Between You & Me (15 page)

Everyone is in the theater. Sarah, in character as usual, gives me a kiss on the top of the head on her way past. I look to see if Mia is here yet, as if that were necessary. I can see her without looking because of the place in my consciousness that is reserved just for her. She pushes through the door, her mind sweetly engaged by something far away, but she smiles when she sees me looking. I watch her set down her bag as I climb up onstage behind Sarah. Is Lily's life any simpler than mine? Maybe hers will put mine into perspective. My moments of perspective seem only to last until the next time I see Mia.

THE PRICE HOUSE. SATURDAY EVENING.

Lily's mother stands at the sink, humming. Outside, Bobby arrives nervously at the front door in a suit and tie, with his hair neatly combed and a bunch of flowers in his hands. He rings the doorbell. As Mom crosses to open it, she sees him from the window brushing his shoes against the bristles of the hedgehog boot cleaner. She opens the door:

MOM

Well now, don't you look handsome. And such clean shoes!

BOBBY

Thanks, Mrs. Price. I heard that Miss Price didn't have the best of evenings yesterday, so I thought she might like me to take her to the pictures.

Lily, having heard the doorbell, skips downstairs and peeks around the kitchen wall. She can't see past her mother.

MOM

(Calling)

Lily. Someone's here to see you. A very dashing young man, if I may say so.

Lily sails around the corner and stops short.

LILY

Oh. It's you!

Bobby's face drops.

MOM

Give us a moment, Bobby.

Lily's mother lets the screen door swing shut. Bobby turns and sits down on the front step.

Honey—

LILY

Mom, I'm not going anywhere with Bobby. I couldn't. To be seen with Bobby—

MOM

I'm surprised. That's just how Michael treated you and you didn't like it very much.

Lily starts up the stairs.

But it's as you wish.

Mom turns back toward the front door.

Can't see the harm in an evening out, myself, and on such a nice night. Oo, but if you're going to be home, we could play cribbage. I'll tell him to be getting along—

LILY

I suppose I could give him a chance.

MOM

Well, I suppose.

Lily looks at Bobby on the step, picking at the bouquet of flowers.

MOM

Then shall I let him in?

Lily is all at once agitated.

LILY

Wait, I have to get ready. I can't go out like this.

Her mom suppresses a smile.

MOM

So run upstairs. He'll be here when you come down.

Lily nods and runs upstairs. Mrs. Price returns to the front door. She winks at Bobby.

Looks like you got yourself a date.

Gabe is still standing on stage at the end of rehearsal. I go over to him since he seems to be waiting. Being around him makes me nervous, maybe because I still find the line between him and his character a little hazy. Maybe because he's always smiling and stands really close so that when I look up at him my chin practically rests on his chest. As it does now:

ME

Hey.

I am super-aware of the closeness. His T-shirt smells unexpectedly nice. When we're next to each other he has a good six inches on me and seems to enjoy it. I feel safe in scenes with him at least, like he won't forget the words because they're his own. But in these unscripted moments, I'm more nervous …

Case in point:

There's something about Gabe. He didn't ask me out like other people have, he kind of told me we had a date and I never corrected him. It's a refreshing change and even though I'm not sure it's a good idea, here I am! He swept me up in the idea, saying that it would help us get into character, which kind of makes sense. And with Ryan's comment in the hall, I didn't think it would hurt. Gabe met me after my shift, in a crisply pressed shirt—cute—and so far, I've had a surprisingly good time. You have karate tonight, so I haven't even had the chance to tell you I'm here with him yet. I have thought about Mia once or twice but otherwise I'm all here.

