Best Friend to Perfect Bride (Contemporary Medical Romance) (9 page)

‘Can we go back to the boat?’

Mac jumped when she leant forward and spoke directly into his ear. He could feel the warmth of her breath on his skin and shuddered. It took every scrap of willpower he could muster not to respond as he yearned to do. ‘You don’t want to go home to your apartment?’ he said hoarsely.

‘No. I...well, I would prefer to go to the boat, if you don’t mind.’

There was something in her voice that made his skin prickle. Mac nodded, not trusting himself to speak. He drove out of the car park, trying to get a grip, but it was impossible. How could he behave calmly when every instinct was telling him that the reason Bella wanted to go back to the boat was because she wanted to be with
him
?

As he followed the familiar route, he could feel his tension mounting, could feel all sorts of things happening which he had steadfastly avoided in the past. He had refused to allow himself to fall in love before—completely and totally rejected the idea, in fact. He had witnessed his father’s devastation when his mother had walked out on them and he had sworn that love wasn’t for him; but not any more. Not now that Bella was in his life.

His breath caught as he was forced to confront the truth. How could he
not
fall in love with her when he wanted her so desperately?

* * *

Bella took a deep breath as she stepped down from the motorbike. Had she been mad to ask Mac to bring her here? Oh, she knew what was going to happen—there was no use pretending that she didn’t. She and Mac would make love again because it was what they both wanted. But surely that would only complicate matters even more?

‘Come on. Let’s get you inside before you’re completely waterlogged.’

Mac placed his hand at the small of her back to urge her onto the boat and she shivered. Just the feel of his fingers pressing against her flesh made her senses reel. She stepped on board, waiting while he unlocked the cabin door. He turned to her and she could see the uncertainty in his eyes even though he smiled. Did he have doubts about the wisdom of what they were doing too? she wondered. And knew it was true. He was no surer about this than she was.

‘Take care on the steps,’ he advised her. ‘They can be a bit slippery when it rains.’

Bella nodded as she made her way inside the cabin, feeling her nervousness crank itself up another notch or ten. The fact that Mac had doubts only seemed to heighten her own misgivings so that all of a sudden she found herself wishing that she had never suggested coming back here. She should have gone straight home to her apartment, chosen the sensible option rather than placed herself in this position. If they made love again it would be that much harder to do the right thing. No matter how she felt about Mac, she wouldn’t
coerce
him into having a relationship with her. It wouldn’t be fair. Mac needed a woman who didn’t have all these hang-ups. A woman who understood her own feelings and was able to show them too. What he didn’t need was someone like her.

The thought was more than she could bear. Bella knew that she had to leave before anything happened. She spun round so fast that she cannoned right into Mac as he stepped down from the last tread. There was a moment when they both froze, when it felt as though time itself had stood still, and then the next second he was hauling her into his arms.

‘I was so scared when I couldn’t find you!’

His voice grated with fear and a host of other emotions, and she shuddered. It was hard to believe that she had made him feel all those things. Her eyes rose to his and she knew that he could see how she felt—how shocked, how amazed, how overjoyed.

‘I didn’t think anyone would notice I was missing,’ she said truthfully.

‘Well, I did!’ He rested his forehead against hers and she felt the tremor that passed through him and was shocked all over again.

She had never believed that she was capable of arousing such strong emotions in another person. She had always been so diffident in her approach to life that she had honestly thought it was beyond her, but maybe she had been mistaken. Maybe her experiences with Tim weren’t the yardstick by which she should measure any future relationship? The thought made her head reel even more because it opened up so many possibilities that she had thought were denied to her. If she could make Mac feel this way then perhaps there was a future for them after all?

When he bent and kissed her, Bella didn’t hesitate. She simply kissed him back, wanting him to know just how much she needed him. When he murmured something deep in his throat, her heart overflowed with joy. That he wanted her too was blatantly obvious. Swinging her up into his arms, he carried her into the tiny bedroom and laid her down on the bed and she shuddered when she saw the desire burning in his eyes.

‘I want to make love to you, Bella, but only if it’s what you want as well.’

