Beyond Reason (9 page)

I shrugged. “So no date tonight? You usually always come with someone attached at your hip,” I teased.

“Interesting.”

“What?” I asked, glancing at the table décor and then back at him.

“There you go talking about my dating life again.” His smile was infectious. The way his lips curled only slightly was adorable.

“It was only a comment based on past experiences. Nothing more,” I laughed, glancing at where the DJ was setting up.

“You know, this might be crazy…” He bit his lip as he thought about what to say, or how to say it, which for some reason was really sexy. “But what if we don’t judge one another on our pasts?”

“I wasn’t judging you,” I replied.

If there was one thing in life I didn’t do, it was pass judgment. With the devastation and turmoil I used to feel because so many passed judgment on me through the years, I wouldn’t be the one pointing the finger. Ever. Hence, the Austin kissing two females at once reaction being so void of emotion.

Ayden rubbed his fingers along his chin as he contemplated what else to say. It was hard not to notice the stubble along his jawline, and I suddenly felt flushed from my toes to my head.

“Can you quit doing that?” I asked.

“Doing what?”

“The whole contemplative thing. It’s confusing,” I lied. It wasn’t confusing. It was just sexy as hell.

“I’ll try a different approach,” he began. Dropping his hand to his side, he slid his fingers into his pocket, and my gaze fell to exactly where it shouldn’t have.

Damn him!

And then he didn’t say anything. He just stood there, taking in the scenery. Was that his new approach? What was his approach? Why did he stop speaking? I couldn’t handle it.

“So you and Mason and your parents will be going over to Brandy and Aaron’s, right?” I asked.

I cringed as the words left my lips.

“Yeah,
I’ll
be there,” he said, smiling.

He caught me!

Feeling slightly frazzled and at a loss as his eyes stayed connected with mine, I placed my hands on a chair and squeezed tightly.

“Good. I’m gonna go check on everything and make sure it’s all in order,” I mumbled, turning away from him.

“What was that?” he asked.

“I’m gonna go check on some shit.” That was the best I could do? Why were things suddenly turning awkward around him? I saw Tori wave at me from the entrance, and I beelined toward her. Her gaze left mine and fell along Ayden’s body before she gave me a quick squeeze.

“So how does he like everything?” Tori asked.

“He seems to be happy with the launch.” I had hoped the flush I was feeling had already dissipated, but I wasn’t sure it had the way Tori was eyeing me.

“He should be,” she replied, pointing toward the waterfront.

I hadn’t even noticed the view, and that was the entire point of planning the function here.

“True. Listen, I wanted to tell you something tonight,” I began.

“I think I already know,” she said, glancing at Ayden.

“No. Nothing like that. What would ever give you that idea?” I asked, tapping her shoulder.

“The way he’s looking at you. But my bad. So what’s up?”

What? How was he looking at me?

Wait.

Enough.

Back to the task at hand.

“I’m giving my notice tomorrow,” I sputtered.

“That was my second guess.” She nodded.

“Really?” I asked.

“Yeah. The way Rob was putting you through the wringer...” She shook her head in disapproval. “I was surprised you made it through this campaign.”

I knew it was bad, but I didn’t know it was horrible enough for others to see.

“Yeah, well. I had my reasons to see it through.”

Tori’s expression softened and she grabbed my hands, pressing them together. “Well, I’m going to miss you like crazy, but I completely understand. And if you need references or anything, I’m your girl. Do you have a place you’re going?”

I shook my head and gave her a quick hug. “Thanks. I’m sure I’ll need to take you up on that offer. It’s actually kind of exciting not knowing what’s happening next. Now let’s make good use of our open bar. Shall we?”

The music began playing, and I heard the crowds begin to descend outside the tent. After the bartender made our drinks, we walked along the blue carpet to ensure everyone was in their places, handing out the samples. The line to get in was huge and everything was going according to plan. I was worried being so close to the holidays might create a bit of an attendance issue, but offering free food and drinks seemed to be pulling in the corporate buyers.

Tori and I had handpicked the male and female models passing around the samples, and I had to say, they looked hot. We found a place to sit as people began piling in. As I was looking around the tent, my eyes landed on Ayden, who was chatting up one of the female models, and my stomach tightened a tad.

Only a tad!

Tori followed my gaze.

“He’s into blondes, huh?” she asked.

I shrugged. “Guess so.”

“I didn’t tell you what my best friends planned, did I?” I took a sip of my ale.

“No. Do spill.”

“They hunted down my old high school boyfriend, and now, we’re going on a ski trip to where he lives so they can force us to interact.”

“And I thought I had some crazy friends.” Her eyes were wide. “Are you okay with this?”

“Kind of. Don’t judge me, but I think I’ve been hung up on him. Thinking that I would never find that kind of love again… It makes dating almost impossible. I’m either on the search for the impossible or forcing things that aren’t natural.”

She nodded. “You’re so not alone on that one. Do you know how many people I hear who are hung up on their first loves?”

“No. Tell me,” I laughed. “Because I feel like a complete freak about it.”

“Well don’t. I see it all the time on Yahoo.” Her eyes grew solemn. “It’s a serious issue.”

