Betwixt (27 page)

"I think Dad's going to be watching him pretty carefully."

"He's afraid... and he should be."

Guilt washes over Adam's face.

I shoot him a sharp glare.

"Why are you here, Adam?"

"I was told I had to..." He looks to the door then back at me. "I'm sorry... for what I did."

"You mean being a coward?"

He flushes bright red and looks to the floor.

"You don't know my Dad."

Pity needles its way into my system.

"I know enough. I get why you didn't say anything, but I don't get why you're letting him control you this way."

Adam looks up.

"He nearly made you a murderer."

His lips go white.

"If Dale hadn't been there, what would you have done? Would you have buried me alive, like your Dad wanted?"

"How did you know that?" His white face wrinkles with confusion.

I shake my head.

"Do me a favor, Adam. Tell your Dad where to stick it. This is your life and you don't want to get to the end of it and realize you've actually lived his."

His brows pucker.

"Why aren't you trying to kill me right now?"

"I have a smashed up arm and a splinted leg. It's kind of challenging."

A small grin plays on his lips.

"I mean it, Adam. I won't say anything about what happened, that's your decision... just please use this nightmare for good. I'm not going through all this shit so everything around me can just go back to the way it was. Change has to happen... and not just for me." I raise my eyebrows then lift my index finger and point it straight at him. "And if I ever see you pointing a gun at someone again, I'm gonna kick your ass to Jupiter."

The smile on his lips grows wider.

"You know when you say stuff like that you sound like her."

"Who?"

"The old Nicky."

I smile back at him, feeling a blush warm my cheeks.

"Get out of my room... and send Dale in, will ya?"

Adam nods and pulls open the door, but Dale is nowhere to be seen. Instead the corridor is crowded with a bunch of familiar faces bustling towards me.

They crowd into my room and surround the bed, all smiles and well wishes.

Trent leans down and kisses my cheek. Julie Peters gives me a winning smile and squeezes my hand.

I pull it out of her grasp. What the hell is she doing here?

On the other side of the bed Amber and Penny are gushing while Matt and Drue make useless jokes because they're feeling uncomfortable.

"Your Mom finally said it was okay to visit." Penny smiles.

"We've been asking since they found you and she's kept refusing us." Amber sounds titchy as she gazes at my cast. "Can I sign it?"

She looks around for a pen.

"No." I cover the cast with my good arm.

"What's your problem?"

"Seriously?"

Amber gives me a snotty pout then turns to Penny with a frown.

"We've been so worried about you." Julie reaches for my hand again. I pull it away.

"You don't say." I give her a cold glare.

"Well of course we were." Penny jumps in. "You like disappeared and no one knew what had happened to you."

"Really. No one knew how I ended up walking home late at night... in the middle of nowhere?" I look at Trent, who much to my delight, is squirming in the designer jeans I bought him.

"Look, we know you've had a really tough week, but there's no need to be bitchy. I mean, it's been hard for us too."

"Hard for you?" I can't hide my shock. "It's been hard... to like text and twitter and come up with a bunch of disgusting theories on what happened to me? Yeah, I can imagine that was really hard."

"Who told you that crap? We didn't do that." Drue shakes his head.

"Dale told me you ran a poll, most people thought I'd run away."

"Finningan? He's lying. He'd do anything to get into your pants. He's been trying since he started at this school."

"Funny." I shrug. "He's about the only guy I know who hasn't tried to get into my pants since Jody died."

An awkward silence drops into the room. The group standing around me look tortured as they glance at each other or up at the ceiling... anywhere but where I'm lying.

"Listen, you've been under a lot of stress. You obviously need some time out to pull yourself together."

"You know what, Penny. Tweet this." I lift the middle finger of my right hand and point it straight at her. She lets out a little gasp and turns beet red. "Now get out of my room."

"Babe..." Trent reaches for my hand, but I whip it away from him.

"You don't get to call me that anymore. We're through. You and Julie can now make out as much you like, guilt free."

Julie's eyes bulge wide and she glances at Trent then looks to the floor.

"What are you doing?" Trent's voice is tight.

"Ridding myself of the bad things in my life."

"What, did they give you psycho pills for breakfast this morning?"

I ignore the jibe with a sweet smile.

"I have a promise to keep."

His face bunches with confusion.

"I don't want you to be part of my life anymore." I glance around the room. "You guys aren't good for me and our days of partying together are done."

Amber lets out a disgusted gasp. Penny at least has the decency to look a little ashamed. Drue and Matt look typically non-plussed, but Trent's face is mottling with anger as he points at me.

"You've just committed social suicide."

"Good. I might actually achieve something positive this year."

"What the hell has happened to you?"

I look at Amber's bitchy glare and reply with a smile.

"I woke up."

Everyone in the room looks totally baffled by my weird statement. They'll never understand what I saw while I was dying. They will never know the truth and they don't deserve to.

"You can go now."

"With pleasure." Trent grabs Julie's hand and pulls her out the door, glaring at me one last time before turning away. Everyone else follows suit.

I hold my chin high as they leave. It begins to wobble slightly when Amber slams the door, but I catch my lip and command it to stay still. I kept my promise to Jody. That's a good thing. It is. Who cares if I'm now a social outcast?

