Beneath His Darkness (Healing Hearts #3) (15 page)

I reach across the table and hold my pulled pork with caramelized onion sandwich out to her.  Instead of taking it from me, as I thought she would, she leans in and takes a bite.  The act is more intimate than anything I’ve ever experienced.  That damn spot in my heart expands a tiny bit more and I mentally curse at the organ to lock that shit down fast.

I need to stop this.  Now!

Pulling my hand back, I start the conversation we should have had as soon as we sat down.  “You never answered my question, Cammie.  Why are you still having lunch with me?”  I try to keep my face even, but I know I’m frowning.  I want her to want to have lunch with me and admitting that to myself is harder than facing a bus barreling at me at top speed.

“Do you mean because of the little outburst from the owner?”

I nod slightly, afraid of the words that might come out of my mouth.  I want to defend myself to her, but there’s really nothing I can say.  Joe was right.

“Hmm,” she says and takes another bite of her sandwich.

What the hell is that supposed to mean?  She’s trying to kill me.

“Did you really think the words of your jilted ex-lover’s friend would make me go running?”  She looks at me like I’m completely stupid and I open and close my mouth like a fish out of water.

“I know I’m young, Grant, but try to give me more credit than that.  I can handle myself in uncomfortable situations.  You warned me that you didn’t get along with the owner.  I didn’t know why, but you were still willing to come here with me so I could get this amazeballs caramel latte and yes, I know I just said amazeballs, but that doesn’t make me any less capable of handling what happened here today.”

“But—”

“Don’t but me.  You warned me and I listened.  I also listened to what he said.  Who doesn’t want to stick up for their friend and tear down the person they feel hurt her?  That’s what I took away from what that guy said.  That’s why I’m still having lunch with you.  So, can we drop it and eat now?”

I wish it were that easy, but she read the whole scene wrong.  I am the bad guy Joe painted me out to be.

“You shouldn’t want to have lunch with me.”

Her annoyed huff only adds to the attraction I feel for her and doesn’t that just make me more of an asshole.  I should be warning her off, not thinking about how badly I want to get her out of her clothes and hear her screaming my name.

“Seriously, Grant.  I thought we could enjoy our lunch.”

I hate that I’ve upset her, but she deserves the truth.  She’s too good to be around me.  I’ll only destroy her.  Eddie was right.  She’s a nice girl and I’m going to make sure she stays that way.

“Just hear me out, okay?”

“Fine,” she sighs.

I smile at her obstinance.  I’m going to miss her.

“Joe wasn’t just sticking up for his friend.  He was right in the things he said.”

“What is that supposed to mean?  You and Victoria were sleeping together.  From what I heard, it was for about a year.   It takes two people to have sex.  I don’t get where her having stronger feelings than you means that you were playing a game with her.”

You really are a nice girl, Cammie.  Get ready to find out how the big boys play.  Actually, how the bastards play.  Please listen to this warning.

“I was never into Vic.”

“What?”  Shock takes over her facial features.

This is what I need her to hear and she finally seems to be paying attention.  Good.

“I saw the way Tucker treated her.  She was a showpiece for him.  Other than that, he threw her to the side, ignoring her, and it pissed me off.  So, I seduced her into an affair.  I convinced her I loved her.  I wanted to show her she was better than him and I wanted to show everyone else that he wasn’t a king.  Treating people the way he did isn’t right.  What I did, though, was wrong, too.  I broke her heart.  She fell in love with me.  I didn’t take into account that that would happen.”

“Grant?”

“Cammie, you should stay away from me.  I’m not a good guy.  I think of myself first.  Always.  Ask anyone.  They’ll tell you what kind of guy I am.  All I do is hurt people.  Look at Vic.  She’s broken and that’s all on me.”

There, I said it.  Now, she can run away and never look back.

But why do I feel like I ripped my heart from my chest, stabbed it a billion times, set it on fire, blew it up, and tried to put the tiny bits back in place?  I should know by now, those tiny shards never fit in place when the mold that holds everything together has been broken.

“You thought of me first.”

“Huh?”