‘It is.’ She held out her hand. ‘It’s what I want, Mac. More than anything.’

He didn’t say a word as he took hold of her hand and raised it to his lips, but he didn’t need to. The expression on his face said everything that she wanted to hear. Bella could feel herself trembling as he lay down beside her and drew her into his arms. No one had ever looked at her like this before. Looked at her as though she held the key to their future. In that second she knew that, no matter what happened, she would make sure that he didn’t get hurt. She loved him so much—far too much to risk his happiness. Maybe she always had loved him too, she thought as she closed her eyes and let their passion sweep her away. She had just been too afraid to admit it before.

They made love with a voracious hunger that had them both trembling. Every kiss, each caress only seemed to fuel their desire for one another. Mac’s whole being was consumed by the need to be inside her, but somehow he managed to hold back. He wanted this to be as amazing for Bella as it was for him.

‘Mac,
please
!’

The desperation in her voice tipped him over the edge and he entered her with one powerful thrust. He couldn’t have held back then even if he’d tried but he didn’t need to. Bella was with him every step of the way, her body arching under his as he drove them both to the heights of passion and beyond. They were both shaking when they came back down to earth, both stunned by the sheer intensity of what had happened. Mac knew that he had visited a place he had never been before and that he would never visit again without Bella. It was only with Bella that he could experience such rapture, such a feeling of completeness. Only Bella whom he loved.

The need to tell her how he felt was very strong but something stopped him, a tiny vestige of that fear of rejection that had blighted his life for so long. Although he hated himself for being such a coward, he knew that he needed to come to terms with how he felt before he could take the next step.

Rolling onto his side, he smiled into her eyes, loving the way her face lit up when she smiled back at him. If that weren’t proof that she felt something for him, he thought, then what was?

‘Now that I’ve had my wicked way with you, Dr English, I suppose I’d better feed you,’ he said, battening down that delicious thought. Maybe she
did
care about him but he had to be sure—one hundred per cent
sure
—before he went any further. ‘How about bacon and eggs—would that hit the spot?’

‘Mmm, lovely.’ She batted her eyelashes at him. ‘I don’t suppose you offer your guests breakfast in bed, do you? I’m feeling far too relaxed and comfortable to get up.’

‘I suppose I could stretch a point just this once.’ He huffed out a sigh, playing up the role of martyr to the full. ‘I must warn you, though, that I don’t plan to provide such luxuries on a regular basis.’

‘Oh, so there are going to be other occasions like this, are there?’

She grinned up at him, her green eyes filled with laughter, and Mac couldn’t resist. Bending, he dropped a kiss on her lips, feeling his body immediately stir. Catching hold of her around the waist, he lifted her on top of him.

‘I think so. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that I
know
there will.’

He ran his hand down her back, feeling her tremble as her hips were brought into intimate contact with his. That she could feel how much he wanted her wasn’t in any doubt. He kissed her long and hungrily, not even surprised by the depth of his desire. Even if he made love to her a dozen times a day, he would still want her, he thought.

Their lovemaking was just as fulfilling the second time round. Mac had to drag himself out of bed afterwards. He knew that Bella must be hungry and he wanted to feed her and take care of her every need. The thought filled him with tenderness as he dragged on his clothes and went to start preparing their meal. Bella had decided to take a shower and he smiled when he heard the water running. He could get used to sharing his life here on the boat with her. Very easily too.

It was the first time he had ever considered such an arrangement and it shocked him. Although he’d had many girlfriends over the years, he had never lived with any of them. It had seemed like a step too far and yet he knew without even having to think about it that living with Bella was what he wanted more than anything. He wanted the intimacy that came from living together, wanted to get to know all the little things that made her tick, like her favourite food and which programmes she enjoyed watching on television. His head began to spin because if he went down that route then it was just a small step to the next, but was he ready for that, ready for the ultimate commitment—marriage?

