Betwixt (24 page)

Dale's skin is white, his eyes wide with horror.

I knew he'd change his mind.

"Just call Jester back. You don't have to keep looking for me."

Dale's blink is slow and forced, but when his eyes pop open they have lost their 'deer in front of headlights’ quality.

"Where are you standing? I want to look at you for this."

"I'm at your three."

In slow motion, he turns to face me. I gaze at his scar, something that should be so ugly and marring, instead I want to touch it, to run my finger along its smooth edge. I make fists with my hands and look to the ground.

"You need to listen to me very carefully." Dale's voice is slow and controlled. "You did not kill your sister. She fell. It was an accident."

Bubbles rush up inside me; they are filled with guilt and regret. I bend over as the agony makes my chest want to rip apart.

"You don't understand. I was supposed to be watching her. She was my responsibility." I draw in a ragged breath. "She was such a cool kid. So sweet and adorable, everybody loved her." I swipe at the fresh tears swarming my cheeks and stand up, forcing myself to get through this. "Usually when mom and dad went out we played and danced or made up games, but I didn't want to that day. I was annoyed that I had to look after her and everything she was doing just irritated me.

"I eventually got so mad that I dragged her outside and locked the door."

My voice was starting to break, making it hard to continue. I sniffed loudly, my stomach jolting with sobs.

"I went to my room to keep working on my latest cover design. I heard Jody calling, but I ignored her. She was just trying to get my attention. She was shouting for help and I kept thinking, 'Yeah, whatever, Jo. Cry wolf all you like.'"

My body is shaking as I force out the rest of the story.

"Then she screamed. She sounded so scared and I jumped up and ran to the sliding door in the living room. She was dangling from one of the branches of this really tall pine tree. The one we weren't allowed to climb. The one I had secretly taught her how to climb."

I cover my mouth with my hand then sniff.

"She looked towards me, Dale, and I swear our eyes met for a second before her little fingers slipped. The last thing I heard was her screaming my name then this... thud."

Dale's face is etched with agony as I glance at him. I close my eyes and look away.

"I ran out to her. She was lying on the ground all broken like a little bird and there was blood oozing out all over the ground, soaking into her hair." I fall to my knees as the image crystallizes in my brain. I force myself to gaze upon her lifeless face.

"You've never told anyone this before, have you?"

"No." My voice is so small, emotion robbing it of any volume.

"Nicole." Dale bends down in front of me, somehow sensing I'm now on the ground. "I know you think you don't deserve any other chances, but I refuse to believe I can hear you, unless you are meant to live. You have to fight."

"For what?"

I look up at him, images of my current life flashing through my head like flying photographs.

"The right to correct your mistakes."

"I can't fix this one. I can't bring her back." I jump up and move away from him.

"I know," his voice is soft, "but you don't deserve to die."

"Neither did Jody." I spin around and look at his crouched form. "She was such a good kid, pure and sweet. I was always the trouble maker; it was me who deserved to fall out of that tree."

Dale slowly stands and puts his hands in his pockets.

"Maybe. But would you have wanted Jody to live without you? Her big sister that she looked up to? What would have that done to her?"

I close my eyes and shake my head, feeling the inevitable cold edging towards my heart. "It doesn't matter. It's over."

"It doesn't have to be." Dale's voice is high and urgent. "Take this second chance, Nicole, make something of your life. Please. Please you have to fight."

"I don't deserve a second chance."

"Nobody does. That's the way grace works. Don't throw this away."

Desperation is marring his features.

I don't know what to say to him. I've never seen anyone beg with me like this before. He wants me to live. A shock of cold runs through my middle and I gasp. It moves through my limbs and the shakes grow with intensity... and then my nose is wet.

I twitch and wave my hand in front of my face.

My nose tickles.

I scratch it, but the wet tickling sensation returns.

"Nicole, are you still there?"

"Yes." I scratch my nose again.

"Are you okay?"

"Something's tickling my nose."

I shake my head from side to side as Dale jumps up, hope lighting his face like a bonfire.

"Jester."

Without a backwards glance, he runs down the hill, tumbling and sliding, calling for his dog.

Jester barks back loudly. We follow the sound and soon stumble across a scene I'm not overly keen on seeing. Adam is standing above me, his hands in his pockets. He looks pretty shell-shocked as Jester sits by my ashen face, his tail thumping on the ground.

"Good boy."

Dale falls to his knees and slides the rest of the way towards me. He gives Jester's head a quick congratulatory rub then gently pushes the dog away.

At first he looks a little lost as he gazes down at me. I don't exactly look crash-hot. In fact I look disgusting! My skin is so pale you can almost see the veins running below the surface. My lips are tinted blue and when Dale picks up my hand, I'm like a limp rag doll.

Brushing the hair back from my face, Dale checks from my pulse, looks horrified then after a few more frantic finger jabs to my neck, lets out a relieved sigh.

"Nicole, wake up." He gently runs his hand over my face then bends low to check for breathing. "This is not good."

He looks up at Adam as he whips off his sweater and wraps it around me.

"She's like an ice cube. We have to call for help. Get out your phone."

Adam steps back.

"I can't, man. I won't do it."

Dale glares up at him.

"Get. Out. Your. Phone."

Shaking his head, Adam retreats further away. By some magnetic force his eyes are locked on my body. They are wide and filled with fear.

