Betray The Bear (11 page)

“He doesn’t touch you like you want him to?” Joanna guessed.

Relieved that she understood, she said, “Yes. I thought maybe you could tell me if it is just a Bear Valley thing, or if something is wrong with me that I need to work on.”

“First off, has he kissed you yet?”

“Yes, plenty of kissing. I love kissing him. It feels so personal and intimate, and I’ve never felt that before. He takes his time and caresses my skin.” She frowned with the realization that she was stroking her leg under the table just talking about him. “And he does more. Kisses me other places.” Her cheeks blazed like they’d caught fire.

“Good man,” Joanna said with a wide grin. “So what don’t you like?”

“He won’t let me touch him. Or finish him. It’s as if he doesn’t want me to. And he won’t let me sleep in his bed, but I’ve told him twice I really want to. He seems to be afraid it will lead to more.”

“Have you talked to him about this stuff, Anya?”

“I’ve tried, but he seemed so uncomfortable. And he’s so good to me, so affectionate and patient, I feel bad pushing him when he’s obviously not ready.” With a huge puff of breath, she said, “I want more with him.” She wanted everything the man had to offer, but Jo didn’t need to hear that.

“He’s talked to Brody about you,” Jo said low.

Anya bit her bottom lip and imagined all the terrible things that would’ve prompted him to go to a trusted friend. Perhaps she was bad at the intimacy he was obviously trying to teach her, or maybe he didn’t like her as much as he seemed to, and was looking for advice on how to get rid of her. Maybe this was much worse than she thought.

With a brave face, she asked, “What about?”

“Can’t tell you.”

“Jo,” she admonished, exasperated. “Then why did you bring it up?”

“I can’t tell you because I’m sworn to secrecy, but I’ll hint at what you should talk to him about.”

More puzzles. Great.

“He knows you’ve been through a lot. Does he keep asking about your time with the Long Claws?”

“Yes. He wants to talk about it a lot.”
Too much. It brought up a lot of memories she wanted to forget.

“That’s not for h
is benefit, Anya. It hurts him to hear about how you were treated, and for dominant males, that kind of stuff is really hard not to react to. It makes them want to punish the people who hurt the ones they care about. You have to consider the possibility that he is giving you time to heal. He’s a good man, Anya, much different from Nathan. Sex means more here than it does with the Long Claws. And you just came from a really messed up, long-term situation. If he’d have jumped right into bed with you, then you should be worried. It sounds like he’s taking it slow, and you have to stop seeing that as a bad thing.” She shook her head and sighed. “I’ve said too much already. He was asking Brody about my experience with the Long Claws and any problems I had adjusting to life in Bear Valley. If you want more, you’ll have to prove to him that you’re ready.”

“How do I do that?”

Joanna shrugged and stood, dusting the seat of her pants. “That I can’t advise you on. Chase and Brody are very different men. What works for me and Brody won’t necessarily work for you guys. That’s the hard part about falling in love, Anya. You have to learn each other. It takes time and isn’t always easy, but trust me when I say, it’ll be worth it to become bonded like that.”

“Jo,” she said, rising, “y
ou seem really happy here.”

Joanna
lowered her gaze and stared at the corner of the table for a long time. When she finally looked back up, her eyes were rimmed with moisture. She swallowed hard. “I am, Anya. This is a life I never thought I would have. I’ve found my place with a mate I don’t have to share. And despite all my faults, he loves me. I’m really glad you came here. Your life was really hard and you probably don’t even realize the scars Nathan has left on you. But here, you’ll have a chance to lead a good life. A meaningful one filled with happiness. And if you ever need anything, please come to me. You were kind to me when we lived under Nathan, and I always wished we were in a different situation so we could be friends. I can’t even describe how happy I was when you showed up in Bear Valley. Chase will be good for you but you’ll have to be patient with him. He has his reasons for behaving the way he does, Anya. Just give him time.”

“Of course.” She’d give him until the end of time, if he needed it. Whatever was going through his mind, she wouldn’t push him anymore
, and would let him find his own way to her.

She waved as Joanna left, and began to make her way toward the trail that would lead to the training arena.
After her trip to Daria’s house and her talk with Joanna, she would only make it for the conditioning part of class, but it was better than nothing.

Plucking absently on the twine that crisscrossed the crackling paper protecting the herbs, she frowned at the dirt path in front of her. Maybe Jo was saying Chase thought she was too messed up from her time with Nathan to begin a real relationship. Was she messed up? How deeply had she been affected? Sure, everything about Chase confused her, but it was all in good ways. He didn’t put her down or demand her submission. He didn’t call her names and he encouraged her to find her stren
gth, both in the training arena and when she talked to people in the clan. He even seemed to like when she was mouthy with him and spoke her mind.

Perhaps it wouldn’t be confusing if she hadn’t been with Nathan for the past two years though. Maybe her mind was trained to be a certai
n way around males and with sex. What if Chase was waiting for her to fix the broken pieces of herself? She was angry with Nathan, and felt used, and sometimes she had bad dreams of him coming for her, but she didn’t feel broken. Not around Chase. On the contrary, she felt…hopeful.

Chase frowned as he watched her approach the fence that encased the training field. His class was currently high-kneeing circles around the arena. “You okay? I was starting to worry.”

Throwing her arms around his neck, she kissed him soundly and eased back. The fence rails were pressed against her ribcage, but she didn’t care. She missed him so damned bad when she went this long without seeing him. “Riker says I’m off probation.”

“Yeah?”
His brows relaxed as the worry drifted from his face.

She nodded with a big goofy grin on her face.