Closing my eyes, I lean my head against the pillows and let the tears descend. At least Dale will be by soon to mop them up for me.

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

He didn't come. Dale never showed up to wipe away my tears... not one.

I cross my arms and fume away in the back seat.

"Are you okay, honey?" Dad looks at me in the rearview mirror.

"Fine." I give him a tight nod.

"Is your leg hurting... or your elbow?"

"No, Mom, I'm fine, really."

I turn away from their worried frowns. I should be happy that I'm heading home. I should be grateful that the doctor let me out a day early. Mom has been explaining how she's set up a bed for me in the living room so I won't have to go upstairs and I'd have everything I need at my fingertips.

I don't care.

Why had Dale not come by? I could have sworn I'd seen him when Adam arrived on Tuesday, but maybe I was wrong. Mom said he had been by while I was out of it. Why had he ditched me as I lay totally coherent for the last day and a half?

Maybe he'd changed his mind about me. Maybe now that I was real and not just a voice in his head he didn't want to know me anymore. I tug at the hospital tag around my wrist, wanting to rip it off.

Dad pulls his car into the drive. Cutting the engine, he looks at me with worried eyes.

"I'm fine, Dad. Just get me into the house."

It is a painful mission. I can't use crutches and the wheelchair won't go up our front steps, so Dad has to carry me while Mom fluffs around trying to get the damn thing to open. It ends up taking forever so Dad just has to stand there holding me, while giving constant advice that Mom just finds irritating.

"Dad! Would you just shut up and let Mom do it on her own. She's not stupid."

Mom gets the giggles. Dad responds with a dark look then mumbles, "I'll just carry you through to the couch." Which is exactly what he does.

Placing me down, he gently pops a pillow under my leg and stands up, looking proud of himself.

"All good?" He gives me a smile.

I force my lips north then give him a quick nod. He gently pats my good leg and walks out of the room. Mom strolls in with the wheelchair and is nice enough to forgive Dad with a kiss as he mutters a quick apology.

Taking a seat by my side, she flicks her hair out of her eyes and clears her throat.

"We're going to hate that wheelchair, aren't we?"

She looks over her shoulder at it and nods. "Probably."

"This sucks." I rub my forehead and turn away from her.

"You're not mad about that chair though, are you?"

I can't look at her as I shake my head and feel the tears burn.

"Are you ready to talk about your friends visiting you the other day?"

"They're not my friends," I mumble.

Gently taking my hand, she gives my fingers a squeeze.

"You did the right thing, asking them to leave you alone."

I look at her and shrug.

"Maybe... but now I have no one." Tears catch in my throat.

"What about Dale?"

"What about him?" I sniff.

"I thought maybe there was something going on between you two."

"Yeah, well me too, but now..." I shrug, aiming for casual. "It doesn't matter anyway."

I lift my chin.

A small smile flitters over Mom's lips.

"Starting afresh can be really hard, we all have challenges ahead of us. I feel like this accident of yours has been the defibrillator shock we've all been needing."

I grin.

"Yeah, I know."

Tucking my long bangs behind my ear, she turns my head so I'm facing her.

"You've been living a life you hate for a few years now. It's time to start fighting for the life you want."

Her blue eyes sparkle.

"I don't know what I want, Mom."

"Yes you do."

Her grin is filled with amusement and I let out a groan.

"Fine! Hand me the phone."

With the elegance of a queen, she rises from the couch and retrieves the phone along with a small scrap of paper. She places it in my hand with a wink and slides the internal doors shut behind her.

I stare at the phone for a long minute trying to decide if I want to do this. Dale and I went through so much those three days he was searching for me. Maybe it was simply the high pressure that made me feel this way about him.

I close my eyes and think about myself squished into the corner of a jail cell with his arms either side of me. That look in his eyes spoke volumes. I couldn't ignore it... but why hadn't he come to see me?

With an irritated huff, I glance at the paper and dial his number.

Two rings later.

"Hello, Dale speaking."

"Where have you been? Why didn't you come see me the last couple of days?"

"Hey Nicole," his voice is calm and easy. "How's it going?"

"Seriously?! That's all you have to say?"

There's a pregnant beat and then he sighs.

"I came to see you on Tuesday, but your friends beat me to it. I just thought you might need a little space to figure out what you want. I wasn't sure where we stood."

"Where we stood? We just went through all that crap together and you don't know where we stand?"

"Look, you already know how I feel about you. I don't want to pressure you to reciprocate, so I thought I'd let you make the next move."

"You don't know anything about girls, do you?"

"Give me a break, Nicole. I just want you to decide what you want for you... not because of me, not because of your parents... or your dumb ass friends. What do you want?"

"I don't-" I'm about to say know, but stop myself. For the first time in what seems like years I do know what I want and I hate that he's making me say it. I huff. "I want you to call me and see how I'm doing. I don't want to lie alone in a hospital bed all night waiting for you to mop up my tears. I want you to be here to welcome me home. I want you to watch movies with me and hang out and listen to Granite with me. I want to read your book and design its cover. I want you to hold my hand and I want you to kiss me goodbye at the end of the day... and I don't want to have to tell you to do any of this stuff! I can't believe I'm humiliating myself like this. Just forget it. You're an obnoxious ass, Dale."