It's getting dark earlier, and fairy lights frame the windows of Peele's. Gabe is standing as close as usual and I can actually see the lights glinting in his eyes. As we walk, he's finding reason to be near me. He makes a joke
semi
at my expense so he can playfully push me and when I go flying he pulls me in toward him like a yo-yo. Aside from this athletic flirting, I like how I feel around him—girlish, desired, and I can't remember feeling that recently. The street is empty and the sun is setting so that everything glows amber. I'm thinking about making some comment about it but, when I turn around, he takes my face in his hands and kisses me! It's firm and warm. I think I make a small noise, more from surprise than enjoyment. Not that I'm not enjoying it but my heart isn't beating out of my chest as even my imagination
can cause it to. There are no fireworks, no butterflies. It's nice but just not quite right. Putting my hands against his chest, I gently push away. He smiles.

GABE

Sorry, misread the moment maybe?

ME

Yep!

A semi-awkward, interesting pause.

Sorry. I like you, Gabe, and it's nice to have spent time together, but …

GABE

Say no more, babe.

There's the “babe” I was expecting!

ME

Really? So we're okay.

GABE

Sure.

That was easy. He's still relaxed, smiling! Maybe it's a girl thing to die of embarrassment after suddenly kissing someone. (And a normal thing!) Guys have it easy. When they're
not embarrassed, it actually seems less embarrassing.
I kissed you. So what's the problem?
I feel a smile tug at the corner of my mouth as I imagine just kissing people when I wanted to. There'd be mayhem.

He's still gazing at me and I picture us silhouetted in the fading light. If only it was the most magical moment of my life. He looks like he might tuck a strand of hair behind my ear if one were going rogue but fortunately I'm uncharacteristically put together and he settles for running a fingertip under my chin.

GABE

I just looked at you, and the way you looked against the sunset, I knew I had to kiss you.

I'm torn between laughing out loud at the extreme schmaltz, and kissing him again. He hasn't stepped away and I wouldn't have to move far to be touching him. Part of me considers it: letting him press into me with his soft mouth and firm body, because he makes me feel sexy … feminine. But that's not a good enough reason.

ME

Sweet talk will get you nowhere, pal.

No one's said “pal” since the fifties but if he can get away with kissing me, I think I can get away with “pal.” I push him
to arm's length with a fingertip and then nudge him in the ribs with an elbow as we start walking, a nudge that says, “Ya big charmer, but enough of the kissing!” The gesture makes me think of you.

Gabe and I part company at the end of the street and he raises his hand in a farewell salute. Well, I didn't break his heart, I think as I walk away. I get the impression he was just trying it on and won't be crying into his pillow tonight.

I can't say the same for my good night's sleep. He kisses me, and I'm the one spending the rest of the night neuroticizing about it! We have to go back to rehearsals tomorrow and I hope it won't be weird. Especially with Mia there. I can't help wondering if I was clear enough that today is as far as it goes. Maybe I should have stepped back right away, not enjoyed the attention, the feel of him. I cover my face in the dark. I hope I didn't mess up.

Ten minutes later, the pendulum of my thoughts swings reassuringly to
no big deal
, he's hardly in love. Maybe, like me, there are people he'd rather be kissing.
Are
there people I'd rather be kissing? I think about Mia, nearly all the time, but
thinking is one thing, kissing is another. I squeeze my eyes shut and give myself permission to fantasize. If Gabe can do
no big deal
, so can I. I try to imagine kissing Mia with my experimental new vibe. My imaginary self turns bright red and runs for the trees.

For some reason I haven't mentioned the Gabe thing to you yet. We didn't speak that night, and it would be strange to announce it out of the blue. Not that you're likely to ask,
Hey, kissed anyone today?
so I suppose I'll have to tell you if you're going to know.

To my great relief, rehearsals seem normal. As if he can hear my thoughts, Gabe, sitting across from me, winks. Mia notices and I blush. We haven't been acting as though it never happened. We're acting as though it happened and we have successfully put it behind us, which makes me feel spectacularly well-adjusted. If only we could all go around kissing people without detrimental effects. He's made jokes about it too, which helps.
I promise I won't kiss you
, he says when I get close enough. Maybe he's the kind of guy who kisses a lot of girls for no reason. Maybe I'm that kind of girl. I think not.