“You want to celebrate tonight?” he asked as she scaled the fence and sat atop the highest rail. He positioned himself between her legs and wrapped his strong arms around her back. “Muriel, higher knees or you can start over,” he called over his shoulder. The man had eyes in the back of his head.

From this height, they were almost eye
level, and Anya wrapped her arms around his neck again. “How do you want to celebrate?” Her tone was sultrier than she had intended.

“Anya,” he warned.

“No, I wasn’t saying…I know you aren’t ready. I am, but you have your reasons and need time, and I’m okay with that.” She lowered her voice. “I love you. I’ll wait.” She’d been feeling these sentiments for days, but hadn’t actually meant to blurt them out like this. Paralyzed and wide-eyed, she watched as confusion pulled his eyebrows down.

Right as she was about to apologize,
a slow, hopeful smile tugged his lips. “Say that again.”

Rolling her eyes
to the lazy white clouds above them, she teased, “I’ll wait.”

Chase growled and grazed his teeth against her neck, then eased back. “You know what I mean.”

The words were scary. Ones she hadn’t uttered to a man before and now she’d do it twice in a row. But Chase deserved them. She didn’t know much about what was real and not real with the Long Claws, but here with Chase, the truth of her feelings was the easiest thing about her life. She was still learning who she was, but whatever that encompassed, she was his, body and soul. “I love you.”

“Jesus, woman,” he rumbled, lowering his forehead to her chest.
“What are you doing to me?”

Grabbing the
backward bill of his favorite baseball cap from his head, she tossed it to the table near the fence and roughed her hands through his short hair. It didn’t matter if he said it back right now. She could wait on that too because she was here to stay. She wasn’t running from the churning mass of emotion he conjured in her anymore, and she sure as hell wasn’t playing Nathan’s war games. She was in it, neck deep loving this complicated man. It was terrifying and exhilarating all at once.

Chase eyed his class as they passed, panting and grunting, knees high. Then, so fast it startled her, he turned and pressed his lips against her ear. “I love you, too.”

Those words were the most important of her life and she smiled against his cheek and hugged his shoulders tighter to keep him against her, unable to contain her happiness.

Whatever came next, she would be able to handle it because he’d showed her how strong she could be. She could bear any hardship because Chase was beside her, exploring her potential. She’d never felt so comfortable in her skin. As he
pulled back and looked at her with those bottomless melted caramel colored eyes, like she was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen, she’d never felt more in charge of her life, her future, and her happiness.

She was slowly coming to the realization that
what Chase was doing to her might actually be magic.

Anya folded a cobalt
colored fitted shirt and set it into the small pile of clean clothes on the guest bed. They were still warm from the dryer and she hugged a pair of jeans to her chest to absorb the heat. Cross-legged, she flung the pants to the side to encourage away the wrinkles, then folded them too. It was late, and the dinner dishes long ago cleaned.

The soreness in her back eased with a languid stretch as she reached her arms toward the ceiling. Everything hurt on her these days, but the intense training she’d been doing was making her stronger, little by little. She was proud of those s
ore muscles. They had been hard-earned.

The pipes to the bathroom made swishing sounds against her wall as Chase turned on the sink water, and she folded her last shirt
double-time so she could catch him before he disappeared into his bedroom for the night. Snatching the glass jelly jar that she’d mixed the balm in from her dresser, she padded to the bathroom door and knocked on the open frame.

“Can I?” she asked. Shyness always crept over her when she put it on him for a multitude of reasons, but the main was
that being vulnerable with his injury seemed to make Chase uncomfortable.

Tonight though, he smiled and jerked his head in invitation. “I was about to ask if you would.”

Oh. Relieved, she fingered out a quarter-sized portion of the cool, purple colored goo and waited for him to lift his arm to give her access. The star-shaped wound was silver on the edges like the rest of his scars, and red in the center where the muscle hadn’t been covered by healing skin. Every time she imagined the kind of pain he must be in, she had to swallow down bile. She couldn’t even tell he was hurting.

“It looks better already. Less angry.”

“It feels better, too.”

She applied the balm, then wrapped fresh gauze and bandages around his middle so he wouldn’t lose the medicine as soon as he lay down. Her fingers lingered on the course material of the wrap, then she trailed it down his stomach.

He flinched away when her hand brushed the elastic waist of his athletic shorts.

“I’m going to bed,” she said, to lift the tension.
The sting of rejection didn’t hurt yet, but it would, and when it did, she wanted to be alone in her bedroom with the door closed so he wouldn’t see how much he affected her.

“’Night,” he murmured in a quiet voice.

Closing her door, she leaned her forehead against the wood. Inner horny bear had taken to wearing oversized flannel pajamas and eating chocolate pudding under a blanket as she’d been rebuffed time and time again by Chase this week.

“Anya,” Chase said, knocking softly.

Frowning, she stood back and opened the door. He stared at her forehead, probably at the red mark she’d likely just made from leaning against it while pining like a fool.

“I brought you this,” he said in a gruff voice. He handed her a glass of ice water and
strode away.

Okay. She took a sip and jumped when his door slammed closed down the hall. Slowly, she mad
e her way to the bed and set the drink on the bedside table near the lamp. The drawers creaked as she put away her clothes and when she turned around, Chase was standing in her doorway again, looking utterly lost. Opening his mouth to say something, he hesitated and abruptly left.

The plush mattress sank under her as she
perched on it and waited.

He reappeared in the
doorway. “I don’t like you sleeping in here, away from me. I want you to sleep in my bed, but I’m not sure if you’re ready.”

Gathering her patience
, she asked, “Can I be the one to decide when I’m ready, and for what?”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”