He wished he knew, wished with all his heart that he could simply close his eyes and
know
it was what he wanted but he couldn’t. Not yet. That last pesky remnant of fear was still niggling away at the back of his mind and, until he had rid himself of it, he couldn’t make the final decision. He sighed heavily. Please heaven, he prayed he wouldn’t leave it too late and end up losing her.

CHAPTER NINE

‘I
AM
ABSOLUTELY
STUFFED
!’

Bella groaned as she laid down her knife and fork. She had eaten far too much but it had been hard to resist when Mac had placed the meal in front of her. Now she smiled at him, loving the way his eyes lit up as he smiled back—another indication of how he felt about her, perhaps?

‘Are you trying to make me fat, Dr MacIntyre?’ she said, trying not to get too hung up on the idea. Maybe they
had
made love and maybe it
had
been marvellous but she mustn’t take anything for granted. ‘Because you’re definitely going to succeed if you keep cooking me meals like that!’

‘From what I can recall, there’s no danger of you getting fat.’

He smiled into her eyes and Bella felt a wave of heat flow through her when she realised that he was remembering how she had looked when they had made love. She bit her lip as she was suddenly assailed by the memory of his powerful body. The strange thing was that she had never been aroused by a man’s physical appearance in the past. Even as a teenager she hadn’t done what most teenage girls did and stuck posters on her wall of the latest male heart-throb. Looks hadn’t aroused her and yet the memory of Mac’s body, so lean and yet so powerful, made her tremble. Picking up her cup, she buried her face in it, praying that he wouldn’t guess what she was thinking. Lusting after him definitely wasn’t something a woman of her age should be doing!

‘Bella?’ His voice was so bone-meltingly gentle that she reacted as though he had actually touched her. Her hand was trembling as she placed the cup on the table and she saw him look at her in concern. Leaning forward, he covered her hand with his. ‘You’re not upset about what we did, are you, sweetheart?’

‘No.’ She shook her head to emphasise that she meant what she said. She didn’t regret making love with him again, although she couldn’t help wondering what was going to happen from here on. Would Mac expect them to be friends who occasionally slept together from now on? She hoped not, even though she wasn’t sure exactly what she did want them to be.

‘Then what’s wrong?’ He squeezed her fingers. ‘Tell me. I want to know if there’s something worrying you.’

‘There isn’t. I’m fine.’

She smiled brightly back at him, not wanting to admit her fears when she felt so ambivalent. Did she want Mac in her life for ever and ever or simply for the foreseeable future? Oh, she loved him—she was sure about that. But
for ever
was a long time and she had no idea if it was expecting too much to aim for that.

All of a sudden the situation seemed way too complicated. Bella pushed back her chair and started gathering up their plates. She needed time to think, time to work out what she really wanted... Her breath caught as she turned to carry the plates to the sink and saw Mac watching her. She wanted Mac. But did she have the right to want him when she wasn’t sure if she could fulfil his needs?

‘I think I’ll have a shower.’ Mac stood up. Picking up their cups, he brought them over to the sink. He put them down on the counter then bent and dropped a kiss on the nape of her neck. Bella shuddered when she felt his lips brush against her skin. It was hard to be sensible and act responsibly when she felt this way!

‘Bella.’

Her name on his lips was like a caress. When he turned her into his arms, she didn’t hesitate. Maybe she didn’t know what was going to happen in the future but she did know what she wanted to happen right now. Lifting her face to his, she kissed him back, her mouth clinging to his as she sought reassurance. Surely this desire they felt for one another could be seen as a good omen?

* * *

They made love once again and once again it was unlike anything Mac had experienced before. The feel of Bella’s satin-smooth skin gliding beneath his fingertips aroused him as nothing had ever done in the past. He could only marvel at how different it was to make love to her. How special. How totally fulfilling. It wasn’t just his senses that were engaged when they made love but his spirit too. It felt as though he had found himself in her arms, discovered the real person beneath the public image. He hadn’t realised to what extent he put up a front between himself and the world, but he did now. With Bella he could be himself. Completely and wholly himself. The thought was so poignant that it washed away the last remnants of fear. Framing her face between his hands, he looked deep into her eyes.