“Today.  You thought of me first.  You brought me here when you knew it might cause a fight.  And you thought of Victoria first even if the outcome didn’t end as you thought it would.  You saw Tucker treating her poorly and you stepped in.  That means you thought of her and not yourself.  You just didn’t think of all the variables.”

“You’re being naïve, Cammie.  I’ll hurt you.  I hurt everyone.”  I want to tell her the entire truth so she knows how twisted I am, but I can’t.  No one can know it all.  Tucker hasn’t paid yet.

“If me seeing the good in people means I’m naïve, then so be it.  I—”

“There is no good in me,” I say, cutting her off.

“Pfft.  I’ve already seen it so you can stop warning me about the ‘bad’ person you think you are,” she says, throwing up air quotations.  “Look, Grant, I wasn’t raised with a houseful of siblings to help me learn about other people.  It was just me.  But what my parents taught me was to go with my gut and to be honest.  My gut tells me you have a good heart.  It may be buried in there under all this ‘I’m such a bad guy’ crap you’re throwing at me, but I believe it’s there.  You may end up hurting me, but in the end, it will be on me because I chose to get to know you.  Understand what I’m saying?”

She’s not getting it.

“Cammie, I’m telling you this for your own good.  I wish you would listen to me.”  I try to plead with her one last time—a position I’m not used to being in.  I always take what I want, do what I want.  I don’t worry about others.  Why is she so different?

“Let me decide for myself, okay?  How about we try being friends?  I don’t know many people here and I could use a friend.  You seem like you could use a friend, too.  Why don’t we start there?  Do we have a deal?”

She puts her hand out across the table for me to shake and I’ll be damned if I can say no.

What have I just done to her?

Chapter Fourteen

Grant

Cammie wasn’t kidding when she said she wants to be friends.  This week, while Tucker has been gone, outside of the work, she and I have gone to lunch, dinner, a movie, she made me dinner at her apartment, and tonight she’s coming to my place.

I’m not sure where she found time, but she’s been hanging out with Eddie, too.  She’s trying to make friends, make this her home, and I told her I encouraged that, but deep down, I want to rip Eddie apart anytime he’s near her.  I’d like to say I’m man enough that it doesn’t bother me, but every time I see them talking, see her smile or laugh at something he says, my muscles tense and I have to physically force myself from beating him into a bloody stump.

And he knows it.

This afternoon, Eddie pulled me, by the fabric of my shirt sleeve, into his office, as I was walking down the hall.  He’s lucky he caught me right after speaking with Cammie so I was in a good mood.  Otherwise, I may have laid him on his ass for putting his hand on me and lost my job in the process.

“I thought I told you Cammie is a nice girl,” he vomits the words into the air as he hurls me into his office.

“Gee, Eddie, not even going to bother asking how my day is going?  I think I’m offended.”  I throw my hand up in front of my chest like I’m hurt.

Actually, I’m fuming.  Who the fuck does he think he is to pull me in here like this…like I’m a child he can berate?

“Don’t act coy, Grant!  You know exactly what I’m talking about.  She’s young and innocent and we both know what you are.  What you’ll do to her.”

He stops pacing and stands to his full height in front of me.  He is a tall bastard, but so am I.  His few inches over me isn’t intimidating me one bit.  I’m not some sally-ass pansy he can loom over and back into a corner.  If that’s what he’s expects, he better get ready for the sourpuss, because that’s the face he’ll be displaying every time he sees me around Cammie.

“I don’t know what your problem is.  Yes, I fucked Victoria.  She was miserable.”  He rears back like I slapped him, his nostrils flaring in anger.  Guess I have his attention now.

“Could I have handled the situation with her better?  Probably.”

“Situation?” he sputters.  “Situation?  Is that seriously all you see it as?  You had an ongoing affair with your co-worker’s girlfriend for almost a year and you decided to end it by fucking her in his trailer when you knew you’d be caught.”

“As I said, I could have handled things better.”  I refuse to let him rattle me, but I’m enjoying seeing him bent out of shape.  The famously composed Eddie Carmichael is coming unwound and it’s taking very little prodding.  “I’m curious, would you be this up in arms if the co-worker I’d slept with wasn’t dating your best friend?”