"Dad will find out... and then we're all dead."

Looking ready to pummel something, Dale reaches into his back pocket and pulls out his phone, with one hand resting on my forehead like a mother would, he lifts his other to check for reception. Glancing up at the phone in his hand, he swears and throws it on the ground. "There's no reception down here. You have to go up to the road and call for an ambulance."

"I ca-"

"Adam! You want to live with this for the rest of your life? She's dying! Now DO IT!"

Once again surprised by Dale's uncharacteristic outburst, Adam stumbles backwards. His eyes are like saucers, swirling with a mixture of fear and something else I can't quite figure out.

"MOVE." Dale's voice breaks.

Adam blinks slowly then looks at my dying body one last time before making his way up the hill.

"Do you think he'll do it?"

"I don't know," Dale sighs. "But I'm not leaving you. Go back into your body. Please, Nicky. Wake up."

"I'll try." I gaze at my lifeless form and close my eyes, willing the blackness to surround me so I can return.

"I'm fading," I whisper.

"Good, come back to me." He caresses my face while talking, looking at my eyes. I can sense how desperately he wants them to open. I squeeze my eyes shut again. Cold blood is running through my veins and the shudders work through my system again.

A slow blackness starts in the corner of my mind. "I think it's working. Everything's going black."

I open my eyes and spot Dale's hopeful expression. He's leaning over me, his face just an inch from mine.

"Come on," he whispers.

The blackness is closing in, blocking my vision of him. It feels different this time. Nothing hurts. If anything I feel like my body is filled with helium.

"Nicole?" Dale touches my face.

"I'm sorry," I whisper.

"Nicole."

I float away from him, the blackness consuming me as I'm lifted into the air. I can still hear his desperate pleas for me to wake up, but I can no longer reach him. Fear pulses through my system as I reach out into the blackness.

So this is death. A black nothingness. I was hoping to feel some sort of peace, some sort of end to my misery, instead the fear builds in my system until I feel like I'm drowning in it.

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

"Wait," I croak. "Wait, I'm not ready! I'm not done!"

My voice echoes off the surrounding walls, making me quiver.

"I'm not done." I scream again then curl into a ball as my fear-filled cries wash back over me.

Where am I? My body trembles with sobs as I rest my head on my knees. Is this it? Is this what I'll have to endure for the rest of eternity? A black nothingness?

I strain to hear Dale, but his voice has faded to obscurity.

I strain to see what's in front of me, but when I reach out my hand, I can't even see my fingers wiggling.

Forcing air into my lungs, I stand on shaky legs and try to move forward, cautiously taking small steps, unsure what I'll find.

There seems to be nothing around me. I don't know what I'm standing on, I can't feel anything.

"Hello? Please, can anybody hear me?" My voice sounds small and foreign.

I stumble backwards and fall to the ground. The shudders are returning, filling me with dread. There is no escaping this.

My eye catches a small glimmer high above me.

I focus on it as best I can. It looks like a star and seems to be falling towards me. My eyes are transfixed. As it gradually descends my new world gets brighter. I glance around me. I'm sitting in a bubble. As if some kid has blown one from soap suds and I'm caught inside. I spot Dale on the ground below me, he is frantically doing CPR on my limp body. I wince and turn away. His desperation is heartbreaking.

The intensity of light around me is growing stronger as the star continues to descend. I wonder if it's going to land on me as my eyes squint against the bright glare. I raise my arm and cower away from it. Landing just in front of me, it burns so bright it sears my retinas. I blink at the blotches impairing my vision.

The light starts to fade. As I win the blotch war, my vision clears and I am soon staring at the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

Air rushes out of my lungs in a big gush.

"Jody?"

"Hey, sis."

She grins, that little impish one I always fell for.

"You look..." I reach out to touch her, but pull away last minute. This is too weird. Am I really looking at my sister? She looks exactly like she did when she was nine, except glowing and radiant. Her smile is filled with light and love, her eyes are glimmering. My hand drops to my side. "You look beautiful... the same as you were."

She shrugs. "I thought it would be easier for you to see me this way."

"What do you normally look like?"

Her dimples jump into place. "You'll see."

"So I go with you?" Hope spurts through my system followed swiftly by despair.

Jody's head tips to the side as she studies me.

I look away from her assessing gaze and cross my arms.

"We both know I don't deserve to, Jo."

"Why not?"

"You know why?!"

"Nicky, you need to understand this. It's not your fault."

"I shouldn't have locked you outside." I shake my head.

"I shouldn't have climbed that tree."

I glance at her with a frown.

"I should have come when you called me."

"I should have done the right thing and left you alone. There were a million other things I could have been doing that day, but I chose to annoy you. I knew how badly you wanted to finish that cover, but I wanted to play. I was trying to punish you."

The defensive walls inside my chest start to crumble as I fight to win the argument. "I'm your older sister. It was my responsibility to care for you."

"You never let me down, Nicky." Jody's voice is quiet and sure, leaving no room for objections. "I adored you every day of my life. You were the best older sister ever and I'm so sorry you've been suffering because of me."

"How can you be so forgiving?" Tears bubble on the edge of my lashes.

"That's easy." Her eyes light with a warm smile. "I love you."

I can do nothing but grin back as I swipe at my tears.