‘I love you, Bella.’ He had to break off at that point because words failed him; only to be expected when it was the first time he had ever uttered them. Not once had he told a woman that he loved her because it wouldn’t have been true, but it was true now. He loved Bella with all his heart and with every atom of his being too.

‘I...’ Bella started to speak and then stopped. Mac could see the shock on her face and understood. It was a momentous occasion for both of them. He laughed softly as he dropped a kiss on the tip of her nose.

‘I know. I feel as stunned as you do, my love. I think we both need a few minutes to get our heads round the idea, don’t you?’

He stood up, feeling tenderness engulf him when he saw the expression on her face, a mixture of shock mingled with a growing excitement. Obviously, his announcement hadn’t come as an unwelcome surprise then, he thought a shade smugly. As he made his way into the bathroom, Mac could feel happiness bubbling up inside him. Telling Bella how he felt had been a huge gamble, but it appeared to have paid off. Clearly, she had feelings for him too, and now all he needed to do was to persuade her to admit that she loved him back and they could look towards the future.

He grinned as he poured shower gel into his palm and started to lather himself. Maybe he was guilty of putting the cart before the horse, but it looked very much as though he and Bella might be riding off into the sunset. Together!

* * *

Bella washed the dishes and put them away in the cupboard. Mac kept the boat immaculately tidy and she didn’t want to leave everywhere in a mess. After all, she would hate to think that he considered her to be a nuisance...

She sat down abruptly on the couch as all the strength suddenly seeped from her limbs. From what Mac had said before, there seemed little danger of that! He had told her that he loved her, but could it be true?

A tremor ran through her as she recalled the expression on his face as he had made the admission. He was either a brilliant actor or he had been telling her the truth and all of a sudden she knew which she wanted it to be. She wanted Mac to be a permanent part of her future!

Her breath caught as her mind raced away with the idea. Being with Mac, day in and day out, would be like a dream come true. He would always be there for her, always support her, always put her first. His loyalty and steadfastness were qualities she had admired ever since they had first met. Even though she had been a little wary of him initially because of the differences in their backgrounds, she had always known that he would be there for her. That was why it had hurt so much when he had blamed her for the failure of her marriage. She had expected him to understand why she’d had to end it and the fact that he hadn’t done so had knocked her for six. Did he now accept that she wasn’t at fault? she wondered suddenly. She hoped so. If they were to have that glorious future she longed for then they had to trust one another completely.

It was a tiny doubt, like a black mark on an otherwise bright and shiny canvas. Bella knew that she needed to talk to him about it before they went any further. She made a fresh pot of coffee while she waited for him to finish showering, feeling her nervousness increasing by the second. If Mac didn’t believe in her innocence then this could be the beginning and the end for them.

‘Mmm, coffee.’ Mac came into the cabin. He grinned as he came over and caught her around the waist. ‘Not only beautiful and sexy, but you can read my mind as well. It’s no wonder that I love you, Bella English.’

He kissed her lingeringly, his lips teasing hers until Bella’s head reeled. She kissed him back, feeling the tiny niggling doubt disappear. Mac wouldn’t feel this way unless he believed in her. And it was the most marvellous feeling in the world to know that his love for her was everything he professed it to be. When he raised his head, she knew that this was the moment she should tell him how she felt too. She loved him and now that all her doubts had been erased, she wanted to make that clear.

‘Mac, I...’ She got no further when at that precise moment his phone rang. Mac groaned as he glanced over at where it lay on the table.

‘Typical! Why do the wretched things always ring at the most inconvenient times?’ Reaching over, he picked it up and she saw his expression change as he glanced at the screen.

‘Hello, Tim,’ he said flatly. He paused while he listened to what the other man was saying. ‘Yes, I found her and she’s fine... Of course. She’s right here.’

Bella’s heart bumped painfully against her ribs as he handed her his phone. She wasn’t sure why Mac looked so distant all of a sudden. Surely he didn’t think that she was eager to speak to her ex after what had just happened between them?

She was curt almost to the point of rudeness as she told Tim that she had taken a wrong turning on her way back from the supermarket and that was why she had gone missing. She didn’t add anything about Freya and what else had happened because she wanted to end the call as quickly as possible.