“Excuse me?”  His fists clench and I wonder if I could make him snap enough to punch me.  How would Tucker handle knowing I got his best friend to punch me over a conversation involving him?

“I know I don’t stutter and I’ve never heard that you have hearing difficulties.  If I hadn’t been fucking Tucker’s girlfriend, would you be this pissed off?  Simple question.”

I leave the question hanging in the room.  I swear, I can see the words swirling around the room, trying to break through the anger that has built up between us.  I want to flick one of those words and see where it lands.  Will it bounce off an invisible barrier, continue to float, or will it explode from the magnitude of contained fury?

“I would be angry for any members of this show if another cast member slept with their significant other,” he says through gritted teeth.

“Didn’t really answer my question, but I guess you kind of did, didn’t you?”

He steps toward me and I laugh.

“What do you find so humorous?”  I can physically feel his rage.  His body is vibrating from it.  His need to cause me bodily harm is so strong, a vein is ticking in his jaw.

“You.”

“Me?”

A look of confusion crosses his face and I realize I don’t want to fight him today.  It will be more fun to watch him fall, right alongside Tucker.

“Yes, you.  You have your panties all in a bunch about Cammie and me and we’re just friends.  Last I checked, friendship is allowed on this set.  We’ve never held hands.  We’ve never kissed.  Hell, we’ve never even hugged.  We’re friends.  I would think that you, as the friend she tells me you are, would want that for her.  What Vic and I had was a very different thing.  Cammie and I will never be that.”

“You’re right, you won’t, because I will never let you do to her what you did to Vic!”

“You’re not getting it, Eddie.  I could never do to her what I did to Vic.  I don’t look at her the same way.  Maybe you should watch how I am with her for just a second.  You would see that.”

I don’t know why I bother trying to defend myself.  He’s right in trying to stop me from being around her.  Every second of every day, I question whether I should continue this friendship.  I’m scared to death that I’m going to destroy everything that is good and beautiful about her, but I’ll never admit that to this self-righteous prick.

“I’m leaving now.  If you don’t have any other ways you wish to insult me, I need to go clean my place for Cammie to come over tonight.  Unless, of course, you want to pull her in here, like you just did to me, and warn her about the devilish things I may do to her when I get her alone.”

“Asshole.  Get out of my office.”

“Gladly.”

“If you do anything to hurt her—”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, big brother.  You’ll rip off body parts, break my legs, bury me where no one can ever find me.  I already got the warning.  I’m glad you’re looking out for her.  Just know I feel the same way.”

I walk out of his office to the sound of him slamming chairs around.  Seeing Cammie tonight was enough of a reason to smile, but knowing I got under Eddie’s skin just might make me hard.

I’m washing my hands when I hear the door lock behind me.  Instantly, my body and mind go on full alert.  I know without raising my head and looking in the mirror who will be there.  He’s not normally this brazen.  He pulled a stunt like this once, in the early morning, when the other members of the show weren’t here yet, but he’s never tried to do anything when we’re at full staff.

“Hey, lover,” is whispered in my ear.  I shudder.  “Miss me?”

I keep my head down and don’t respond.  His zipper lowering sounds out throughout the room and I feel my stomach drop to my feet.  He can’t really mean to take payment now for what I owe for last week.  My heart is beating so hard, it may explode.

How would he explain that one?

“Davyd, everyone is here.  We can’t do this,” I say weakly.

“We can and we will.  You owe me.”

His hands come around my waist and undo my pants.  He slides them down my legs and the air-conditioned coldness hits my bare skin.  I wish I could say that’s what makes me shiver.

“Hold on to the sink, lover.  I’m not going easy on you today.”

The second he bends me over, I succumb to the blankness my mind offers.  I crawl into the dark corner, pull my knees up to my chest, and stay that way until it’s all over, allowing my mind to protect me from what’s really happening.

No one tried to come into the bathroom.  I don’t know whether it was a fluke or if Davyd somehow engineered it, but I’m useless the rest of the day.  I’ve never missed a day of work or left early until today and I’m sure Eddie thought it was because of our talk.  So be it.  I need to be away from the foulness of what happened.