“Yahoo?” I laughed. “Well, I wasn’t thinking it was serious, just problematic.”

“Is he hot?”

I nodded. “Yeah. Complete snowboarder-surfer type with that certain something that says you know you want me. Or at least according to Google images.”

Tori laughed and took a sip of her drink. “Well, it sounds like it will be fun, whatever happens.”

“I just want closure, one way or the other, so I can put it to rest and shelve the should’ve-would’ve-could’ve syndrome.”

“One piece of advice,” she replied.

“What’s that?”

“Sometimes we’ll never understand the reason for certain things in our life, but there’s always a reason if we just follow our heart and quit questioning everything that’s led us there,” she paused. “Wherever
there
is.”

I nodded and let her words settle over me. Things in my life did always seem to happen for a reason, even if I had no idea what the hell that reason was until months or years later. Just look at Ayden showing up to have our firm work on his launch.

“Thanks for that,” I said, watching Ayden and the model exchange numbers. “That’s very easy to forget.”

Tori followed my gaze to Ayden. “Maybe Mr. Rhodes came into your life now because—”

I put my hands up. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. He just exchanged numbers with model number 43.”

She started laughing and turned toward the DJ as the lights dimmed. “People are already starting to dance.”

“Success,” I said, trying to be heard over the music.

Tori grabbed my hand and pulled me onto the dance floor that was now pretty packed with people holding an energy drink in one hand and beer in the other. I let the music drift over me as I closed my eyes and danced, enjoying the sense of freedom that I was about to experience by turning in my letter of resignation. Things were going to be okay, very okay. Tori let go of my hand, and I opened my eyes just as I felt another hand glide along my waist, causing a spike of electricity to run through my body. I wasn’t facing him, but I knew who it was.

“Okay if I dance with the person in charge of yet another successful launch?” Ayden murmured, leaning his mouth toward my ear.

I shuddered as his lips lingered so closely to my neck. Feeling his breath scatter across my skin made me lightheaded. I could no longer blame the whiskey and wine as he wrapped his arms completely around my waist, pulling me into him.

“I suppose,” I said breathlessly.

“Good,” he whispered, as I felt his firm body pressed against mine with each step we took together. I enjoyed the way he was holding me, and I didn’t want to turn around and face him and ruin this moment because I wasn’t sure it would ever happen again.

“You really are stunning,” he said, as he began to spin me around, but I shook my head.

“Let’s just stay like this,” I replied, pressing my back into his chest more as his arms were wrapped around my waist. I knew I should be concerned with how my behavior looked, dancing with a client. But I didn’t care anymore. This was where I was meant to be, at least in this moment, because everything happened for a reason.

The party had slowed, and Ayden and I were sitting near the back corner of the tent, watching everyone enjoy themselves as we cooled off from our last round of dancing. Things had been going wonderfully. Ted and Rob made their appearances and slipped out almost as soon as they came, which was like a dream come true. It was a lot of fun hanging out with Ayden. Or at least it had been until he brought up Austin again and the picture. I’d been biting my tongue about the exchange of numbers between him and the model so far, but it was really hard to do since he kept trying to paint Austin as a complete d-bag. No one was perfect.

“Oh, come on. I’m sure I could find some dirt on you. Or were you just one of the lucky bastards that didn’t get photographed by one of your buddies making out with some hot chick?” I laughed. “Or worse?”

“You’ve got a really warped sense of reality, Lily. How men should behave,” he said, his blue eyes fastening on mine.

“Well, hello, Mr. Serious,” I said, laughing.

“You know what I mean.” His expression took me off guard, and I looked away quickly. “Not all guys are assholes.”

“I never said any of them were,” I replied, my gaze falling back on his.

“That’s exactly what I mean,” his voice lowered and his blue eyes darkened. “You put up with shit you shouldn’t have. You’re better than that, Lily.”

I felt the heat from his gaze as he waited for me to respond. But what was I supposed to say to that? I did happen to run into my fair share of scumbags, yet I was always the one making the excuses for them. I guess I felt it was my fault for falling for them in the first place.

“Listen, I’m not going to start picking on some guy I dated in high school who I know absolutely nothing about once he hit drinking age. Having a conversation about him in any sort of context is actually embarrassing because I doubt he’s in Utah giving me the time of day. I left him in a cowardly way. He deserved better than what I gave him. So maybe in some instances, I do deserve better, but when it comes to him, he deserved better.”

Ayden pulled his chair closer to mine, and I felt the cool touch of his fingers as he enclosed my hands, bringing them toward him, not moving his gaze from mine.

“I know you haven’t told anyone what it is that you two experienced that makes you think you should carry around this guilt, but maybe if you did confide in someone, it would make you feel better. I’m not saying I’m that person, but I think someone should be.”

My heart fluttered into overdrive as I realized I was on the verge of admitting something to him that I hadn’t told a soul about. Ever. The only people who knew what we went through were Austin, me, and our parents. That was it.

I let out a deep breath but felt the weight still pressing heavily on my chest.

“I want you to be happy, Lily. Whether that’s with Austin or some farmer in Montana, but the only way that can happen is if you forgive yourself and let go,” his voice was steady and comforting. “Whether we know what the reason is or not, everything always happens for a reason.”