-be student body president was well-known
for being less than reverent.

"So what's the deal with you and Kayla these
days?" Kayla had been Jonathan's most recent 'fling-ee', as I
called them. He was a serial non-commiter.

"Well, she's moved on, I've moved on. You
know how it is." He took a long drink.

"I sure do. I've known the last four years
how it is."

Jonathan raised his eyebrows at me. "You had
your chance, sweet lady." Before I could sass back, he stood up.
"I'll be back with more beer."

As soon as he had left, Danielle took his
place on the log. "Things heating up over here?" She did an
eyebrow-waggle thing. What was with these people and eyebrows?

I waved her away. "What are you always
yapping about? Boys this, boys that. You know none of them are good
enough for me." She pursed her lips; I winked back.

"Mm-hmm. Abigail, we are gonna get you a man
one of these days. You'll see."

"Don't you put that curse on me, child." We
both immediately laughed.

Jonathan reappeared with two beers. "Now,
what are you two sexy ladies giggling about over here? It wouldn't
be over my superbly fine looks, I'm sure."

Danielle mock-gasped, "You're right!" Then
she jumped up. "I'll leave you two alone," she melodramatically
announced, laughing as she walked toward the fire.

I rolled my eyes and Jonathan handed me a
can. "Bottoms up, punk."

The next morning I woke up groggy. I didn't
feel sick because, thankfully, I'd stopped after a few drinks.
Suddenly I realized my phone was buzzing. I pawed for it on the
bedside stand and quickly answered before it went to voicemail.
"Hello?" I said thickly.

"Abigail, what's up?" A voice greeted me
excitedly.

My clock glowed brightly. 7:34. I groaned.
"Danielle, it's way too early."

"Not for this it isn't. Guess what tonight
is. No wait, don't guess. You should just know."

"Uhhhh..." I couldn't think. Saturday. May.
Oh damn. "You don't mean -"

"It's the third Saturday. It's Marshmallow
May!"

"Danielle..." I hated Marshmallow May. It was
a tradition dating back to 5
^th
grade, when we'd met.
Basically we just got together in the woods and roasted
marshmallows. Exciting, I know. Over the years it had grown from me
and her to about fifteen of us. "I think I'm going to have to
bail," I told her.