She glanced at Mac, who had gone to stand by the sink, and felt her heart start racing when she saw how grim he looked. Mac obviously believed that she was pleased to hear from Tim, but nothing could be further from the truth. That part of her life was over and there was no chance of her and Tim getting back together. She realised that she needed to make that clear to Tim, so when he asked if they could meet up, she agreed. She couldn’t move forward until she had drawn a line under the past.

‘Tim was just calling to check that I was all right,’ she said quietly as she ended the call. Mac didn’t say anything and she hurried on, wanting to make the situation clear to him as well. ‘He wants to see me and I’ve agreed.’

‘So I heard.’ Mac’s expression held a contempt that chilled her to the core. ‘Maybe I should congratulate you. It appears that you two have resolved your differences at last. I hope you will be very happy together.’

‘No! It isn’t like that,’ she began but he didn’t let her finish.

‘Don’t bother explaining. It’s obvious that Tim still loves you if he’s so eager to talk things through with you. And you obviously still love him if you’ve agreed to meet him after everything that’s happened.’ He gave a dismissive shrug that made her heart curl up inside her. ‘I’m only glad that I was able to help in some small way. It appears that sleeping with me has helped you realise exactly what you want from life, and it certainly isn’t an affair with me.’

Bella couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Oh, she understood the words all right—they were plain enough. However, the fact that Mac believed that she had slept with him to help her decide if she should go back to Tim was beyond her comprehension. If he loved her, as he claimed to do, then he would
know
that she was incapable of such behaviour.

All of a sudden she couldn’t take any more, couldn’t bear to stand there and listen to him accusing her of such terrible deeds. Snatching up her bag, she pushed past him and ran up the steps to the deck. She heard him shouting her name but she didn’t stop. What was the point? He had said everything that needed to be said, made it abundantly clear how he felt. Oh, maybe he had thought that he loved her but it wasn’t true. It couldn’t be when he didn’t know in his heart that she would
never
go back to Tim after what they had done. Once again the thought that it was all down to her rose to the surface to taunt her. If she had only shown Mac how she really felt, convinced him that it was
him
she wanted and no one else, told him she loved him too even just once then maybe things would have turned out very differently.

Tears streamed down her face as she ran along the towpath, tears of grief for what she’d had so fleetingly and lost so quickly. It hurt so much, far more than when her marriage had ended, but that was to be expected. This time she had given her heart and had it ripped to shreds and thrown back at her. It had to be the most painful rejection of all.

* * *

Mac sank down onto the couch after Bella left. He knew that he should go after her but he felt incapable of doing anything at that moment. Bella was planning to go back to Tim; could it be true? But if it wasn’t true then why had she agreed to meet Tim?

His head reeled as question after question assailed him. He realised that he needed to find out the answers before he drove himself mad, and leapt to his feet. There was no sign of Bella when he reached the deck so he set off at a run, expecting to catch up with her in the lane, but there was no sign of her there either. His heart began to thump as he wondered where she had gone. It was only when he caught a glimpse of the bus disappearing around the bend that he had the answer to that question at least. As for all the others, well, he would need to speak to her. She was the only one who knew the truth.

Mac made his way to where he had parked his motorbike. He started the engine, feeling his stomach churning with dread as all his old fears of rejection surged to the forefront. Maybe he did need answers but he could only pray that he was strong enough to hear them.

* * *

‘Four-year-old in cubicle three—Oscar Starling. Mum thinks he’s swallowed some detergent. Who wants it? You or Mac?’

‘I’ll take it.’

Bella grabbed the child’s notes, turning away when she saw Trish look at her in surprise. There was no way that she intended to explain why she was so eager to take the case. Mac had been trying to get her on her own all morning long, but she had no intention of talking to him. That was why she hadn’t answered the door when he had turned up at her apartment yesterday after she’d got back from the boat. What was there to say, after all? That she had no intention of going back to Tim? Why should he believe her when she had such difficulty expressing her true feelings?